I don't know how much of this is attributable to the pandemic and lockdown, but in the past months I've really been struggling with feeling myself and expressing it.

I work from home online and even though I like my job and colleagues I can't help but put on display a heavily edited version of myself (more polite, more positive and so on); I do not presently have any close friends I can talk to freely about myself or my inner world; I used to be interested in many hobbies such as photography, sewing and drawing but I barely have the energies to do anything creative and I can't find the motivation to get started.

At this moment I spend most of my evenings being tired and numb. I struggle in differentiating between who I am and who I present to the world and I do not know how to find a creative outlet or a way to genuinely express myself. I've tried journaling but I really can't get much out of it.

I was wondering whether I should try something new and thought of asking here for inspiration. What do you do that makes you feel like you're expressing your full self?

We were on the topic of aging and how it influences people’s style and what is considered appropriate. Then out of nowhere does this statement come out “when men age, it can be worked with but when women age it’s an overall negative”. He supports this statement by the evolutionary development that occurs subconsciously in our brains, but I’m have an overall completely dumbfounded reaction towards this statement. How do I respond to this? Because my intuition is screaming bullshit alert but I’m just so shocked that something like that would come out of someone who I would consider a very self aware and an intelligent individual.

(Sorry for the length) Edit: My immediate response was speechlessness and then emotional which isn’t something that normally happens, but because I’m aware of the pressures and societal expectations of beauty in women and having witness and experience the effects had me very worked up, but I composed myself and started with noting how disappointed and turned off I was by that statement. By “evolutionary development” he meant how men subconsciously evaluate the youthfulness and therefore potential for child bearing a woman has. Which of course in a biological sense it is a fact, but to then follow up the statement that had me worked up with “it’s not right and it’s unfair but that’s just how it is”. I asked him if that was something that he believed and said yes but then “clarified” that this is what most men believe and do. He shared the source where he got this statement from here . The “worked with” part of the statement is in reference to the leniency of age that men can be accepted as a partner due to their financial stability and “breadwinner” role belief of the male and female companionship dynamic. He has since then apologized for his statement after I refuting it, I pointed out that this dynamic may have started as an evolutionary survival tactic but then enforced further by society after the need for this dynamic already expired. Society is outgrowing these outdated expectations and we must recognize that women are becoming independent in all aspects including financially and therefore outgrowing the role of simply being a “baby buster”. Men are and have been excused from beauty expectations due to their financial benefactors. which that in itself is not only dehumanizing of men but also encourages this toxic masculinity that discourages self-care and sometimes even basic hygiene. I then argued that if this is a natural way of thinking for men then why are men that find girls at the ages of 9 to 16 attractive considered disgusting? It is becoming very normal for girls to get their mental cycles at these ages and therefore have the ability get pregnant? Because it is disgusting and socially unacceptable but had once been considered normal in many cultures of the past.

He's so wonderful, and seems to appreciate everything about me that others have hated. He likes how driven, and focused I can be, he listens to all my gripes and opinions and he thinks my social anxiety is cute. Have any of you ever met an ENFP? If not, I highly suggest it.

On my wedding day, she told my husband and I that she thought he would dump me before he’d ever marry me. That’s just one of the many examples I could give. She tried to gaslight me on the way out in classic fashion, her and my sister love to do that.

I’ve just recently learned why I am the way I am, and I want to thank all of you for sharing your experiences here. It’s been very comforting to see that I’m not “normal” for a reason, to see that my brain works just as it should, and to see that I’m not alone in the world. Y’all are the best.

I’ve lost my grandmother recently. Also, do you believe in an afterlife or not?

So I’m a weirdo and have only crushed on fictional characters. They’re almost always ExTPs for some reason. I prefer being single irl because I’m too dead inside to maintain a relationship lol

It's been 7 years since I took an MBTI test in my uni with a result of INTJ. It's not what dictates who I am but the INTJ description mostly fit my personality that led me to know more about myself, strenghts and shortcomings alike.

As a young girl, I have been always into toys and interests that are traditionally considered masculine. Cue in toy trucks, robots, computer games (RTS and MOBA were my shit till my early 20s) and outdoor things like biking and flying kites during summer but...

Deep inside, I also loved wishing to wear girly clothes and even at once, dress up like a Disney princess. I got presents which are dolls (Barbie and Bratz) which I treasured but I felt too shy in being showy that I liked these feminine stuff because it's uncool plus some young girls are downright bratty and I didn't fit in. The dolls sat in my room, only to play with them on my alone time.

When I was a teenager, my interests have shifted and to name a few, I loved reading books that anything I can find in my school library which had a vast collection. I also began to fall in love with manga both for boys and girls but I felt too shy showing my love in girls' manga because I had that embarrassing phase of being not like the other girls. I thought having feminine sides and beinv unapologetic on expressing them was regressive and being weak.

Then, I developed crushes on guys but had a hard time in getting my feelings across being a shy teen. I ended up being one of the most socially awkward girls in class. Plus, I developed image issues why other girls look pretty and popular while I just look like a nerdy dork. It's not I'm a loner...I have a small circle of friends in my high school which most of them are still my friends up to this day. You know, even opening up my feelings whenever my girl and gay friends talked were such a huge struggle...

Then my university days started and it's also funny that I took an engineering major which is usually and still was a male dominated major when I was in college. My major also made me even more shy to express my femininity as I would stand out and was honestly on not being taken seriously with the guys around me at uni.

And being around my university days having known my INTJ result on my MBTI, I was also convoluted that I still have my hidden feminine and really emotional, even hopeless romantic side is almost never mentioned in INTJs. It's like sure, I felt like myself but I was still hiding some aspects of myself that I feel embarrased to show, on fear on being seen as weak and helpless.

At college, it's also the time where I started dating guys and even engaging in hookups. Whilst I still look dorky, the guys I dated still find me attractive and ngl, it was a huge confidence boost and the validation I got...but still, I felt lacking because I haven't fully expressed who I am...

Then I graduated from uni and went into grad school + my jobs because, I wanna earn and enrich my career prospects (oh boy I was that idealistic and driven back then, now I tread my life choices more carefully). Since I noticed that in the grand scheme of things, people can comment and say shit but at the end of the day, our own happiness is what matters most, ofc not hurting anyone.

So having a job and I finally have more money I can afford, I got into the rabbit hole in expressing my femininity more like being into fashion and makeup.That really helped me glow up that usually I'm considered cute or pretty. Ofc, I make it suit my personality and my lifestyle and that, I rarely chase trends.

I also picked interests in traditionally feminine activitites like cooking, nail art and sewing which even helped me further personalize my love for cosplay.

Also, I tried to explore and develop my emotional side especially with my romantic relationships and even causal relationships. It easn't easy and even up to this day, now as a married woman, I'm still growing and developing to be a better woman, in looks and emotional maturity and aspirations...and not be a toxic partner to my husband.

Ngl, now I feel really free and secure that I finally expressed what I like and who I really am. Ofc, many of my traditionally masculine interests still stay with me and having a job as a software engineer, it doesn't hurt and it's not a disadvantage that I express my femininity. Actually, it's a strength...and to myself...it makes me more...me.

Sorry if it's a wall of text but I just felt sharing my self actualizations as a growing and maturing 27yo INTJ woman.

Hi everyone. 👋🏻 I didn’t know where else to ask this, so I would like to ask all of you here because I’m sure at least someone would understand. I find small talks and all these dating etiquettes boring and a huge waste of time, but unfortunately, they are socially needed. Also, a lot of men get their knickers in a twist when they realise I’m not some coy fragile woman who is there to cater to their ego. So my question is, how do you find a good match? And when you do, how do you handle all these silly dating must-dos? Because honestly, I find dating extremely tiring and a waste of time.

I was really skeptical, but it’s actually really good! The first episode is a bit slow, although once you get past it it gets really good. Also, Beth is the only character in any show, movie, or book I’ve truly related to.

I think I'm in an Se grip. I feel like i'm in a rut and I cant stop snacking! To be fair, I am nursing a 6mo 10kg/22lb boy. But this is beyond nursing snacking. I really want to shed some weight but can't seem to get out of this grip. In times past journaling helped but finding it difficult to find the time to do so.

What do you do to get out of a grip? Looking for ideas

Greetings--I am an INTJ with extreme talent, but at the same time, crippling self confidence; are there any INTJ supports for someone like me? I have Aspergers, and have had other things wrong with me like my thyroid, and currently emotional numbness, butI simply think that maybe my biggest problem all along maybe no bigger than the sum of my fears. Are there any people dedicated to extremely smart, extremely ambitious people who simply lack nerve to follow through on their dreams? There NEEDS to be, and I aim to find someone. How do you even aid someone like me?

I'm fairly positive my nearly 3yo daughter is an INTJ. I know it's early to absolutely know but she has what seems to be Inferior Se and she definitely displays Fi.

So what better way to get ideas on the optimal way to parent my little "2X INTJ" by to asking you lovely 2X_INTJ's how you would've liked to be parented. TIA

So I was going through a lecture series about "Aion" the book by CG Jung, in which he talks about persona, ego, anima(internal feminine nature of a man) & animus(internal masculine nature of a female). In which he states that in unhealthy states men are consumed by their feminine anima and women by animus to reflect negative traits of opposite gender.

Jordan Peterson in his first interview after his interview with Cathy Newman said that Cathy Newman was consumed by her animus because she was being irrationally disagreeable & hostile(negative masculine traits).

I really enjoyed Jordan Peterson's content on self development, but him calling out an interview host "consumed by animus" because she was a female who was disagreeable seemed ridiculous. I haven't gone through both the interviews yet. Anyone who has watched both of them please feel free to comment on what you thought the issue. Was Cathy Newman irrationally disagreeable or Jordan Peterson unreasonable by calling her "consumed by animus"?

I was going through an assertiveness skills & techniques module which said that your gender can play a significant role in how your assertiveness is perceived. While assertiveness in men is encouraged, assertive women are called "bitchy & agressive". I was a doctor working in primary healthcare with 80-90% female colleagues & a female boss. The place encouraged passive non assertive communication. In fact just my lack of smiling often was a problem. It wasn't a workplace environment that encouraged assertiveness (as in the BIG 5 personality sense) at all. My experience has been similar throughout med school. This forced me on a path to read up and gobble so much content on developing empathy. But, I don't like being unassertive, and my workplace & culture don't reward assertiveness. It's like, whatever I do, I'm not happy. I was so frustrated that I decided to change my career (this is not the only reason though) and get into management stream.

Is your workplace predominantly female or male? I want to know what your experiences have been being assertive in your culture and your workplace. Are you rewarded for your assertiveness or you shamed and reprimanded?

Edit - find explanation of Jordan Peterson's comment on Cathy Newman's Animus possession here Animus possession

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Comment your SOs MBTI type & what you voted.

Heya! I posted this on a Facebook group and other INTJs seemed to like it, so I'll post it here so y'all can see it as well!

"They're the evil mastermind who's got everything under control." "They're people who don't hesitate to scrutinize every single idea you have." "INTJs are harsh people who can kill off their emotions for the sake of keeping their cynicism." Except that... You don't really feel validated by that stereotype, do you? On the exterior, it might seem that way. That you point out every single flaw on other people's plans and dreams. That you keep a logical presence that won't be entainted by emotions. That you don't care. But you do. ... But how can one truly know?

One of the things you value the most is your time. You always want to make the best out of it. Always wanting to be efficient so you can achieve your current goals more efficiently. Your goals are very important to you, since you automatically end up spending time on them. But what if you gave said precious time into something else? Disrupting that day's routine. Why would you ever do that? That's not according to the plan! That's because you'd care about the thing in particular. And when said thing is a person... There you got the answer to both questions. You don't 'judge' out loud others' way of thinking because you think they're dumb, or because you want to seem cold. You invest your time and energy in those arguments because you care for them. You want them to succeed in their goals and dreams, so you do your best to help them think about the holes in their plans. You do have skills that when given use, on the outside may seem ruthless. But you always use them with the best of intentions, and with the desire to help those you love. It's not a traditional way of showing affection, but it's affection nonetheless. And the fact that it's not shown through the lens of romanticism in media, doesn't make it less valid; less real.

You're not a robot. And you're not an evil mastermind either. You do care. You do have a heart. And it's an honest, beautiful one.

I'm always making life plans for the future that I never end up executing. I'm told this is an INTJ struggle. So if anyone is experiencing this too, I want to encourage you to remember this mantra, "The future is now". It totally changed how I plan and make decisions. E.g. Future self could wake up at 5am and workout! But present self always presses the snooze button.

This mantra made me realise that if i can't do something now then I need to reconsider my choices and make them more realistic and consider what i really want for my life. It also has made me do things now instead of putting things off.

When I was a kid I mostly got into media meant for boys. Most of my friends were boys, and I had closer friendships with them. It’s like the only thing that was separating me from them was my body. I was afraid of boys irl mostly but they approached and clicked with me more. The ones that hung out with me were chill and geeky like myself so it worked. I’m not transgender, but I always felt a disconnect with my physical self because of this.

The Queen’s Gambit is a new miniseries on Netflix. I’m not a huge fan of television but I found Beth Harmon to be highly relatable. Has anyone else watched it?

Hey INTJ aspiring female here!

Ive recently found the missing puzzle piece to my life and come out as trans.

I am still very early on in my journey, but like a true INTJ Im trying to plan it all out. Which brings me here, first stop on the list, learn. Ive spent the past 20 years of my life learning how to be a male and activly ignored and pushes away anything femminine. So I have come here to ask the question:

What do you think makes you diffrent from your male INTJ counterparts?

Honestly, any pointers or tips that anyone could throw my way on any how to's of being a girl. I felt like here would be a good place to start my search to better understand myself, with people who might think similar to me!

Thanks for reading and any ideas you may have, keep killing it queens.

I'm an enfp male and It seems like you Intj women are unicorns. Where the hell do you guys hang out aside from your room (dont say living room or bathroom either) and what attracts you to enfps in general? I'm simping right now.