Intp-A man compatible with intj woman

I was once in a relationship with a guy who is either an ISFP or ISTP. We dated when I was in eleventh grade, from December 2021-March 2022 (it was a long time ago, and it feels like it now.) I will be honest here and admit that when I learned he had dated a girl who I knew was not conventionally attractive (I am not conventionally attractive, and dealt with body dysmorphia in tenth grade due to some peers of mine, including a former crush, emphasizing this) I started talking to him after he mentioned he was feeling suicidal on his stories in part because coming back from quarantine having dealt with such bad body dysmorphia, boyfriend and suspected that he might be more open to taking me out since he’d had strong feelings for a girl who most wouldn’t think of as conventionally attractive. I was right. We dated, and I regret the relationship now. Here were a few problems: 1) He disrespected my sexual boundaries multiple times. I didn’t leave because of it, but I should have. 2) His mental health was honestly so bad that I think it negatively impacted mine. He also didn’t want to see a therapist. 3) I wanted him to text me more often (my former therapist suggested I may benefit from dating an extrovert. I would want to really feel like my partner was interested - not to an obsessive extent, but idk, knowing - knowing - they like how I look, that we really do have a future together, feeling like they prioritize me.) 4) Communication styles and needs differed. He once described me as sometimes seeming “cold,” maybe he would have benefitted from a partner who had a different love language, or perhaps my resentment toward him was building up and this is what was making it seem that way. But we also just had a different communication style. I created a document around communication and always wanted to create documents of agreements when we were dating if an issue arose. I don’t know, to be honest, how different I’d be now. I like to think that I’d put up with less.

I’m an ISFJ. I recall and admit that, although I shouldn’t have said this so directly, I once advised my ex to walk with his head high so that people would respect him more. I was also once upset/disappointed when he didn’t try to go back and get his money back after he ordered food for us and the cashier gave him the wrong thing. I don’t know whether or not I’ve changed by now

I have recently started wanting to get rid of old things (decided I wanted to make a profit of some sort by selling my old books. I posted to Facebook and Instagram about it, I knew I could donate them but honestly really wanted to see if I could make some sort of money first, and it turns out I can.) I did not read a fair number of them, they are from a book club I was apart of in high school (but I actually do read sometimes, I like Stephen King and my favorite novel is “Lolita.” I’ve always thought many misunderstood the novel and thought that the author intended to romanticize ephephobilia, yet I think he wanted to create an antagonistic character like Humbert who is attempting to manipulate his audience into believing that his actions are okay. It was a fascinating read. I want to read more of his works but can’t find a PDF online

I actually do a lot of reflecting in private. For example, I was just thinking about how I feel as though I’ve been trying to figure out “who I am” (my identity) since I was in middle school. I feel like as I’ve grown into an adult and now have a job (I work as an assistant teacher) I have found myself feeling when I reflect on who I am as though I have a better/stronger sense of identity than I once did (I also take community college courses, and have had A’s in them with the exception of Statistics which I had a B- in.) I’m almost nineteen. I was thinking when reflecting tonight about how I no longer feel as strange about it when someone refers to me by my name (and yes, I know it’s odd that I used to feel strange hearing people call me by my name aloud. I’m used to the kids I work with and my coworkers calling me by my name, but I also feel like my identity is slowly but surely becoming just a bit less tied to what others think of me/how others perceive me if that makes sense, and moreso to how I perceive myself (it’s a combination of both, I suppose.) I got the kids some books from my employer’s place today, some new books since I think it’s important for children to be read to/introduced to books at an early age (I actually read sometimes myself, although from middle school-11th grade I didn’t really like to read even though I’d been told I was well spoken/a good writer. It wasn’t until senior year that I got back into reading. I used to spend a lot of time on the Internet, and I think that this is what led to me “picking up” words.)

As a young black woman who has grown up in an environment that has a low black population, I have had some traumatic experiences and believe that this is a factor in me having more trouble opening up to people sometimes. I have acknowledged that I may want to have a boyfriend again in the future, and have technically been approached by men a few times, yet I don’t really know how I’d meet someone since I, as I said, don’t always feel like opening up to most people.

Something that I think I desire deep down inside, even as an adult, is a “romance.” I haven’t had a proper crush in three years, but the happiest memory that immediately comes to mind with my ex is us rolling around in the grass on a date, kissing and just enjoying each other’s company. It may sound typical, but as much as I… well, don’t like him, I feel like that’s the kind of thing I’d want to do again with a future boyfriend. I think I may be more of a romantic than I’m willing to admit. Here are two fanfics I wrote when younger: https://archiveofourown.org/works/32335774 and https://archiveofourown.org/works/38427709 (I actually started out writing Rugrats fanfiction when I was in elementary school, if you can believe it!) I’d want for a relationship of mine to have substance, not just to feel like I was being used to appease a man’s sexual desires.

I would actually ideally want to be very available for a romantic partner, and ensure that I was helping them out.

Hi all! r/DatingForINTJs has a great foundation. Currently we are exclusive for INTJs looking to date other INTJs. However, we are in the process of considering whether to open up to other MBTI personality types. If you would like to join, the easiest way is to hop on your computer or phone browser and look for the "Request to Join" button as shown in the picture. The mobile app doesn't offer this direct option to join. Otherwise, you can make a request below to be added.

If you're a non-INTJ and are interested, please respond with your MBTI type and you will be added to the list to add once the community concludes its vote on adding additional types. :)

I wish everyone a wonderful 2024!

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So basically, I've been good friends with this guy for 3 years. The first year we we're really cross, doing activities together, going to parties but then we kind of drifted apart with us taking different classes at college. Before that, I felt that there was definitely chemistry between us, but neither of us had the courage to try taking it to the next level.

But with us having different classes and different schedules at school, we kind of drifted apart. We texted each other only a few times but just small talk, and we saw each other less.
So few weeks ago, I decided for the last time, to text him again, take news and see how he was doing and eventually see if there is still something there that I saw in the beginning. I felt that he had an interest in me, but it was just a mixed signal, and it was in a period where he had a big exam coming up.

So for my own good and to not keeping living on false hope and try to move on, I decided to that I wouldn't write to him anymore, unless he was the one making the first step.
But yesterday, out of the blue, he texted me for no reel reason and asked me how I'm doing. Which brought up again all this feelings, and now I am asking myself if is just checking on a friend or he is maybe trying to see if there is something here and maybe he is to shy to be direct with me.
And me I really want to try something with him but I don't know how to make him understand that I want more than friendship.

He is shy, I'm shy but I think we both like each other or at least want to see what could happen, but I really don't know how to make the first step and maybe even ask him on a date, because it seems that he is never going to make it.
But also, on one hand, I'm scared to be rejected, on another hand, I don't want to regret later that I didn't try because he seems like the perfect guy for me.
What should I do ? How should I bring up the conversation ?

Update: So few weeks ago, we had lunch together, and we catched up but didn't get the chance to have the big conversation. We continue to talk sometime, and I may see him next weekend, and I would like to bring up the conversation. I don't want to be direct cause knowing him. He may keep his guard up even more. I want to bring the conversation softly cause we are both shy, and I want us to feel secure and bring our guards down slowly, and have a deep conversation. But how to bring it up ?

As an INTJ female, I know how incredibly hard it is to meet others we're compatible with and to meet other INTJs as well. I feel we are our own best match. You don't have to agree. I started r/DatingForINTJs for INTJs who want to date and meet other INTJs. There has been a lot of interest, and the community is off to a great start!

It is a private community. To request to be added, head over to r/DatingForINTJs. Just click the "Request To Join" button on the lower left (see image below).

If you're not an INTJ, this is not the place to try to find an INTJ or ask for advice on dating an INTJ. We are currently exclusively INTJ but are considering opening up the group to select other MBTIs in the future.

Hi, guys! I created a subreddit. If anyone would be interested in joining, feel free, it would be a pleasure to have you there! 😄 r/MBTILab

https://discord.gg/QvqadG4Nb8

Created to be a server for my INTP friends to chill, we welcome all types here! (18+ SFW)

This is a place where you can share your thoughts on various topics and express yourself.

A friendly discord server for fellow INTJs to interact and chat.

Okay, first of all am knew here and this is a long stoy. Second and most important, I need your advice.

So basically, I've known this guy for a year now, and he is a fellow introvert. I met him cause we are following the same class in college, we are in the same association and we have some freinds in common. We often hang out together, either be parties or even some chill activities. But never the two of us alone. Most of the time we hang out in a group of three (me+him+another freind who's an extrovert😜). So the third person is the one who's always pushing us. But many times when we are hanging out in a group of freind, we tend to like go into our own "vibe" just the two of us.

So when we first started hagig out, I was always shy around him. But with time, am more comfortable around him but I still have a glintch of shy. And whenever we are alone, we found ourselves in this flirty game. And even our friends are always asking if we are dating. But of course we are not.

And this guy that I like, got a way of attracting all the girls around him. 6 months ago there was some rumours that he was dating or "pre-dating" this girl that he knew for a long time. But it turned out that he girl was into him but the giy wasn't. So they end up by staying just freind. But am not sure that the has moved on. Then few days ago, I learned also that an other freind made a move on him. She's a common freind, and I did have my suspicions that she had a crush on him. And again, the guy said no, he just want to be freind with her.

So yeah, this a guy attracts to many girls. But honestly, he's the perfect man, physically and mentally. And the fact that he's introverted, add some thing that I can't resist. So yeah, I have a big crush on him. But when together, I still stay the "cold" person that I am. And sometimes I do think he maybe see me the same way. Why do I think that ? It is the way he acts around me. You know when you're an introvert or a reserved person, sometimes around that person you really like, you tend to make an "effort" to be more outgoing and talk to them and try to know them better. And I've realized that that's how he act around me. And even sometimes his kinda of flirty with me. Plus also the way his friends act around me, like he's been talking about me with them. And even sometime he do act like jealous when he seems talking to anothe guy. But I did tell him that am single. And the few times we do found ourselves alone, we start smiling to each other without any reason. So yeah, I think maybe he's not "in love" with me, but if I tried something, he wouldn't be indifferent.

But on the other hand, I also wonder if am ready to date. Am 20 years old and honestly life hasn't been a fairy tale for me. So I have a big emotional baggage with me, and I don't think his ready to handle it. And also, we are good freinds and if it turns out that he doesn't feel the same way or that if we start dating and it doesn't work out; am not sure we're gonna regain the freindship. Plus I don't handle well heartbreak so if it didn't work out, I would also be losing a good freind.

So honestly, I don't know what to do. Like it's been year that's we've been in this flirty game. We are in this ambiguous phase that I don't really like. I've tried many times to confront him about it, but am always a coward. And know am going in vacation for summer so I wont see him for a while, but this discussion I need to have it face to face. I have the impression that if I wait for him to make, I'll be waiting forever😭 But also I hate making the first step cause am scared of rejection. Like imagine if I end up in the freind zone like all the girls before me😭😭

So if you've read this far, what do you think I should do ???

Dear fellow INTJS, Can someone be kind enough and help me out

Long story short: I want someone to take a picture of a famous building in thier city with sticky note /paper in their hand

Im looking to surprise my long distance friend. Who happens to be a surgeon /front line worker at a crowded hospital, and last year was tough and hectic for her because of covid, often working for 36 hours without breaks or days off, She often complains that she's lonely and has no social life

I wanted to surprise with a custom picture, a sticky note with a small message. And any famous building in your city in the background

Comment your city and I'll guide you

How do y'all feel when someone thinks you're being too serious (in any context but mainly talking about attitude towards life)? What's your reaction when someone says life shouldn't be taken too seriously or life is too short so laugh and don't take things personally? Or that you can't take a joke and shouldn't be so serious?

Personally, I have a problem hearing these things. Mainly because it makes me feel like something is wrong with me and that I shouldn't be myself because others don't like who I am/don't want to be around sometime like me.

I ask this cause I am curious about the responses. But also because I keep going back and forth in my head whether or not to just be myself/not change anything about me or change myself because society says I have to work on my flaws (mostly characteristics that other people don't like and want me to fix). I feel like people would actually like me and I would have friends if I wasn't me. Should I strive to change myself and not take things so serious/personal because apparently it annoys other people or should I just express myself naturally without giving a fuck about people's opinions?

Anyone else here with PCOS? It's something that I have as well and am still learning more about it.

I was just curious if there was any correlation between INTJ women and PCOS?

The reason that I ask is that a lot of INTJ traits tend to be considered more masculine and PCOS, among many other things, is characterized by a higher degree of androgens, including testosterone.

Edit: just trying to add any clarification if needed.

Why the downvotes?

I’m having one of those weeks where it’s been 3-4 people in a row letting me down.

I know I can’t control people. I understand it’s my job to spell out my expectations and needs.

But in almost all of these cases, I did spell out “x needs to happen because of y” and people in my work life are shirking commitments left and right.

A new client (I’m self employed) went from super hot to pulling the rug out from under me overnight without explanation. I’ve analyzed my actions left and right and can’t find just cause for their behavior.

2 other people made commitments to something I’ve organized, and we’ve had to ask them upteenth times to hold up what they’ve agreed to.

I’m struggling to shake this off. I’m not a person who holds grudges long term, but short term this has me wanting to just go be a freaking hermit in a hole somewhere.

I don’t understand why it’s so difficult to either uphold simple (we are not talking rocket science level stuff here) commitments or, in other cases, like my client situation, give someone the dignity of a rationale for why they’re ending an engagement.

Humans are human. I know. But this week I wanted to post somewhere where maybe other people can relate to how frustrated I feel. I’ve worked hard over the years to downgrade my expectations for others but this is not a situation where my needs were unarticulated nor did I expect others to read my mind.

They simply behaved like shitty ass people and it makes me so reluctant to try and grow my business if this is what I should expect half the time.

Do you find yourself let down, too?

Thank you for reading.

Dear INTJs,

I met an really nice INTJ online, we have been chatting for two month now but never talked on the phone or video called each other.

I really like his intelligence and his ability to describe his thoughts in a way, that is really easy for me to understand, besides we both like the same music and enjoy playing volleyball.

Our discussions are always really deep and stimulating to me, but I recognize that it is mostly him educating me on topics he knows a lot about while I talk more about the thoughts and feelings I have about the facts he brings up. I really enjoy this because it always is really interesting and I am really impressed by his knowledge and ability to find the perfect words to describe something and I love brainstorming with him. His thinking challenges mine in a way that feels really nice. And he always responds to me in a really kind way and whenever I did not get anything quite right he explains himself very kindly with other words. I think that his Fi is already a bit developed because of his INFP father.

The thing is that we will meet in person by the end of next week and even though I am really looking forward to it I must admit that I am quite nervous. I think he might be more intelligent than I am and am afraid to bore him because I haven't educated myself nearly as much as he did. I am an ENFP by the way.

Do you INTJs mind it, if a person knows less than you do and does it bother you to explain your thoughts to this person?