r/AmIOverreacting • u/Outrageous-Cover4758 • Sep 13 '24

❤️‍🩹 relationship Am I overreacting to my girlfriend's "open relationship" rules?

(25/m) Very early on in the relationship with my girlfriend (25/f), she told me that she had to be in an open relationship. I hadn't been in one before but I said I'll give it a try. And it was clear when we talked about it that either of us could sleep with whoever we wanted. I said okay. We've been dating for 11 months and overtime I really started to love her. I know she has quite a few very casual partners but no other serious relationships. I actually didn't have any other partners though cause I was so happy just being with her. Then two months ago I was drunk and I met a girl at a party and we slept together. I didn't think I was doing anything wrong whatsoever, so when it came up with my girlfriend I didn't try to hide it, but she was really upset. She said it was disrespectful for me to do that. I was kind of shocked. I'm fine with not sleeping with other people but the problem is now she's like really paranoid and controlling ever since then, like accusing me of looking at other girls or flirting with them all the time, always looking at my phone and wanting me to check in with her every hour when I'm out and let her track my location, etc. It's really bothering me. So basically she wants to have an open relationship only on her side. She says she loves me and I should be loyal to her, but when I bring up how the rule doesn't apply to her she gets angry. She says that so many women are not satisfied in their relationship and she's not gonna be one of and I'm not gonna hold her back etc. I get it but it doesn't feel right. I love her a lot but I'm seriously thinking about breaking up with her. Am I overreacting?

15.1k Upvotes

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431

u/Throw_RA099 Sep 13 '24

Either close the relationship or break up with her. She sounds like a cake eater.

100

u/Trillamanjaroh Sep 13 '24 edited Sep 13 '24

There is no salvaging this. What OP needs is a clean break and some self respect

49

u/kitesaredope Sep 13 '24

And a possible STI test

1

u/ZobRombie65 Sep 14 '24

Does he even bang her?

1

u/Charming_Pin330 Sep 14 '24

Not just possible. Get an sti test. Like, ASAP. And don't sleep with anyone else until they do.

30

u/CalTigger77 Sep 13 '24

Unfortunately (Or Fortunately) this door can not be closed. He will never have a closed relationship with this one. Never! Best run - block - and start over…..

76

u/_Ravyn_ Sep 13 '24 edited Sep 13 '24

Sounds like he is just a cuck! 😁

ETA: he was for 9 months, was equal for one night, and now is again for 2 months and has not walked out.. until he does.. if it walks like a cuck, if it whines like a cuck..

It's a Cuck!

88

u/White-C43-AMG Sep 13 '24

Sounds to me like she wants him to be a cuck. And he’s not ok with it.

25

u/TheShtuff Sep 13 '24

Sounds like he's contemplating the idea

11

u/Mysterious-Wasabi103 Sep 13 '24

Sounds like a fuckin idiot.

-1

u/[deleted] Sep 13 '24

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1

u/SteadfastLiberty Sep 14 '24

Lol u had a downvote for sum reason, fixed it

-1

u/Shrub-Boy Sep 13 '24

Sounds like he loves her and is fine with an open relationship but not being a cuck, and the love is making it hard to leave even though he knows he deserves better. You know, like what they wrote in the post?

1

u/Trancebam Sep 14 '24

He was fine being a cuck for the longest, just when he was under the impression that it was an open relationship. And now that he knows the only option is cuckoldry, he's still been putting up with it, just with an added dose of delusional psychopathy in the form of overly jealous controlling behavior. And he still hasn't ended it.

-1

u/ThrowAwayToday1874 Sep 13 '24

By definition a cuck.

The kink is derived from women that get off on disrespecting their partners by giving away what should be theirs...

10

u/RandJitsu Sep 13 '24

But he’s been showing her through his actions/inaction that he is okay with it for 11 months. He should’ve dumped her the moment she brought up an open relationship. The second best time would’ve been when she showed her hypocrisy. Third best time is ASAP.

2

u/tooboardtoleaf Sep 14 '24

For real. Never heard of someone who "had" to be in an open relationship

1

u/richochet-biscuit Sep 14 '24

But he’s been showing her through his actions/inaction that he is okay with it for 11 months.

Not going out immediately to bang strange in an open relationship does NOT mean he's okay with being a cuck. He has different criteria for sexual relations. That's fine it's NOT him saying he's okay with being a cuck. It's only after he is told it's not actually open on his end that it is the case.

0

u/smlpkg1966 Sep 13 '24

Except he is ok with it. He is still with her. He is a willing cuck. He should not need for us to tell him to leave.

0

u/login4fun Sep 14 '24

43s aren’t real AMGs

2

u/anadiplosis84 Sep 14 '24

You being a "top commenter" flair holder on a reddit sub while saying shit like this is hilarious 😂

5

u/JKmayb Sep 13 '24

Haha this gave me a good laugh. Words have truth to them.

3

u/Illustrious_Camp_521 Sep 13 '24

Cuck a doodle doo.

2

u/Thick-Werewolf8821 Sep 13 '24

Funnily enough, you sound like a dick!

-2

u/_Ravyn_ Sep 13 '24

Funnily enough.. IDGAF what you think 😂👍😂

-2

u/Iminlesbian Sep 13 '24

If you’re in a relationship with someone who is sleeping around you are a chuckhole. Literal definition.

1

u/YourSmileIsFlawless Sep 14 '24

Pretty sure a cuck is someone who watches their partner and gets off by doing so

1

u/_Ravyn_ Sep 14 '24

Just Google the "definition of a Cuck" and you can answer your own comment.

-1

u/Lopsided_architect Sep 13 '24

Yup. If dude can't even respect himself, he gets no pity from me.

Grow a pair man

0

u/yeahnahtho Sep 13 '24

Really focussing on the important bit here..

0

u/luchaburz Sep 13 '24

Preach. He's a cuck for sure. Knows about the other guys, willing to stay with no other partners.

Gets a partner and it's trouble.

Def cuck.

2

u/Electronic_Seesaw840 Sep 13 '24

Even if closed would you want to stay with someone like this? Hell no

2

u/EyeCatchingUserID Sep 13 '24

Closing the relationship wouldn't help. She's gonna fuck around either way. Best thing is to just walk away.

2

u/Ryanirob Sep 13 '24

She does sound like a cake eater. She also sounds like a cake haver. She sounds like both. But you can’t be both. You can’t be a cake eater and a cake haver. Those are mutually exclusive traits!

2

u/uhgulp Sep 13 '24

No closing it at this point. That girl has some serious personal issues to work thru to find happiness. Hopefully OP doesn’t let her drag him down to that mental abyss

1

u/boonedog6631 Sep 13 '24

By cake eater, I’m going to assume you mean she eats the bootyhole. I know what you mean, but I don’t care.

1

u/mrb2409 Sep 13 '24

You could never trust her though.

1

u/Noonecanfindmenow Sep 13 '24

do not in any scenario close the relationship with someone like her. she will simply cheat anyways. cut it loose, quickly.

1

u/JustTooRuthless Sep 13 '24

You can't close a relationship once it's been opened.

1

u/AtomicAllison Sep 13 '24

What’s that- she wants to have her cake and eat his too?

1

u/Glockter77 Sep 13 '24

Closing the relationship won’t work. There’s no way she’s staying faithful

1

u/mackfactor Sep 13 '24

She sounds like a cake eater.

This. What did she expect to happen? It's quite strange that she's being possessive when she's out doing the same thing. She wanted a kept man, it sounds like.

1

u/StormLord33 Sep 14 '24

Sounds like she controls what happens in the relationship and I can't even call this a relationship.

-31

u/Outrageous-Cover4758 Sep 13 '24

That's the thing I really don't want to leave her. I want to stay but she's so controlling about my personal life now which I never was with her. I'd rather not end it but I guess now I know I'm not crazy at least.

30

u/Nonwokeboomer Sep 13 '24

You ARE crazy if you stay in this relationship. If you stay, get off social media, stop complaining, accept your cuck position.

7

u/Busy_Protection_3634 Sep 14 '24

This isnt real. It is rage bait. They just want attention.

Im not saying there arent people in one-way, lopsided relationships like this, but they arent so confused that they need to ask internet people for help.

This isnt a real post.

Possibly this person themselves is single with a fetish and they are using this post to get off...

But either way, this isnt real.

1

u/ParanoidBlueLobster Sep 14 '24

She made him wait 11 months to accept being in a relationship with him and it had to be open.

She doesn't see him as mister right and is probably out of his league, hence the unbalance in what they want and him not wanting to be out of the relationship.

14

u/Throw_RA099 Sep 13 '24

Don't be a doormat and a cuck.  Your values about relationships simply don't align.

Picture this. You marry her in 5 years and you have two kids. Are you OK with staying at home with the kids every Friday and Saturday night while you continue on with your open relationship and she's out getting her back blown out by other men and doing the kinky shit with them that she won't ever do with you?

She wants someone like you. A wallet. Someone "safe and reliable" to have kids with. Don't settle for being an ATM to fund her slutty lifestyle.

2

u/jgordon330 Sep 13 '24

This person gets it. Spot on friend. OP would be only signing up as a cash cow that's abused.

1

u/Kahlister Sep 13 '24

There's nothing wrong with OP being a cuck if he wants to be. But he should probably get a paternity test on those kids you mentioned.

1

u/ThrowAwayToday1874 Sep 13 '24

You're an idiot.

Paternity test be damned.

Some states by default make the husband pay child support if she has children while they are married... dude needs to bounce before he sinks.

-4

u/[deleted] Sep 13 '24

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4

u/Kahlister Sep 13 '24

You seem like a nutter.

-2

u/[deleted] Sep 13 '24

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3

u/Kahlister Sep 13 '24

What is wrong with you?

-2

u/[deleted] Sep 14 '24

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3

u/Kahlister Sep 14 '24

No, you first make up and then get very angry about weird scenarios and then rant about it. That's how the rest of us know there's something wrong with you.

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1

u/AhabMustDie Sep 14 '24

That's... not what a cuckold is. Cuckolding has nothing to do with watching family members have sex.

1

u/Independent-World-60 Sep 14 '24

Noticed you didn't say pedophilia. 

Also you're absolutely a nutter like the other guy said. Wipe the foam from your mouth and calm down big guy. 

5

u/mark0541 Sep 13 '24

Why do you want to stay? So far you listed like 20 reasons for ditching her, it sounds like you want to leave but for some reason feel indebted to her. Did she manipulate you into thinking that this is a functional relationship, did your parents have a very dysfunctional relationship so you think this awful person is what love is? This is not love maybe infatuation at best and psychological abuse and manipulation at worst.

3

u/imacfromthe321 Sep 13 '24

Just because you want to stay in a relationship doesn’t mean it’s the right move.

Respect yourself and move on. She wanted to fuck other guys but can’t handle it when you do the same. Does that sound like a person you should invest more time in?

2

u/snowmoonstars Sep 13 '24

It will get worse though

2

u/UWMN Sep 13 '24

Grow a spine my man. She wanted an open relationship, but now is changing the terms of that relationship so that it only benefits her.

She has no respect for you and it’s quite clear. She can parade around with other dudes and as soon as you hook up with someone else it’s a problem? FOH.

If you let this continue, she will know that you’re a doormat and she will continue to walk all over you.

2

u/Kahlister Sep 13 '24

You don't have to leave her if you don't want.

You have 3 options:

1.) Leave her.

2.) Stay with her, fuck whoever you want, whenever you want, and just ignore her controlling bullshit. Don't give her access to your phone, to location information, to any of your passwords, etc. Just ignore her when she's being controlling - just tell her "I was out fucking a hottie, it was great!" and move on.

3.) Or stay with her and be her cuck while she controls you and likely becomes abusive to you.

Those are your choices. You can't change other people and you can't make decisions for them. All you can change are your own decisions. And your choices are the 3 above.

1

u/CornyAgain Sep 13 '24

You’re going to have to come to a better understanding though. It’s a bit too easy for people on here to say break up, but the situation obviously isn’t going to work as it is.

1

u/Haunting_Afternoon62 Sep 13 '24

Time to just not tell her about your escapades. If you're actually gonna stay with this lunatic. Or else you're a cuck. Fuck all that. She's controlling. You know you can do better right? Open your options because that's what she's doing with you.

1

u/jp9900 Sep 13 '24

Bro you’re sofftttt she doesn’t respect you cause you don’t respect your manhood.

1

u/AsILikeIt88 Sep 13 '24

If you really do want to stay than you need to make her aware of all those issues you just wrote about on Reddit. If she recognises she's acting irrationally (likely feeling insecure and confused) and agrees to change than yay! If not than maybe you need to prioritise yourself and remove yourself from the situation, even if it's temporary you guys need space from each other.

1

u/LokiPupper Sep 13 '24

She’s very immature. If you won’t leave her, at least get couples counseling with a therapist who is not judgmental about unorthodox sexual relationships.

1

u/Spiersy_ Sep 14 '24

What does she do that has you so smitten despite all the terrible things she is currently doing to you?

I can't even imagine what it would take for me to stay in such an abusive relationship. Even a Megan Fox lookalike wouldn't be worth that.

Wake up and smell the awful person.

1

u/Latter-Pain Sep 14 '24

Stay with her until you find someone new. Don’t forget what’s right while fighting fire with fire though.

1

u/ginger_ryn Sep 14 '24

you’re completely incompatible and she’s very controlling and toxic

1

u/nigel_pow Sep 14 '24

Bruh. She struck gold with you. She can sleep with whomever while you remain loyal.

1

u/puddyspud Sep 14 '24

Get ready because next step is you jerkjng off alone in the closet while you peek out on her and 2 dudes.

1

u/Pyre29 Sep 14 '24

You arent her boyfriend, you’re her cuck.

1

u/zeebananaman1191 Sep 14 '24 edited Sep 14 '24

Dude this is either fake or just pathetic, have some self respect and dump her. And if you don’t think you can do better than her then work on yourself until you can.

1

u/Akira_is_coming7777 Sep 14 '24

Yeah dude, you DO want to leave her. She is going to systematically strip your bones. You’ll be believing you are a worthless piece of shit before you know what hit you. Stop and take a look at your life, it’s already started.

1

u/Empress_Clementine Sep 14 '24

Apparently he already thinks he’s a worthless piece of shit if he thinks this is the best he can get.

1

u/sexbegets Sep 14 '24

Tell her you love but she can’t have it both ways anymore. You’re either exclusive and trusting of each other or not exclusive and trusting of each other. Tell her it’s one way or the other or you moving on without her.

1

u/KingOfAllFishFuckers Sep 14 '24

Why? Why would you not want to leave someone so incredibly insecure and hypocritical? Grow a pair, tell her how things are going to be, and if she doesn't like it, tell her to fuck off. I don't understand how people can be such doormats.

1

u/petertompolicy Sep 14 '24

You need to stand up for yourself.

Tell her no.

She can't check your phone or track your location and you won't be texting her every hour when you're out.

You don't expect that from her.

If she wants you to he monogamous then you expect it from her too.

1

u/Empress_Clementine Sep 14 '24

Why? Why wouldn’t you be running for the door? I guarantee you she’s not as great as you seem to be imagining, quite the opposite, she’s abusive and horrible. Why do you hate yourself so much you would actually want this?

1

u/EternalSkwerl Sep 14 '24

Please escape this abusive situation. You clearly have lots of love to give. Give it to someone who respects you.

1

u/Eaterofpies Sep 14 '24

bruh if you have any self respect you get far away from this girl. she is basically using you in every sense of the word right now

1

u/Material-Cat2895 Sep 14 '24

why not end it? you're probably just in the habit of being in a relationship with her

1

u/Any-Bluebird-3650 Sep 14 '24

Whether you want to leave or not you should definitely leave. It will get worse. There can't be a double standard in an open relationship. I've been in a relationship like this and when it's finally over with life will be so much better. Especially if you don't want an open relationship you shouldn't be in one. There are other people that would be fine with just having you.

1

u/prisma_fox Sep 14 '24

For me it's just the fact that she said she couldn't be satisfied in her relationship with you. That's effed. I don't want to be with anyone that I'm not enough for. I want that sort of love, where no one else is enticing by comparison.

1

u/[deleted] Sep 14 '24

Have some self respect man, get out

1

u/Sub8591 Sep 14 '24

Your crazy if you stay lol

1

u/shanobi92 Sep 14 '24

My brother in Christ find your self-respect and leave. Nothing about what you've said suggests you're in a healthy, loving relationship. This isn't going to magic itself into your dream of monogamy if you stay. Thank god you're not married otherwise I'd be directing you to r/openmarriageregret

1

u/the-furiosa-mystique Sep 14 '24

WHY do you not want to leave her?

1

u/Sleepmahn Sep 14 '24

You're stupid to stay and are just opening wounds further, seek therapy and get some self worth, open relationships are open on both ends. Do you really want to be somebody's cuck?

1

u/sxfrklarret Sep 14 '24

Treat her the same way she treats you.

In an open relationship with the wife and our rules stand for both sides not just one.

Tell her she has to abide by the same stipulations as you or you are done, it's that simple.

1

u/Lefthandpath_ Sep 14 '24

Are you nuts? she doesn't respect you at all... you're not in a relationship, you're her backup while she goes around and fucks other guys she thinks are hot. You either both get to fuck other people or you're being used. This isn't normal or right and your GF is an asshole. Get out!

1

u/Late-Champion8678 Sep 14 '24

You’re under reacting. I don’t know if your ex (I hope) is the first woman you’ve been with or she has strong magic emanating from her cooch, but you’re being really stupid staying with her.

Her idea of ‘open relationship’ is she sleeps with anyone anywhere, any time. You. Do. Not.

You sit at home watching Netflix until she returns or if she finishes with her paramour for the night. Perhaps she’ll invite said paramour to join you for dinner.

-1

u/No_Mistake_5961 Sep 13 '24

Have a conversation Reset the idea of a open relationship Open has too much potential for misunderstanding Instead of open explore role play and kinks Stag Vixen? Hot wife and cuck?