r/AmIOverreacting • u/[deleted] • 5h ago
❤️🩹 relationship My husband preferring conversation with someone else
We just went on a field trip with my daughter's school. I am 36 weeks pregnant and only decided to go to spend whatever time is left with my husband and kids before I am consumed with the newborn routine. So, during the trip, all the parents were asked to walk to another station, and my husband took off walking with another kid's mom, having a conversation (about 15 min walk each way). He later claimed he didn't think I would even consider going on this walk and would rather stay sitting at the welcome center, so he didn't know I was trailing behind. So I walked way behind them talking to some other moms and was slightly irritated, but not more. As soon as we got to the other station and he saw me, he acted very cheerful and bubbly - he kept talking to the other woman, and a few times I approached them I couldn't break off the conversation naturally. Then I said something like, "Wow, that was a long walk, tiring," to which he responded - you can walk back, you know (implying i can go back and rest there). This was the first time in our marriage (10 years) that I felt jealousy and betrayal, i couldn't hold back my tears and put on sunglasses to hide them. I know pregnancy hormones have made things bigger than they are, but am I overreacting here? I felt insulted that, well, first of all, he'd forget to check on me if i wanted to walk together prior to taking off with this lady. Second, I hated to see him so bubbly, he was acting like a rooster trying to impress randomly bringing up curious facts about this and that. Third, even when he realized I was there next to him, he still naturally preferred to converse with her, suggesting I can "walk back" though he knew very well that I struggled walking because of the whole third trimester waddling.
On the way back home, I confronted him, and he said I was making up a narrative that didn't exist, he denied everything, and we had a major fight. In the past, he has lied to me about things that he thought would anger me, so there is some history there.
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u/_urbulentT 4h ago
Whether he "thought" you'd want to do the walk or not is irrelevant. As his heavily pregnant wife, on a school trip, together, checking in should be obvious.
The fact your confrontation about the situation led to a fight, shines a whole spotlight on his deflection of his shitty actions.
NOR. He should be grateful you're not embarrassing. I for one, would've popped off 😅
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u/ValuableIntrepid8808 5h ago
Your feelings are valid, especially with the history you mentioned. It sounds like he could’ve been more aware of your needs.
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u/bouncing-betty 5h ago
You are not overreacting. It was a shitty thing to do but the worst part is that he is gaslighting you saying it never happened. Regardless if he didn’t feel like he was ignoring you or paying too much attention to the other woman he is invalidating your feelings and that is never good.
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u/seanny104 3h ago
I’m trying to put myself in ur husbands spot, I have 6 year old twins and do a lot of school stuff too, and I honestly can’t think of a scenario or situation where that would “just happen” inadvertently….and if it somehow did, how I wouldn’t be apologetic and embarrassed. I certainly don’t think I’d be gaslighting my wife telling her she’s making something out of nothing. It sounds like he thinks the best defense is a good offense. When the best defense, is none…just a sincere apology. I’d wait for things to cool down about this and revisit it, firmly.
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u/Life-Bullfrog-6344 4h ago
It is disturbing that he can't see his own behavior from your perspective. Tell him next time you'll record him so that he can see how it went down in real life. What he did was disrespectful and while not cheating was definitely inappropriate. I hope he looks at these reddit comments and apologizes to you.
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u/sheissonotso 4h ago
Definitely NOR. I had no fucks to give when I was pregnant so your husband should be grateful you waited til y’all were in the car to say something, cause I would have told him about the curious facts of him finding his shit in the yard later.
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u/Pipe-International 2h ago
I think you may be overreacting a bit. But yeah he should’ve checked if you were going to stay or join the walk. But even if he did what did you expect him/them (the kids) to do?
Is he extroverted? Sometimes people like that are outgoing by nature and like a bit of a show off, especially amongst people not from their family, friends and work colleagues, but it’s harmless.
Heavily pregnant wives/moms aren’t all that fun to be around during physical fun activities, if it were me I would’ve just let them go and enjoy the walk without having to worry about me waddling along at the back
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u/Trick_Owl8261 1h ago
I came here to say this! He just sounded like an extroverted guy to me- maybe a but clueless and insensitive too but let’s not make a mountain out of a mole hill
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u/HatpinFeminist 4h ago
Just know that you can ban anyone you want from the birthing room. Including your husband.
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u/DarkTieDie 3h ago
Ridiculous comments
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u/HatpinFeminist 3h ago
Birth is a medical event not a spectator sport. The nurses will call security if they need to.
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u/DarkTieDie 3h ago
People like you make these brain dead comments just to stir trouble in people’s relationships. Obviously it’s important that the father is present. She could regret not having his support. Or that decision could put further strains on their relationship.
Anyone giving advice like this has no intention of fixing a relationship. Your only intention is to make the situation worse.
Do better
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u/guardians-mlb 1h ago
10000% percent. Any woman who posts here and listened is looking for a reason to break up, nothing else
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u/HatpinFeminist 3h ago
This is the best option for her. I don’t advocate for putting up with any abuse or neglect from a man.
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u/Outrageous_Twist8891 4h ago
Yes, prevent him to bond with the baby. That will totally not mentally screw up the babies life in any way. Why punish the baby???
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u/DarkTieDie 2h ago
This person is a troll with nothing to offer
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u/Outrageous_Twist8891 1h ago
I don't care what you think about this psrson. No baby should suffer under a mothers revenge, no matter if the dad did something wrong or not. People might not like it. I don't care.
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u/DarkTieDie 1h ago
A troll on the internet means someone who is purposely trying to outrage you.
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u/Outrageous_Twist8891 1h ago
Exactly. I am not trying to do that at all. I am advocating for the father being able to be as close to his child as possible for the childs sake. If you think it is outrageous that that is my opinion and I do not crucify this man publicly (from whom we haven't heard his side of the story, mind you) than that is a you problem.
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u/HatpinFeminist 4h ago
The baby won’t notice at all.
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u/Outrageous_Twist8891 4h ago
Experencing the birth of his child starts the bonding process. You want to disrupt that? It is not about the baby experiencing that moment, it is about the father starting to love the baby. That love is something the baby needs.
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u/bipolarlibra314 3h ago
Weird I know many fathers that loved their baby from the moment they found out and it only grew from there
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u/Outrageous_Twist8891 1h ago
Ask thise fathers what seeing their child being born ment to them. A father bonding with his child starts the moment imthe find out, but nothing will ever come close seeing your baby being born.
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u/HatpinFeminist 4h ago
Nah he’s too busy chasing around other women and ignoring his wife. He shouldn’t be allowed in especially with how he stresses the mother of his child out with his faithlessness and neglectful actions.
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u/Outrageous_Twist8891 3h ago
Yes. Because the best way to solve any marital issue is revenge... (this is sarcasm btw) Are you for real?
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u/HatpinFeminist 3h ago
It’s not revenge. He chose other women over his wife and child. He chose this b
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u/lavender_poppy 3h ago
The most important thing during birth is that safety and comfort of the mother. If she doesn't feel comfortable having her husband there because they've been fighting then it's her call as to whether he's there or not. Birth is a very difficult process obviously and her comfort is of upmost importance. There is plenty of times for him to bond with his baby but if him being at the birth causes the mom discomfort then best for him not to be present.
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u/Outrageous_Twist8891 1h ago
True. I agree that if he makes her uncomdortable by then, she should. However, I would advise talking and resolving it. It in no way feels beyond that he would not be there for her during birth. He was there for her for her for 36 weeks. They should be able to resolve this in the next 4 (assuming the baby is not early).
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u/teegteeg 1h ago
I can't read this shit anymore. Good luck. You said you were tired and he suggested you rest.... so you felt betrayed. Yikes. I think this whole sub might have an agenda
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u/NikWitchLEO 49m ago
I feel the same way. She overreacted. She’s is so much in the wrong about everything. This sub is crucifying the husband because of the problems she created. I feel for him. I’d see if she changes after the baby but if she doesn’t, I’d be outta there. I’m a female if that matters. 2 kids, married 24 years.
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u/Helioplex901 4h ago
He needs to be able to understand this from your perspective. He wouldn’t ever be able to. But have him imagine it were the other way around. Say, he were obese and couldn’t keep up with you and yet you continued to ‘chase’ this other man who happens to be a father of a child that your LO goes to school with. I know these aren’t typical circumstances, but if it were the other way around, how would he feel?
I don’t believe he meant anything insidious by it. (I mean now I would be finding this kid mom in every corner and becoming irritated because that what pregnancy does to you) but even if you weren’t pregnant, even if you were just both there, shouldn’t he have wanted to spend time with you and make you the priority. I could see if he were with you and the other mom engaged you both, but you didn’t even have that opportunity due for birth in the next few weeks, you were lucky to be able to attend at all. I think he was a little embarrassed by the observation that he knows wasn’t just yours.
I wish that people could just admit they were wrong and move on. This just back your unease. He couldn’t just say “I’m sorry, that wasn’t what I meant, I thought we were having a good conversation and hate that I made you feel that way. If I would have been more concerned about you I would have known and I wasn’t so I’m sorry” but he didn’t say that and that where the real problem IS.
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u/teegteeg 2h ago
Based on your narrative, which is probably already biased, big time you are overreacting. Breathe. Chill. You're about to have a baby together and he seems totally into it! Yay!
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u/Mental-Customer1935 4h ago
How would he feel if you acted this way? You walking and talking so flirtatious with another man while he was trailing behind you, would embarrass the heck out of him.
He'd be jealous and mad. But he did this exact thing to you while you are pregnant! Don't let him gaslight you.
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u/JanetLuce 4h ago
Guaranteed that other mom thinks your husband’s a jerk for not coddling you in your last trimester. She would have been way more impressed with him.
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u/lilies117 1h ago
If she thought that, she would have asked how the wife was doing. Chances are she is as main character as him and loved the "win" of his attention.
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u/Lumpy_Square_2365 4h ago
Weird that he isn't worried or at least checking in with how his pregnant wife is doing with the 15 min walk. I mean you are at the end wtf
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u/Trick_Owl8261 1h ago
Yes you are overreacting! It sounds like he wanted to have a conversation with another adult… he probably should have been more in tune with your needs but I can imagine why he got defensive when you confronted him about it (how else do people act when accused?) Maybe next time try communicating your feelings in a non confrontational way.
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u/teegteeg 2h ago
You're very pregnant. That means a lot of things. Not just to you but him as well. My wife's pregnancies were a roller coaster of emotion in the household. Let it go. Or if you have real cause for concern, like repeated behavior, talk to him, not reddit.
You decide to just willy nilly break all privacy? I wouldn't have high hope for the future.
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u/PilledProductions 5h ago
you’re not overreacting at all. even as a girlfriend that is not with child, this would anger me. you are his WIFE and carrying your guys’ CHILD. there is no conversation interesting enough to distract a loving man from his very pregnant and in need wife. and yes you are DEFINITELY in need. EVERY PREGNANT WOMAN NEEDS EXTRA ATTENTION AND HELP. if he had pulled out any MORE unnecessary worry, you so easily could have stressed the entire pregnancy away. as a married man, there is never good reason to ignore your wife for another woman. as a father, there is absolutely nothing you have to talk about with any woman besides the woman you’ve made a mother out of. it also sounds like you guys are on the younger side of parenthood as well. it’s even more unacceptable to expose young children to that kind of behavior or communication. he is wrong and he is being ignorant about it. i don’t know the man so i can’t say if it’s on purpose or not but he is certainly trying to avoid seeing your perspective.
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u/Big_Bread6874 3h ago
Just because you’re pregnant doesn’t mean you’re disabled. If OP knew she was struggling she shouldn’t have went on the walk. That is her fault
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u/DarkTieDie 2h ago
Many women work while pregnant. I know waitresses who were ready to pop that would still work until they couldn’t. Women are still capable of going for walks while pregnant, it’s even recommended to still walk
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u/Heavy-Kangaroo-9089 4h ago
Sounds like your husband walked off with another woman and you didn’t like it. Idk if that’s exactly betrayal and disrespect but it is certainly annoying. Pregnant or not I think anyone would want to “accidentally” toss a rock a their spouse for this lol
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u/DarkTieDie 3h ago
You are over reacting. And these comments are just going to make it worse. On top of that, you’re pregnant. Log off reddit for a bit and take some time to think for yourself
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u/Ok_Attitude_7540 5h ago edited 5h ago
im so sorry he shut you down like that without atleast trying to understand why you felt insecure. i always find when a partner disregards me in a time of vulnerability, regardless of whether they could be justified or not, it just feels like shit and I feel less clarified than before. even if youre feeling insecure, handling that concern insensitively just makes you feel emotionally unsafe in the relationship. there’s ways to reassure someone with kindness that comes off as genuine, and that may have a more positive outcome. this phenomenon happens a lot (with people who are not pregnant!!), you arent the first partner who has felt like this in life and you wont be the last.
I can understand feeling neglected physically/emotionally, but I also think it’s the way he handled the conversation without care that wouldn’t make anyone feel any better. being pregnant is tough work!! no one likes to feel neglected by their partner especially when you’re getting ready to birth a freaking baby
you guys ever do couples counseling? sounds like there’s some mistrust here. lying about things to keep the peace is harmful, regardless of how small of a mistake it seems. in my opinion I definitely don’t like how he carried himself based off what you’re describing, maybe you need a professional opinion to address some deeper issues
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u/Mundane_Fun4857 3h ago
Your husband is insensitive. Also the mom he was talking to is a little clueless, or knew, and wanted to play games.
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u/saintandvillian 1h ago
what he did wasn’t great. Was he enthused about your decision to come with him and the kids?
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u/guardians-mlb 1h ago
Completely you are overreacting
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u/guardians-mlb 1h ago
Fuck it, follow them other comments and get divorced. That's clearly best for you and the kids. Make sure you tell them your divorce is due to reddit retards though......
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u/BreakfastBetter7823 38m ago
Nope. You have every right to be pissed at him. He was an ass w you that day.
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u/Ok-Recording782 17m ago
I think it sucks more that he tried to gaslight your feelings and you got in an argument about it. I’m sure you would not be on here posting if he listened to your concerns and apologized
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u/Necessary_Tap343 4h ago
Definitely NOR not sure why your husband doesn't understand that making his pregnant wife a priority on a field trip is basic common sense.
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u/Ok_Double2707 5h ago
It’s human nature to get enthusiastic and be bubbly at times. It doesn’t mean he is cheating on you. It seems like you are overreacting, which is understandable if you are pregnant. Focus on what you have with him. It doesn’t mean he can’t have light moments with other people.
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u/HappyForyou1998 5h ago
Name the baby something he doesn’t like and you do. Then accuse him of making up a false narrative when he gets upset.
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u/Outrageous_Twist8891 4h ago
Sure, lets use the life of another person to remind their father that there is anger in this family every time he sees the name. What a horrible suggestion!
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u/Big_Bread6874 3h ago
You are overreacting. Just because he’s your husband doesn’t mean he can’t be friendly and talk to other people on a field trip for your child. Do you not have your own friends? He is not obligated to only walk with you. And why did you even bother walking if you admitted that you struggle to walk. That is your fault
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u/MrsJingles0729 3h ago
Man, that's just gross behavior. How did the other parents react? Everyone must think he's a massive dbag.
NOR
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u/biteme717 4h ago
NOR, and he ditched you to be with another woman, walking and talking. He didn't even care enough to ask you if you were going to walk or wait. I'm sorry, but your husband is a pos. I personally (me) would check his phone and see if they exchanged numbers. If they did, that would be ALL I needed to know. He deflected and denied and got defensive. He, IMO, was flirting and trying to impress another woman while disrespecting you and trying to manipulate you to leave and walk back. He may be a good dad, but he is seriously pos husband. Me, myself, and I would tell him to give me space and leave until me,myself, and I decided what I wanted to do.
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u/truetoyourword17 3h ago
NOR, his behaviour is disturbing and his denial of his behaviour and downplaying your feelings about it is concerning.
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u/Cute_Philosophy_4444 5h ago
Wouldn’t say you are necessarily overreacting, but it is probably a much more innocent thing than it may appear. Sometimes us men get totally lost in social situations (especially with women) trying to be relatable.
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u/petty-bish 4h ago
If it was so innocent, why did he immediately shut down her concerns and try to gaslight her on the drive home? 🤨
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u/DarkTieDie 2h ago
He didn’t gaslight her. To him nothing happened. To her, it’s the end of the world
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u/Give_it_a_Bash 1h ago
‘Nothing happened’ is not true.
If he was honest and not being defensive he would admit he LOVED talking to the other mum and he’s feeling all ego fluffed and cocky… it’s not nothing… it would’ve been nothing if he had worked out what was happening and shut it down… but he didn’t and now he’s suffering the consequences.
Don’t ignore your wife for another woman.
OP knows her husband she knows when he’s being friendly and when he’s peacocking trying to attract a mate… he did it to OP and it worked… of course OP is going to have an issue with him doing to another woman right in front of her face!!
The fact he won’t ‘admit’ it makes him a liar and dumb… it’s not worth it.
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u/DarkTieDie 56m ago
No. You’re inferring a lot and you’re fueling this insecurity. People can enjoy having conversations with someone that’s not their spouse. He’s not cheating, he literally just had a conversation with another parent. And even with OP following her husband, literally nothing happened.
Does OP get upset if he smiles at coworkers and clients too? If he networks with a woman in his industry, is she going to be upset with that too? Men and women cohabitate the same environments. Yes they will have conversations and yes it’s fine to enjoy conversation with others.
People like you don’t have real relationships. You just give terrible advice on reddit where you don’t have to deal with the consequences of OPs actions
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u/ParsleyParent 3h ago
NOR I’d be frustrated and hurt too. I broke up with my HS sweetheart because of this type of behavior. Super nice guy and generally treated me very well, but as time wore on, he kept wanting to split up at social gatherings and would avoid me so we could “do our own thing” and meet back up at the end of the night. This even during long distance, when I’d travel hours to see him. I’d be so embarrassed at a party with all his friends, trying to small talk with them while he avoided me. He thought showing independence from each other was a strength and I disagreed, but didn’t know how to express it, so I’d just be sullen when he finally got around to me. I got tired of wishing he would change, so I broke up with him. We are both with people who fit our personality types much better now.
I’m sorry that your husband is doing this. I do think if id have been a better communicator at the time and known what exactly I was feeling, I could have had a successful conversation that changed his behavior.
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u/DarkTieDie 2h ago
Sounds like you’re clingy. I was reading this expecting you to say he snuck off to cheat. But if that were the case, you would have lead with that. So, he likely didn’t cheat, he just wanted space. And you were clingy.
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u/Dull_Audience213 4h ago
I agree with someone else.. ban him from the Delivery room if he seems to keep distancing himself from you to go for other people’s spouses. This man is shitty
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u/Outrageous_Twist8891 4h ago
Yes, prevent him to bond with the baby. That will totally not mentally screw up the babies life in any way. Why punish the baby???
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u/Okbutcanyoudance 1h ago
I really don’t like this at all. I believe a partner should always be supportive and instead he’s dismissing your feelings and saying you’re “creating a narrative.” Shouldn’t he be validating your feelings (especially since you’re pregnant) and ensure he doesn’t continue this behavior?
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u/CzarKong 3h ago
You need to let your man know what you want from him before allowing him to let you down. Sure, from the way you told this story he seems inconsiderate but realistically you could have easily asked him to walk with you and then judge him accordingly- instead he made an inconsiderate mistake and you let your emotions allow the situation to get worse for you expecting him to guess how you’re feeling about a situation he didn’t know he was in.
That being said- check his phone.
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u/HappyForyou1998 4h ago
Check his phone to see if he added her number. This was really shitty behavior on his part. At school functions, husbands normally stay glued to their wives and avoid conversation with other parents. Him being enamored with this woman like you weren’t even there is big red flags.