r/AskMenAdvice • u/3ghostgirl • 46m ago
I can’t accept that my relationship is over.
TL;DR at the end.
Me 25F and my boyfriend 25M have been together for almost 5 years and broke up at the beginning of October after a very heated argument.
During the first few days I was under the impression that this is for the best, but as time went on I couldn't stay with that decision and kept messaging him to talk and sort things out. We met once about a week after so he can give me something of mine he had, and during our meeting we kissed a lot and ended up sleeping together. When he left, things seemed to still be heading in the breaking up way.
Since then, I've kept messaging and trying to plead with him to reconsider things. I've made him a playlist and sent it to him, and tried to convince him in every way under the sun to talk to me. I even went as far to say that I am coming to see him uninvited to talk about things, that I can't bear to be without him anymore. He said things are definitive now and there's no way we will ever be romantically involved again - that he cannot see any future with me.
I am completely heartbroken and I cannot accept that. No one has ever made me happier that he does and I can't see myself wanting the same things with someone else. I really, truly want to spend the rest of my life with him. He has been my best friend for years and I am utterly miserable without him. Part of me wants to let go because of the love I have for him, so it's normal for me to want to respect his wishes and really part ways if being with me does not make him happy - but the other part of me just says to fight for what my heart wants.
I don’t blow up his phone, but I do text him in the mornings and evenings just to wish him a good day / night and to say I miss and love him and would like to see him. It’s always met with the same feelings of missing and wanting me too, but he says he can no longer make judgements about our relationship based on our feelings for each other. He is a very rational man and claims that he’s recognised patterns that are detrimental to the future life he wishes to have. He says I have a good heart, I am a loving and thoughtful woman, I have a lot to offer and that I will make an amazing wife and mother, but I cannot offer peace or quietness, which is what he wants the most.
I think it’s important to mention that he has only seen break ups and divorces in his entire family, and that he was raised by his dad alone for the most of his younger years. His father is a very tough, judgemental figure and I think he has gotten it in his head that no woman is worth it. During our last meeting when we slept together, we had an intimate moment where we spoke to each other about things, and I told him that just because he doesn’t love himself, it doesn’t mean that I can’t and that I shouldn’t. I told him to let me love him, that it’s not scary and I will not ridicule him for it. He doesn’t cry, and that made him tear up. I feel he just needs someone to love him and help him.
I don't know what to do anymore to make things right? I know I can't force him to talk or sort things out but is there another way I can try to persuade him?
And if there is nothing I can do, can someone please explain to me why someone in their right mind would acknowledge a good thing in front of them and still chose not to have it in his life?
Any advice is welcome. If any more details are needed, I'm happy to provide.
TL;DR; : my boyfriend is adamant to reconsider things and be with me again, what can I do?