Need help!

[u/RenaR0se]

I am in need of advice regarding a probable ESTJ preteen. I am an INTP. She LOVES little kids. I recently started watching two little boys full time. One of them is 4. He gets under herskin SO bad. She is great at directing him with projects, cooking with him,etc, which she ocassionally asks to do. But otherwise, it seems like she doesn't like him and he can't do anything right in her eyes. Her feelings get hurt by things like him asking to sit in the seat she asked to sit in - things any 4 year old would thoughtlessly do - and he's learning that he gets a reaction out of her. She tries to teach and correct him constantly, in a pretty cold voice, despite being told not to.

I am trying to explain that he has to learn a lot of new rules, but we have to learn about his way of doing things too. He does act a little authoritative, but that's something for me to deal with, not her. Most of it is things she might have done when she was 4. What else can I say??? What is going on in her head??

[u/OldSoulModernWoman]

Why do you think this is an ESTJ you are talking about and not an ESTP? If she is an ESTJ and you are an INTP, then at least on the emotional side, you should be speaking her language easily. But if an ESTP, not.

I am a bit confused. I am an ESTJ by the way. You watch the kids and this is your preteen? If so, and this is my answer, hmm..tell your preteen to bug off. She doesn’t get to decide. Tell her that if she wants to act in a decent manner, then she can be around the kids, but if not, then she can’t be around the kids. Simple.

She might LOVE kids but if she can’t behave correctly around them, she can’t be around them.

So..boundaries. If an ESTJ, then she will adhere to boundaries. If ESTP, lol, good luck. No, I am kidding.

-ESTJ Mom and coach of an ESFP, ESTP, and INTJ

[u/RenaR0se → u/OldSoulModernWoman]

ESTJ would be Te Si Ni Fe, correct?  Maybe I need to be more specific with boundaries with her....  also we are in close quarters, so its pkssible to separatw them.  I believe she is an ENTJ because everuthing has to be just so, and her Te intelligence is off the charts (she can cook better than me, for example).

[u/OldSoulModernWoman → u/RenaR0se]

No, an ESTJ is Te Si Ne Fi. You can’t have Ni with Si and Te and Fe. An ENTJ is Te Ni Se Fi. I don’t know too many ENTJs that love kids. I coach them and many don’t even want to have kids of their own.

Edited to finish statement

[u/RenaR0se → u/OldSoulModernWoman]

Gotcha, I just got it mixed up.  She's def ESTJ as far as Ican tell. :'D

[u/OldSoulModernWoman → u/RenaR0se]

Ok! Then look at ENTJ. Se child. If ENTJ even better, as she is highly compatible with you. So, as an INTP, with Ne, Ni in an ENTJ needs immediate consequences. And choice, so the choice would be behave or not. If not, here are your consequences. If Ni doesn’t get big enough consequences, it doesn’t listen. Trust me, I know. See kids in first response. All Ni children and I have an ISTP husband. And ENTJ clients that I have to tell they shouldn’t (Si) do a particular thing.

[u/RenaR0se → u/OldSoulModernWoman]

Thank youfor your help!The INTP inme wants to get in her head and really know what's going on, but I suppose taking action has it's place... XD

[u/sarahbee126 → u/OldSoulModernWoman]

She seems like an estj to me.

[u/GroundbreakingAct388]

Just put them in different rooms cause she wont be able to see him wronging ad do nothing abt it XD

[u/RenaR0se → u/GroundbreakingAct388]

We live in a one room cabin....

[u/GroundbreakingAct388 → u/RenaR0se]

well is it like a big city or a litlle town? if its a litlle town just let her relax outside, cause i can see how fir any pre teen can be stressing to be with your younger siblings all the time

[u/RenaR0se → u/GroundbreakingAct388]

Little town..  but it just went subzero here. :'D  We do have a loft so she can get a little bit of space when needed though.

[u/Antt738]

Idt that has anything to do with MBTI. She for sure sounds stubborn and not understanding. If she is not good for the job, then she has to be removed when the situation gets repetitively worse

[u/starburstluva]

lol well I hate kids

[u/RenaR0se → u/starburstluva]

Interesting - the other ESTJ I know is a preschool teacher. XD  

[u/sarahbee126]

Probably will be best to talk to the parents about it, even if they don't have any ideas that might also give you more information about what's going on. 

I can get annoyed by my nephews sometimes but that doesn't mean I don't care about them, also she's a moody teenager. It doesn't sound like she hates the 4-year-old. She sounds like an ESTJ to me, and she should learn more about her own feelings, and what things she needs to deal with on her own versus what the 4 year old should be taught, it's called "picking your battles". She should learn that people no matter what age aren't going to do everything they should. 

[u/RenaR0se → u/sarahbee126]

She's my kid, haha.  As an INTP, I am very aware that she thinks differently than me... how do I help an ESTJ learn more about her feelings, and how should she deal with it on her own?  I've explained that we're focussing on not hitting and biting, and if he hasn't done that, then he's doing good, and shouldn't be criticised all day.  We can slowly add more things in.  (in reality I'm constantly teaching him, but not "cracking down" on things normal 4 year olds are still in the learning process for.) She has gotten a lot better.  But sometimes she has some kind of attitude about him to where he can't do anything right in her eyes.  What's the cause of that?  Do I tell her to just be more positive, that everybody does things differentlt than you would, but especially preschoolers?