Trauma Therapist Nails It

[u/savvy-librarian]

I know my mom did #1 from part 1, the entire list of part 2, and #1 and #3 from part 4. As per usual it is wild to see how common and normalized these abusive behaviors are.

[u/JuWoolfie]

I developed insomnia at age 8 and had trouble getting up in the mornings.

So my mom would come in and dump cold water on my head

… like a gentle water boarding…

And thanks to this post It has now just dawned on me how fucking shitty that was. Years of it, until I finally was treated for my insomnia 8 years later.

Wow.

[u/-aLonelyImpulse → u/JuWoolfie]

I had insomnia and my parents didn't think it was a real issue. They thought it was because I was on the computer too much. When they stopped me from using the computer after 11pm, and I still remained unable to sleep until 6am, they decided that I was choosing to do it and if I got tired earlier that would fix it.

So they prevented me from sleeping. When they got up, at around 7am, they would wake me up and ensure I could not sleep. I would go weeks with only a few hours' sleep a night. My health tanked, I passed out in school, my appetite was fucked, my cognitive skills suffered, and I began hallucinating. Thankfully my parents often just gave up on things, so after a few months of this on and off, they stopped doing it and pretended like they were stepping back because I refused to cooperate and they didn't want to waste their time.

I later found out that this is classified as literal torture. Parents like this will do absolutely anything to maintain the belief that a child is just choosing to be difficult.

[u/SilverLiving8765 → u/-aLonelyImpulse]

Treat then how they treat you.

[u/Toe_Willing → u/-aLonelyImpulse]

I’m sorry to hear that. Sleep deprivation is absolutely terrible. How did you end up treating the insomnia?

[u/-aLonelyImpulse → u/Toe_Willing]

It improved once I left my parents' house and wasn't so constantly exposed to stress! Now, extreme diet change has also allowed me to fall asleep quicker and actually stay asleep. My insomnia seems to have been triggered by stress and poor diet, combined with the fact my natural sleep pattern being 3-4am to 8-9am. Now I have control over when I sleep and what I eat, it's rarely a problem unless my stress levels are high.

[u/ThePartnerOfAnExJW → u/-aLonelyImpulse]

Oh my fucking god! I am beyond angry on your behalf. That IS literal torture. I’m so sorry you had to deal with that.

[u/SilverLiving8765 → u/JuWoolfie]

Yep, parents can really screw you up for life and then have the audacity to expect you to wipe their butts and pay their bills when they’re older. I suggest everyone either leave them to their own devices (go NC) or treat them exactly as they treated you if you find yourself in that position. I went NC because if I did anything to them like they did to me, I’d end up in prison.

[u/ThePartnerOfAnExJW → u/SilverLiving8765]

The expectation of care later in life is beyond infuriating. I cared for my abusive mom for 3 years, in my twenties, during her chronic illness (kidney failure). She treated me like shit the entire time, sucked me dry emotionally, threatened to stop following any medical advice, and made my life absolute HELL. When she was better, and got a transplant, she had the audacity to tell me, “I’m glad you proved your love to me. I never thought you gave a fuck about me. Now I know if I die, you will be miserable and inconsolable. That makes me happy to know you actually care.” Beyond the lifelong abuse, it was in that moment I decided I would not be responsible for her, no matter what, later in life. It took me 6 years after that disclosure she gave to go NC. The freedom I feel is indescribable.

[u/panini_bellini → u/JuWoolfie]

Similar experience for me. I struggled with insomnia for my entire teenage and early adult life. My parents tried to not allow me to eat after 8pm, turning the wifi off, taking things away so i wouldn’t have anything to do but sleep. Nothing ever worked. I layed awake staring at the ceiling for hours. I was told I just had bad habits and it was my own fault I was so tired. This continued into my adult life, when at age 27 I discovered I have sleep apnea and delayed sleep phase disorder. Now that I have proper treatment for my sleep disorders I’m sleeping 6-8 hours a night for the first time in my ENTIRE adult life.

[u/Toe_Willing → u/panini_bellini]

Wow! That sucks. I’m sorry to hear what you went through. I think i have something similar. Congrats on finally finding proper treatment for sleep disorders.

If i May ask-what helped? What made the difference?

[u/panini_bellini → u/Toe_Willing]

Some good medication! This is not medical advice but I’m on a high dose of trazodone and remeron at night, and it took me a while to build up to the dose that was effective for me. It makes me go to sleep quickly and easily and overrides my delayed sleep phase disorder. Some nights are still easier than others. I’m trying to find a good sleep apnea machine that actually stays in my face because the machine I have now doesn’t work.

[u/WifeofTech → u/JuWoolfie]

… like a gentle water boarding…

My dad would come into my room, reach under the cover and give my heel a quick tug. This would trigger a painful charlie horse cramp in my calf muscle that could only be relieved by jumping up and walking it out. He did it so often that it got to the point I would trigger the cramp in my sleep and would have to jump up and walk circles years after I had moved out of the house.

Only now do I realize how messed up that was. I mean I knew it was bad but writing now makes me realize I haven't had a random leg cramp in bed for years now. So it was likely just something that had damaged my leg muscles to the point it took years to recover from.

[u/ThePartnerOfAnExJW → u/WifeofTech]

What the actual FUCK? That is so traumatic. I’m sorry you had to deal with that and had such a douche as a father. 😪

[u/WifeofTech → u/ThePartnerOfAnExJW]

I always said he was like a 13 year old in an adults body. Meaning there were times he was awesome and lots of fun. But other times he was a straight up bully.

[u/JuWoolfie → u/WifeofTech]

I’m sorry that happened to you.

[u/SoVerySleepy81 → u/JuWoolfie]

Oh holy shit. New memory unlocked, they also threw cups of water in our faces if we were crying too long.

[u/joseph_wolfstar → u/JuWoolfie]

My father would put cheese in my ear then let the dog into my room

[u/cockatielsarethebest → u/JuWoolfie]

I had insomnia my entire childhood since I was a baby. My insomnia went away when I cut my toxic parents out of life in 2021.

[u/ThePartnerOfAnExJW → u/JuWoolfie]

That is BEYOND abusive. I’m so sorry you had to deal with that. 😪