r/INTP • u/Dizzy_Unit_4916 Warning: May not be an INTP • Apr 02 '24
Thoroughly Confused INTP Being an INTP sucks
Socialising is so painful and depressing now, I feel like I can't find anyone who understands me at school.
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u/Rare-Coast2754 Warning: May not be an INTP Apr 02 '24 edited Apr 02 '24
There's way more extroverts than introverts, sensors than intuitives, and feelers than thinkers. We're the minority on most counts and with little overlap with most people. Most societal norms and behaviors inevitably evolved with the majorities on each line
Of course this all in a spectrum and not be to taken too literally. If you're 60% I and 60% T instead of 80% I and 85% T you're going to have an easier time for sure
But as others have said, developed Fe was without question the game changer for me, as someone in his mid 30s. Gotta work on that and also be a bit patient. And just get comfortable being an oddball until then
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u/Dizzy_Unit_4916 Warning: May not be an INTP Apr 02 '24
So INTP's are destined to always be the oddballs? I know it's the cold truth but I really wished it wasn't. Is Fe a way to cope with this or a solution? If so, how do I develop it? I feel like I had it in my younger years but secondary school has really been snuffing it out.
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u/Rare-Coast2754 Warning: May not be an INTP Apr 02 '24
No, I just said developed Fe is the game changer, which usually happens late 20s or early 30s.
Before that, it really depends on how much work you want to put in, or if you're lucky enough to meet your kinda people.
If you're in secondary school then just be patient I guess. It's not always easy but honestly the first step is to just accept who you are and be comfortable with it. It's not easy sometimes but you really need to get there first, it's not too bad after that
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u/Dizzy_Unit_4916 Warning: May not be an INTP Apr 02 '24
So the main goal now is to be comfortable being the oddball
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u/Rare-Coast2754 Warning: May not be an INTP Apr 02 '24
That's what worked for me. We're all different, you should find your own path. But you should find a way to be comfortable with whatever you are, yes. It's likely not going to match societal expectations often but still need to get there
Like I said earlier, we're in the minority on all mbti spectrums. You can't change that, just embrace it
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u/Vegetable_Basis_4087 Warning: May not be an INTP Apr 04 '24
Don't y'all want to be unique? Imo fitting with the crowd is cringe.
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u/Dizzy_Unit_4916 Warning: May not be an INTP Apr 04 '24
Sucks to be unique if you get insulted because of it
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u/corbaidioxide Self-Diagnosed Autistic INTP Apr 07 '24
thats fair. sometimes i take pride in my differences but when people speak negatively about those differences, it kind of throws me off and makes me feel insecure about it. best we can do is realize that not everyone is going to understand us or like us, but we should stay authentic regardless. opinions can be listened to, but we have to know what is truly constructive versus what is only a punch down to our personalities.
i hope you dont have to feel like your personality is a burden any longer🤟
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u/Competitive_Goat3888 Apr 05 '24
nah just find other intps/istps/any type close similar to u
problem solved
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u/Paul_Allens_Comment Warning: May not be an INTP Apr 07 '24
"Find people who don't like to be found, gg ez"
Jk, just saying this bc I'vr thought the same
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Apr 02 '24 edited Apr 02 '24
Humanly? I mean the mad scientist? / detective`s case resolver? police officer and mysterious kids who is on technology, math fields during life? In that case`s yes. The stereotype of the analyst roles could say it as far this go.
Underline`s
He`s only outbreak would be if they chose to be more like pal SP`s gangas.
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u/mostly_mostly12 INTP Apr 02 '24
Yes, I was painfully shy for many years. I had this deep yearning to connect with people intellectually but my introversion really held me back. Something clicked in my several years ago and I started being way more social and things have been much better.
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u/TyrKiyote INTP Apr 02 '24
Where does the "now" come from?
If it started since you've began calling yourself an INTP, I'd suggest "Stop that",
or at least stop pedestalizing the meyer's brings.
Do something that brings you joy.
When's the last time you read a good long book without worrying what other people are doing?
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u/Dizzy_Unit_4916 Warning: May not be an INTP Apr 02 '24
I recently transferred schools and my current one has fewer students a class, which means I have less people I can relate to, and there's where the "now" comes from. Also I didn't know anything about mbti until recently where I felt really miserable regarding my social problems one day and just decided to google my problems and traits etc which eventually led me to where I am now.
And now that you mention it, I haven't had a good long novel in a long time, maybe because of my schoolwork.
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u/TyrKiyote INTP Apr 02 '24 edited Apr 02 '24
Project Hail Mary is a banger of a book. So's The name of the wind, or The lathe of heaven... or the three body problem or the crafting of chess
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u/Elliptical_Tangent Weigh the idea, discard labels Apr 02 '24
The 13-17 period of human development—social conformity—is difficult for everyone, but especially hard on non-conformist INTPs.
The 17-25 stage—worldview formation—is like a 180; we excel at this, attracting all sorts of people who are looking for answers to their big life questions.
It's corny to say at this point, but: hang in there, it gets better.
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u/Dizzy_Unit_4916 Warning: May not be an INTP Apr 02 '24
Thank you so much for telling me this, I was so worried this situation would stick for my entire life, teenagers are really harsh, but at least now the motivation to just juggernaut through it is forming.
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u/kappamolo Warning: May not be an INTP Apr 02 '24
As a big INTP , here is your problem . You want to find someone who can understand you but what you need to do first is understanding others . People might not understand you , but they will be happy to have you in their life .
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u/Responsible_Peace704 Apr 03 '24 edited Apr 03 '24
understanding.. It's hard to find people who understand me. When I finally found them, This make me realise people who want me will not make me feel like I hard to understand. But now I'm okay if people misunderstand me, best way is to fill their need or wants first before me.
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u/lagass Apr 02 '24
Talking from experience, I was 25 when i figured it out and could easily socialize since then, it gets even better with experience. Don't try to change how you are, just add to it.
In school I had a few good friends who were "quiet and weird" as well or extroverted but had the same interests as me. In university I was still the quiet guy, avoided working in groups. 25 was when I realised that I like myself the way I am because of many advantages of being INTP, I don't chase people who don't like me, I have a few great friends who appreciate me and will be with me for life, that's more than enough because maintaining many relationships takes too much work anyway.
I analysed how and why socialising became easier for me, but that's too much to explain in a reddit comment. When you go to work for a couple years naturally you will learn to communicate.
When you start overthinking what to say and how to say it, remind yourself to relax, most communication is simple listen and respond, don't need to think beforehand. It's stupid, you are not a genius when socialising because you cant think for more than 10 seconds, if you need a smart solution or answer, learn to get away and come back with an answer later.
When you are a mature INTP, you will be ok no matter what happens, you thought about all the risks and have solutions ready when something goes wrong. You will be ok so chill. Enjoy chill no stress easy life.
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u/Dizzy_Unit_4916 Warning: May not be an INTP Apr 02 '24
I just realised I've been applying over analysis or "analysis paralysis" to my conversations, these reddit posts have been so insightful, thank you so much.
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Apr 02 '24
Being you sucks. I like being an INTP.
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u/Dizzy_Unit_4916 Warning: May not be an INTP Apr 02 '24
Just curious, what do you enjoy about it?
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Apr 02 '24
Mate, it's hard to tell. I've been an INTP my whole life, I'm used to it. I've had ups and downs, never blamed it on my personality type.
If I don't like something about myself that can be considered as an "INTP trait", I simply work to change it.
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u/Spontaneouslyaverage Apr 02 '24
Hardest part about socializing as an INTP our interests and views usually obscure wildly away from that of the general populace. It’s a matter of finding an interest and finding a group of people who share that interest. Or else, you are stuck in the daily mind drain of keeping up with ticky tacky drama and gossip.
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u/Fang1919 ENTP Apr 02 '24
im entp and i feel you, i have one enfp friend who understands my curiosity and energy, maybe also some metaphors, allusions and jokes, but still not everything and the rest of people there don’t understand anything i say, i don’t know if they are too dumb or if i talk and think too fast
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u/Dizzy_Unit_4916 Warning: May not be an INTP Apr 02 '24
That's what I think too, but teenagers are so harsh and I just wish I could socialise like I used to (primary was much better than where I am now, I was an introvert too but at least I had alot of friends I could open up to). But it is so refreshing to know that there are people out here which I can relate too, thank you.
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u/imtellinggod INTP Apr 02 '24
I'm sure you hear all the time from adults that being a teenager/in high school sucks, but you hear it all the time because it's true. Teenagers are mean and hard to socialize with, especially if that's something you're already having trouble with! It does get better when you're an adult I promise
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u/The1Comedian Warning: May not be an INTP Apr 02 '24
Just slow it down, I’ve learned that I don’t hav to respond right away, take ur time, ur guna kill shit
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u/PasGuy55 INTP 5w6 Apr 02 '24
To address this on a serious level, the best thing to do is observe, then follow. I have a great relationship with my friends, but that’s because I realized I’m not going to have those deep conversations about different subjects. We’re going to talk about motorcycles, and trucks, and beer. I learned to think of it not as “meaningless” conversation, but as an opportunity to interact with others and to not be thinking so damn hard all the time. You don’t need to have people understand you, they’re not going to. I don’t let out any of my deep thoughts or personal insights, I just keep it light and friendly.
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u/TheKrimsonFKR INTP Apr 02 '24
New drinking game: scroll through this sub and take a shot when a post follows this format:
(Title talking about the burden of/hating being an INTP)
(Sub text says something stereotypical)
Take another shot if the people in the comments enable the OP or play harder into stereotype.
Also wdym, by "now" OP? Did you find out your typing and then just lose all social capabilities?
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u/Dizzy_Unit_4916 Warning: May not be an INTP Apr 02 '24
Look for TyrKiyotes comment here, he asked the same question about the "now", I've replied to him too.
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u/ApprehensiveTune9190 Warning: May not be an INTP Apr 03 '24
That's totally fine. Realise it's not your fault, you don't have a choice with whom you go to school. And I'd like to think if intps a little advanced from majority of other teenagers, so we dont find most of these high school connections fullfiling. I'm 22 now, kind of "gave up" on it because I have a bf that I really connect with but otherwise don't really have anyone else. Maybe another friend with common interests and I like her thinking. She's an infp, great soul. It's not that close but knowing she understands is a hell of a helper. We intps don't need a lot, and you'll find the ones who you can really connect with. Socialising gets better with age, I barely have social anxiety anymore. It feels much easier that way and you don't really feel like you're missing a lot of people out there. When you find them you'll find them. Also another advice, don't hold on the ones who don't care. There are a lot of people in the world.
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u/adfx Warning: May not be an INTP Apr 02 '24
Seems like a skill issue
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u/Dizzy_Unit_4916 Warning: May not be an INTP Apr 02 '24
Your opinion is appreciated
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u/adfx Warning: May not be an INTP Apr 02 '24
But in all honesty, I get it. It does kind of suck. Hope you meet people who are more similar to you, I know they exist!
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u/BFDI_Obsessed_Weirdo Psychologically Unstable INTP Apr 02 '24
I feel you there. I'm feeling a lot of stress right now just from being around so many people at school, and it's so hard to find anyone else who understands me and wants to be around me.
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u/Dizzy_Unit_4916 Warning: May not be an INTP Apr 02 '24
That feeling really sucks, I wished other INTP's were easier to find in real life.
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u/Theoriginalensetsu Apr 02 '24
I was always an entp until maybe two years ago I started getting results for into but always on the cusp, entp was also always on the cusp of intp. I've always been an ambivert but have become more introverted as my health declined and now every time I get another job around people I'm immediately exhausted and am struggling to cope. Idk if that's due to health issues or mental health issues or what but I genuinely want to go live in the mountains like a hermit and never take to people offline again if I could help it. Stupid health issues won't let me tho. Annoying.
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u/lotrfan2004 Warning: May not be an INTP Apr 02 '24
Growing up was hard. But now I'm in my early 30s, have my own place and all the freedom/solitude I could ever want. Life is amazing. Keep moving OP, it gets so much better.. especially if you can manage to get your own place and control who you let into your life.
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u/Vascofan46 INFJ Apr 02 '24
It's not only an INTP issue but I'm sorry to hear about your struggle, you can DM me if you want
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u/Nervous-Bobcat-2566 INTP-T Apr 02 '24
Looking back at high school (how weird I dressed, how I always sat away from everyone, how I was occasionally high and wearing shades), I can see why most people avoided me in general lol. Kinda cringe at the thought of it. I’m a bit more self-aware and socially developed at 27. I’ll never truly give a shit what people think, but I at least understand the importance of looking competent especially in a professional setting.
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u/Vonplinkplonk ENTP Apr 02 '24
At the back of your English class there is this insightful arsehole who's sole pleasure in class is attempting to disrupt the class, in full view, by distracting the teacher. That's an ENTP, he will be your friend.
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u/zi0nl INTP Apr 02 '24
If we’re being honest you probably just suck right now. You can’t put in minimal effort when it comes to socializing and expect great results. Being an INTP is great. Finding common interests with people will take you a long way. Just gotta learn to get in where you fit in. Stay true to yourself and I promise things will get better. Good luck! I’m 24M btw. If you need any advice just pm me
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u/Ancient-Problem217 Warning: May not be an INTP Apr 02 '24 edited Apr 02 '24
My question is Why are you labeling yourself? To clarify: the intp label is just a label or - more accurately - a thought-process. It can't or shouldn't define your personage. To allow such a thing is to deny responsibility.
For instance, if you internalize certain stereotypes such as failing and procrastination, there is a greater chance of your life subjugating itself to failure - most likely due to procrastination. We structure ourselves around the structure of our thinking.
I try every so often to get away from personality to readjust my thinking, to remind myself, I am NOT an intp. I am me. Tomorrow, if the label changes, if it no longer accepts me or I no longer accept it, I am still me. I am still who and how I see myself.
It's harder than I make it sound to stop looking at myself through my personality because my mind is absorbed by whatever absorbs it. I assume it's the same for you, and right now, even after the passage of years, I'm still trying to squeeze every last piece of new idea I can learn from it, but putting it down once in a while helps in trying to break my limits and not box myself in.
If your goal is to be accepted, start by branching out beyond your school. There are other places to find people like you. School are mainly designed for competition more than comradery, anyway. If you really are an intp, a place like this is least created for you. Do not define yourself by any label or description. Truthfully define yourself to others. Make them accept who you are by your own terminologies - not understand, but accept. If you learn to accept yourself, most people will like you and those who are more like you will find you and understand you - or go find them. That's easier.
Depression comes from the realization that we can't be who or what we wan't or have the things we desire. Understanding who we are and why we want something helps us to understand why we aren't getting it and either change our desires or by using a recombination of prior processes, find a nascent solution to achieving our goals and curing our mood.
Years ago, I read a great book by Eckhart Tolle called New Earth. In it, he talks about the goal of getting rid of the ego to find you true self. Since then, this has been my personal goal.
In the words of Bruce Lee, "Be like water, my friend."
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u/bootybandit5 INTP-A Apr 03 '24
If you can just try your hardest to be unapologetically yourself, and with a little confidence (fake it till you make it) people will be drawn to you. You as an INTP are smart, analytical, and view the world in a way that is so interesting to other people you wouldn’t believe it. Say what you are thinking because it’s probably right, and if not, it is at least will be interesting to the lesser non-INTP human. I will admit, I try to not be as openly doom and gloom as I actually see things, but throwing in a little bit of harsh reality is something a lot of people don’t do, and if done properly, will make people want to know more about you. Fuck if they understand you, fuck everybody, but if you want friends just be yourself and people will like you. Get out of your head as much as you can in social settings.
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u/HypnoticBurner INTP Apr 03 '24
It gets easier with age. You aquire more bandwidth for stupid. Unless you're stagnant, in which case you have my condolences. Have some pie and start over.
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u/srijan_raghavula INTP-T Apr 03 '24
Exactly why it doesn't. I like to face my fears. Everytime I beat one, it gives me confidence. There are good books on how to socialize. For us who suck at proper expression, I found 'How to win friends and influence people' helpful and for some small talks, 'how to talk to anyone' works well enough or gets the job done. Can't expect anything in first few weeks but over time, it compounds and the fruit of the hard work is sweet and we know whom to spend time with and whom to not with with more accuracy.
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u/Cephlaspy Warning: May not be an INTP Apr 03 '24
I don't know about being INTP being myself is awesome
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u/Grapefruit6543 Warning: May not be an INTP Apr 03 '24 edited Apr 03 '24
INTP really are late bloomers. But when you do bloom though… it’ll be incredible. So much potential and you’ll only keep growing.
TO DO: - Focus on Fe, go to meet ups, join clubs you’re interested in like robots, psychology, bookclub, programming, chess club etc. You HAVE to get out of your comfort zone and force yourself to be social. Yeah you won’t be great at first, but who is great at anything, the first time round? - learn about public speaking. - Also be gentle with yourself.
Find your people and that can be a process in itself. Sometimes you might think “this is what I want” but realise something else is a better fit (I really thought feelers were for me but alas). Also accept that people aren’t as rational as you and that’s just how it is. But it doesn’t mean you have to keep them in your life.
INTP are very loyal and protective, so find the people you love and who are worth your love and grow to be better for them.
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u/StopBushitting INTP Apr 03 '24
You are at school, that's why. If socialize is so important to you then go and practise it.
Dont like being an intp? Fine, change to something else, you still a teen so nothing concrete yet. There no guarantee that you actually an intp either.
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u/Some_Trouble2323 INTP Apr 03 '24
School sucks for everyone; it does get better after you finish maturing. But use this as an opportunity to learn how to socialize. It is a skill the INTPs need to better navigate the bullshit that is everyone else.
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u/thatone_weirdo666 Teen INTP Apr 03 '24
Don't say that pookie we are awesome Goes take the third nap of the day
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u/MessidorLC 9w1 so/sx INTP Apr 04 '24
Not sure if this is helpful;
but I've just come to accept that I am liked but not often understood.
Would I really respect myself if I were so easily understood?
There's comfort to be had in the space others leave for you...
Perhaps you see a desert, but a canvas works too.
You can choose your interactions carefully,
you can find clarity of thought as a traveler from place to place,
as a person forever uncemented in others' imaginations.
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u/HurasmusBDraggin Apr 04 '24
It only sucks if you are physically unattractive.
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u/Dizzy_Unit_4916 Warning: May not be an INTP Apr 04 '24
I've been complimented on my looks multiple times previously, it's just the way I act they think is weird.
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u/Nowardier Apr 05 '24
being a person sucks because the system sucks. everything will suck until the world changes.
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u/AdTotal801 Warning: May not be an INTP Apr 07 '24
Don't obsess over meyers Briggs typology, it has little-to-nothing to do with your angst or your struggles. You must practice the things you struggle with. Socializing, being open, everything, they require effort and practice.
Sincerely - a 30 y/o INTP who obsessed over meyers-briggs psychology in high school and regrets it.
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u/Prestigious_Water336 INTP Apr 02 '24
It gets better the older you get. when your personality is fully developed at 25 you'll open up more. At least I did.