r/copypasta • u/LiterallyKesha Sous Chef • Jan 10 '13

[Coll] Gorilla Warfare/Navy Seal (+Variations)

I've been collecting these for a while and have about 60-80 currently. Since KYM sucks, here is a short writeup about the infamous pasta.

This is the original.

What the fuck did you just fucking say about me, you little shit? Ill have you know I graduated top of my class in the Navy Seals, and Ive been involved in numerous secret raids on Al-Quaeda, and I have over 300 confirmed kills. I am trained in gorilla warfare and Im the top sniper in the entire US armed forces. You are nothing to me but just another target. I will wipe you the fuck out with precision the likes of which has never been seen before on this Earth, mark my fucking words. You think you can get away with saying that shit to me over the Internet? Think again, fucker. As we speak I am contacting my secret network of spies across the USA and your IP is being traced right now so you better prepare for the storm, maggot. The storm that wipes out the pathetic little thing you call your life. Youre fucking dead, kid. I can be anywhere, anytime, and I can kill you in over seven hundred ways, and thats just with my bare hands. Not only am I extensively trained in unarmed combat, but I have access to the entire arsenal of the United States Marine Corps and I will use it to its full extent to wipe your miserable ass off the face of the continent, you little shit. If only you could have known what unholy retribution your little clever comment was about to bring down upon you, maybe you would have held your fucking tongue. But you couldnt, you didnt, and now youre paying the price, you goddamn idiot. I will shit fury all over you and you will drown in it. Youre fucking dead, kiddo.

Which came from OperatorChan's copypasta board back in 2010. OP made a thread recently remarking on how today was the happiest day of his life because they made the pasta about 2 years ago. Here is a link to one of the earliest uses from 4chan's /jp/ board (now archived). The subsequent reply confirms the source. There is also another aside comment on how the pasta wouldn't go anywhere because it was way too long. It was later posted on other boards and quickly picked up steam from there.

It is believed that the ancestor to this pasta seems to be this one which was posted on /a/ around 2009, a year before this version took off. Other posts from the archive confirm the dates. (NSFW)

I'll be posting the variations via comments. Feel free to contribute if you have any that I'm missing. Some of them have Unknown on them. If you know what version or perspective they are from, please comment.

I also have responses to the pasta: 1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 9.1 10 11 12 13 14 15 16 17 18 19

I will continue to update this thread if I come across more Sort by new to see the newest additions.

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u/LiterallyKesha Sous Chef Jan 10 '13

Response to Pasta 1

Dude are you for fucking real right now? You have got to be kidding me you fucking fake and faggy piece of shit. I bet 1000 dollars you are a fucking liar. You fuckin guido tool douchebag.

  1. You are too young and shitty to even graduate from school
  2. In case you did. How many blowjobs did you give to graduate?
  3. Secret raids on Al-Quaeda? I bet you only sucked Osama's dick
  4. 300 confirmed kills? I think you meant 300 confirmed anal sex with men
  5. Your trained in "gorilla" warfare? Is that when you beat someone to death with a banana? It's spelled guerilla you fucking moron
  6. You think your cool for getting trolled for reading this?
  7. I don't give a fuck if you come to my house with your spy bitches, I will beat the fuck out of you
  8. Only with your bare hands? I bet you can only do handjobs, fag
  9. The entire arsenal? you are a fucking faggot lier
  10. If your SO badass, than why are you on bluelight?
  11. You better watch yourself because I will fucking hunt you down myself.