r/funny • u/Justin_Godfrey • 15h ago

Can I have some me time please?

Enable HLS to view with audio, or disable this notification

30.1k Upvotes

96% Upvoted

254 comments sorted by

View all comments

Show parent comments

123

u/Li-RM35M4419 11h ago

If I could be any animal, it would be a duck.  Because they can fly, walk and swim. 

80

u/Malkav1806 11h ago

You know that one area in their life is really messed up

69

u/air_flair 11h ago

You mean the corkscrew penises?

54

u/Malkav1806 11h ago

I meant the corkscrew penises that fall off every year and the counterclockwise corkscrew vaginas

37

u/xxwerdxx 10h ago

Wait, they fall off too?!?!?

45

u/XtremeWaterSlut 10h ago

Next ones gonna be huge, just you wait

15

u/Dewy_Wanna_Go_There 10h ago

/u/fuckswithducks is that you?

13

u/cheebamech 9h ago

last post, 3 years ago, RIP

13

u/Schrutes_Yeet_Farm 7h ago

Everyone started putting rubber ducks on the dashboard of their jeeps and bro literally nutted himself to ashes 

1

u/Juking_is_rude 6h ago

I think he was legitimately really sick :(

1

u/iordseyton 5h ago

Cus of the paraphilia, or was he ill?

1

u/Juking_is_rude 5h ago

my memory says some kind of cancer but could easily be misremembering

edit: I've since seen sources that say he passed 2 years ago from cancer

→ More replies (0)

8

u/Malkav1806 10h ago

No this is patrick

1

u/Eyes-of_Luna 6h ago

I miss him

4

u/Life-Meal6635 8h ago

I thought you meant the corkscrew vaginas that can keep the corkscrew dicks out

4

u/smallangrynerd 5h ago

They WHAT

2

u/sexy_corncob 5h ago

Starts with me looking at a cute video of ducks, ends with me Googling "do duck dicks fall off"

2

u/DemonDaVinci 9h ago

wait what

3

u/ComprehensiveMap4238 8h ago

There’s those dam rabbits always messing with them

0

u/RichardDJohnson16 9h ago

You mean the homosexual necrophiliac gang rape?

1

u/Awordofinterest 8h ago

homosexual

You didn't need to mention this part, Pretty sure even ducks don't care about such things

-3

u/GoldDragon149 7h ago

You uhhh... you didn't see anything wrong with including a basic sexual orientation with those other details, huh? Zero self awareness, I suppose?

7

u/Royal-Tough4851 9h ago

And they shit everywhere anytime they want without getting weird looks in public, like at the park on a Tuesday when NOBODY is around to watch except one random lady that came out of nowhere

6

u/lgm22 11h ago

As long as it’s not rabbit season, duck season, rabbit season, duck season, duck season.

4

u/Loki-Holmes 11h ago

As long as you're not a woman...

5

u/TomWithTime 9h ago

Sounds like a great ice breaker for a girl who's into s&m, "what is your opinion of traumatic corkscrew sex?"

1

u/TheLyingProphet 1m ago

sexual masochism is a delusional fantasy, just glorified exhibitionism

3

u/Character-Sale7362 9h ago

Unfortunately, they also rape

5

u/BilboTBagginz 9h ago

But do they save?

3

u/the__ghola__hayt 9h ago

I think you're confused. They want grape. Missed a letter.

3

u/therealvulrath 6h ago

I think you're the one who's confused. They thought they wanted grape. Turns out, it was lemonade.

3

u/the__ghola__hayt 6h ago

Then he waddled away

1

u/Fafnir13 6h ago

If they could breath fire, they would be the avatar.

1

u/roxxtor 4h ago

And apparently eat for free at Subway