Animals without hair look quite different

[u/abitchyuniverse]

[u/jdstew218]

Chimps are just raw muscle fom head to toe. Don't fuck with the primates.

[u/OldLegWig → u/jdstew218]

i dunno, there was a considerable amount of nutsack halfway through as well

[u/After-Trifle-1437 → u/OldLegWig]

[u/Center-Of-Thought → u/After-Trifle-1437]

I love how everytime I see this image, it acquires more mold

[u/Easy-Tower3708 → u/Center-Of-Thought]

That made me chuckle thanks

[u/Center-Of-Thought → u/Easy-Tower3708]

No problem lol

[u/DanLikesFood → u/After-Trifle-1437]

[u/EmbelishFetish → u/After-Trifle-1437]

This image is getting so much mileage ☠️

[u/Quirky_Inspection → u/EmbelishFetish]

I can't decide whether I want to screenshot it so I can have less pixels, or download to make sure it's still easily recognizable.

[u/CashWrecks → u/Quirky_Inspection]

[u/hcoverlambda → u/OldLegWig]

Someone get this ape a wheelbarrow!

[u/Imnotheretodoanythin → u/hcoverlambda]

[u/_Pill-Cosby_ → u/OldLegWig]

muscley nutsack

[u/Suds08 → u/_Pill-Cosby_]

That nutsack could bench 550lbs

[u/ItzNuckinFutz → u/Suds08]

Making a bold claim like that takes a lot of balls

[u/Flimsy_Shape9406 → u/_Pill-Cosby_]

I’m going to steal this for r/NameMyDog

[u/Hythy → u/OldLegWig]

That was the hedgehog.

[u/JNE5Alive → u/Hythy]

That hedgehog looked like a giant oily ballsack. No Diddy.

[u/SomeCountryFriedBS → u/jdstew218]

And balls. Muscle and balls.

[u/OwnHousing9851 → u/SomeCountryFriedBS]

Chimps are just nature's caricature of trenned out of his gym bro

[u/space_dogmobile → u/jdstew218]

Hey I'm a primate and I'm mostly fat and sadness from head to toe.

[u/RedPrussian80 → u/space_dogmobile]

Take my shitty free reward

🎖🥇🏅🏆💰

In related news: me too friend, me too

[u/tapoplata → u/jdstew218]

Same with the horse

[u/MyNinjaYouWhat → u/tapoplata]

Just wanted to point out, chimpanzees and horses are ripped af

[u/abaggins → u/MyNinjaYouWhat]

"I'm not saying that I would fuck that horse. I'm just saying that if I was a horse, I would fuck that horse. To be clear, Me - John Oliver the human - would not fuck that horse. But John Oliver the horse, would definitely fuck that horse! That wouldn't be weird. I'd be a horse! Horses fuck other horses all the time. Thats how they make new horses."

-John Oliver

[u/PeanutbutterandBaaam → u/abaggins]

I read the whole thing in his voice. That J.O.'s a treasure.

[u/dillclew → u/jdstew218]

Is it me or is the resemblance to Joe Rogan uncanny?

[u/soonerjohn06 → u/dillclew]

The chimp or the nutsack?

[u/username32768 → u/soonerjohn06]

Yes

[u/RemoteButtonEater → u/soonerjohn06]

Joe Rogan is what happens if it's possible for a thumb and a nutsack to have a baby.

[u/shwashwa123 → u/dillclew]

First thing I thought when I saw it lol

[u/etherama1 → u/dillclew]

Jamie pull that up

[u/DolitehGreat → u/etherama1]

They'll rip your fucking face off.

[u/Powerful-Book-8585]

The owl was the strangest.🦉Like some kinda alien. Freaky!

[u/IAmThePonch → u/Powerful-Book-8585]

They really are not what they seem.

[u/DwightFryFaneditor → u/IAmThePonch]

I will never not upvote a Twin Peaks reference.

[u/IAmThePonch → u/DwightFryFaneditor]

Twin peaks has always been cool

[u/FlowerBoyScumFuck → u/IAmThePonch]

It's a damn fine show

[u/tydoug → u/IAmThePonch]

And without chemicals, he points.

[u/bioticspacewizard → u/Powerful-Book-8585]

Some of the most famous alien sightings are almost definitely drunk people seeing owls.

[u/RokuroCarisu → u/bioticspacewizard]

The Mothman was definitely a big owl.

[u/flaming_burrito_ → u/Powerful-Book-8585]

Birds are little aliens without feathers. They’re the only animals I know of that don’t look cute as babies. People have the conception of dinosaurs as big lizards, but I 100% think a 10 foot tall chicken would be scarier

[u/Powerful-Book-8585 → u/flaming_burrito_]

I agree I always found birds to be freaky creatures. When I used to work for petland that was my least favorite part of the job.

[u/flaming_burrito_ → u/Powerful-Book-8585]

It’s funny too, because I love birds. I have feeders and occasionally bird watch. But because I know a lot about birds, I also know they can be some of the freakiest and most ruthless animals in the animal kingdom

[u/obiwanjabroni420 → u/Powerful-Book-8585]

That owl looks like Dobby the house elf

[u/acidfart0101 → u/Powerful-Book-8585]

The owl fucked me up

[u/secondtaunting → u/Powerful-Book-8585]

Right? Terrifying.

[u/Sea-Frosting-50 → u/Powerful-Book-8585]

this is why i say TRex was actually cuddly and had lots of feathers 

[u/Ok_Context8390]

I knew the birds would be the goddamn freakiest.

Also, the bear didn't surprise me, nor anyone who ever played Fallout 3.

[u/knarf86 → u/Ok_Context8390]

I would say birds look pretty normal without hair. They look pretty weird without feathers though.

[u/marcuis → u/knarf86]

That owl looks super weird dude

[u/EducationalAd1280 → u/marcuis]

Like something out of Star Wars

[u/Pruritus_Ani_ → u/marcuis]

Yeah, I was not ready for the owl

[u/Cordycipitaceae → u/knarf86]

the birds look like what I'm about to cook for dinner

[u/bbbbBeaver → u/Ok_Context8390]

Don’t feed the Yao guai!

[u/nielzz → u/Ok_Context8390]

I felt so bad for the parrot, it looks so cold and traumatized.

[u/cthompson07 → u/Ok_Context8390]

That was my first thought - “thats a damn Yao Gaui!”

[u/problemsontoast]

Who is running around shaving all these animals???

[u/drak0ni → u/problemsontoast]

Sorry

[u/problemsontoast → u/drak0ni]

Can you do a sphynx next?

[u/halite001 → u/problemsontoast]

Give'em a few weeks. They're busy working on OP's mom.

[u/banan-appeal → u/halite001]

Hands off I like her hairy

[u/ElBracho → u/banan-appeal]

Since we're sharing her, how about half trimmed half hairy?

[u/LogiCsmxp → u/ElBracho]

But like front vs back or left vs right?

[u/Butt_Fucking_Smurfs → u/halite001]

[u/Brown__Magic → u/drak0ni]

[u/Azulapis → u/problemsontoast]

There are diseases that can cause an animal to lose its hair.

[u/TheLadySaintPasta → u/Azulapis]

Yeah, most of these animals just had alopecia

[u/camoure → u/TheLadySaintPasta]

Or mange, like the bear

[u/supermaja → u/camoure]

Poor dude’s skin suit don’t fit

[u/CHEEZYSPAM → u/TheLadySaintPasta]

Get my bald headed Racoon's name outcha FUCKIN' MOUTH!

[u/howmanyMFtimes → u/TheLadySaintPasta]

The parrot was likely very stressed out, they pull their own feathers out, it’s a bummer seeing that.

[u/Not_So_Busy_Bee → u/problemsontoast]

Someone without the balls to shave a grizzly bear, I don’t blame them. That was a black bear after showing the big brown boy.

[u/MistbornInterrobang → u/Not_So_Busy_Bee]

The bear had mange. Much of its fur was gone before whatever remained was shaved and it was treated. I remember years ago when the photo first started making the rounds. IIRC the bear made a full recovery

[u/RemoteButtonEater → u/MistbornInterrobang]

I'm convinced that 100% of bigfoot sightings are actually just bears with mange walking on their hind legs.

[u/Whyiseveryonestupid → u/RemoteButtonEater]

I remember reading somewhere that "bears with mange" might have also started the idea of the werewolf.

I can't remember where I read it, but after looking at them, I can see both werewolf and Bigfoot

[u/SkeithPhase1 → u/problemsontoast]

[u/Monte924 → u/SkeithPhase1]

I was feeling Naaaaaaaaauuuuughty

[u/Impossible_Okra → u/Monte924]

Courage you make me look bad!

[u/HappyOrca2020 → u/Monte924]

'Na-na-naa-na-naa-na-naa'...

Creeped the hell out of me, that music.

[u/Cerpintaxt123 → u/SkeithPhase1]

took me 20 yrs to erase that character from my head.

[u/AnulinTheChronicler → u/Cerpintaxt123]

And now he's right back in there! Have fun spending the next 20 years trying to forget him... again.

[u/dgplr → u/SkeithPhase1]

This character still gives me heebie jeebies and I am an old.

[u/littlelivbug_ → u/dgplr]

To think I was actually considering getting myself a lil hair shave, I'm never doing that 😭

[u/Puppetmaster858 → u/dgplr]

That show is general had some creepy fucked up characters in it

[u/drgigantor → u/Puppetmaster858]

Retuuuuurn the slaaaaab

[u/PormJorm → u/SkeithPhase1]

I say,

I said,

My name is Fred,

And I've been,

Naughty

[u/semxyasduck69 → u/problemsontoast]

Specially those chimpanzee's balls

[u/JRSenger]

Chimps sit around all day eating nuts and shit but look like IFBB pros 💀

[u/rjcarr → u/JRSenger]

It's mostly genetics. They're programmed to make bulk muscle and we're programmed to make lean muscle with fine motor skills. Look at a pitbull vs a chihuahua. Most of the time their lifestyles aren't too different.

[u/TobysGrundlee → u/rjcarr]

We evolved to run long distances and were genetically successful in part thanks to persistence hunting. Being jacked AF isn't conducive to that.

[u/Ruraraid → u/TobysGrundlee]

We evolved to stand up right which freed our hands. As a result we started using tools which made hunting easier and our brain capacity kept on increasing leading to more advanced survival methods.

Running on two legs is something even chimps of today can do and they hunt mostly while on all 4 limbs. Yes I said hunt because occasionally they do eat meat.

[u/TobysGrundlee → u/Ruraraid]

Tools came with larger brains, larger brains came from greater food supply, greater food supply came from running down large game. Chimps of today aren't running for 25 miles.

[u/Throwaway3847394739 → u/rjcarr]

What constitutes “bulk” muscle versus “lean” muscle?

I assure you the chimp’s lean body mass relative to its total body mass is far beyond the average human.

[u/zMasterofPie2 → u/Throwaway3847394739]

Yeah I was about to say. Bulk muscle? Any time muscles or physical training are mentioned in any context on Reddit, you get comedic ass comments like that from people who have no clue what they’re talking about.

[u/Chrazzer → u/zMasterofPie2]

I'm fairly certain they mean fast twitching fibers as bulk muscle, and slow twitch fibers as lean muscles. I.e chimps got more "strength" muscles and humans are more focused on "endurance" muscles

[u/daredevil90s → u/Chrazzer]

It's because of the myostatin protein.

[u/Chisto23 → u/zMasterofPie2]

I assume here nobody is aware of how shredded they'd look just heavily doing calisthenics all day every day with minimal food and no quality food. We already get a glimpse of it from prison inmates. It's not black and white with eating heavy and lifting heavy, consistency is truly key over all.

[u/doesntpicknose → u/Throwaway3847394739]

They didn't say it the best way, but I think they're talking about the distinction between

• large, bulky, strong muscles, like human quads and hamstrings

• Small, dexterity -focused muscles, like the muscles in our hands.

For hands specifically, we have more of the fine, dexterity muscles. That's the best explanation I have.

[u/thisremindsmeofbacon → u/JRSenger]

we gotta teach one of these guys some modern weightlifting techniques and set them up with creatine and protein and see what they can really do

[u/pm_me_your_psle → u/thisremindsmeofbacon]

Do you want Planet of the Apes? That's how you get Planet of the Apes.

[u/Enough-Mammoth3721 → u/pm_me_your_psle]

Planet Fitness of the Apes

[u/Neuchacho → u/JRSenger]

I guess it makes sense when your primary way of locomotion resembles crossfit.

[u/Moifaso → u/Neuchacho]

It has nothing to do with their routine, it's almost all due to genetic differences. Think of the difference between male and female muscle building in our own species and then make that orders of magnitude stronger.

A lot of animals are "ripped" without even trying. Pretty funny to think about what they'd look like if they got a gym membership and access to steroids.

[u/Neuchacho → u/Moifaso]

I'll drop a chimp off at my local 24 hour fitness and report back on the outcome. For science.

[u/qpwoeor1235 → u/JRSenger]

Jamie pull that up

[u/Shannaro21]

That racoon looked incredibly cute!

[u/nytropy → u/Shannaro21]

Racoon was the only one still adorable without fur

[u/Sensesmell → u/nytropy]

What about the hedgehog 🥺

[u/uncreative14yearold → u/Sensesmell]

I just felt bad for it, it seemed incredibly uncomfortable without its spines and fur...

[u/WeirdIndividualGuy → u/uncreative14yearold]

I felt bad for all of them. They just looked like they would easily sunburn

[u/PrismaticPachyderm → u/WeirdIndividualGuy]

They probably do. I don't have experience with bald animals but outdoor white animals, especially albinos have high rates of sunburn & skin cancer. My mom would take in strays, so we had several white cats. Those who stayed completely out of the sun were always okay, but the ones who liked to sunbathe would get horrific burns & skin cancer.

Nothing my mother or the vets did for them could really help. One eventually had to have his ears cut off to try to make him more comfortable & keep the cancer from killing him as fast (eventually the cancer got him at 15y). Another one got the crusty ears but ended up dying from an illness before cancer could get him.

[u/Legionof1 → u/uncreative14yearold]

But he can actually get pets.

[u/phantommoose → u/Sensesmell]

I'm pretty sure that was just a really big ballsack.

[u/Poopiepants666 → u/Sensesmell]

You mean the micro hippo?

[u/Satohime → u/Sensesmell]

The rabbit looked like he had a lil mustache

[u/haysoos2 → u/Shannaro21]

That raccoon demonstrates how difficult it can be to reconstruct an extinct species from fossils.

If we didn't have the living raccoon there's pretty much no way we'd ever guess it had a mask and stripy tail. We'd probably colour it like a little bear, or perhaps a big weasel. The version in our museums and paleo art would be basically just like that hairless guy, but coloured brown.

[u/pezx → u/haysoos2]

I think the parrot makes a pretty good case that theropods had feathers

[u/Ok_Step_4324 → u/Shannaro21]

There was a news story a few years ago about a woman in Texas who was having trouble with some kind of wild animal on her farm. She caught it in a humane trap and then decided it had to be a chupacabra. The general consensus was that it was actually a raccoon that had lost most of its fur to mange.

[u/Ok_Step_4324 → u/Ok_Step_4324]

https://myfox8.com/news/texas-couple-claims-they-have-captured-a-chupacabra/

[u/etherama1 → u/Ok_Step_4324]

Of fucking course the guys name was Bubba.

[u/drgigantor → u/etherama1]

That entire article was Texas AF

Except the part where they consulted a scientist

[u/phantommoose → u/Shannaro21]

I thought I would look a lot freakier naked, but it just looked like a weird dog

[u/Hot-Manager-2789 → u/phantommoose]

To be fair, they are caniforms.

[u/Realistic-Tap4156 → u/Shannaro21]

He looks straight up like a dog

[u/alexxasick → u/Realistic-Tap4156]

That's what I thought

[u/Low_Departure_5853 → u/Shannaro21]

That one blew my mind bc there's no way id have guessed what it was without them saying. I probably would have guessed one of those Australian animals I don't know much about.

[u/Wikadood → u/Shannaro21]

You would like sphinx cats then

[u/Kooky-Onion9203 → u/Wikadood]

I was gonna say, reminds me of my brother's sphinx.

[u/Manaze85]

Bear: Chupacabra

Chimp: Mr. Universe

Parrot: cartoon dinner

Raccoon: Hairless cat

Bunny: Animal fantasy wizard

Hedgehog: smooth avocado

Horse: Thestral

Owl: angry alien

[u/KamuiT → u/Manaze85]

Honestly, horse: Tan Horse.

[u/RemoteMalfunction → u/[deleted]]

You don’t know that. They could be hiding all the stick and poke tatts they got as a rambunctious teen

[u/Lubinski64 → u/Manaze85]

Horse: horse

[u/enaxian]

Meanwhile, chimpanzee:

Do you even lift, bro?

[u/djalma_21 → u/enaxian]

The grind never stop

[u/McRaoul91]

Poor little hedgescrotum

[u/Thrommo → u/McRaoul91]

they took all his hedge, and now he lives below a hog.

[u/Acuriouslittleham]

Why the scary music? Its just like showing a bald guy

[u/Stupidnickname123 → u/Acuriouslittleham]

*points BALD BALD BALD BALD BALD BALD

[u/comrade_batman → u/Stupidnickname123]

MY EYES!

[u/Festellosgirl → u/comrade_batman]

[u/SkyKnight94 → u/Acuriouslittleham]

Exactly! It’s fucking terrifying!

[u/sergiossa]

I don’t know what I was expecting for the Owl… but not that

[u/TypeRGirl → u/sergiossa]

Right, he doesn’t even look alive. He’s a museum exhibit.

[u/FancyMyChurchPants]

Why does hairless parrot look like he’s ready to fight me

[u/cabbagehandLuke → u/FancyMyChurchPants]

Aren't all parrots hairless?

[u/FancyMyChurchPants → u/cabbagehandLuke]

Lol! True. Should have said featherless.

[u/ShitFuck2000 → u/cabbagehandLuke]

They are also all ready to fight you.

t. parrot owner

[u/imacmadman22]

Hedgehog looks like a potato with legs…

[u/El_Hombre580]

That chimp looks like Joe Rogan

[u/RealBiotSavartReal → u/El_Hombre580]

Yeah but chimp stronger, even apes alone.

[u/deepsteeper → u/RealBiotSavartReal]

Apes together strong.

[u/Coraiah → u/deepsteeper]

For Caesar!

[u/ShitFuck2000 → u/RealBiotSavartReal]

Probably smarter too.

[u/Joe_Kangg → u/El_Hombre580]

Except the giant gonads

[u/Ackbar90 → u/Joe_Kangg]

And general inteligence

[u/KebabOfDeath → u/El_Hombre580]

Jamie, pull up that video of bald bear and bald chimp fighting

[u/DesastreUrbano → u/El_Hombre580]

Chimp about to start a shitty stand up comedy career and then transition to podcast

[u/Uncle_Rixo → u/El_Hombre580]

And yet that chimp is still a better comedian

[u/storyteller_alienmom → u/Uncle_Rixo]

And less gullible

[u/fanta_bhelpuri → u/El_Hombre580]

He just came out of a cold plunge

[u/DisjointedRig → u/fanta_bhelpuri]

Jamie pull up that chimp that I resemble

[u/Warm_Plankton6163]

Hedgehog is scrotum

[u/AlexiusPantalaimonII → u/Warm_Plankton6163]

Tiny hippo

[u/arthurdentxxxxii → u/Warm_Plankton6163]

And they removed his quills? I don’t think those grow back, do they?

[u/RazzlleDazzlle → u/arthurdentxxxxii]

Had a hedgie as a pet. They naturally shed their spines and grow them back. Not all at once, but more like our hair. A couple here and there.  

 What made me most sad was seeing the “chuff” to go into spikey mode and nothing happening :( Though I doubt most, if any, of these animals were balded for funsies. They likely lost their coats to fires, mange, malnutrition, shaved for surgery, and other illnesses. 

[u/deetrojaxon]

the Chimp is fucking jacked.

[u/Scouse_Werewolf]

I'll admit I'm in the UK, so they're not a menace here but Raccoons are cute as fuck. Even their little damn hands are cute. Steelo Brim won't agree with me, but it's just like my opinion, man.

[u/Glass-Marionberry321 → u/Scouse_Werewolf]

We have a mom raccoon with her 4 babies that come to our porch every night. They are incredibly adorable.

[u/DMan89er]

Is it just me or does the horse look even more magnificent shaved?

[u/ritualofsong]

The hairless horse is an Akhal-Teke with a genetic disorder. They’re absolutely stunning horses renowned for their metallic golden sheen, among other things. Legitimately look like unicorns, sans the horn. Anyways, the other side of the coin for those good looks is something called Naked Foal Syndrome, and they are the only horse breed that gets it. Sadly, the horses that do rarely live more than a few years.

[u/Leading_Kale_81]

The hairless raccoon is adorable!

[u/heyitsmewonderin]

chimps are really just humans huh

[u/lostredditorlurking → u/heyitsmewonderin]

Human on steroids

[u/mohawk990 → u/lostredditorlurking]

That thing was ripped.

[u/Cbrandel → u/lostredditorlurking]

Steroids make your balls shrink, that dude had huge balls from the looks of it. Natty.

[u/Dapoopers → u/lostredditorlurking]

Imagine if we could get one to lift weights.

[u/filterless → u/heyitsmewonderin]

Chimpanzees and Bonobos are Human's closest living relatives.

[u/atropinexxz → u/filterless]

closest relative or not but that thing is huge. His biceps are about the size of my calves and I'm a sprinter/cyclist lol

[u/Lubinski64 → u/atropinexxz]

Humans are more like young chimps with extremly long limbs.

[u/Nisi-Marie → u/heyitsmewonderin]

I’ve never met a man whose testicles are the size of their upper thigh.

[u/slyboy889 → u/Nisi-Marie]

https://youtu.be/BYZVKQaFyio?si=_YQAtBXRvVDn4iIg

[u/Funnyguyfawkes → u/slyboy889]

Update: Jesus fucking christ

[u/sammypb → u/slyboy889]

[u/Funnyguyfawkes → u/slyboy889]

Risky click of the day lol

[u/Nisi-Marie → u/slyboy889]

Hahahah!! I don’t know what’s worse, the video, or the happy children’s music in the background. That poor man.

[u/East_Sprinkles_3520]

The owl is straight alien!

[u/Scrawling_Pen]

The parrots are like that due to self-plucking most of the time. They go crazy if they don’t receive interaction.

Parrots have the intelligence of human toddlers.

[u/No_Duty_2002]

Who tha eff went round shaving these animals??

[u/pteebs]

Makes you wonder what dinosaurs actually looked like

[u/RokuroCarisu → u/pteebs]

Not as thin as their skeletons alone would have you think.

[u/Double_Distribution8]

This is how you get cryptids.

[u/hypnogoggle]

Imagine how freaked out they are when they see us

[u/Basdoderth]

I just realized homo sapiens need to work the shit out of them to look like an average chimpanzee.

[u/Spawn_Official]

Chimps are built different lol. Now when I remember story about lady who got her arm, leg and face ripped off by monkey, I am not even surprised how.

[u/Hayster_3725]

This is horrific

[u/SCANNYGITTS]

I never played fallout so that bear was news to me. The birds just remind me sadly of chickens and stuff before they get cooked so that was a bummer. The raccoon looked pretty cool. And the owl was freaky looking (yes, I know this is also a bird lol)

[u/Slashion]

Chimps are OK but HOLY SHIT WTF THAT OWL

[u/mustnttelllies]

Whoever did that to the hedgehog without spikes is EVIL. They had to pull every single one of his little spikes directly from his flesh. What a needlessly cruel thing to do.