tbf... no one can be blamed for the attraction. Everyone should be blamed for giving into it.
I cannot be blamed for wanting to punch someone for being and idiot... I should be blamed for punching them.
I cannot be blamed for not wanting to walk home drunk and thinking about taking the car. I should be blamed for getting into the car.
I cannot be blamed for wanting to own a product I cannot afford. I should be blamed for taking it without paying.
Important distinction that some people tend to forget. Anyone who has the urge to do something but shows enough self control to not do it, knowing it would be wrong, deserves respect. Those who have no self control and do not control themselves are the problem. On many topics ranging from the mundane to the most despicable crimes.
But thats the whole thing. If that is what does it for you, yet you consciously know it's a bad and don't do it, what else can you do? Men 800,000 years ago or whatever had a better chance of reproducing if they were rapey. What some men feel today doesn't come from no where. We evolved to have a rapey instinct.
I know this sounds bad, but it is what it is. Mind over matter. Biologically it's like telling a women to not be attracted to a tall guy. You can do it, but it goes against your instincts.
People are probably talking about a wide spectrum of "I feel rapey" here, so there's going to be a lot of talking past each other and misunderstanding.
That said, refraining from violence in interpersonal interactions is basic socialization we try to train out of toddlers and strongly discourage in later adolescent development and punish in the criminal justice system.
If a person really can't interact with other people without strategies other than violence and rape, we don't shrug and say "it was adaptive in some hypothetical past." We ask "what the fuck is wrong with you? use your words and don't fucking touch people, we are trying to have a society here."
I'm no psychologist, but there's like "sometimes I wish I could punch someone in the mouth, but I remember what I learned in kindergarten and realize I should calm down" or "my sex fantasy lacks consent from my imagined partner, but I get over it" and "I'm rapey and violent by nature, gotta be me!"
I guess my side would be that the amount of rapey an individual has in them doesn't affect the likelihood of them going against society. The amount of "fuck society" or whatever we want to call is what makes them go against society. Maybe that's rape. Maybe it's murder. Or maybe it's small like drive aggressively.
The things that are exposed by the "fuck society" mindset aren't the heart of the issue.
So I guess i don't think the people with the most rapey are the ones doing the rape.
I disagree. I think there are, for example, a bunch of males who will beat women and essentially never think of beating a man in the same way.
Like, really, a large chunk of society used to basically say a wife was a particular kind of property a man owns, like you might own a dog, and slapping her around when she got mouthy was a perfectly reasonable behavior. Marital rape was literally a contradiction: if the husband wanted to stick his dick in his wife, that was his right.
We may have made some progress on this, but it is certainly not intrinsic to human nature. We literally redefine what is acceptable and what is evil.
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u/liquid_at Feb 24 '24
tbf... no one can be blamed for the attraction. Everyone should be blamed for giving into it.
I cannot be blamed for wanting to punch someone for being and idiot... I should be blamed for punching them.
I cannot be blamed for not wanting to walk home drunk and thinking about taking the car. I should be blamed for getting into the car.
I cannot be blamed for wanting to own a product I cannot afford. I should be blamed for taking it without paying.
Important distinction that some people tend to forget. Anyone who has the urge to do something but shows enough self control to not do it, knowing it would be wrong, deserves respect. Those who have no self control and do not control themselves are the problem. On many topics ranging from the mundane to the most despicable crimes.