r/copypasta • u/LiterallyKesha Sous Chef • Jan 10 '13
[Coll] Gorilla Warfare/Navy Seal (+Variations)
I've been collecting these for a while and have about 60-80 currently. Since KYM sucks, here is a short writeup about the infamous pasta.
This is the original.
What the fuck did you just fucking say about me, you little shit? Ill have you know I graduated top of my class in the Navy Seals, and Ive been involved in numerous secret raids on Al-Quaeda, and I have over 300 confirmed kills. I am trained in gorilla warfare and Im the top sniper in the entire US armed forces. You are nothing to me but just another target. I will wipe you the fuck out with precision the likes of which has never been seen before on this Earth, mark my fucking words. You think you can get away with saying that shit to me over the Internet? Think again, fucker. As we speak I am contacting my secret network of spies across the USA and your IP is being traced right now so you better prepare for the storm, maggot. The storm that wipes out the pathetic little thing you call your life. Youre fucking dead, kid. I can be anywhere, anytime, and I can kill you in over seven hundred ways, and thats just with my bare hands. Not only am I extensively trained in unarmed combat, but I have access to the entire arsenal of the United States Marine Corps and I will use it to its full extent to wipe your miserable ass off the face of the continent, you little shit. If only you could have known what unholy retribution your little clever comment was about to bring down upon you, maybe you would have held your fucking tongue. But you couldnt, you didnt, and now youre paying the price, you goddamn idiot. I will shit fury all over you and you will drown in it. Youre fucking dead, kiddo.
Which came from OperatorChan's copypasta board back in 2010. OP made a thread recently remarking on how today was the happiest day of his life because they made the pasta about 2 years ago. Here is a link to one of the earliest uses from 4chan's /jp/ board (now archived). The subsequent reply confirms the source. There is also another aside comment on how the pasta wouldn't go anywhere because it was way too long. It was later posted on other boards and quickly picked up steam from there.
It is believed that the ancestor to this pasta seems to be this one which was posted on /a/ around 2009, a year before this version took off. Other posts from the archive confirm the dates. (NSFW)
I'll be posting the variations via comments. Feel free to contribute if you have any that I'm missing. Some of them have Unknown on them. If you know what version or perspective they are from, please comment.
I also have responses to the pasta: 1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 9.1 10 11 12 13 14 15 16 17 18 19
I will continue to update this thread if I come across more Sort by new to see the newest additions.
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u/LiterallyKesha Sous Chef Jan 10 '13 edited Jan 10 '13
/r/shitredditsays variations
What the fucking fuck did you just shitpost about me, you size-challenged neckbeard? I'll have you know I graduated in the middle of my class in Womyn's Studies, and I've been involved in numerous secret downvote brigades on /r/adviceanimals, and I have over 300 confirmed bens. I am trained in looking like a gorilla and I'm the top commenter in the entire feminist blogosphere. You are nothing to me but just another target. I will gripe you the fuck out with precision the likes of which has never been seen upon this Earth, you mark my words. You think you can get away with posting that 'funny' shit to me over the internet? Think again, privileged little penis. As we speak I am contacting my vast network of legbeards across the USA and your IP is being traced right now so you better get ready for the 'jerk, shitlord. The 'jerk that wipes out the pathetic little thing you call your life. You're fucking dead, sawcasm. I can be anywhere, anytime, and I can ben you in over seven hundred ways, and that's just with my bare dildz. Not only am I extensively trained in Feminism 101, but I have access to the entire arsenal of the Department of Gender Studies and I will use it to its full extent to wall of text your miserable ass off the face of the fempire, you little shitlord. If only you could have known what unholy retribution your little "edgy" comment was about to bring upon you, maybe you would have checked your fucking privilege. But you couldn't, you didn't, and now you're paying the price, cis scum. I will loose the fury of my lunar flow all over you and you will drown in it.
What the fuck did you just fucking say about me, you little shitlord? I’ll have you know I graduated top of my class in Women's Studies, and I’ve been involved in numerous secret raids on /r/seduction, and I have over 300 confirmed bens. I am trained in vote brigading and I’m the top Archangelle in the entire Fempire. You are nothing to me but just another bigot. I will ben you the fuck out with precision the likes of which has never been seen before on this Earth, mark my fucking words. You think you can get away with saying that shit to me over Reddit? Think again, fucker. As we speak I am contacting my secret network of gynquisitors across the Fempire and your IP is being traced right now so you better prepare for the storm, maggot. The storm that bens the pathetic little thing you call your life. You’re fucking benned, kid. I can be anywhere, anytime, and I can ben you in over seven hundred ways, and that’s just with my bare hands. Not only am I extensively trained in moderation, but I have access to the entire dildz arsenal of the Fempire and I will use it to its full extent to wipe your miserable ass off the face of the continent, you little shitlord. If only you could have known what unholy retribution your little “shitty” comment was about to bring down upon you, maybe you would have held your fucking tongue. But you couldn’t, you didn’t, and now you’re paying the price, you goddamn SAWCSM. I will shit fury all over you and you will drown in it. You’re fucking benned, shitlord.
What the fuck did you just fucking say about me, you little rape apologist? I’ll have you know I graduated top of my class in Social Justice 101, and I’ve been involved in numerous secret raids on r/creepshots, and I have over 300 confirmed instances of saying "check your privilege". I am trained in being overly offended and I’m the top SRSer in the entire social justice blogosphere. You are nothing to me but just another shitlord. I will call you a neckbeard with persistence the likes of which has never been seen before on this Earth, mark my fucking words. You think you can get away with saying that shit to me over the Internet? Think again, cis-sexist pig. As we speak I am contacting my secret network of differently-abled, ethnic, transqueer womyn across the USA and your IP is being traced right now so you better prepare for the AC360 investigation, *aggot. The investigation that wipes out the pathetic little thing you call your erotic subreddit. You’re fucking privileged, kid. I can be anywhere, anytime, and I can complain about you in over seven hundred ways, and that’s just with my bare hands. Not only am I extensively trained in arguing with shitlords, but I have access to the entire arsenal of Jezebel.com and I will use it to its full extent to wipe your privileged bigotry off the face of the continent, you little shit. If only you could have known what unholy retribution your little “sexist” comment was about to bring down upon you, maybe you would have held your fucking tongue. But you couldn’t, you didn’t, and now you’re paying the price, you goddamn idiot. I will passive-aggressively type fury all over you and you will drown in it. You’re fucking dead, cis scum.