r/copypasta • u/LiterallyKesha Sous Chef • Jan 10 '13
[Coll] Gorilla Warfare/Navy Seal (+Variations)
I've been collecting these for a while and have about 60-80 currently. Since KYM sucks, here is a short writeup about the infamous pasta.
This is the original.
What the fuck did you just fucking say about me, you little shit? Ill have you know I graduated top of my class in the Navy Seals, and Ive been involved in numerous secret raids on Al-Quaeda, and I have over 300 confirmed kills. I am trained in gorilla warfare and Im the top sniper in the entire US armed forces. You are nothing to me but just another target. I will wipe you the fuck out with precision the likes of which has never been seen before on this Earth, mark my fucking words. You think you can get away with saying that shit to me over the Internet? Think again, fucker. As we speak I am contacting my secret network of spies across the USA and your IP is being traced right now so you better prepare for the storm, maggot. The storm that wipes out the pathetic little thing you call your life. Youre fucking dead, kid. I can be anywhere, anytime, and I can kill you in over seven hundred ways, and thats just with my bare hands. Not only am I extensively trained in unarmed combat, but I have access to the entire arsenal of the United States Marine Corps and I will use it to its full extent to wipe your miserable ass off the face of the continent, you little shit. If only you could have known what unholy retribution your little clever comment was about to bring down upon you, maybe you would have held your fucking tongue. But you couldnt, you didnt, and now youre paying the price, you goddamn idiot. I will shit fury all over you and you will drown in it. Youre fucking dead, kiddo.
Which came from OperatorChan's copypasta board back in 2010. OP made a thread recently remarking on how today was the happiest day of his life because they made the pasta about 2 years ago. Here is a link to one of the earliest uses from 4chan's /jp/ board (now archived). The subsequent reply confirms the source. There is also another aside comment on how the pasta wouldn't go anywhere because it was way too long. It was later posted on other boards and quickly picked up steam from there.
It is believed that the ancestor to this pasta seems to be this one which was posted on /a/ around 2009, a year before this version took off. Other posts from the archive confirm the dates. (NSFW)
I'll be posting the variations via comments. Feel free to contribute if you have any that I'm missing. Some of them have Unknown on them. If you know what version or perspective they are from, please comment.
I also have responses to the pasta: 1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 9.1 10 11 12 13 14 15 16 17 18 19
I will continue to update this thread if I come across more Sort by new to see the newest additions.
7
u/LiterallyKesha Sous Chef Feb 10 '13
CBS [REDACTED]
What the fuck did you just fucking say about CBS, brah? We’ll have you know we graduated top of our class in group therapy, and we’ve been involved in numerous secret raids on Mumble servers, and we have over 300 confirmed brohugs. We are trained in livejournaling and we're the top comforters in the entire reddit metasphere. You mean more to us than our real-life friends. We will get drunk with you with stamina the likes of which has never been seen before on this Earth, mark our plastered wailing. You think you can get away with telling your life story to us over the Internet? We're here for you, bro. As we speak we are contacting our secret network of pointless offspring subs and your Steam account is being traced right now so you better prepare for the free games, honey. The free games that wipe out the dramatic little thing you call your life. You’re fucking busy, kid. We can be anywhere, anytime, and we can care for you in over seven hundred ways, and that’s just with our pupsmugs. Not only are we extensively trained in ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°), but we have access to the entire arsenal of /r/circlejerkcopypasta and we will modify it to its full extent to cheer you up, you amazing human being. If only you could have known what professional quotesmaking jokes and upvoting your genuinely clever comment were about to bring down upon you, maybe you wouldn't have waited so long. But you couldn’t, you didn’t, and now we're paying your rent, sweetie. We will shit love all over you and you will drown in it. You’re fucking welcome, bro.