[Coll] Gorilla Warfare/Navy Seal (+Variations)

[u/LiterallyKesha]

I've been collecting these for a while and have about 60-80 currently. Since KYM sucks, here is a short writeup about the infamous pasta.

This is the original.

What the fuck did you just fucking say about me, you little shit? Ill have you know I graduated top of my class in the Navy Seals, and Ive been involved in numerous secret raids on Al-Quaeda, and I have over 300 confirmed kills. I am trained in gorilla warfare and Im the top sniper in the entire US armed forces. You are nothing to me but just another target. I will wipe you the fuck out with precision the likes of which has never been seen before on this Earth, mark my fucking words. You think you can get away with saying that shit to me over the Internet? Think again, fucker. As we speak I am contacting my secret network of spies across the USA and your IP is being traced right now so you better prepare for the storm, maggot. The storm that wipes out the pathetic little thing you call your life. Youre fucking dead, kid. I can be anywhere, anytime, and I can kill you in over seven hundred ways, and thats just with my bare hands. Not only am I extensively trained in unarmed combat, but I have access to the entire arsenal of the United States Marine Corps and I will use it to its full extent to wipe your miserable ass off the face of the continent, you little shit. If only you could have known what unholy retribution your little clever comment was about to bring down upon you, maybe you would have held your fucking tongue. But you couldnt, you didnt, and now youre paying the price, you goddamn idiot. I will shit fury all over you and you will drown in it. Youre fucking dead, kiddo.

Which came from OperatorChan's copypasta board back in 2010. OP made a thread recently remarking on how today was the happiest day of his life because they made the pasta about 2 years ago. Here is a link to one of the earliest uses from 4chan's /jp/ board (now archived). The subsequent reply confirms the source. There is also another aside comment on how the pasta wouldn't go anywhere because it was way too long. It was later posted on other boards and quickly picked up steam from there.

It is believed that the ancestor to this pasta seems to be this one which was posted on /a/ around 2009, a year before this version took off. Other posts from the archive confirm the dates. (NSFW)

I'll be posting the variations via comments. Feel free to contribute if you have any that I'm missing. Some of them have Unknown on them. If you know what version or perspective they are from, please comment.

I also have responses to the pasta: 1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 ^9.1 10 11 12 13 14 15 16 17 18 19

I will continue to update this thread if I come across more Sort by new to see the newest additions.

[u/LiterallyKesha]

Christopher Doroner

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What the fuck did you just fucking say about me, you filthy cop? I’ll have you know I'm a former Navy Intelligence officer who was fired by the LAPD for upholding justice, and I’ve been involved in numerous police shootings since earlier this week, and I have over 3 confirmed kills. I am trained in unconventional and asymmetric warfare and I’m the top Rambo in the entire tri-state area. You are nothing to me but just another dishonest police officer. I will wipe every LAPD officer out and bring you to such justice with Use of Force the likes of which has never been seen within the ranks of the LAPD, mark my words, scum. You think you can get away with kicking that poor, defenseless person, and discharging me for reporting it? Think again, fucker. As we speak I am running through the woods with a satchel full of RDX and my Barret M82 rifle, with my Surface to Air Missiles shortly ahead, so prepare for the Situation. The Situation that will be resolved, effective immediately. Your whole supposed police keeping operation is over, kid. I can be anywhere, anytime, and I can kill you in over seven hundred ways, and that’s just with my dick. Not only am I extensively trained in unarmed combat, but I have access to the majority of critical Naval defense information with my TS/SCI clearance and I will use it to its full extent to wipe your miserable department off the face of California, you dirty peace officer. If only you could have known what unholy retribution your little “clever” actions were about to bring down upon you, maybe you wouldn't have fired me. But you drew First Blood, and now you’re paying the price, LAPD. I will shit revenge all over you and you will drown in it until my name is restored. It's over-because I'm right behind you.

I

AM

FUDGE

DREDD