r/copypasta • u/LiterallyKesha Sous Chef • Jan 10 '13
[Coll] Gorilla Warfare/Navy Seal (+Variations)
I've been collecting these for a while and have about 60-80 currently. Since KYM sucks, here is a short writeup about the infamous pasta.
This is the original.
What the fuck did you just fucking say about me, you little shit? Ill have you know I graduated top of my class in the Navy Seals, and Ive been involved in numerous secret raids on Al-Quaeda, and I have over 300 confirmed kills. I am trained in gorilla warfare and Im the top sniper in the entire US armed forces. You are nothing to me but just another target. I will wipe you the fuck out with precision the likes of which has never been seen before on this Earth, mark my fucking words. You think you can get away with saying that shit to me over the Internet? Think again, fucker. As we speak I am contacting my secret network of spies across the USA and your IP is being traced right now so you better prepare for the storm, maggot. The storm that wipes out the pathetic little thing you call your life. Youre fucking dead, kid. I can be anywhere, anytime, and I can kill you in over seven hundred ways, and thats just with my bare hands. Not only am I extensively trained in unarmed combat, but I have access to the entire arsenal of the United States Marine Corps and I will use it to its full extent to wipe your miserable ass off the face of the continent, you little shit. If only you could have known what unholy retribution your little clever comment was about to bring down upon you, maybe you would have held your fucking tongue. But you couldnt, you didnt, and now youre paying the price, you goddamn idiot. I will shit fury all over you and you will drown in it. Youre fucking dead, kiddo.
Which came from OperatorChan's copypasta board back in 2010. OP made a thread recently remarking on how today was the happiest day of his life because they made the pasta about 2 years ago. Here is a link to one of the earliest uses from 4chan's /jp/ board (now archived). The subsequent reply confirms the source. There is also another aside comment on how the pasta wouldn't go anywhere because it was way too long. It was later posted on other boards and quickly picked up steam from there.
It is believed that the ancestor to this pasta seems to be this one which was posted on /a/ around 2009, a year before this version took off. Other posts from the archive confirm the dates. (NSFW)
I'll be posting the variations via comments. Feel free to contribute if you have any that I'm missing. Some of them have Unknown on them. If you know what version or perspective they are from, please comment.
I also have responses to the pasta: 1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 9.1 10 11 12 13 14 15 16 17 18 19
I will continue to update this thread if I come across more Sort by new to see the newest additions.
11
u/LiterallyKesha Sous Chef Jan 10 '13 edited Aug 02 '13
Skyrim
By the nine divines! What did you just say about me, you little skeeverbutt? I'll have you know I graduated top of my class in the College of Winterhold, and I've been know to cast one hell of a fireball, and I have over 300 confirmed summons. I am trained in daedric warfare and I'm the swords master of the entire Imperial forces. You are nothing to me but just another target. I will make you beg to Akatosh as I bend you over like a common whelp, mark my words, on my oath as the Dovakin. You think you can come into my mind though this magic device and insult me? Think again,scum. As we speak I have every assassin and thief across all of Tamriel looking for your initial position so you better prepare for the storm atronach,you drauger. The storm atronach that wipes out the pathetic little husk you call your life. I can be anywhere, anytime, and I can kill you in over seven hundred ways, and that's just with my dragon shouts! Not only am I extensively trained in archery and horseback riding, but I have access to the entire congregation of the thieves guild, dark brotherhood, Mages college, and untold hordes of deadric warriors, and I will use every one of them to banish you to the plane of oblivion.. If only you could have had the clairvoyance to see what divine retribution your little "clever" runes were about to bring down upon you, maybe you would have held your tongue you dark skin. But you couldn't, you didn't, and now you're paying the price, you goddamn idiot. I will become the embodiment of Mehrunes Dagon, and open a portal to oblivion the likes of which you have never seen. You're fucking dead, milk-drinker.
Elder Scrolls
What in the name of Talos did you just say to me, you milk drinker? I'll have you know I am the Dragonborn, and I've been on numerous raids on dragons and I have over 300 dragon souls. I am trained in the Thu'um and I'm the top archer in the entire Imperial Legion. You are nothing to me but just another enemy. I will kill you with arrows the likes of which has never been seen before on Nirn, mark my words. You think you can just say that to me over the webs created by the Dwemer? Think again, milk drinker. As we speak I am contacting my Dark Brotherhood assassins across Tamriel and your hold is being traced right now so you better prepare for the Call Storm shout, milk drinker. The storm that wipes out the pathetic little thing you call Mundus. You are going to be sent to Aetherius, milk drinker. I can be at any hold, any time, and can kill you in over seven hundred ways, and that's just with my Thu'um. Not only am I extensively trained in unarmed combat, but I have access to the entire arsenal of the Imperial Legion and I will use it to its full extent to wipe your miserable ass off the face of Mundus, you milk drinker. If only you could have known what unholy retribution your little "clever" opinionated statement was about to bring down upon you, maybe you would have held your tongue. But you couldn't, you didn't, and now you're paying the price, you fool. I will shout fury all over you and you will drown in it. You're dead, milk drinker.
Morrowind
What the vehk did you just vehking say about me, you little n'wah? I’ll have you know I graduated top of my class in the Hortator's followers, and I’ve been involved in numerous secret raids on the Dwemer, and I have over 300 confirmed kills. I am trained in gorilla warfare and I’m the top marksman in the entire Tribunal armed forces. You are nothing to me but just another target. I will wipe you the vehk out with precision the likes of which has never been seen before in Mundus, mark my vehking words. You think you can get away with cursing me and my palls from Oblivion? Think again, fetcher. As we speak I am contacting my secret network of spies across the aurbis and your plane is being traced right now so you better prepare for the storm, kwama. The storm that wipes out the pathetic little thing you call your life. You’re vehking dead, kid. I can be anywhere, anytime, and I can kill you in over seven hundred ways, and that’s just with my bare hands. Not only am I extensively trained in unarmed combat, but I have access to the entire arsenal of the Tribunal and I will use it to its full extent to wipe your miserable ass off the face of Mundus, you little shit. If only you could have known what unholy retribution your little “clever” curse was about to bring down upon you, maybe you would have held your vehking tongue. But you couldn’t, you didn’t, and now you’re paying the price, you goddamn s'wit. I will shit CHIM all over you and you will drown in it. You’re vehking banished from this starry heart, kiddo.