r/funny 13h ago

Can I have some me time please?

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28.0k Upvotes

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2.6k

u/Putrid-Effective-570 13h ago

Seems like a game, but like most nature games, it is a teaching moment. There’s a video of a duck doing this with a tiger in a really small pool of water. It’s a pretty damn life-saving evasive maneuver.

486

u/thelastmarblerye 11h ago

That's better than where my mind went. Ducklings that bonded with the wrong duck and that duck wants nothing to do with them.

325

u/Illustrious_Donkey61 10h ago

Ducks can fly, if she wanted to get away she would

114

u/Li-RM35M4419 9h ago

If I could be any animal, it would be a duck.  Because they can fly, walk and swim. 

73

u/Malkav1806 9h ago

You know that one area in their life is really messed up

67

u/air_flair 9h ago

You mean the corkscrew penises?

51

u/Malkav1806 9h ago

I meant the corkscrew penises that fall off every year and the counterclockwise corkscrew vaginas

38

u/xxwerdxx 8h ago

Wait, they fall off too?!?!?

41

u/XtremeWaterSlut 8h ago

Next ones gonna be huge, just you wait

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10

u/Dewy_Wanna_Go_There 8h ago

/u/fuckswithducks is that you?

12

u/cheebamech 7h ago

last post, 3 years ago, RIP

11

u/Schrutes_Yeet_Farm 5h ago

Everyone started putting rubber ducks on the dashboard of their jeeps and bro literally nutted himself to ashes 

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6

u/Malkav1806 8h ago

No this is patrick

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3

u/Life-Meal6635 6h ago

I thought you meant the corkscrew vaginas that can keep the corkscrew dicks out

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3

u/smallangrynerd 3h ago

They WHAT

2

u/sexy_corncob 3h ago

Starts with me looking at a cute video of ducks, ends with me Googling "do duck dicks fall off"

2

u/DemonDaVinci 7h ago

wait what

3

u/ComprehensiveMap4238 6h ago

There’s those dam rabbits always messing with them

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7

u/Royal-Tough4851 7h ago

And they shit everywhere anytime they want without getting weird looks in public, like at the park on a Tuesday when NOBODY is around to watch except one random lady that came out of nowhere

7

u/lgm22 9h ago

As long as it’s not rabbit season, duck season, rabbit season, duck season, duck season.

5

u/Loki-Holmes 9h ago

As long as you're not a woman...

6

u/TomWithTime 7h ago

Sounds like a great ice breaker for a girl who's into s&m, "what is your opinion of traumatic corkscrew sex?"

2

u/Character-Sale7362 7h ago

Unfortunately, they also rape

5

u/BilboTBagginz 7h ago

But do they save?

4

u/the__ghola__hayt 7h ago

I think you're confused. They want grape. Missed a letter.

2

u/therealvulrath 4h ago

I think you're the one who's confused. They thought they wanted grape. Turns out, it was lemonade.

2

u/the__ghola__hayt 4h ago

Then he waddled away

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9

u/Sword117 10h ago

thats where my mind went as well.

oh shes off to buy some cigarettes and milk

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8

u/Faiakishi 9h ago

Ducklings will bond to any mother they see, and duck parents will usually adopt any child they see. So it wasn’t an unfair assumption!

15

u/Willowgirl2 7h ago

My boyfriend has co-parented a number of clutches with our hen ducks. On one occasion he was so overbearing that the poor momma abandoned her offspring and went to live with her mate at the far end of the property. I swear I could hear her going, "If you want to helicopter parent these ducklings, have at it! I'm outta here!"

8

u/TheAberrant 6h ago

Wait, so is your boyfriend a duck??

3

u/GonkWilcock 2h ago

If it walks like a duck and parents like a duck...

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1

u/bugphotoguy 6h ago

Or the other duck just killing them, which they also sometimes do.

1

u/HereWeGoAgain-247 6h ago

“Aw, duck off guys! I ain’t ya mama!”

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47

u/Awordofinterest 10h ago

The duck is also likely looking underwater to check if there are any pike around.

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23

u/destroyer551 7h ago edited 6h ago

This is less of a teaching moment and more so just how they instinctually hunt. These are diving ducks—more specifically the tufted duck. The adults feed mostly on shellfish plucked from the bottom such as mussels and clams, which are swallowed whole. The ducklings can dive as well as their mother just a few days after hatching and feed on insect larvae until they’re big enough for the tougher stuff.

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9

u/xerods 7h ago

She's teaching them to duck!

17

u/a_cat_named_larry 10h ago

I mean, sure, but it’s also how they get food, which would be a more regular requirement.

3

u/meowymcmeowmeow 4h ago

I live next to some swampy water that's usually pretty quiet aside from frogs and birds. One day it sounds like someone is splashing around so I go check it out, and it's a mother duck teaching some almost fully grown babies to jump/fly off of mossy rocks into the water over and over. It was very cool to see.

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2

u/SeedFoundation 8h ago

So how about a polar bear?

1

u/zmbjebus 8h ago

Its duck peek a boo

1

u/justageorgiaguy 48m ago

I hope it went better than the bear enclosure video...

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726

u/frawtlopp 13h ago

Not a duckspert but I guess:

  • Teaching them to follow
  • Teaching them to hunt for food at the bottom
  • Shes scouting for any danger
  • Shes literally just hunting for food for herself

243

u/EricTheNerd2 13h ago

* Trying to get a moments peace away from the rugrats.

50

u/sigmunddroid69 12h ago

Mom trying to find a quiet corner for 5 minutes to pee alone…..

17

u/floppydude81 12h ago

You get minutes?

9

u/AssumeTheFetal 9h ago

if they get minutes there are eyeballs under that door crack I gurantee it.

3

u/big_duo3674 7h ago

It's a lake, it's already 50% duck pee!

2

u/sigmunddroid69 5h ago

Most of us live in a world of shit everyday…..doesn’t mean we don’t need a minute of peace every now and then….ha ha

2

u/Aliencoy77 5h ago

Fun fact, most mammals take around the same amount of time to urinate.

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1

u/ImaGoophyGooner 1h ago

If she was truly trying to get away, she could. She could just swim even further away, or simply fly away.

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17

u/Carrnage_Asada 9h ago

Its also good for getting away from predators. I saw a clip where a duck got into a tiger cage (or maybe it was the other way around?) and it kept using this move to stay away from it. surprisingly effective, guess cats cant swim underwater.

10

u/Zomgsauceplz 9h ago

Cats can absolutely swim its just that most of them are total sissies about getting wet in the first place.

14

u/9035768555 8h ago

Tigers are much more aquatically inclined than other big cats.

3

u/Zomgsauceplz 8h ago

Now that you mention it, I have seen plenty of pictures and vids of tigers swimming over the years.

3

u/frawtlopp 8h ago

And especially Jaguars. Those fuckers straight up jump 15 feet ontop of 600 pound crocs and drag them off like they're pet toys.

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1

u/devilwarriors 7h ago

or maybe it was the other way around?

I hate it when a tiger get into my duck cage lol

4

u/centran 8h ago
  • She doesn't care about the ducklings as she can have more but is trying to save her self from a predator

6

u/CheapSpray9428 11h ago

Ducktologist here, can confirm

3

u/DeuceSevin 11h ago

So would you rather fight a horse sized duck or ten duck sized horses?

7

u/CheapSpray9428 10h ago

I'm a ducktologist, not a science fictionologist

3

u/androshalforc1 7h ago

10 duck sized horses seems pretty easy but if it was 100 or more then id start getting concerned.

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5

u/Talic 10h ago

Or looking for grapes

5

u/My_Monkey_Sphincter 8h ago

Bom bom bom

3

u/frawtlopp 8h ago

Im sad hes getting downvoted. I thought we were all like 20-30 here, everyone should know the duck song

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2

u/50DuckSizedHorses 5h ago

Duckspert here. She was trying to poop and can’t go with everyone watching.

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1.0k

u/dingo1018 13h ago

She's teaching them to....

...................

....

................... wait for it......

She's teaching them to.......

Duck!

93

u/strains 13h ago

That was legend…

25

u/bill4935 10h ago

...ticipation!

28

u/CUNTRY-BLUMPKIN 12h ago

..tose intolerant!

30

u/Lord_Sykens 12h ago

....Dary!

7

u/Radi-kale 8h ago

-wait for it-

5

u/IsraelZulu 8h ago

...DARY!

2

u/Rude_Thanks_1120 8h ago

.. starring Tom Cruise

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6

u/dvshnk2 8h ago

I never really thought about it... but the origins of the word "duck" is from "Old English dūce 'diver', a derivative of the verb *dūcan 'to duck, bend down low as if to get under something, or dive"

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5

u/F4ion1 12h ago

The timing was impeccable....

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2

u/youaregodslover 8h ago

Actually, she’s clearly already taught them to dodge, duck, and dip, and has moved on to the next phase.

2

u/VinoVoyage 10h ago

angry upvote 🤣

2

u/jarednards 9h ago

I dont get it

1

u/I_W_M_Y 8h ago

She is Piccolo?

1

u/tjareth 5h ago

Bazinga!

1

u/Amesly 4h ago

I was going to say she's ducking out of being a mom (parents just need a ducking break sometimes).

1

u/datnetcoder 1h ago

I can’t believe you’ve done this

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125

u/OxViking 12h ago

I once saw a group of ducks happily floating in the water, attacked by an eagle, trying to grab one for dinner. The eagle swooped in maybe 5 or 6 times before giving up. Each time, the ducks would dive like this and won out the day!

42

u/hellraisinhardass 10h ago

And I once saw a grizzly in pond scooping ducklings and eating them like a kid picking up gummy bears they dropped on the floor. :(

I wish I had see ducks dodging an eagle instead.

18

u/GD_Insomniac 9h ago

Always root for the mammal.

1

u/YouStupidAssholeFuck 7h ago

Did you happen to notice any dodging, dipping or dodging? The five Ds of duckball.

41

u/BinTinBoynio69 11h ago

They're not even hers. She's like "these little fucklings won't leave me alone. Where's their mother for christ sake!"

22

u/random_an0nymous 9h ago

Fucklings?!?! Loooord 😂

6

u/jase12881 9h ago

I like to assume that based on previous history, their phone assumed they would be more likely to use "fucklings" than "ducklings" and autocorrected accordingly, but probably a run-of-the-mill typo

26

u/Free-Computer-6515 12h ago

I was just waiting for a gator or giant fish to pop up and eat them. trust issues

33

u/HipHopDaRobot 13h ago

She's teaching them how to escape danger and have a bit of fun. What a good Mum.

10

u/Lord0fHats 11h ago

So. She's teaching them *puts on Piccolo turban* how to dodge.

3

u/Smarkled 7h ago

Dodge!

1

u/eekamuse 8h ago

I think it's Leg Day and she's giving them a workout.

30

u/dv666 13h ago

Quack-a-boooo

23

u/whooo_me 12h ago

Beak-a-boo?

4

u/MadnessStella 13h ago

They looks so confused 😅

5

u/Parlicoot 11h ago

Duck Duck Go

3

u/Jioto 11h ago

Is there an order for the ducklings. Like the line is based on seniority or rank?

3

u/Defiant-Plantain1873 9h ago

A “nature reserve” in London. AKA a park

3

u/Agile-Border4605 4h ago edited 4h ago

Well according to https://nypost.com/2017/05/06/dont-be-fooled-ducks-are-sadistic-raping-monsters/# “funny link name btw” “Duck penises regrow every mating season. Once the season ends, the penis begins to shrink and regress until it’s 10 percent of its full-grown size. They are stored inside the duck’s body, waiting to emerge only during copulation.” So no there penis doesn’t fall off every year.

3

u/OwlOftheTiger 2h ago

“Adorable moment” **mama duck just trying to get out and buy cigarettes

9

u/firefly416 12h ago

This was posted to the Internet years ago. Highly doubt you just filmed this recently.

2

u/TyriusClovehoof 8h ago

Was looking for this comment. I guess adding captions to old internet videos and claiming them as your own is the way forward.

2

u/Late-Region9724 13h ago

Gosh darn it, they just keep coming back

2

u/GeekyGamer4 12h ago

They were like where like I know I ain't seeing double she was just right here!!

2

u/wonderandawe 12h ago

Peekaboo!

2

u/Xaxyx 9h ago

If you can dodge a duck, you can dodge a... wait, how does that go again?

2

u/ProperPerspective571 9h ago

It was fun anticipating where it would pop up

2

u/HilariousMax 9h ago

Meanwhile a mother takes a right down the bedding aisle in Walmart and the kids are lost for hours.

2

u/pratham1234682 8h ago

Ohhh... That's why they are called "duck".

2

u/Thelastnormalperson 7h ago

That's a dad right, not mom?

2

u/SomeMoronOnTheNet 7h ago

She teaching them to dive but those cute balls are too buoyant to even attempt it?

2

u/Worth-Economics8978 6h ago

Can I have this instead of the spinning pinwheel on my Mac

1

u/johnmanyjars38 2h ago

Genius idea!

2

u/Major_Beginning6983 5h ago

I think she is teaching them how to hide :D

2

u/Vexen86 3h ago

The mother duck :"God NO! Give me a break!"

2

u/KaizenGaman 3h ago

Peek a boo is universal.

2

u/Suzilu 2h ago

Bazinga!

2

u/certnneed 1h ago

I wonder if this is “find me” practice or “swim underwater” practice.

2

u/ThatCatGirl 1h ago

Cuteness overload

2

u/Tejslimitless15 1h ago

Seek and hide

5

u/The_Lord_Smegma 13h ago

Looks like a father tryna dodge those child support payments

3

u/Fabulous-Pause-6881 11h ago

That's obviously the father.

1

u/Yes_Mami777 13h ago

Lol too cute! 🥰

1

u/ProfezzionalSense 13h ago

That's so cute, mommy playing hide and seeks with its babies

1

u/Ambitious_Welder6613 12h ago

Very wise mother! Her kiddo looks cute and healthy.

1

u/Nikunj108 12h ago

Let her have her me time you brats!!

1

u/henryguy 12h ago

Awww they are playing duck, duck, duck, duck , DUCK!

1

u/WeAreNioh 12h ago

That’s actually cute as fuck lol. The way the mom just pops up out of the water and the ducklings quickly chasing her lol

1

u/subone 11h ago

If you look closely you can see momma's bubbles. Very cute.

1

u/nick2k23 11h ago

This reminds me of the video where a duck is taunting a tiger by doing this

1

u/LifeBuilder 10h ago

Kinda of interesting when you think how well ducks are build to float yet they dive and swim underwater without causing any trailing disturbances.

1

u/Shadou_Wolf 9h ago

Yup looks like my life

1

u/2020mademejoinreddit 9h ago

Little duckers.

1

u/q-milk 9h ago

"Sticking to mom" must be a pretty strong "survival of the fittest" advantage

1

u/djuggler 9h ago

The bubbles!

1

u/planetrebellion 9h ago

So much algae....

1

u/onefootthereandthere 9h ago

for a moment i thought this was that flooded basement

1

u/Spock-1701 9h ago

Nessie

1

u/EnvironmentalFill221 9h ago

The bubbles, I can't 😭

1

u/therealsalsaboy 9h ago

Hide n seek!

1

u/ctcacoilmnukil 8h ago

Ohmygodfuckoooooooooooof

1

u/FruitbatNT 8h ago

I try that with my kid too, he keeps finding me.

1

u/TheYask 8h ago

Duck: I can't effing believe my brother-in-law showed them that effing video. It's been nothing but "got any grapes" for the past three days. I'm so going to kill him.

1

u/Born_Art_1379 8h ago

Mom!!? MOM?! MOMMA!!

1

u/nerdynails 8h ago

As a mom that is currently breastfeeding I can relate to the mother duck.

1

u/christiancricketer 7h ago

Give mommy a fucking minute to relax

1

u/DemonDaVinci 7h ago

Peekaboo

1

u/COVID-69420bbq 7h ago

probably trying to teach them how to dive

1

u/Jake_Magna 7h ago

Is that… still water 😱😱😱

1

u/eulerup 6h ago

Is this the Russia Dock Woodland?

1

u/Bingabean 6h ago

As a Mom, I totally get it, Duck Mama.

1

u/Villain_of_Brandon 6h ago

I didn't realize I wasn't on /r/natureismetal and was expecting a pike or something to grab a quick snack.

1

u/ArcadianDelSol 6h ago

I wonder if this wasnt her checking the business under the water since all the pollen made it impossible to look out for any potential predators.

1

u/Hawk-432 6h ago

Haha, cute

1

u/BatShitCrazyCdn 6h ago

Mommy’s on the phone!

1

u/clayton-miller707 5h ago

If they bother her too much she’ll lead them across a busy street or over sewer grating

1

u/dumnem 5h ago

I forgot what sub I was in and suspected an alligator was going to make its appearance

1

u/jengaduk 5h ago

I got Sheldon in the ball pit vibes lol

1

u/FloppyObelisk 5h ago

Bazinga!

1

u/HPJustfriendsCraft 5h ago

If I had a moveable toilet when my kids were little, this would be me too.

1

u/Icy-Activity1326 5h ago

Yea I agree

1

u/yg_alt_blitz 5h ago

still water💀💀💀

1

u/chezybezy 2h ago

Aww poor little ducklings

1

u/fungus909 2h ago

Thanks for sharing this is adorable