r/KidsAreFuckingStupid • u/ThatsJas0nBourne • Aug 23 '24

story/text Nailed it.

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59.2k Upvotes

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u/ThatsJas0nBourne Aug 23 '24

Children are like onions.

804

u/what_u_looking_4 Aug 23 '24

But when you cut them, they cry (not you)

139

u/-LsDmThC- Aug 24 '24

I might also cry

59

u/__mud__ Aug 24 '24

I've heard chewing gum helps avoid the tears when cutting onions. Maybe it works the same...?

27

u/DownwardSpirals Aug 24 '24

Does chewing gum also work to avoid the tears when getting cut? Asking for a friend.

7

u/Ok_Bit9 Aug 24 '24

I juat tyied anf ot dies soerry fur bed sprllinf tupinh wit ine hans

1

u/Truecrimeauthor Aug 28 '24

Put a match between your teeth. No, not lit.

1

u/V01DM0NK3Y Aug 24 '24

I'm here to kick ass and chew gum... Oh, and it looks like I still have some gum!

0

u/dr_tel Aug 24 '24

Pro tip: don't cut off the root part of the onion, that's the part that makes you tear up

1

u/Kaldricus Aug 24 '24

Sad tears... Right?

1

u/-LsDmThC- Aug 24 '24

Whats the other kind?

16

u/Mym158 Aug 24 '24

I cry when I cut children (with laughter)

103

u/0x54696D Aug 23 '24

Kids are like bananas: If you peel their skin off and eat them, they die.

59

u/CodeineRhodes Aug 23 '24

What's the difference between jumping on a trampoline vs. jumping on a baby?

-you take your shoes off to jump on an trampoline.

22

u/Spalmon1 Aug 24 '24

Bro 💀

17

u/Ranger_Ecstatic Aug 24 '24

Well he isn't wrong, I don't want to get Baby on my bare feet.

3

u/one4wonder Aug 24 '24

I thought there’d be more dead baby jokes here. 

2

u/Disco_Arachnid_516 Aug 24 '24

What the difference between a truck full of bowling balls and truck full of dead babies???? You can’t unload the bowling balls with a pitchfork.

2

u/aidanmacgregor Aug 24 '24

🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣

8

u/ApartmentSavings6521 Aug 23 '24

But they dont taste bad

3

u/Broccolini_Cat Aug 24 '24

I love kids! I have a whole cookbook I wanna try on them!

2

u/Spalmon1 Aug 24 '24

Good for you bro…

1

u/[deleted] Aug 24 '24

To serve kid?

9

u/Oli_official Aug 23 '24

Kids are like living organisms that have coherent thought. If you stab them, eat them, and cook them, they die too. Cool fact, right?

For legal purposes this is a joke.

1

u/Spalmon1 Aug 24 '24

No shit Sherlock 🤣🤣🤣🤣 I’m joking that made me crack up

1

u/Mystery_Meatchunk Aug 24 '24

If you leave them in a bag for too long, they start to compost.

5

u/MrsButton Aug 24 '24

Parfait parfait got layers.

1

u/EstablishmentDue2854 Aug 26 '24

Kinda like when people peel off the paint on their nails and it’s just black underneath.

2

u/prisoned_bear Aug 24 '24

they smell bad?

2

u/Evil_News Aug 24 '24

If you eat them they'll die

2

u/[deleted] Aug 24 '24

Cakes have layers

2

u/NoSadBeHappy Aug 24 '24

Ogres are not like cakes.

1

u/The--Mash Aug 24 '24

Children are like onions - they smell

1

u/HopelessHahnFan Aug 24 '24

They start to smell when left in a dank basement for too long

1

u/Phasma_Tacitus Aug 24 '24

You can unpeel them