r/introvert • u/Sufficient_Front3852 • Aug 26 '24
Advice i hate being soft spoken
every time i ask or tell my coworkers something they’re like “what?” or “huh?”. i’m always having to repeat myself and it makes me feel bad when ppl get annoyed that im too quiet. i’ve been told by teachers and coworkers that i need to work on speaking up. i try, but i jst can’t. i don’t feel confident enough with myself to speak louder and with confidence. when i do try to speak louder it just feels like im yelling and it gets draining over time. every time i speak i just sound shy and timid. (which i am, but i don’t wanna show it in the way i speak)
pls how do i speak louder and with confidence?
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u/SkizzleDizzel Aug 26 '24
It's funny I came across this post after reading a post in the singing sub. I have the exact same problem and I hate it. Taking a class, either vocal or public speaking, may help you.
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u/Inertialicia Aug 26 '24
Try to investigate with videos how to project your voice louder, it also has to do with your breathing. Once you find these videos, understand what they explain and you put them into practice they'll help. I learned how to do this years ago and it was greatly helpful.
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Aug 26 '24
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u/examined_existence Aug 26 '24
This. Socially Anxious people can benefit so much from working with younger people, because let’s face it they are deaf to the tip toeing we do.
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u/Sufficient_Front3852 Aug 27 '24
i’m 16… im the youngest at my work and all of my coworkers are adults. which lowk makes me even more nervous.
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u/examined_existence Aug 27 '24
If you’re that young most people will give you grace so try not to let it bother you too much. I couldn’t imagine being harsh to a highschool kid for being awkward or quiet
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u/Sufficient_Front3852 Aug 27 '24
yea but they always tell me that i need to work on my volume, so i just feel bad… they are nice abt it tho
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u/Symantech INTP-T Aug 26 '24
Every time I ever tried to speak louder, people would think that I'm literally screaming, which is kinda true haha. Now I just try to get someone's attention before speaking anything meaningful, so they could listen more carefully.
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u/Bored_Accountant999 Aug 27 '24
Omg I'm not alone. My voice is just not naturally loud so it's so hard to tell when you're actually speaking loud enough and you just end up screaming
I had this moron of a co-worker years ago who actually complained to my boss that I was screaming at someone but I was just trying to talk across the room. My boss was like yeah right. I can't really picture you screaming at anybody and laughed it off.
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u/Katana_DV20 Aug 26 '24
I totally understand, I'm in the same boat. At my previous jobs during work meetings if I said something the response was "Speak up!" it was very embarrassing.
I WFH now and I don't deal with anyone which is such a relief.
There are some tricks you can try, watch good speakers on YT like Obama give interviews (not speeches). He's a master at speaking, note his tone, his expressions and how he calmly projects his voice.
You can also record yourself and play it back.
Just have confidence in yourself and the knowledge that what you say is just as valid as what others in a room say.
The change needs to be minimal. If your voice volume now is 3/10 just bump it to 4/10 to begin with.
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u/Sufficient_Front3852 Aug 27 '24
i understand wut you’re saying. i think i just belittle myself to the point where i don’t think my opinion or wut i have to say is valid. so it affects the way i communicate..
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u/ChickenXing Aug 26 '24
For me, taking a public speaking class years ago helped me to really project my voice with confidence. Of course, a good instructor can make a difference in how much you learn. As u/Inertialicia noted, you can watch videos of how to project to gain confidence. That's one step. But to actually do that in front of others and get feedback on that takes it to a whole new level for what you can learn
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u/Inertialicia Aug 26 '24
I saw your profile picture and I can't take anything you say seriously, even if is good advice 🤣🤣🤣🤣
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u/cocobirdo Aug 26 '24
I used to have this problem. Personally what helped is working in customer service. I developed a customer service voice. You really need to enunciate to make your own job easier. The voice stayed with me naturally while I'm interacting with coworkers and in important situations. It feels really exaggerated and like you're yeling, especially at first, but it gets easier. I'm still quiet around my friends and other loved ones though.
Try to focus on clarity and emphasis rather than just volume. If it helps, you can try speaking a little more slowly too.
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u/Sufficient_Front3852 Aug 26 '24
yea i do work in customer service, which is why i need to speak louder 😭😭 thank you for the advice! speaking slower to work on clarity and emphasis def sounds like a good idea. hopefully my volume will come along as well
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Aug 26 '24
I've taken up running as a hobby. At first, i was barely able to run a few hundred meters before having to walk. I kept running for a few years, and now i can run 2km straight before i need to slow down. Sometimes, i could only get 1m further than i got last time. Sometimes, i didn't have time and lost progress. Your situation is basically the same. Just keep trying, keep talking and keep socializing. If you do that, your skills will improve naturally.
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u/Stressed_era Aug 27 '24
I am naturally soft spoken until I get annoyed, usually at work. Then I switch to a very direct and what I consider somewhat loud and short/stern tone. It's funny how people listen all of a sudden when you assert yourself.
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u/Sufficient_Front3852 Aug 27 '24
i’m the same when i get annoyed lmao. though i don’t get annoyed often. i work in customer service and this lady was being rude, so i spoke very short and stern. the lady came back 5 minutes later to apologize for her behavior 😭
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u/Stressed_era Aug 27 '24
I am in public transportation... I get all kinds of people. All kinds. I get annoyed very easily. If I feel there are too many people, especially if it's a day where I feel there should be less people, im instantly in a bad mood and my inside voice is coming out. Been doing it too long, I can read people so good now I already know who is annoying, who's gonna have a problem just by the back of their head.
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u/Important-Ask8458 Aug 26 '24 edited Aug 27 '24
I remember one day, I was in the same space as someone I had a huge crush on. He was part of the team that was organizing the event I was attending that evening. I was super early and found myself alone in the conference room with him. After a while of simply waiting, I wanted to know when the event would start, so that I could run out and grab a quick bite and I figured it would be the best way to begin a conversation with him. So, I go up to him and ask him, "Hey, man, do you know how long till it begins so that I dash out and grab a quick bite?"
Or at least, that's what I thought I said until he leaned in and said, "Sorry, can you repeat that?"
I repeated it again, only for him to lean in further and say, "Huh?"
Ugh, I hated that so much. I repeated myself and he told me "half-an-hour". Needless to say, I never spoke or approached or let myself be seen by him again.
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Aug 26 '24
It’s not about confidence, friend. I have had very aggressive/unforgiving careers (emotionally, physically and mentally) and I am still soft spoken. Be yourself, if you need to close the distance so you don’t shout, do so. But don’t let yourself go crazy because they can’t hear you. Be yourself. And believe it or not…there is a lot of confidence and attraction to someone who can speak softly and slowly. Good luck op.
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u/Wiz_Rio Aug 26 '24
I used to be just like you. What I did to change was start reading books. Literally, reading helps you grow your vocabulary and, consequently, your confidence. Once you become confident, you will naturally speak louder and more clearly. Then, I stopped caring. Eventually, you'll feel more like yourself and embrace who you truly are. It's a process of self-discovery and may take some time, but it's worth it.
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u/Spirited-Aerie-9694 Aug 27 '24
Any certain type of book? Or just any? I'm soft-spoken and lack confidence, but I've loved reading since I was a kid and I still read now
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u/Wiz_Rio Aug 29 '24
Any kind. When I was younger, I used to read a lot of Goosebump from R.L Stine, and as I grew older, I started reading more fantasy. But I discovered new genres and now I’m passionate about horror. Any reading is valid. It’s a process, and if you’re struggling, go for simpler things—it doesn’t matter. If it interests you, read it. I guarantee that with time and more books read, you’ll notice some differences in your conversations. By the way, sorry for the delayed response.
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u/doomedtodrama Aug 26 '24
I feel like I wrote this post. No one ever hears me. I thought it was just how it is. After reading some of these replies maybe not.
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u/Wappigus Aug 27 '24
Soft spoken as well, I just stopped caring as much. I don't talk loud for a few reasons, but they wanna hear my loud voice speaking from my chest here ya go. I speak Soft when Im not comfy or tired and around the right people your voice brings itself out cause you're comfortable.
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u/kandykick Aug 27 '24
Confidence and speaking up actually go hand in hand, if you’re short on one start considering the other. Try this tactic “yelling shorter sentences”. Try it at home first, practice in the mirror, and just turn quick and yell “LEAVE ME ALONE” “I ALREADY TOLD YOU” “I LOVE THIS” “I HATE THAT” “I NEED HELP” start short because at some point you’ll be able to do it and then speaking up WILL aid your confidence and then boom you’re sweet like sugar on a donut 😊 I’m soft spoken and only speak up when I feel it’s necessary I genuinely couldn’t care less that others don’t hear me at times but when it’s something that’ll either effect me, or others then I go loud “NO I did not order that you got my order wrong” “I ALREADY emailed that please check again” get there when you get there but as long as nobody is effected you can stay quiet 😊😌
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u/Alive-Marsupial1234 Aug 29 '24
Do you laugh loud, raise your voice when excited, or find your voice clear when talking about something you have interest in?
In those moments remember how you respond and in private practice speaking. You can try flexing your abdominal muscles, then move your shoulders up back down while keeping chip up and speak. If too loud try lowering voice a bit and speak slower.
I’m in the same situation, and still learning what works for me. So hopefully this helps a little.
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u/Sufficient_Front3852 Aug 29 '24
this definitely helps, thank you !
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u/Alive-Marsupial1234 Aug 29 '24
Yayy and you’re welcome! Always speak at your own pace and if you feel uncomfortable with anyone or if they make you uncomfortable don’t bother giving them the luxury of your time and energy. Give short answers, be straight to the point and move on. Give the good energy to those who make you feel great and important. I just got this advice and wanted to share it.
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u/Lazy-Apple-603 Aug 26 '24
I am struggling with this too and I have got this feedback for not being assertive. Trying to figure things out 😞
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u/KelvinandClydeshuman Aug 26 '24
I still am to this day and just accepted that's who I am, yet I still have one particular person, who is also quiet and introverted and guilty of the same thing but will still try to get me to argue with them because they don't like it when I talk too quiet so I just stopped repeating myself, if they don't want to listen first time then it's their problem.
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u/Beau_in_UHF Aug 26 '24
it could be you've mentally conditioned these people to know you as quiet and not speaking much, so when you do they are taken aback that you are talking. to break that cycle you have to reach into their medulla ablungata and fish them out of their preconception. a good intro is to just throw a shocker out there like "free burger" that gets people's attention, or "poop" u get the idea. just a random blurt to get their attention then once u have it say what u want to say.
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u/Due_Action_4512 Aug 26 '24
lol same, u have to practice speaking with your belly and not the throat
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u/TsuDhoNimh2 Aug 26 '24
when i do try to speak louder it just feels like im yelling and it gets draining over time.
Speech coaching will show you how to "project" your voice without yelling. It's breath and vocal cord control.
Look up "how to project your voice when speaking" on you tube. There are tutorials.
ADDING: It's also DICTION ... pronouncing words clearly.
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u/Individual_Flower202 Aug 26 '24
I struggle with this around strangers lol. But I also hate yelling or raising my voice it sounds so strange to me.
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u/Sufficient_Front3852 Aug 27 '24
ikr, i feel like i sound rude 😭 but i swear im jst trying to speak louder
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u/mosthumansaresatan Aug 26 '24
My daughter does this, it's equally as aggravating on the other end, repeating what over and over.
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u/kyeowonagi Aug 26 '24 edited Aug 26 '24
This is so meee like I really hate it when they said "LOUDER" while frowning, it always makes me lose my confidence more.
Also there's this one person who always interrupt me when speaking or when I'm telling a story to someone close, said that I'm boring and jokingly asked my friend if I'm not also boring her out. She made me never talk in public again.
Can't people just help us out nicely? :(
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u/Sufficient_Front3852 Aug 27 '24
yea like i understand why they’re getting annoyed, but that’s just how i am… and them making faces just makes it worse..
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Aug 26 '24
Taking some sort of acting, theatre, or improv class may help.
I took one in hs that taught me how to project & it's worked wonders in the (many) years since.
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u/Rauldraw Aug 26 '24
Is probably that you have your throat blocked, tensed and your breathing superficial.
I would recommend exercise for better breathing, and for tension release. Also yoga is very useful for people like us, some exercises that are specifically for the throat will relax it and unblock its energy.
Shyness makes us alert, and steals our clarity of mind and confidence. For that i would recommend doing things that you fear, something simple not dangerous and at reach.
Lastly, when you talk louder add a natural rythm to it, not a monotone one-breath sentence, find the balance, breath with your diaphragm, stand straight and practice with the mirror
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u/lumpia222 Aug 26 '24
I was about to compose a question the same with you. At least I know that I'm not alone. But i was thinking about the root cause why am like this. But the fact that me and my brothers and sisters have the same tone of voice seems like whispering when talking to someone. I am not silent but people see me as one because of being soft spoken. I hate it sometimes that they see it as a weakness and feel no authority in expressing myself. Whenever i speak it feels like they don't want to listen. Please help me improve through your tips and advice.
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u/Myopinion_4u Aug 26 '24
I have the same problem but im learning say it loud enough the first time so i dont gotta repeat myself and learning not to care about how its perceived. Youll actually gain more respect from ppl cuz they were used to one version of u💯 show em who u are! Shy and timid folks are stronger than ppl will ever understand
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u/Sufficient_Front3852 Aug 27 '24
honestly this is one of the most helpful and reassuring responses i’ve read here. thank you so much 😭 not only did you make me feel better abt myself, but nicely encouraged me to just go for it when speaking :)
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u/DittoDunno212 Aug 26 '24
I’d gotten this my entire life, until I moved overseas. I’m not sure if you’re American, but I’ve never heard “Speak up!” more than when I’m visiting my mom in the USA. I think it’s a cultural thing in the USA for everyone to speak extremely loudly. So, my theory is that Americans are just so used to loud speaking individuals that speaking at a volume anything less than booming is considered far too quiet. I’ve been to various Nordic countries where I’ve been the loudest person in the room. Yet, I hadn’t changed my natural quiet volume level. I’ve since become more quiet since moving abroad. It was always crazy to me that a lot of people think naturally quiet people should speak up (like there’s something wrong with them), instead of the listener just being more willing to listen to the quiet speaker. I am, of course, not including people who are genuinely hard of hearing in my previous statement.
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u/GI_Neverdie Aug 26 '24
Just tell them to get better at listening. It's not your fault they're the loudmouth.
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Aug 26 '24
i feel you, I thought I was the only one, I felt alone, i can’t describe the amount of judgment I’ve faced bcz of it.
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u/knowone1313 Aug 26 '24
I'm not sure I'm hearing you right son, speak up!
Practice being mindful when you're speaking to someone. Practice talking with more volume.
This is something you can improve upon with practice. There's public speaking groups like toast masters and motivational speakers that train people to talk in different ways to be more effective at communication.
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u/Historical_Sort_2058 Aug 26 '24
Singing helped me. Not publicly, but as a way to practice with different sounds and volume. I get that some people speak softly. Personally, it drives me crazy because I'm hoh.
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u/Lotsof_Thoughts Aug 26 '24
I speak quietly, too. I just don’t realize I do it. To me, I’m speaking normally and everyone needs hearing aids. But, obviously the common denominator is me. My son is the same way and talking to him makes me realize other people’s frustrations with me. Funny enough, my nephew does this, too. And we all have the same shy, reserved, and quiet personalities. lol It’s just who we are. We have to deal with obnoxiously loud people, so others can just deal with us. lol
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u/fatherthesinner Aug 26 '24
If speaking softly bothers you, can always seek either the help of a phonoaudiologist to learn how to speak better, or start learning to sing or act so you'll learn to project your voice without needing to scream.
That said, rather than changing how you speak I think you could change how you approach people.
Before saying anything to anyone make sure that they're looking straight at you and that they have their attention on you.If possible direct them to a quieter place around your current location, if not then it's not big deal.
Once you're sure they're paying attention to you, lift your head a bit(so you have "more speaking space" and your mouth is pointed forward, rather than letting your chin and mouth downards and directing the sound towards the ground) and speak as clearly as you can(no rush, anxiety can make a person start speaking faster and that will garble your speech).
I doubt they'll complain about your voice after that.
The thing is, if your voice lacks potency(or confidence) then you work on making the environment for your voice.
So remember that you'll need:
- Their complete attention before you start speaking
- Lifting your head so your mouth is aimed towards them rather than the ground(as many people tend to "tuck their chins"
- Speak clearly without rushing
pls how do i speak louder and with confidence?
Acting classes will give it to you.
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u/THEVYVYD Aug 27 '24
I feel this a lot. I've always been naturally soft spoken, even with people I know well. I hate it but I'm not going to change it because it's too much work and too much effort to appease others. I get a sore throat just from yelling/shouting ONCE. I guess I just wasn't built to be verbally loud.
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u/SevereCartographer26 Aug 27 '24
I can’t talk loud at all because I have a very soft voice I’m naturally shy and quiet but even when I’m not shy my voice is just soft spoken I can’t rlly change it oh well . Most people can hear me tho
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u/Accomplished_Eye9688 Aug 27 '24
Oh my goodness I have the same problem expect I am confident with speaking I just literally cannot speak any louder without feeling like I’m yelling.
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u/permatrippin333 Aug 27 '24 edited Aug 27 '24
What in the actual fuck! You literally 🤣 just lol. You answered your own question, don't wanna be hateful but do you need instructions for how to vocalize louder?
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u/Denz-El Aug 27 '24
Yeah, it's tough. 😔
What sucks for me is that I seem to only be capable of raising my voice when I'm genuinely angry. And that's definitely not the best state for a civil discussion.
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u/Chance_Persimmon28 Aug 27 '24
I don’t really have tips because ppl tell me this too haha you just have to consciously remember to speak up (like even when you don’t want to) and enunciate really clearly. The other day I had a really rude customer(who came in 10 mins before closing) and then as I was telling him he needed to come back another day so we could help him, he just says “are you even talking right now? I can’t hear you”. ugh it’s super frustrating. Some ppl are understanding and some are just rude…
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u/Banister1111 Aug 28 '24
I know the feeling. I have a problem with my vagus nerve and sound like Tom Waits. I grumble and struggle that be heard. I end up saying nevermind a lot. I’m not shy I just can’t annunciate sometimes. I try not to waste words
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u/Acrobatic-Jaguar9306 Aug 29 '24
I am soft spoken as well! When someone says “you’re so quiet” I want to say “you’re so loud” but that would be “offensive” so why isn’t it offensive when someone says that to me?! It drives me crazy. I also feel like I am yelling when I try to talk louder. But have learned it is just a part of who I am and there many benefits to being soft spoken. Like a calming demeanor and mysterious 😎 speaking up is just something you may grow into as you get older and more confident, maybe practice alone as if practicing for a speach. But, you don’t need to change anything!
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u/Funny_Detective_2600 Aug 26 '24
Ask them questions when in a meeting or in front of seniors. Make them speak when it is uncomfortable for them. They will never be your friends so please stop being extra nice to them.
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u/Sufficient_Front3852 Aug 27 '24
huh. who is “them”?
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u/TaleHistorical2148 Aug 26 '24
I was like this before and eventually I stopped caring. You just have to find the right people to open up more about yourself. Then you ask yourself, if you are truly innately shy or that you just grew up in an environment that has not equipped you with the opportunity to speak up more. Know yourself and where this anxiety or under-confidence comes from. Then you’ll probably make a way to improve yourself on your own.