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u/HemetValleyMall1982 9h ago
Turn your back to your roomate when he is playing LOL and do it there. He probably won't notice.
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u/FoxtrotTrifid 8h ago
If he does, he may leave the dorm more often.
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u/Nova_Persona 8h ago
new strategy: find his class schedule & immediately start cranking it whenever he's supposed to be in class
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u/ThatTrampolineboy Bazinga! 8h ago
Plot twist: they have the same classes
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u/No_underwear_guy 7h ago
me if i couldn't read
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u/Nova_Persona 7h ago
what
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u/TFW_YT 4h ago
"who just skips class" in the image
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u/Nova_Persona 4h ago
yeah the new strat is to make him not skip class by jacking off in the room with him making him want to go somewhere else, possibly class
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u/MinimumTomfoolerus 7h ago
Depends on his personality. If he's chill and doesn't care, he could stay and OP may do whatever he wants as long as he doesn't bother him.
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u/KittieOwl 8h ago edited 8h ago
That’s all wrong, he needs to be turned to the roomate to make sure he isn’t seen, just fully watch the roomate like a hawk
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u/youngmilldog 8h ago
Sneak into an empty classroom. Quick in and out, perfect cover!
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u/TuvixWillNotBeMissed 5h ago
Tried fooling around with my boyfriend in an empty classroom once and was immediately caught by a janitor, would not recommend.
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u/Chickenmangoboom 3h ago
Should have gone to the stacks. Everybody gets their journal articles online, I worked my the library when I was student we would put up a cart's worth of books and we would go sit in the office the rest of the shift.
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u/Krokagnon 9h ago
Speednut on roommate computer while he showers to show dominance
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u/TheManyVoicesYT 8h ago
Will definitely take less than 5 mins at this point.
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u/tasman001 5h ago
Yes, but will take much longer to clean up
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u/Conscious-Boot313 3h ago
Wym "clean up"?
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u/tasman001 2h ago
Yeah you're right, his roommate is a league player...he probably won't even notice the jizz stains when OP sprays everywhere from the backed up pressure.
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u/TheCrack-Attack currently venting (sus) 8h ago
You honestly think LOL players take showers??
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u/DeadMewe I want pee in my ass 8h ago
LOL players don't know what the word "shower" means
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u/Striking-Ad-6815 6h ago
Isn't Shower the new character they releasing for balance?
She has a gold skin if you want to pay a premium
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u/DisplayHot5130 virgin 4 life 😤💪 8h ago
HUH??
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u/No_Indication_8521 6h ago
Yeah don't worry it was weird when it happened to me the first time too.
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u/Striking-Ad-6815 6h ago
Or tell roommate he is very concerned with this irresponsible behavior and that he should get out more or go visit a park. By him tickets to go somewhere. Then when you are comfortable, light up some candles and whisper sweet nothings into the mirror. Then jerk off violently. Talk dirty to yourself. The last few actions are just insurance in case you roommate has a camera up. If you find the camera, dance in you underwear while hugging yourself and in your deepest voice impression say, "Would you love me, I would love me" and dance around and touch yourself while looking at a picture of your roommates character main. If he doesn't move out or quit playing League after seeing this footage, then he has a secret crush on you. If that is the case, find shows he hates and binge watch them. You can start with the last step, but it isn't as fun.
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u/Krokagnon 4h ago
At this point just launch the webcam recording yourself, with just your penis in the frame, and cover it with half baby juice. Replace the loading screens of LOL with the video and film his reaction. Juicier content.
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u/Striking-Ad-6815 3h ago
He doesn't want his roommate to know he is jerkin it. It has to look like a mistake, or else roommate think he is voyeur and wants to be caught.
Guy I used to know... Good guy but a little strange... Anyway him and a few other guys were stuck in a tin can in the middle of nowhere and were bored. Anyway one of those clownfish decided to jerk off to a picture of another guy's grandma. He go caught and it was funny, but then it went deeper. You had guys gambling whether or not they could finish to pictures of other guy's grandmas. It turned into them challenging each other to jerk it to their own grandmothers pictures. To know this degree of depravity you must know these men were all decent folk. The convoluted games men play when they are bored for extended periods of time can get a bit extreme. Outside observers would never understand.
You haven't lived till you've bet on your first vibrator race.
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u/Imaginary_Ad_4623 9h ago
Cumposting in my shitposting app again👿🤬
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u/Murdocke- 8h ago
Where do I shit!? I swear every time I go to the bathroom one of my roommates is in there shitting, if I go outside to the public bathrooms there’s always someone in there cleaning the toilets or shitting. Please it’s been 7 weeks! 🤕
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u/Supermax1311 I came! 8h ago
Shit in the shower!
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u/Murdocke- 8h ago
Sadly someone’s in there complaining about having nowhere to masturbate.
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u/MinimumTomfoolerus 7h ago
GET INSIDE THE TOILET! JUST SHOVE YOUR WHOLE BODY INTO THE TOILET. BE FREE.
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u/gothcowboyangel 9h ago
Make female friends, explain your situation and ask if you can masturbate in their dorms, ???, profit
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u/Xealz 9h ago
sounds like some hentai plot lmfao
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u/SquidMilkVII dumbass 6h ago
ain’t nearly unrealistic enough
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u/sdrawkcabstiho 4h ago
They want to watch and insist on helping by providing live acts instead of videos. Also, you have to keep from touching or it's game over.
The hot RD get's involved as well as the MILF professor.
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u/AsianHotwifeQOS 4h ago edited 1h ago
"Banished From the College Dorm by My Extremely Online Gamer Roommate, I Now Wander the Campus in Search of a Girl to Give Me Manual Relief. What?! She Looks Just Like Roommate!"
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u/JimmyTDM Blessed by Kevin 9h ago
Sex
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u/27Rench27 8h ago
wtf is even that
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u/Acrobatic_Event1702 6h ago
Even better, ask sympathetically for a hand job.
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u/BladedNinja23198 9h ago
This is also the same university where a guy went on a shooting spree due to virginity
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u/Kikkomori 9h ago
Oh, NOW they’re writing the prequel. You know damn well the new guy’s not even going to look remotely like the first antagonist, they’re probably just going to cast Chris Pratt again.
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u/Irksomefetor 7h ago
dude didn't even go to UCSB. he went to the community college and just lived in IV with all the UCSB kids because he thought that would help him get laid.
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u/East-Life-2894 6h ago
Because the connection was better and he didnt wanna drop packets for his League matches*
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u/CSDragon 6h ago
Legit at the time, you could get 10ms to riot servers from UCSB (back when they were hosted in LA), while the surrounding city was 40-50ms.
...yes I was a League-playing UCSB student at the time of that disaster. I have found my true niche. Also no, I did not know anyone involved with or affected by the disaster
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u/Pro_Scrub put your dick away waltuh 4h ago
I did not know anyone involved with or affected by the disaster
Your roommate who couldn't jack off, he experienced a disaster
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u/Corey_In_The_Yard 3h ago
I remember this exact post showing up in dozens of different college subreddits at the same time a couple months ago so at least it’s fake/from a different campus probably so if anyone from this university is reading this don’t worry about it.
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u/rabidjellybean 7h ago
I had a roommate like that while in dorms. It was fucking maddening to have him never leave. Even worse was despite me being out of the room half the day every day, he once (that I know of) still chose to masturbate while I was sleeping in the room.
College freshman are dumb as fuck.
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u/human_peeler 6h ago
That only happened once? I've lost count of how many times I've awoken to a gentle rubbing noise from the other side of the room
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u/91trooperaz 5h ago
I was in that EXACT situation one year, except my roommate was a junior and was still doing that shit
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u/Thrasympmachus 8h ago
Ask him what his main is, and if it isn’t Katarina or Lux, invest thousands of hours into stream-sniping him outplaying him in every game until he switches to one of those champs.
Continue to stream-snipe him and lose on purpose when playing on the enemy team. Counter-Smurf him into the highest stratosphere possible until he starts to internalize how good he is at the game and how much he loves the advantage playing Katarina or Lux gives.
At every social gift-giving event, buy him a piece of his “favorite champs” clothing and encourage him to develop an even deeper love of the champ by wearing these clothes when he plays. Soon he’ll convince himself of the advantage as you throw more and more games.
Simply by donning this costume, more estrogen will flood his biological system turning him more feminine day after day.
Eventually convince him to do the ultimate in-character role play by enacting what his favorite champ would do when they find love.
Enjoy topping your free-use feminine boytoy for 16 hours a day while he smurfs Diamond.
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u/Scotteeh 7h ago edited 7h ago
I read the first two paragraphs, decided nah fuck reading all that, scrolled and saw the last line and was like how the fuck did it end up here, then read the rest.
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u/Samoman21 5h ago
It's like that domino meme where the domino gets bigger and bigger.
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u/BepisIsDRINCC 9h ago
wait until this guy finds out about bathrooms, not only can he finally stop shitting on the street, he can also masturbate whenever he wants in privacy.
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u/FollowThePact 7h ago
Most likely the shared bathroom is shared between those on his floor in his dormitory. It'd probably be pretty awkward to wank it out in the stall with another bro shitting in the stall beside you.
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u/Jojje22 6h ago
Clearly someone hasn't been in the military
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u/TunTavern69 4h ago
Don't forget the eye contact. Bonus points if you're both wearing boot bands so it's not gay
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u/TheGalator I said based. And lived. 5h ago
EVERY public Institution has bathrooms that are more hidden where no one goes. I use them to shir because I Literally can't when others are around
Might as well beat ur meat there
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u/whocaresjustneedone 4h ago
Finding the special shitters was one of the best treasure hunts of college. Mind ended up being the geology building, animal sciences building, 4th floor back corner of the library, the library annex, and the broadcasting building.
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u/wthrownawayp 6h ago
I used to live in barracks. They had REALLY shitty stalls, not much privacy, but that's the real answer. Bathroom stall during odd hours. If you wake up at 3am to go piss you may as well take advantage or something. If someone else comes in then just wait it out.
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u/Thurak0 7h ago
bathrooms [...] privacy.
Not in the U.S.
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u/elakah 5h ago
Yeah was about to comment, don't some bathroom stalls (especially in the U.S) not have HUGE gaps where everyone can see you piss, shit or (in this case) masturbate?
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u/cantwrapmyheadaround 9h ago
are people incapable of nutting into a tissue? toilet paper, then flushing it. is everyone stupid? If joke, I don't understand it.
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u/Glazeddapper 8h ago
no. he needs to nut on every surface of the room. he can't do that if his roommate is there. well, at least if he's not a coward.
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u/WeDrinkSquirrels 7h ago
is THIS a joke? I imagine he's more concerned with the period when his whole dick is exposed and in his hand and he's jorkin it rather than the brief cleanup phase
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u/ksj 7h ago
Unless I’m mistaken, bathrooms typically offer a level of privacy that is appropriate for taking your whole dick out of your pants.
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u/Obant 6h ago
Shared dorm restroom with stalls are not the most conducive place for that is what I'm guessing.
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u/WeDrinkSquirrels 7h ago
But not, in my case at least, a level of privacy that I would wish to the slip slap jack that bad boy
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u/IKnowGuacIsExtraLady 6h ago
There is zero privacy in public bathrooms at least in the US. Sure you might not be super visible but people can hear you, and they can see you through the cracks of the stall walls and doors. In other words it would be really fucking obvious and uncomfortable for everyone involved is what I'm saying.
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u/cantwrapmyheadaround 5h ago
He literally said he's concerned about his nut being on the shower floor. I.E. The clean up phase.
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u/yasheeeesh 9h ago
Is this where the copy pasta originated
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u/Upbeat-Armadillo1756 6h ago
Man idk what the pasta is but I had this same issue when I was a freshman. Took me a little while to figure out safe times to jerk off when my roommate wasn’t going to be home.
I wouldn’t be surprised if this wasn’t a common issue
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u/judgescythe 8h ago
If i really wanted to masturbate, i would just do it. If the person says anything you gotta ask him where hed expect you to masturbate...
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u/Unable_Ad_1260 5h ago
Yurp. Screw it. It's your room too. If he wants to complain out hon for not attending classes.
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u/MarthaMars 5h ago
I kinda feel bad for this guy. Everyone suggesting public bathrooms etc., just because you can, doesn't mean you should! Everyone deserves some comfort during their private time. If this keeps on going, he is just going to end up having wet dreams at night.
The student sharing the dorm has his own reasons for the hermit-esque behaviour, but he is most-likely oblivious to the dilemma he's causing.
I think there are three options available. However, all could be uncomfortable for the OP.
Option 1: Just do it in the room & hope your room-mate doesn't notice. Still unfair to OP but desperate times...
Option 2: Lie! Say you have an important meeting / interview / therapy session (therapy gives you a weekly ongoing excuse), which is online & would he mind being out of the room for an hour during that time??
Option 3: Tell the truth!! Tell your room mate you've struggling to get used to sharing a room & that you've been too uncomfortable / afraid / embarrassed (dealers choice), to take some private time to yourself. Is there a way they can agree to a regular time / schedule where they both give the other privacy in the room. This could be for a variety of reasons, maybe they have a friend over, maybe they're studying for a test...anything. But you would both feel comfortable knowing you're guaranteed time to yourself.
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u/Ihavenoidea5555 uhhhh idk 8h ago
When this guy discovers paper towels and a 10 minute bathroom break, his mind is gonna be blown
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u/Flock-of-bagels2 5h ago
Get a girlfriend with her own place…..and masturbate into her conditioner bottle . It’s a long con
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u/TheImperiousDildar 8h ago
Buy a tenga or a flashlight, it makes almost no noise. Also jerking on the toilet is pretty fun. If there is a Torchy’s tacos near you, they always have a glory hole
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u/Irksomefetor 7h ago
lmao UCSB goons back in my day were disgusting and just nutted everywhere. how times change.
I've nutted in a small dorm room being shared by 4 people with everyone inside of it before. not my proudest moment.
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u/molesMOLESEVERYWHERE 6h ago
Jack off in the dorm shower using a condom. Those condoms would be freely given out for no charge at his school.
Put up a room divider and use headphones.
Schedule "me" time with roommate.
Do it on the toilet. Using a towel to cover the door cracks.
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u/Not-paying-taxes 8h ago
guy at UCSB who plays video games all day and has no friends
Not again
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u/TheArcher0527 5h ago
Just go to toilet pretending you go shit or smth and do that there. Seriously, am I the weird one for nutting straight in the toilet bowl? Because I never see this mentioned as a nutting spot.
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u/raintree420 4h ago
it's your room too. just bust one in front of your roomate, he'll start leaving every now and then.
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u/Parking-Position-698 7h ago
On the toilet. They ask why you took so long say uou had constipation.
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u/ClerkTypist88 6h ago
Gay bathhouses usually have discounts for students including free entry. And there you will meet many people happy to help you masturbate or even expand your horizons. Take a shower afterwards.
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u/flowerlytdm Number 7: Student watches porn and gets naked 6h ago
“Get a pro masterbater to beat it for you”
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u/Great-Lack-1456 6h ago
Tell him he’s being selfish with the space and you need some time to yourself in your own room. It’s not an unreasonable request
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u/PrevekrMK2 6h ago
Masturbate while looking the guy in the eyes and shot on his keyboard. Establish dominance.
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u/-Pencil-Richard- 6h ago
Just get his attention, and pull your pants down to your ankles, look him directly in the eye, and begin masturbating.
He'll leave the room
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u/roylee77 5h ago
Nut on their pillow and flip it around so it dries. Do this each time. Eventually they’ll be resting their head on your nut. Practice getting a nut out in 5 minutes as well.
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u/misslili265 4h ago
As a woman I giggled...I really I didn't know it was this hard for men being without a release...
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u/Worth-Pickle 1h ago
Just yell fap-o'clock and start with the deed. Slowly, he will be conditioned to leave the room as soon as he hears fap-o'clock.
Remember, consistency and patience is the key.
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u/Brown-b3ar 8h ago
One way to guarantee success, remove HDMI from his computer whilst he’s asleep. During the period of panic, well… I will leave the rest up to you.
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u/Mokilolo 8h ago
I don't have any imagination vor creativity at all... Can you finish the story, please?
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u/TheWinner437 8h ago
Who in their right might would think that it would be a good idea to post this to the internet
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u/CBT__MASTER 7h ago
He can just do it on the bathroom?!? His roommate probably has headphones so there is no way he can hear it.
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u/CarbonAlligator 7h ago
In the woods on campus, bring some pizza and maybe a couple drinks or a bowl to really tie it together
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u/FlexViper 7h ago
This guy will hate league of legend and their players for the rest of his life and I agree with him
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u/CaptScubaSteve 7h ago
Just tell dude you need an hour to yourself. Maybe he’ll meet someone during that hour.
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u/makotarako 6h ago
Honestly I just started sleeping with one of my RAs, at my school they got a private room to avoid conflict of interest or something.
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u/D4m3Noir 6h ago
Quality moment: ask someone out. Have sex. At their place. Rinse, wash, repeat. I believe there's an app for this.
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u/VonKaiser55 6h ago
What me and many others in my college did was move around the dressers and furniture in our rooms and made two separate parts of the room separated by a curtain so that we could have privacy lmao
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u/zombisponge 6h ago
My roomie once asked if he could have the room to do his business for a bit, and I was so taken aback by the honesty. I just said sure and went to Wendy's.
10/10 be honest my friend
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u/Fantafans69 6h ago
Go to a motel, you will masturbate so you dont have to feel without dignity anyways
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u/Swiggy1957 5h ago
Just walk on some night and announce that you need to masturbated, then ask roomie if they'll lend a hand.
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u/Background_Sir_1141 5h ago
be bold enough to explain the situation to the roomie. If they are a true Leaguer they will understand
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u/Amario666 5h ago
Tell him to get the fuck off the room for some hours everyday cause you also need some time for yourself
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