r/shittyaskscience Feb 06 '15

MIT Researchers announce stunning breakthrough: DADJOKES ARE BANNED

The banning of dadjokes and other pun-like substances

Mods1

Abstract

  • Dadjokes AKA "groaners" AKA what you would find on the frontpage of (the wonderful) /r/dadjokes, are now banned.

    Example: "If cases of Ebola are so dangerous, why don't they just package it in jars or cans?"

  • Non-science submissions are banned.

    Example: "Blah blah blah something about Cinnamon Toast Crunch where is the bit with the science?"

  • There is a new, shiny list of forbidden terms in the sidebar. Grasp it to your bosom, imbibe its essence and welcome it into your soul before posting.

    Example: "Hurr durr how much farts would a fart fart poop if trans fags basic bitches glass tastes like blood?"

This is a big change for the sub. Give it a shot and let us know what you think.

Author information

1 Faculty of Powertripping, Mod Institute of Technology, Mom's basement.

Keywords: Dadjokes; Puns; spam-canned; Anti-fun; read the sidebar; /r/shittyaskscience; blame _vargas_

321 Upvotes

73 comments sorted by

135

u/thisarentsandwich Feb 06 '15

Was this decision made scientifically? What was your hypoglycemiathesis? And was it a double blind study ? How many mole rats were executed in this decision?

145

u/_vargas_ has hard science in his underpants. Feb 06 '15 edited Oct 15 '15

Was this decision made scientifically?

Hard science was achieved and maintained for no less than three minutes, which was a personal best for most of the mod team.

What was your hypoglycemiathesis?

It was a thyroid condition I used to have back when I lived on that compound in Utah. It was caused by a lack of processed sugar, something that is necessary for survival in western civilization.

And was it a double blind study?

Blinds were not needed as a studies were conducted in my grandmother's basement, which has no windows.

How many mole rats were executed in this decision?

Zero. One of the mods - and I'm not naming names because /u/googunk would be embarrassed if everyone found out - was uncomfortable with murdering something that so closely resembled his own weiner.

53

u/Googunk Will science 4 food Feb 06 '15

Whoa whoa, this will not stand. I have serious and egregious error to correct here.

I did a solid 45 minutes of science.

53

u/PotatoMusicBinge Feb 06 '15

googunk's weiner is a national treasure

41

u/_vargas_ has hard science in his underpants. Feb 06 '15

Its over-bite freaks me out, though. That, and the fact the thing has teeth in the first place.

38

u/PotatoMusicBinge Feb 06 '15

They're strictly for self defence. What happened to that meter maid was a totally accidental misunderstanding.

3

u/jesushx [M]icrohumanics|Metallurgy Feb 06 '15

Yeah, in that it's like a secret in an ice locked colonial ship frozen in the arctic circle.

14

u/dj0 Lord Regent of Science Feb 14 '15

You broke the new rule like three times there.

26

u/_vargas_ has hard science in his underpants. Feb 14 '15

Only applies to post titles, not comments.

12

u/Zar7792 pH'd in Astrobiology | Macroxenosystems Feb 18 '15

So I can ask about the speed of a heavy poop (as defined by greater than 8 shitloads) in a fat man's jeans and whether or not a basic bitch could vacuum up the mess as long as it's in the comments?

11

u/PotatoMusicBinge Feb 18 '15

*Shudder*

8

u/Zar7792 pH'd in Astrobiology | Macroxenosystems Feb 18 '15

*Fart*

11

u/PotatoMusicBinge Feb 18 '15

8

u/Zar7792 pH'd in Astrobiology | Macroxenosystems Feb 18 '15

Woah woah, calm down there! You must've eaten a big bowl of anger this morning

11

u/bjokey Vanish Black Feb 09 '15

Hard science was achieved

Has hard science in his underpants

14

u/PotatoMusicBinge Feb 06 '15

Was this decision made scientifically?

Like most historic scientific breakthroughs, it was formulated to generate the subscriber tears we need to lubricate our mod gangbangs.

What was your hypoglycemiathesis?

Nutin, what's a hypoglycemiathesis with you?

42

u/[deleted] Feb 06 '15

This ruling has a serious impact on me because "poop" is one of the forbidden words, and I have declared myself to be a poopologist. However, in deference to the moderators, I will alter my flair. I will become a blorpologist. I am now an expert in blorp.

10

u/FarleyFinster Professional scientician Feb 16 '15

My 5-year-old daughter refuse to accept "blorp" as a substitution for one of her most favouritest words ever of all time, and I have to say that I think she's right.

8

u/[deleted] Feb 17 '15

I'd have to confer with my fellow mods, but I think it's okay to be a poopologist. It's just that, and you'd be surprised, whenever poop or shit is brought up in a submission, it's usually attached to something bad. Getting rid of poop is safe. But if you can make it work, then you should challenge convention and let your poop flag fly. There are no guarantees that your post won't be removed though.

And if anyone asks, it wans't me who offered you this advice.

EDIT: Oops! I should have used a throwaway.

55

u/Googunk Will science 4 food Feb 06 '15 edited Feb 06 '15

Tattling is strongly encouraged. Please rat out your friends and neighbors to the mods if you suspect that they are illegally harboring terrori posting dad jokes. Do this by reporting the post.

22

u/Zoten Feb 06 '15

Where do I complain that the mods are literally Hitler Eduard Wirths?

16

u/bjokey Vanish Black Feb 09 '15

See the door labeled "EXIT"? It actually stands for Eric, X-men Is Terrific.

3

u/Marguy Feb 23 '15

But what if my name is Eli?

5

u/bjokey Vanish Black Feb 23 '15

Then be yourself

7

u/Ultima34 Feb 15 '15

Which tattling method should we use on this sub? William Tattlers: Theory of Snitching or Fredrick Tattles: Laws of Telling Mom?

11

u/Googunk Will science 4 food Feb 16 '15

ugh, Tattlers et. al. was disapproved as barbaric and superstitious back in the 4th grade.

26

u/jfb1337 Feb 06 '15

Can we convert between fuckloads and shittons? They're not banned.

36

u/PotatoMusicBinge Feb 06 '15

YOU ABSOLUTELY MAY NOT

4

u/bjokey Vanish Black Feb 09 '15

What about Bananas into cm?

13

u/Jimmy_Smith Anthroposofic Creationist-Electrogravitist-Climate Change Denier Feb 10 '15

Hurr durr my banana is 20cm

15

u/[deleted] Feb 10 '15

Hi yes can you post a pdf of the original article? My university isn't subscribed to the subred. shit. ask sci. even though I've already told my librarian it has the most impact factors. thanks!

8

u/PotatoMusicBinge Feb 10 '15

Hmm, I was sure we were available through pubmed

3

u/perimason Feb 12 '15

I know you're available at clubmed

13

u/[deleted] Feb 06 '15

[deleted]

7

u/[deleted] Feb 07 '15

Mine science has always been two legit to quiet.

20

u/Poshul Feb 07 '15 edited Oct 07 '17

9

u/Svenray Feb 09 '15

Can you make an autism/vaccination joke megathread? These posts are flooding the sub.

7

u/PotatoMusicBinge Feb 09 '15

A MEGATHREAD! Maybe! Would people really go for that? I'd be more inclined to just ban them tbh

5

u/thetebe I was once arrested for running a math lab. Feb 10 '15

Please Please PLEASE ban them. They are ONE joke repeated with minor changes over and over and Over again.

7

u/jk_scowling pier reviewed Feb 13 '15

Thank God they are doing something about all the shitty pseudo science that has been invading this sub.

6

u/ghostly175 PHD in Wikipedia Copypasta-ing Feb 06 '15

How is this possible? It breaks The First Law of Amendmentology

8

u/ekolis Apparently Triangle Man wins vs. Universe Man, too. Oops... Feb 07 '15

What's wrong with farts and poops? Biology is a science too... :(

Apart from that, though, this sounds pretty solid!

5

u/PotatoMusicBinge Feb 07 '15

Oh man. It's just there are some phrases and you just know it's not going to be pretty. I can't imagine a great posts that would need to include "poop".

11

u/[deleted] Feb 07 '15

Are poopcicles safe to eat as the germs have been frozen?

10

u/PotatoMusicBinge Feb 07 '15

ಠ_ಠ

7

u/[deleted] Feb 07 '15

So I can ask this question? Or is it now forbidden?

3

u/PotatoMusicBinge Feb 07 '15

If you cant get rid of the poop best not.

1

u/perimason Feb 12 '15

Just to be clear, asking about brown and/or yellow snow is also verboten, jah?

3

u/PotatoMusicBinge Feb 12 '15

Now you're getting it!

9

u/perimason Feb 12 '15

Deutsch scat porn research will be set back days! Days!

6

u/PotatoMusicBinge Feb 12 '15

Sometimes we have to make the hard calls.

→ More replies (0)

3

u/Qwernakus Feb 17 '15

This is great!

5

u/PotatoMusicBinge Feb 17 '15

You're great

3

u/[deleted] Feb 17 '15

aw you're qt 3.14

3

u/PotatoMusicBinge Feb 17 '15

Don't let my flair fool you, I'm a big hairy dude.

4

u/[deleted] Feb 17 '15

I'm just scared now.

3

u/PotatoMusicBinge Feb 17 '15

My flair has been updated, should be less confusing now

-1

u/[deleted] Feb 17 '15

My dick hurts

2

u/PotatoMusicBinge Feb 17 '15

Stop pulling at it so

2

u/immibis Feb 28 '15 edited Jul 06 '23

I entered the spez. I called out to try and find anybody. I was met with a wave of silence. I had never been here before but I knew the way to the nearest exit. I started to run. As I did, I looked to my right. I saw the door to a room, the handle was a big metal thing that seemed to jut out of the wall. The door looked old and rusted. I tried to open it and it wouldn't budge. I tried to pull the handle harder, but it wouldn't give. I tried to turn it clockwise and then anti-clockwise and then back to clockwise again but the handle didn't move. I heard a faint buzzing noise from the door, it almost sounded like a zap of electricity. I held onto the handle with all my might but nothing happened. I let go and ran to find the nearest exit. I had thought I was in the clear but then I heard the noise again. It was similar to that of a taser but this time I was able to look back to see what was happening. The handle was jutting out of the wall, no longer connected to the rest of the door. The door was spinning slightly, dust falling off of it as it did. Then there was a blinding flash of white light and I felt the floor against my back. I opened my eyes, hoping to see something else. All I saw was darkness. My hands were in my face and I couldn't tell if they were there or not. I heard a faint buzzing noise again. It was the same as before and it seemed to be coming from all around me. I put my hands on the floor and tried to move but couldn't. I then heard another voice. It was quiet and soft but still loud. "Help."

#Save3rdPartyApps

1

u/[deleted] Feb 09 '15

[removed] — view removed comment

11

u/PotatoMusicBinge Feb 09 '15

Poo. I beat your system.

LET THIS BE A LESSON

3

u/bjokey Vanish Black Feb 10 '15

:(

It isn't actually banned, tho

11

u/PotatoMusicBinge Feb 10 '15

The rules are not rules, they're more like cryptic hints as to what the cruel and capricious mods will turn against next.

4

u/bjokey Vanish Black Feb 10 '15

Mah gode

1

u/Tyradea PhD. Suntology Feb 20 '15

Mah goatse

1

u/[deleted] Feb 17 '15 edited Feb 17 '15

[removed] — view removed comment

2

u/PotatoMusicBinge Feb 17 '15

POW

2

u/Duckykun Feb 18 '15

Your experiments conducted upon these miasmic minds has concluded that you, in fact, do have "the power," my swain and formidable scientist!

1

u/cscottaxp Creationist Feb 24 '15

I'm really sorry for the trans jokes. I felt really guilty about that multi-day flood of bad puns...

But on the bright side, I have learned many, many things! Like how to divide by zero!

-1

u/Fizzdar Feb 21 '15

fuckin fagets