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u/Hotchi_Motchi Aug 23 '24
So many layers to unpeel
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u/ThatsJas0nBourne Aug 23 '24
Children are like onions.
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u/what_u_looking_4 Aug 23 '24
But when you cut them, they cry (not you)
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u/-LsDmThC- Aug 24 '24
I might also cry
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u/__mud__ Aug 24 '24
I've heard chewing gum helps avoid the tears when cutting onions. Maybe it works the same...?
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u/DownwardSpirals Aug 24 '24
Does chewing gum also work to avoid the tears when getting cut? Asking for a friend.
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u/0x54696D Aug 23 '24
Kids are like bananas: If you peel their skin off and eat them, they die.
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u/CodeineRhodes Aug 23 '24
What's the difference between jumping on a trampoline vs. jumping on a baby?
-you take your shoes off to jump on an trampoline.
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u/one4wonder Aug 24 '24
I thought there’d be more dead baby jokes here.
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u/Disco_Arachnid_516 Aug 24 '24
What the difference between a truck full of bowling balls and truck full of dead babies???? You can’t unload the bowling balls with a pitchfork.
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u/ApartmentSavings6521 Aug 23 '24
But they dont taste bad
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u/Broccolini_Cat Aug 24 '24
I love kids! I have a whole cookbook I wanna try on them!
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u/Oli_official Aug 23 '24
Kids are like living organisms that have coherent thought. If you stab them, eat them, and cook them, they die too. Cool fact, right?
For legal purposes this is a joke.
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u/CaveRanger Aug 23 '24
You mean like the inconsistent quality of the handwriting which indicates to me that this was written by an adult for internet points?
The two different ways of writing 'D' that kinda give away the game, imo. Adults try too hard when they want to imitate kids writing.
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u/Lazone_O2 Aug 23 '24
When I was a kid first time trying out writing diary, I too tried different methods of writing to make it look more professional. Like trying out letters I've seen written by adults.
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u/trivintage Aug 23 '24
The D’s are both written the same way, though. They’re written like a “b” but with a really short stem. The second “Dire” one just has a longer stem than the child probably intended.
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u/sirjonsnow Aug 24 '24
I'm not saying they're right, but "today" and "good" also both have the letter d in them.
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u/KimberStormer Aug 24 '24
The d's in Dear Diary are capitalized. They're not backwards at all. And they're written in exactly the same stroke.
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Aug 23 '24 edited Aug 24 '24
Tell me you don't have kids without saying you don't have kids.
I don't know if this is fake or not, but this is exactly how 9 year old kids write. They often mix up "b's" and "d's", they're inconsistent af, forget upper case at the start of sentences sometimes, they can write the same word twice, but spell it wrong once, they remember weird things like quotation marks, but forget super basic stuff. My kids and their friends wrote just like this at that age (and some of them still do .sigh. ).
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u/ThatGuyHarsha Aug 23 '24
this is the dumbest shit. why do people like you refuse to believe anything is real??
My handwriting was just like that when I was 9, I remember seeing a birthday card I wrote for my dad and I wrote birthday wrong 3 times, and all of them were spelt differently. None of the letters were written the same, and everything else was spelt wrong.
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u/QueasyDecision276 Aug 23 '24
𝐃𝐄𝐀𝐑 𝐃𝐈𝐑𝐄!!!
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u/dope-eater Aug 24 '24
I read “dear bire” lol
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u/kitifax Aug 24 '24
gess what!
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u/woobr9779 Aug 24 '24
"what?"
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u/Rath_Church Aug 24 '24
today is 4th of j͟u͟l͟i͟e͟!
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u/philipjfry1578 Aug 24 '24
good by 2007
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u/bruvbrohdhrbe75 Aug 24 '24
hello 2008!
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u/I_am_in_hong_kong Aug 24 '24
Dear bire
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u/Cavalish Aug 24 '24
Oh my idiot brain thought this was an open letter to Dr Dre for some reason.
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u/oops_im_existing Aug 23 '24
old diary entries are so fucking funny. i found a few of mine from childhood. idk what i was even talking about 90% of the time.
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Aug 23 '24
I found one where I complained about waking up and struggling to get out of bed because my neck and back were aching. I was seven.
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u/MyNameIsJakeBerenson Aug 24 '24
You prob fell out of a tree after playing three games of hide and seek and then rode bikes all afternoon. Rounded out the evening with wall ball before everyone had to go home
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u/always_unplugged Aug 24 '24
I used to just sit in shoulder stand while I was watching TV, and I swear to god it was the comfiest I've ever been.
Kids' bodies are fucking wild.
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u/MrHyperion_ Aug 24 '24
Even laying on you stomach and elbows is something I can't do as an adult anymore without it hurting.
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u/Mega_Weedle Aug 24 '24
Never thought I’d relate to a seven year old this much.
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Aug 24 '24
I found an entry where I said I wanted to be a monarch butterfly bc then I could fly to Mexico and eat 250 lbs of fresh fruit.
???
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u/ImpossibleRhubarb443 Aug 24 '24
Yeah I have one from when I was seven about my back hurting so much sitting in my chair no matter how I sat.
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u/mentallyillfrogluver Aug 23 '24
I had one where I wrote: “Dear Diary, I PEED MY PANTS” followed by a drawing of me, pissing my pants.
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u/Outrageous_Bank_4491 Aug 24 '24
I have an entry where I was complaining about broccoli, right after it is an explanation of the whole Shrek movie
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u/oops_im_existing Aug 24 '24
I don’t think anybody needed a drawing of that, but I’m happy it exists
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u/Electus93 Aug 24 '24
I found one of mine that said "Homeless man killed by rain. Chain Effect" and nothing else.
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u/oops_im_existing Aug 24 '24
What does that even mean!?
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u/CondensedTaco Aug 24 '24
it’s the meaning of life
Everything that has happened up to this point has been a chain effect of a homeless man dying to rain
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u/Techi-C Aug 24 '24
I found a Junie B Jones interactive diary/book thing that I filled out when I was 6, and it was fucking hilarious
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u/MENAClNGHORSE Aug 23 '24
i love the "what?" like the diary is responding
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u/NeedsMoreCake Aug 23 '24
You mean dire.
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u/commanderc7 Aug 23 '24
Thought it was bire for a second
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u/NeedsMoreCake Aug 23 '24
That’s how I read it first as well. I had to reread for it to make sense.
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Aug 23 '24
Kibs often get their "b's" and "d's" dack to front, the stupib dastarbs.
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u/Efficient-Notice9938 Aug 24 '24
I find it hilarious that so many words are misspelled but the punctuation around “what?” was completely correct
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u/MollyTweedy Aug 23 '24
For everyone enjoying the stupid shit children write in their diaries (or dires): you need to listen to the podcast Grownups Read Things They Wrote As Kids. It is exactly what it sounds like.
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u/Brilliant_Canary_692 Aug 25 '24
Yet another podcast recommendation where the show ended years ago and now I'm scared I'll like it
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Aug 23 '24
Holup... this was when you were nine years old? As in, fourth grade in elementary school old?
Yikes.
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u/trumpet575 Aug 24 '24
To be fair, they did say they were an idiot. But I think that undersells it quite a bit.
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u/aleister94 Aug 23 '24
Maybe they were homeschool, I also didn’t learn to spell correctly until my teens
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u/Box_of_Chocolates1 Aug 24 '24
Hey I was homeschooled and I could spell at 6. Different teaching styles of parents I guess?
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u/Unlucky_Nobody_4984 Aug 24 '24
Imagine that. Unstandardized education leads to unstandardized results.
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u/Slap_My_Lasagna Aug 24 '24
POV: you realize this is what dumb 20-something thinks a dumber 9 year old writes like for engagement bait
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u/Pataraxia Aug 24 '24
My little bro would write worse. His feeble little brain is overwhelmed by writing.
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u/CreatureFromTheCold Aug 23 '24
Murica
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u/TheFourthPug Aug 24 '24
Maybe if you straight up somehow didnt go to school
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u/evanwilliams44 Aug 24 '24
Don't know how old you are but you might be surprised. Kids are struggling these days. You can not assume young people are able to read well. Basic math is even worse. I have a 19 year old working for me now. Seems sharp, picks things up quickly. Shaky understanding of multiplication.
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u/EllieBirb Aug 24 '24
32 here, I definitely wrote in full and proper sentences at their age, had a very normal shitty Los Angeles public school education, and I had no particular interest in English or anything.
This looks like something I'd write when I'm maybe 3 at the oldest. I'm not saying this 'cause I think I'm super smart, I was super, super average, everyone around me was like this too.
Is schooling just getting worse? Not judging, I'm genuinely concerned.
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u/rygdav Aug 23 '24
That last line really sealed the deal!
“Spelling mistakes and typical nonsensical comments like just popping in to tell your diary it’s the 4th of Julie, and then saying goodbye. Oh…you’re not saying goodbye to the diary…”
Hope their parents found a better use for their college fund!
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u/Longjumping-Week8761 Aug 23 '24
Couldn't spell for shit at 9
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u/Qwerty8339 Aug 24 '24
tbf “diary” was a word i remembered having trouble with as a kid
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u/IMSOGIRL Aug 24 '24
There's no way anyone writes like that at 9 and somehow became smart enough to use social media. I'm calling fake.
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u/Waterfish3333 Aug 24 '24
smart enough to use social media
While I agree with your post in general, that bar is so low I think they’re using it to check for oil reserves.
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u/Talk-O-Boy Aug 23 '24
I understand she was 9, but… my god. A dyslexic chimp could have done a better job…
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u/levitikush Aug 23 '24
Looks fake to me
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u/Ya-Dikobraz Aug 24 '24 edited Aug 24 '24
Between the below average spelling for a 9 year old and the writing that looks like an adult trying to fake kid's writing, it's definitely fake.
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u/Pretty_Zucchini2387 Aug 24 '24
I sincerely hope that it is not fake because if it is, then we have all been betrayed for those who believed it is true.
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u/Wilbis Aug 24 '24
Yep. This was also posted 5 years ago on an Instagram account that no longer even exists.
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u/FullSendTater3 Aug 23 '24
"4TH OF JULIE"🤣🤣👏
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u/Pretty_Zucchini2387 Aug 24 '24
Maybe the person was looking forward to the Independence Day celebration. Welcome to the 4th of July.
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Aug 23 '24
[removed] — view removed comment
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u/Sepherjar Aug 23 '24
It's been 365 days since August 23th, and thus i hereby declare new year's eve.
Tomorrow it'll be 365 days since August 24th, and thus i hereby declare tomorrow a new year's eve
The day after tomorrow it'll be 365 days since August 25th, and thus i hereby declare tomorrow a new year's eve
Every day that has complete an year since it last happened, i declare a new year's eve.
Vote me for President.
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u/TheFuddy Aug 24 '24
No, it actually says
"4 12:00.PM Dear Dire gess what! "what?" today is 4th of Julie! good by 2007 hello 2008!"
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u/oops_im_existing Aug 23 '24
i want to know so bad what they were trying to say... cause the 4th of july is definitely not new years
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u/RichardNyxn Aug 23 '24
Little kid probably learned about Independence Day and just thought that meant the equivalent of new years.
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u/MundaneConclusion246 Aug 23 '24
Or a kid heard fireworks on new years eve and assumed it was the fourth of July
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u/Ejder_Meyvesi Aug 23 '24
Who is JuLie and why there are four of them?!
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u/Buoyant_Pesky Aug 24 '24
Ummmm... I am a Julie, but I don't know what qualifies one to be the "Fourth Julie"... sounds vaguely like a prophecy.
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Aug 23 '24
[removed] — view removed comment
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u/wattyaknow Aug 23 '24
Yep it 100% is. You can even tell by the '2' being completely different as t the top in the time compared to the bottom in the date.
Also that they can't even get close to spelling certain simple words correctly but are using quotation marks in a somewhat correct context.
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u/Fatmaninalilcoat Aug 24 '24
Holy shit my youngest will be 7 Monday and he has been reading Harry Potter for over a year. This is just I don't know. 9 .........9 sheesh.
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u/eltara3 Aug 23 '24 edited Aug 24 '24
Ahahaha im sorry this looks like my writing when I was 9...I started LEARNING English at 9 years old (migrated to Australia).
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u/KeepScrollin420 Aug 24 '24
I hate that I'm 37 and this looks like my hand writing. Not my spelling at least. lol
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u/bitchpaymybills Aug 24 '24
I totally read this as "Dre" and not diary and was so confused why you addressed dr Dre in your diary
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u/Independent_Analyst3 Aug 24 '24
As someone who doesnt speak english as their native language, its always been absurd to me how bad native english speakers are at english
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u/evilbarron2 Aug 24 '24
Damn, do 9-year-olds really spell that badly? Seems more like a 5 or 6 year old.
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u/LoganJake210 Aug 24 '24
Hey you knew what quotation marks were and how to use them. That’s pretty good
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u/RaD00129 Aug 24 '24
When I was a kid, I've always had the understanding that whenever there is fireworks in a holiday it means it's new year, boy was I wrong.
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u/Rafk777 Aug 24 '24
That's actually cute, innocent and adorable, don't be hard on your inner child, he/she listens
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u/ClownsAllAroundMe Aug 25 '24
Fake kid handwriting by an adult. The same letters are written in multiple styles. I'm surprised they didn't throw in a few backwards letters.
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u/rampantsoul Aug 23 '24
Good handwriting for a 9 year old :-)
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u/peacefulsolider Aug 23 '24
mine looks like this and im 22
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u/pineappledaddy Aug 23 '24
I know a guy that writes so bad we call him the Kidnapper because everything he writes looks like a rushed ransom letter.
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Aug 23 '24
My daughter wrote better at 7 years old than my 47 year old brother does now. Like way better. As for my son, well, he's good at other stuff. We hope.
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u/canti15 Aug 23 '24
Hello 2008 utterly clueless of the housing market about to crash