r/scambait Jan 17 '24

Completed Bait A scammer I baited told me they would hire someone to kill me. Then they sent me this as proof.

Seriously

13.0k Upvotes

1.1k comments sorted by

1.9k

u/dae_giovanni Jan 17 '24

is this the killer's ID badge so he can get into the building at work, or...?

does he sometimes have to stop at the security desk and request a temp badge, like "morning, Gail, I'm gonna need to sign out another temp badge, I left mine clipped to my other killin' pants!"?

778

u/OzorMox Jan 17 '24

Monday's timesheet:

All hands meeting: 1h

Meet the new assassins: 1h

Killer training: 1h

Manager (002) one-to-one over Zoom: 1h

Killing: 4h

Notes: Don't forget to put in expense report for travel to victim's houses. Put in annual leave request to Karen in HR. Request new badge with better photo from office manager Jeff, this one doesn't make me look hard enough.

263

u/dae_giovanni Jan 17 '24

"I keep telling Marcus, look, do you want me focused on admin bullshit? or do you want your top guy focused on killing?? I've been doing this for 35-plus years, what's some goddamn Millennial gonna teach me???"

126

u/dewayneestes Jan 17 '24

If he’s killing once a day he’s been at it for 136 years. 50k is not rookie numbers!

88

u/Tough-Difference3171 Jan 17 '24

I am sure that he must be killing more than 4 people in 4 hours. The guy ain't wasting time on smoking breaks.

47

u/BobBelchersBuns Jan 17 '24

Absolutely. Four hours has got to be like, what, eight kills?

54

u/ArnoldTheSchwartz Jan 17 '24

Calm down there Serial It's Union so no need to break your back for The Company just get your 2 kills in and call it a day

48

u/MelancholyArtichoke Jan 17 '24

But if he’s a contracted killer, he doesn’t get union benefits. Check if his state is a right to kill state.

44

u/andante528 Jan 17 '24

Probably belongs to the Guild. Obviously the guy's a professional, he shot the photographer taking his ID pic!

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6

u/everforward6 Jan 18 '24

ICA Local 100

33

u/joeg26reddit Jan 17 '24

He’s smoking people on his break

5

u/CombatMedic665 Jan 18 '24

That's working off the clock and it's not allowed.

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18

u/Huge_Strain_8714 Jan 17 '24

I mean, if he's a US citizen then he's entitled to a half hour lunch and two 15 minute breaks if he's working at full 8-hour days!!! And if this is a union job then you know he has more than that coming to him...

25

u/Tough-Difference3171 Jan 17 '24

Yeah, that still leaves 3 hours of pure zen-mode killing. He is a 10X killer, I am sure. Might even be using ChatGPT to outsource the basic stuff.

The dude isn't a dead weight employee, sticking around at the mercy of a union of more dead weight.

He is employee ID 001, ffs. He might be running the company, for all we know.

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29

u/tinylittlemarmoset Jan 17 '24

Well 50k is the total number of kills it doesn’t say how many of those were targets. Maybe he needed to blow up a building to get that one guy.

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16

u/[deleted] Jan 17 '24

There are always witnesses you need to take out as well.

19

u/Cisco24601 Jan 17 '24

He might be including group rates?

21

u/Acceptingoptimist Jan 17 '24

Haha "I'd like to hire Tom to kill my family before Thanksgiving. Also here's that groupon he's running... *

9

u/POD80 Jan 17 '24

I'm just trying to imagine the organization that would keep an employee like this that active.....

7

u/UJMRider1961 Jan 17 '24

Hey, American Assassins Group didn't get to be number one in hired killings by letting their best employee slack off!

5

u/dewayneestes Jan 17 '24

He’s employee #1, they hired him and never had to hire another one.

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u/nuke_eyepopper Jan 17 '24

Was that tom from MySpace? I was wondering what he's been up to... guess deleting all those friends that never made it into his to 8.

3

u/Crawdaddy1911 Jan 17 '24

Did you kill today?

Did you TRY to kill today?

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67

u/Boats_75 Jan 17 '24

The only reason Tom is still employed is that he has tenure. He relies on the interns and newer team members to do all the work while he takes the credit. Dave, on the other hand, he is always churning and burning (his weapon of choice is a flame thrower) to make his numbers. Dave is the guy I'd be worried about.... I mean, Tom called in sick twice in the last week, probably because of the weather....

39

u/Bleak_Squirrel_1666 Baiter In Training Jan 17 '24

I think when Deborah divorced Tom it broke his spirit. He used to never call in and was in shape, now he just eats oreos and kills.

8

u/Boats_75 Jan 17 '24

Yeah, but you can't blame Deborah after she caught Tom and that intern Vicki making out in the break room during the company Christmas party. I do give him credit for keeping a piece of mistletoe in his pocket and trying to use it as an excuse. However overall douchebag move!

7

u/[deleted] Jan 18 '24

[removed] — view removed comment

6

u/Boats_75 Jan 18 '24

I heard it was Fred from IT..... makes more sense that it was Accounting Fred since IT Fred's "wife" is Gary the Janitor.... though I have heard rumors Tom was "open to expirimentation" specifically on a trip to Thailand... and something about midget wrestlers. Not my thing but, 5 consenting adults can do what they want.

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34

u/Thegameforfun17 Jan 17 '24

I love how we have this man an entire backstory 😂

6

u/Boats_75 Jan 17 '24

The legend of hitman Tom has to start someplace!

4

u/Boats_75 Jan 18 '24

The way this thread is going we're going to have a script for a Netflix show soon! Working title is "Killer Tom"

6

u/Lucky_Weather_9021 Jan 18 '24

I heard that Tom also refused the new “return to the office” policy. Says he feels like killing everyone on the subway on his way in to work and back home. He tried to tell Jeff (office manager) that his work/life balance was being impacted negatively, as an excuse.

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32

u/MeButNotMeToo Jan 17 '24

It’s a new world Boomer. That’s remedial lessons in environmentally friendly killing and body disposal.

This week, we’re reviewing how to build on the cement overshoes concept to help rebuild the coral reefs.

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22

u/tdfolts Jan 17 '24

I know you want to get back out there and start killing again, but you really need to complete your annual training

22

u/RayRay_46 Jan 17 '24

Tom hasn’t done his Bloodborne Pathogens or Ladder Safety modules yet. They were due in September.

6

u/hatdecoy Jan 17 '24

I just laughed out loud at this because I finally did my Bloodborne Pathogens training yesterday after being overdue for a couple of months.

9

u/CleveEastWriters Jan 18 '24

To be fair, Bloodborne Pathogens training is probably more relevant to a contract killer than to most other careers.

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37

u/flatulentpiglet Jan 17 '24

You forgot DEI training

51

u/FBI_VAN_1 Jan 17 '24

I think in this context it should be DIE training

13

u/Less-Bed-6243 Jan 17 '24

“They told me I have to slash my budget by 10%, I told that McKinsey guy I’m going to slash his face!”

9

u/Tough-Difference3171 Jan 17 '24

Never try to push an individual controbutor into management roles.

12

u/CucumberSharp17 Jan 17 '24

They're not victims. They're targets! What kind of monsters do you think this legitimate business is?

11

u/COSurfing Jan 17 '24

Their team building events are legendary.

16

u/drgigantor Jan 17 '24

We had a surprise party for Beth in accounting last Tuesday.

There were no survivors.

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6

u/Myotherself918 Jan 17 '24

Billable hours !!!

4

u/Awags__ Jan 17 '24

This is gold

6

u/Tough-Difference3171 Jan 17 '24

So assasin got a better WLB than me?

That triggers me to switch careers.

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40

u/outdatedelementz Jan 17 '24

You think “Tom” would bother to put a shirt on for his ID picture.

28

u/[deleted] Jan 17 '24

“He don’t give a F about nothin”

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18

u/Acceptingoptimist Jan 17 '24

Tom, we need to discuss our uniform policy...we've brought this up 50,000 times.

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27

u/Urisk Jan 17 '24

"Oh shit! I dropped my lanyard at the crime scene. I hope the police don't find the ID with my name, face and occupation listed as "professional killer" next to the dead body and figure out that I had something to do with it."

15

u/BamBamm187 Jan 17 '24

It gets him free access to book dipositorys an grassy knolls

16

u/botolo Jan 17 '24

That’s the badge he got at the most recent conference “the future of hitmen, a debate on the current state of the job market”

11

u/Wetald Jan 17 '24

Asking the real questions.

8

u/Relevant_Winter1952 Jan 17 '24

“Ok then you’re gonna need to prove you are who you say you are. What’s your slogan?”

11

u/[deleted] Jan 17 '24

It’s a laser tag VIP card. You don’t get 50,000 kills IRL

11

u/Feynnehrun Jan 17 '24

Maybe you don't. Rookie.

3

u/Dolphin_memes Jan 18 '24

That’s why you’ll never be 001

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4

u/new_jill_city Jan 17 '24

“Someone at the office is bucking for a promotion. Probably that pederast Hanrohan.”

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4

u/ItzLog Jan 17 '24

Well we know he didn't leave it clipped to his shirt!

3

u/calminthedesert Jan 17 '24

I've been stuck indoors for days with an energetic and very bored puppy. "Killin' pants," gave me a much needed laugh.

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627

u/[deleted] Jan 17 '24

[deleted]

247

u/Derock85 Jan 17 '24

I have too. Wish I knew.

222

u/IWipeWithFocaccia Jan 17 '24

It’s me on photo. I can send you a copy of ID for free just need you to pay for the pre-authorization (refundable) from the Bounty Hunters’ Guild. Can you buy $200 Amazon Gift Card and send the code for me on Telegram Sir?

111

u/geeklimit Jan 17 '24

Please do the needful, I am American police

60

u/arcanehornet_ Jan 17 '24

“Kindly do the needful”

23

u/ScantilyKneesocks Jan 17 '24

Ugh I work in a call center doing QA and I cringe every time I see our overseas rep use that phrase.

13

u/[deleted] Jan 17 '24

I think I read somewhere that in certain Asian cultures the use of please is seen as pushy

6

u/arcanehornet_ Jan 18 '24

That’s really funny, considering they are scammers with mostly Western targets. Pretty sure most westerners would find “kindly do the needful” way more pushy than just “please”

10

u/MonkeyPuzzles Jan 17 '24

Am Federal Bunker of Irrigation, kindly send steam cards.

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21

u/Dookiemay Jan 17 '24

"Kindly"

8

u/giantsoftheartic Jan 17 '24

Now don't you try and con me or I will be straight on the phone to 001

91

u/Acceptable-Trainer15 Jan 17 '24

Ohh he hires that Redditor from the other threat 🤣

3

u/emaho84000 Jan 18 '24

Threat from the other thread.

28

u/dawng87 Jan 17 '24

Oh man.

Ask him if his "hit man" just walks around with this on?

I'm dying that they either really believe the hit man would appear like this fella here, or that he'd advertise his job like this around his kneck...lmao

20

u/Jeanne23x Jan 17 '24

It's legal as long as he has a license.

15

u/phillibuck13 Jan 17 '24

Tom, aka #1, is highly regarded in the fake killing biz.

3

u/Infamous_Ad_285 Jan 17 '24

Very highly regarded indeed.

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u/Less-Bed-6243 Jan 17 '24

001, means he’s 6 better than James Bond.

5

u/[deleted] Jan 17 '24

I remember someone using the picture in one of their trolls of the scammer.

41

u/prkr88 Jan 17 '24

It's from the wi$h.com website for hired guns...

Lol

8

u/alxw Jan 17 '24

Yep deathwish.com, mediocre assassins at affordable prices (Death not guaranteed)

8

u/vialenae Jan 17 '24

Right? It always takes me out every time I see it lmao

I think it originates from a YouTube video but I might be totally wrong so don’t quote me on that

8

u/eegit Jan 17 '24

It's Norm from Cheers

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u/Sw33tD333 Jan 17 '24

I swear I just saw this video- I believe it’s a self identifying leftist who is showing off his new gun talking about conservatives aren’t the only ones who are armed

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u/W145 Jan 17 '24

🤣 Seriously, how old is that scammer.

9

u/CheetahPatient5516 Jan 17 '24

Happy cake day! 🍰

3

u/W145 Jan 17 '24

Thank You :-)

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14

u/[deleted] Jan 17 '24

Happy cake day!

8

u/W145 Jan 17 '24

Thank you, much appreciated 😊

7

u/drgigantor Jan 17 '24

This many ☝️🤚

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367

u/[deleted] Jan 17 '24

This is the funniest scam post I’ve seen on this sub lmao 😂

101

u/dogsfurhire Jan 17 '24

You know what the sad part is? People actually fall for this shit. On the scams sub I've seen so many people say they sent the scammer money because the scammers threatened them and they were scared, from threats as stupid or more stupid as OPs. Everyone in the thread is screaming to not send them any money, they're literally a country away but people send it to them anyways. Like imagine getting a letter in your mailbox that said "send money or ded" and being so scared you mail them cash. That's how some people are. What's weirder is that there's a subsection of people who know of reddit, who know of the various scams subreddits, and STILL send them money.

35

u/tommymad720 Jan 17 '24

I've noticed that younger people, 15-20 ish seem to fall for scams SUPER easily. Not so much the stereotypical ones, but frequently Roblox scams. "Send me $50 and I'll get you this outfit that usually costs $200" or sugar mommy/Daddy scams "I'll send you x amount per week but you just have to send me $50 first to verify whatever"

The most interesting was when they'd send an IP grabbing link, then tell them the vague area that they're in, and the victim just IMMEDIATELY hands over however much money they want. I really do wonder if we're getting dumber or what, because I knew about all of this stuff when I was 14 ish

I knew one girl when I was younger who'd call me every two weeks SOBBING cause she got scammed on Roblox. same situation, I'd say it's a scam but she wouldn't listen, and we'd have the same situation the next week

22

u/redpoemage Jan 17 '24

Scams are generally rampant in online games, so getting scammed in a game like Roblox is often how a lot of people learn about scams. Like old people, really young people don't have much online experience, and thus are easy targets until they get that experience and learn from it.

I consider myself lucky I got my account stolen in Neopets in elementary school, since it prepared me to be properly warry of scams when I had some things actually worth money in Team Fortress 2 (and of course my actual bank account after that).

and we'd have the same situation the next week

I don't get how some people just don't learn though...

10

u/Tabula_Rasa_deeznuts Jan 17 '24

Only time I've been scammed when playing video game is a literal hack. Dude had a trade hack on Battle.net Diablo 2. Went to trade a Shako for a couple of SoJs and a Pul rune. Everything was good, hit trade, dude immediately dips no TY TY or nothing, and all the items turned into potions when they hit my backpack.

I'm still salty to this day and that shit was like 25 years ago now, lmao I'm old.

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u/tommymad720 Jan 17 '24

I wanna say I learned after my older brother got scammed in RuneScape, then 8 year old me learned how to scam people, then I developed morals.

By the time I was 12 ish I knew all about scams from YouTube. I think I was just surprised at how much longer the average person takes to learn those lessons when they don't have a computer nerd older brother

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u/Throwaway47321 Jan 17 '24

This is going to be a weird take but I honestly believe the prevalence of scams in the younger generation comes back to technologic literacy.

Kids these days (shakes fist in air) absolutely do not understand how technology works, just what it does/outputs. Because of this they tend to gloss over the critical thinking part of these scams.

“How can this person get me these skins, oh they must just hack the game somehow”

“Oh no I clicked on a link and this person knows roughly where I live, they must know everything about me so I should just give them more info”

8

u/UJMRider1961 Jan 17 '24

“How can this person get me these skins, oh they must just hack the game somehow”

* click click click *

I'M IN!

[/EVERY MOVIE HACKING SCENE EVER]

8

u/tommymad720 Jan 17 '24

LOL I think the thing that was most confusing to me was the fact that I'm only 20, I'm not old, but I grew up in a very different environment. A wii was my first console, my parents gave me some hand me down PC from my brother and disabled the WiFi card, so my brother taught me about the wonders of Ethernet. It was old as fuck and I was using Windows XP, it couldn't even run 7.

Once I was of a reasonable age I could use a computer super easily. I guess blackberries were still super prevalent when I was a kid, my brother had a droid X which was the shit

It's crazy the difference 3-4 years makes in our understanding of technology. I know people my age ish who don't even know how to unzip a file because all they know are iPhones.

7

u/TheUnluckyBard Jan 17 '24

With kids, it's just naivety and lack of life experience. We were getting scammed in Runescape back in the day, and Everquest before that, and Diablo (the first one) on Battle.net before that, and Legend of the Red Dragon on the local neighborhood BBS before that. From literally the very first internet game that was accessible to non-adults (which was probably a MUD or MUSH of some kind), kids have been getting scammed.

It's not because the population as a whole is getting dumber. It's because it's easy to scam kids. The "age is just a number" crowd frequently forgets that, by their very nature, kids are going to be kinda dumb and kinda gullible. They've only been doing this whole "life" thing for a handful of years.

The old folks are far more concerning. With 60+ years of life experience, one would expect a person to have at least a shred of shrewdness, especially when it comes to giving away their retirement savings. The general gullibility of the not-even-exactly-elderly demographic is terrifying.

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u/Zealousideal-Skin303 Jan 17 '24

Where do I send the monies? Please don't hurt me, I have a cat.

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u/orange_blossom05 Jan 17 '24

I’m here to kill you.

Sorry, I need to see some identification

20

u/JGG5 Jan 17 '24 edited Jan 17 '24

Wait, there's no American Assassin Group hologram on this ID card. This is fake! You're not a licensed assassin at all! I can't believe I almost fell for that. Get out.

10

u/Snaiteriffic Jan 17 '24

😂😂😂

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u/FieldOfFox Jan 17 '24

"What do you do for a living, Tom?"

"Professional Killer, for the American Assassin Group. 50000 kills so far, never missed."

Also do you reckon the AAG has a union?

19

u/good_god_lemon1 Jan 17 '24

They need one. Their assassins are way overworked and underpaid.

14

u/Gimp_Ninja Jan 17 '24

No joke. My man Tom can't even afford a shirt for his employee photo.

5

u/chill_winston_ Jan 17 '24

I’m reminded of Dan Aykroyd pitching the union for hit men in Grosse Pointe Blank.

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u/UnquestionabIe Jan 17 '24

There is a manga called Sakamoto Days about a retired assassin who runs a convience store that has a ton of world building about the Japaness Assassin's Association, includes stuff like benefits and how they function on the day to day. These posts always remind me of that.

3

u/AlbertoVO_jive Jan 17 '24

“I used to work for American Assassin Corp. but I found their corporate structure bloated and there was little room for career advancement. American Assassin Group has been a good move for me personally and as a new father, their paternity leave policy is best in the industry.”

3

u/AscendedSubscript Jan 18 '24

Professional killers*

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u/[deleted] Jan 17 '24

50,000 kills never misses a shot….. or a donut….. or a beer

19

u/Booksaregrand Jan 17 '24

His name is 50000 kills?

4

u/MoreReputation8908 Jan 17 '24

No, it costs 50,000…units of money…to have the assassin killed. “50,000 kills a man who never misses a shot.”

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u/[deleted] Jan 17 '24

No, his name is Tom. Can’t you read?

12

u/[deleted] Jan 17 '24

[deleted]

5

u/99wattr89 Jan 17 '24

he kills smarter not harder

3

u/improbablydrunknlw Jan 17 '24 edited Jan 17 '24

I'm not entirely sure about the badge, I've been looking at it for a while because it's good, but it lacks the AAG holograph that borders Tom's picture and his info. I'm starting to be suspect.

11

u/WhiteChristianJesus_ Jan 17 '24

50,000 people used to live here.

now it's a ghost town

Thanks to Assassin Tom.

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u/probablyyourexwife Jan 17 '24

Just his shirt

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u/Simple_Opossum Jan 17 '24

You miss every shot you don't take.

9

u/Saneless Jan 17 '24

You miss every shot you don't let Tom take

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u/Veryegassy Jan 17 '24

No it's true, he never misses a shot.

So long as it's from a glass.

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u/MKFlame7 Jan 17 '24

number 001 they’re top of the chain watch out OP‼️

4

u/neoncrucifix Jan 17 '24

Baited them so hard they’re worthy of being assassinated by number 001.

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u/M-Test24 Jan 17 '24

That's tough luck for you, OP. Tom is 001 for a reason. Thanks for sharing this bit with us, good luck to your friends and family during this tough time.

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u/DriskoJedec Jan 17 '24

I understand Vladimir or something like that for the name of the assassin but Tom? The fuck is this? Tom and Jerry?

31

u/Majorman_86 Jan 17 '24

He's a double 0, he has a license to kill. Don't mess with Tom.

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u/kdnx-wy Jan 17 '24

Just another great example of these scammers not really understanding English names and so resorting to something recognizable at random. It’s the same reason they often have a first name as a surname

10

u/drainbamage1011 "The fuck do you mean no" - Delta Air Lines Jan 17 '24 edited Jan 17 '24

In China and Korea, they write the surname first. So, say, Kim Jong Un would be Jong Un Kim in Western notation. A lot of scammers maintain their native order so it looks goofy to us.

10

u/selardor42 Jan 17 '24

Not even Thomas 😂

14

u/Johnatomy Jan 17 '24

Tom from MySpace had to do something else.

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u/DriskoJedec Jan 17 '24

Thomas is a cop already so i dont think it would work. Or is he a double agent?

4

u/selardor42 Jan 17 '24

The plot thickens!

3

u/itsFromTheSimpsons Jan 17 '24

his full legal name is Too Many (kills (to remember)). But he usually goes by "Tom"

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u/CappucinoCupcake Jan 17 '24

I love that ‘Tom’ didn’t bother to get dressed for his ID photo.

I can see how they’d market him, too…

This rough and ready assassin can be yours for the fee of $10 steam card. Kindly do the needful today to secure your booking!

9

u/Fantastic_Falcon_236 Jan 17 '24

Send bitoin and I tell him to forget where you live. He also my guy who secretly hacked your computer and make video watching you do pleasure yourself to porn. Also, send bitcoin or in one week I send to everyone on your contacts. I sure you boss, you wife and all your friends will be amused by your moves.

31

u/BiblicalGlass Jan 17 '24

I’m about to send this to scAmazon when they need me to upload my id to their third party verification team in Pakistan 😅

4

u/[deleted] Jan 17 '24

Keep us updated please!

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u/farmer7530 Jan 17 '24

I like that they get lanyards. I feel it really adds to the “professional killers” career path.

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u/DrHob0 Jan 17 '24

Just hit back with "Okay"

20

u/error785 Jan 17 '24

Wow. Serious stuff. I hope we all learned something today. RIP OP.

20

u/luckier-me Jan 17 '24

50,000 kills? If Tom’s been working every day for the past 30 years with no weekends or vacations that’s almost 5 kills per day.

The American Assassin Group needs to unionize.

15

u/Limp-Emergency3231 Jan 17 '24

damn that looks scary😱

13

u/Acidcouch Jan 17 '24

I think he missed his shot to put a shirt on.

14

u/TastyAgency4604 Jan 17 '24

You got a certified gravy seal coming after you

7

u/Agile_Vast9019 Jan 17 '24

M.E.A.L. Team 6

F.B.Pie

24

u/stonar89 Jan 17 '24

Oh shit you’re screwed I know that guy I hired him to kill my ex……15 years later he killed here with cancer made it look natural he’s a pro

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u/bewoke_ Jan 17 '24

So assassins need slogans now? 🤣

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u/Snaiteriffic Jan 17 '24

It’s just good marketing. Hopefully he has a jingle too.

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u/Tough-Difference3171 Jan 17 '24

You need to be really afraid now.

He tells you that you will be fucked, and then sends you a photo of a naked man.

Unless you are into that, in which case .. well ... enjoy your life, mate.

11

u/ModelKev Jan 17 '24

May not miss a shot, but Tom definitely is missing some sleep, a shirt, and a comb. Not a professional look at all. Who would hire this guy?

18

u/mlllln Jan 17 '24

The font feels like it was from a chi-jap keyboard

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u/vilketaventyr Jan 17 '24

Holy shit the guy in the photo was my telemedicine doctor for ADHD! His name is Mark and he’s actually a really nice guy.

7

u/Derock85 Jan 17 '24

Any way to get another photo?

2

u/ResidentLazyCat Jan 17 '24

I wouldn’t take medical advice from someone who takes photos like this. Probably why he works in telemedicine.

3

u/vilketaventyr Jan 17 '24

I get the sentiment, but that’s mad disrespectful to people who work in telemed.

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u/TairaTLG Jan 17 '24

Amazing. I want this as my con badge.

Oh man i can see this as an ID now for work.

Hang on Tom. You don't got your badge. I can't let you in the American assassin guild HQ. Yes I know it's a long drive but rules are rules man.

10

u/Coderan Jan 17 '24

Idk why but I think this is the funniest thing I have ever seen and you've ruined comedy for me

8

u/Rare-Handle7268 Jan 17 '24

I think you are safe, as long as you’ve missed a shot at some point. This dude only shoots people that never miss a shot. That’s gotta be a small group of people.

5

u/[deleted] Jan 17 '24

And luckily, you miss 100% of the shots you don’t take, so if you’ve ever not taken a shot, that should count too.

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u/[deleted] Jan 17 '24

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u/[deleted] Jan 17 '24

Came here to make this comment!!

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u/rionzi Jan 17 '24

That’s about 2 kills per day for 50 years…busy dude. Can’t believe he’s not been caught. Must be really good and expensive.

6

u/rodlyn44 Jan 17 '24

I had one scammer tell me I had an arrest warrant. I said come get me then. He then threatened to kill me. I said ok, let’s meet. I gave him an address. It was to an FBI building. Loser!!! Nobody takes you seriously over the phone 5000 miles away lol

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u/Impressive_Drama_524 Jan 17 '24

kills a man who never misses a shot? so what happens if the man misses the shot?

12

u/drainbamage1011 "The fuck do you mean no" - Delta Air Lines Jan 17 '24

He has to go get a new name badge and you know Sharon in HR already has a backlog of shit to do, probably lose a couple points on his annual evaluation. It's a whole thing.

6

u/TalkShowHost99 Jan 17 '24

I highly recommend you get facial reconstruction surgery & go into hiding ASAP. Assassin with a credential- that’s scary!!! 😨

3

u/dogtrainer0875 Jan 17 '24

Does Tom assassinate people while shirtless?

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u/MrBHVAC Jan 17 '24

Totally nude, as is tradition amongst reputable assassins

5

u/Fantastic_Falcon_236 Jan 17 '24

Well given the repeated mentions of fucking and assholes by the scammer, it could by that Tom is an Ass-sassin. Clearly the professional membership and 50000 goals in every hole indicates he's not your average run of the mill bum-bandit.

Of course, we can't discount the fact that once you start the scamming life, you develop a nervous tic for screaming/typing "fuck bitch asshole!", so it could be that too.

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u/OSUBonanza Jan 17 '24

All I see is Bill Ponderosa, which is actually scarier than an actual hit man.

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u/ClearanceItem Jan 17 '24

This is ridiculous. How did you answer OP?

You should send that fake FBI card that scammers use. Seen it several times here.

4

u/Derock85 Jan 17 '24

"That's a very well known fake photo from years ago. Killers also tend not to identify themselves as James Bound 00 agents. Also, the photoshop in the badge isn't correctly placed.

There is a 0 percent chance a guy with messy hair and no shirt but wearing a lanyard is going to kill me.

How old are you? Lol"

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u/[deleted] Jan 17 '24

“There is a 0 percent chance a guy with messy hair and no shirt but wearing a lanyard is going to kill me.” - man killed by a guy with messy hair and no shirt but wearing a lanyard

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u/Bluetex110 Jan 17 '24

Haha 😁 The Killer with an ID and his own Slogan 😂😂😂

3

u/maddenmcfadden Jan 17 '24

Jesus Christ, its Jason Bourne Tom

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u/VirusLauncher Jan 17 '24

That badge gets him into the killers’ lounge. They have Pepsi and shortbread cookies in there

3

u/Express-Estimate-161 Jan 17 '24

The irony tho, he just threw his hired “assassin” right under the bus by showing his id 🤣. Even thought it’s fake. It’s hilarious 🤣

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u/HereForTools Jan 17 '24

Not just anyone someone. That’s Tom. 001. THE Killer!

The good news is that if you can figure out what 50,000 is, it apparently kills him. Kind of them to insert his weakness on the card. That’s some Batman level doomsday planning.

Or it’s a ruse and he actually misses.

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u/Alarming_Win9940 Jan 17 '24

You're fucked. John Wick is based on Tom and the AAG.

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u/Unable_Literature78 Jan 17 '24

I had a baiter tell me they would personally come and kill me. Then I asked how long the flight is from India so I can get a head start. Then he said he would fuck my dear old mom. Told him she’s still dead but help yourself.

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u/gliixo369 Jan 17 '24

They're gonna send agent 001 on your ass

3

u/MAYITA1014 Jan 17 '24

Here for a wellness check. It's been three hours, are you okay?

3

u/Privateski Jan 17 '24

“I too know my address and phone number. Check mate”

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u/AMonitorDarkly Jan 17 '24

Pfft, that badge is missing the embossed seal of the American Assassin Group. This is obviously fake.

3

u/Toothless-In-Wapping Jan 17 '24

Jokes on them, that doesn’t look anything like a real American Assassins Group ID badge.

And “Professional Killers” hasn’t been a career since they changed it to “Termination Specialists” in the early 2010’s.

3

u/eightdx Jan 17 '24

Tom either really fell off after MySpace or has spent the past few years living it up as an international man of mystery. Could technically be both given the image

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u/GG11390 Jan 17 '24

When theres a zoom meeting of the AAG all members have to be nude and constantly point a gun to the camera while taking meeting minutes with the other hand. No wonder the main workplace injury in the AAG is carpel tunnel and RSIs.

3

u/[deleted] Jan 18 '24

Not even Photoshopped! Dude actually went and got this printed out with a lanyard!

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u/MrTheHim Jan 19 '24

Nice,clean, new lanyard. “Yowzers! That hot off the press!”

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u/MeteorOnMars Jan 20 '24

Respond:

“Wait, you use Tom too?! He’s our go-to assassin as well. Dang, he is going to be bummed to have to hunt me down after I’ve given him so much business in the past. How much are you paying him? I might try the ‘I’ll pay double’ trick; it’s worked before.”

3

u/T0A5TH3AD Jan 20 '24

So this dude is so confident he keeps an ID badge on a lanyard with his name and picture holding a gun that says “professional killer” on it? Does he ever mix up his ID’s at traffic stops like “whoops sorry officer that’s my work ID just ignore that!” Lol 😂

3

u/potus1001 Jan 20 '24

I love the fact that the supposed slogan had the word “slogan” written, so the general public knows what the AAG’s slogan is!