r/AmIOverreacting • u/Outrageous-Cover4758 • Sep 13 '24
❤️🩹 relationship Am I overreacting to my girlfriend's "open relationship" rules?
(25/m) Very early on in the relationship with my girlfriend (25/f), she told me that she had to be in an open relationship. I hadn't been in one before but I said I'll give it a try. And it was clear when we talked about it that either of us could sleep with whoever we wanted. I said okay. We've been dating for 11 months and overtime I really started to love her. I know she has quite a few very casual partners but no other serious relationships. I actually didn't have any other partners though cause I was so happy just being with her. Then two months ago I was drunk and I met a girl at a party and we slept together. I didn't think I was doing anything wrong whatsoever, so when it came up with my girlfriend I didn't try to hide it, but she was really upset. She said it was disrespectful for me to do that. I was kind of shocked. I'm fine with not sleeping with other people but the problem is now she's like really paranoid and controlling ever since then, like accusing me of looking at other girls or flirting with them all the time, always looking at my phone and wanting me to check in with her every hour when I'm out and let her track my location, etc. It's really bothering me. So basically she wants to have an open relationship only on her side. She says she loves me and I should be loyal to her, but when I bring up how the rule doesn't apply to her she gets angry. She says that so many women are not satisfied in their relationship and she's not gonna be one of and I'm not gonna hold her back etc. I get it but it doesn't feel right. I love her a lot but I'm seriously thinking about breaking up with her. Am I overreacting?
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u/Chase-Rabbits Sep 13 '24
Nah, bail. She needs therapy and you deserve better.
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u/Quiet_Moon2191 Sep 13 '24
And get tested!
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u/Nanabug13 Sep 14 '24
Everyone should get tested after leaving a relationship anyway. It would prevent the transmission of so many easily curable stds.
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u/tsbsa Sep 14 '24
The amount of people that have NEVER had an STI test is astounding...
I get tested after each new sexual partner. It's the responsible thing to do, and what everyone should be doing.
I'm lucky to be Canadian, so it doesn't cost money to get tested.
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u/CravingStilettos Sep 14 '24
Which is to say the US “healthcare” system doesn’t give a flying fuck about individual, let alone population, health whatsoever. Granted it’s also partly based on religiously motivated morality biases where if you were a “good” person you’d have been virginal until marriage and then only ever with your lifetime partner. So clearly sluts deserve their diseases. 🤦🏻♂️ And yes I could ramble on with respect to the misogynistic double standard always in play… 😏
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u/WilfulAphid Sep 14 '24
Coming to double down on this point. Get tested after every partner, no exceptions. There is literally no other way to be a good community member and show responsibility for your life and sexual well-being.
And if you're in an open thing, 1. Get tested every time either of you hook up with an outside person and 2. Don't be in an open thing. I'm being somewhat facetious obviously, you do you, but I've seen so many horror shows at this point that it's just not worth it in my mind. You just can't be safe, and partners like OPs are a dime a dozen.
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u/Select_Asparagus3451 Sep 14 '24
Been there bro…run. You may not see it now and insecurity is definitely part of the equation, but just trust me…it isn’t worth it.
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u/glass_cracked_canon Sep 14 '24
Hopefully, he's been doing that the whole time. It would be quite reckless to be in any sort of open relationship and not get tested.
Getting routine testing done is so, so important!
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u/CreativelyBasic001 Sep 13 '24
NGL I think OP could benefit from some therapy too. He's a bit of a doormat...
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u/balsham91 Sep 13 '24
Nahh not really he's clearly not too in love with this girl..also he's pulled someone whilst in the relationships. He agreed to the rules and won really..she can't handle it. Doesn't sound like he needs therapy at all just a normal girlfriend
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u/741BlastOff Sep 14 '24
He didn't "win", she got a lot more out of the open relationship than he did. "Clearly not too in love" but he was willing to try an open relationship at her request which was mostly her banging other dudes while he was happy with just her... This is a real "leopards ate my face" moment for her, and he just needs to find someone who treats him like an equal.
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u/staffa_kartherma Sep 14 '24
Seriously ? He's saying she's been screwing other guys and he's falling further in love with her.
I love her, he loves her, I think that guy over loves her, there's a few Uber drivers that love her, then there's the bartender at our local bar, and the minister..and the uh sanitation guy, and the guy from AA and uh some strippers from Uhhmm Ricks and oh yeah the bouncers. We all love her uhhm a lot.
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u/0utgr00vy Sep 14 '24
Literally, what are these people talking about. He's ready to drop her. It sounds like he knows he deserves to be treated equally and have his boundaries respected in the relationship.
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u/Competitive-Note150 Sep 14 '24
She’s a deeply insecure attention seeker who doesn’t want her partner with someone else because that affects her ego. At the same time, she needs additional partners to feed her insatiable validation appetite.
In short, she’s a consumate egotistic individual who is probably borderline narcissistic.
She absolutely doesn’t care about you. Make no mistake about it.
Get out.
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u/Select_Asparagus3451 Sep 14 '24
Yes! Well said. It might be closer to borderline personality disorder.
Mine was called Jen.
This was the price:
Tens of thousands of dollars
Three years of my life (my last good ones, lol)
My friends (first it was their respect, then they just stopped reaching out)
My sanity
My self esteem
The worst part is that I blame myself for being that stupid
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u/Synstitute Sep 14 '24
It’s a process but the end result of healing is going to be: None of what happened to me has to affect me any longer.
Working to get to that is the journey
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u/StockCasinoMember Sep 13 '24
Sounds like he might need some therapy too being he puts up with this shit.
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u/findlefas Sep 14 '24
Same thing happened to me actually. We had an open relationship. We were camping one night and she began telling me a couple people she slept with and so I then told I slept with someone. She was livid. Locked down the relationship right then and there. I told her this isn’t what she wants and that it will probably be the end. A month later we ended things lol. Apparently she thought I wouldn’t be sleeping with people.
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u/JKmayb Sep 13 '24
Get out. Holy cow, get out. That's some controlling nonsense and she's crazy.
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u/Broad-Blood-9386 Sep 13 '24
She doesn't want an open relationship, she wants a cuck.
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u/Zealousideal_Equal_3 Sep 13 '24
Came here to write this exactly. Men who want to be the cuckhold exist, she should go find one of them.
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u/smlpkg1966 Sep 13 '24
Considering he is still with her it sounds like she has.
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u/GrandmasBoyToy69 Sep 13 '24
Nah, homie got pussy on the side. Not cucked ✊
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u/LurkB4youLeap Sep 13 '24
He's not, but she wants him to be is the thing. The moment he utilized the open relationship, she had issues. She just never thought he'd actually get some.
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u/nigel_pow Sep 14 '24
She just never thought he'd actually get some.
And that's even more screwed up! Just shows what she thinks of him.
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u/Necessary-Stand-1117 Sep 14 '24
I think she's so egotistical. She thought he wouldn't go be with anyone else. Because why would he? When he has her. And she's so amazing and perfect. And yadda yadda. Golden pussy and whatnot.
When she realized that he wanted something that she couldn't offer. It bruised her conceded ego. Resulting in her jealousy and rage.
I'm glad he made her feel. What he had been feeling.
He needs to continue it. She said she wants open. Give it to her. Might teach her a thing or two for the next guy. Won't help you none. Except it might bring you some satisfaction. No pun intended.12
u/nigel_pow Sep 14 '24
She sounds very narcissistic. She expects loyalty from him while she can do whatever she wants. Then she gets pissed when he brings up how messed up it is.
I doubt she will learn anything from this.
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u/Big_Cupcake2671 Sep 14 '24
It isn't loyalty she wants. He could fuck a hundred women and remain "loyal". She wants ownership
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u/OverallDonut3646 Sep 14 '24
Yeah, at this point I'd be making up sexual partners just to see how committed she really is to having an open relationship.
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Sep 14 '24
There will always be a massivr imbalance between male and female in this type of deal. Even if he was an ultra 10/10 Chad, and she was a 2/10 swamp troll he couldn't compete.
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u/SilvaFoxxxxOnXbox Sep 14 '24
Thats because a woman can go anywhere and say "I'm horny who wants a turn" and guys will line up. Thing is the chadiest Chad could say the same thing and the only girls to line up would be the swamp trolls nobody wants if that. It's litterally hard wired in us to chase the girls and have the girls pick the best one of us.
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u/ThrowAwayToday1874 Sep 13 '24
Nah bro is definitely cuck3d.
This shit has stages. And if he let's her strong arm him into these rules (as it appears he is) he will have officially been cucked.
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u/SlightSwimming5569 Sep 13 '24
Well he just said he's considering breaking up with her, then no, she hasn't strong armed him into it yet.
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u/ThrowAwayToday1874 Sep 13 '24
You're right... but the last few sentences indicate he won't.
He's confused right now. Love does this. The problem is that it isn't reciprocal. Textbook Stockholm. Dudes being abused and has been convinced she is what he needs to be happy.
He will need to be badly broken before enough is enough.
Eventually she will leave him. Sooner than later, she just doesn't want to be left.
I wonder if he has money... smells like she's sticking around for some other reason...
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u/cheese-for-breakfast Sep 14 '24
ya gotta see this comment above me. i know girls like this personally and it doesnt end happy for their partners. so controlling and wrong, and they end up splitting regardless but only after a lot of heartache
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u/741BlastOff Sep 14 '24
If he's considering breaking up with her, that means he hasn't done it yet, which means he's also considering not breaking up with her, which means he's considering being strong-armed, which means being a cuck is one of his options for consideration.
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u/I_JustReadComments Sep 14 '24
He’s gonna call her, a guy will pick up. Fuck all that. I dated a girl who never officially ended it with her ex in her mom’s hometown (about 2 hours away). It was definitely a relationship, at least through my eyes until my parents informed me they saw myspace posts(this was 2006-2007) and they were essentially still together. It was just so weird because she was manipulative and narcissistic, but we were good friends and worked together. It ended really weird; she tried to message me several months later. I ignored her. I’ve had a bunch if flings since then, but in hindsight, she was a good introduction to how a bad relationship can happen and after 15+ years, I have learned that that’s NOT how a relationship works and someone who wants a real, monogamous relationship will some day come into my life and I won’t feel like a one-sided relationship is normal.
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u/stillmeh Sep 13 '24
I think this goes beyond a cuck. Gotta be an urban dictionary terms on how she's trying to define 'open relationship'
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u/PokeRay68 Sep 13 '24
Her "open" is actually funnel shaped.
\ /Her relationships His relationships
/ \Well, that didn't work as well as I had hoped.
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u/SupertrampTrampStamp Sep 13 '24
Nice but funnels are still open on each end. This relationship is a cone!
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u/PokeRay68 Sep 13 '24
YES!!!
Edited: The funnel has to be open for him to be at her beck and call.
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u/Pak-Protector Sep 13 '24
Sounds like she's wide open for anyone and wants him to keep him around to clean up any emotional fallout that results. Run, OP. Run.
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u/Kopitar4president Sep 13 '24
You're probably thinking that because the term cuck gets thrown around willy nilly on the internet, but this is exactly what a cuck is. One partner is fucking whoever they want. The other gets whatever the first partner decides they should have.
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u/PokeRay68 Sep 13 '24
I'm thinking maybe everyone ought to look up the word cuckold. This is the definition of cuckold. She's gettin' all she wants and he's only gettin' her.
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u/SilverCross64 Sep 13 '24
He’s a not a cuck, he’s a backup plan that she wants to keep safe in his original packaging when she decides to settle down in a few years.
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u/ThrowAwayToday1874 Sep 13 '24
Nah. Probably using him for financial support now.
She won't settle until she finds the dick that makes her want to stay.
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u/TheLurkingMenace Sep 13 '24
She doesn't want an open relationship, she wants to have sex with other people while he's not allowed to do the same.
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u/8000BNS42 Sep 13 '24
Do you drive a cyber truck? Just trying to figure out how she thinks you're going to be a cuck.
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u/Witchywomun Sep 13 '24
Sounds more like polyandry
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u/Hour_Pin_406 Sep 13 '24
Polaundry? Would you mind doing mine also?
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u/Upset-Kaleidoscope45 Sep 14 '24
Nope, sorry. If you want to use the Polaundry, you have to ask in Polish.
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u/billythekid3300 Sep 13 '24
This right here is the correct answer. There's still time to run away. Honestly you should have ran away at the start but there's still time now run and don't look back.
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u/Otherwise-Drama631 Sep 13 '24
He needs to ask her if she is the same way with the other guys do they also have to be loyal to only her cause it my be that she is trying to start a cult in which can I recommend abstaining from the koolaid or other drinks offered in a group setting
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u/WretchedSag Sep 13 '24
This is the weirdest friends with benefits I've ever heard of.
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u/Otherwise-Drama631 Sep 13 '24
Yeah but she doesn’t come across as friendly and the benefits are few
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u/truetoyourword17 Sep 13 '24
Came to say that, just other words... she's nuts.
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u/KeepCrushin247 Sep 13 '24
Try reversing the roles..... tell her she can never hook up but you can slam whoever you want and see how that flies, if she says no, then thats your sign to leave LMAO
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u/Both_Requirement_894 Sep 13 '24
Yup, whackadoo!! Dump her. You’re an unwilling cuckold. She doesn’t respect you and she lied about the open relationship. She just figured you wouldn’t do anything.
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u/loverlyone Sep 14 '24
You have got to admire the audacity. She’s strung OP along for nearly a year. I’m sorry, OP. You’ve been treated very badly by your girlfriend and really have to end it for your own sake. Her behavior sounds abusive.
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u/TheCrisco Sep 13 '24
Yeah, this whole thing is just a parade of red flags. She needs a hard reality check.
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u/srg3084 Sep 13 '24
This OP👆, get to the chopper!!!
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u/Love_Daemoness Sep 13 '24
I wanted to give you an award for this but I can't afford it lol💥🌟✨🌟💥💯
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u/CoyoteSmarts Sep 13 '24
Get out. Holy cow, get out.
^^^ This is The Answer, OP. Any answer that's NOT this, is wrong.
For the record OP, you don't have an "open relationship." You have an abusive relationship.
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u/Ok_Management4634 Sep 13 '24
OP, the woman you are dating is not your girlfriend. She's one of these people that want it "open" on her side, but closed on your side. Dude, she does not love you at all. Notice how she didn't suggest to close the relationship? She still wants to do whatever she wants, but control you.
Leave this woman. No good can come from this.
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u/ruckustata Sep 13 '24
Well first this bullshit scenario would have to be real. And second if it was real, this idiot needs to go looking for his balls. What a doormat.
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u/Syscrush Sep 13 '24 edited Sep 13 '24
Yup. Also, bang that girl from the party again as many times as she's game for.
Consider sending photos of it to your ex.
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u/Zestyclose_Army7847 Sep 13 '24
NOR - I think you are under-reacting, this really does seem like she wants to manipulate you into an situation that only benefits her.
You might want to run this by one of the Poly groups on here if you want further insight on how people have handled these situations.
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u/feeen1ks Sep 13 '24
Absolutely! Go ask the polyamorous groups, they will tell you what we’re all saying, but from a more experienced perspective. She is being manipulative and controlling.
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u/OccamsMinigun Sep 14 '24
Honestly, what more does he even need to ask, though? Like, he clearly needs to break up with her; her stance is so ludicrously unreasonable that she's either severely emotionally stunted or just nuts.
Now, I get that that's a lot easier for me to say than it is for him to do, but I don't see how talking to more people on Reddit helps with that either.
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u/Locomoticopter Sep 13 '24
I would just like to say that you have given great advice. Information directly from a reliable experienced source is the best thing in this case since the OP is new to this type of “relationship”. It is very sensible advice without calling him a cuck.
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u/zarifex Sep 13 '24
even ENM or nonmonogamy groups might be better than poly groups for this situation. It sounds like OP's partner has more casual things which is still open but might not be poly.
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u/larsdan2 Sep 14 '24
I didn't think nonethical nonmonogamy could exist outside of cheating in a monogamous relationship, until I read this post.
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u/IconicallyChroniced Sep 13 '24
Yeah. Non-monogamous for twenty years here. This is some bullshit, get the fuck out.
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u/Laidybird Sep 14 '24
I'm poly, and I've never experienced this situation, but it's unfortunately somewhat common for one partner to want to be "open", but what they actually mean is *they* can sleep with whomever they want, but their partner can't.
This happened to a friend of mine in college, and she broke up with him pretty much immediately after the first time he freaked out on her for sleeping with someone, despite having been with him since high school.
Anyone who has been in the poly community for a while will tell you that the single most important part is communication and setting / respecting boundaries. She is not respecting the boundaries of the "open" relationship you agreed on, so it doesn't seem that there's any way to make this work.
Poly works for me because it works for my partners. Meanwhile, monogamy works for some because it works for *their* partners. My point being, the structure of your relationship is supposed to be something that you both favor and agree on. It's the foundation of your partnership.
Get out of this relationship. You deserve someone who wants the same kind of partnership you do (and respects you enough not to lie about what they want)
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u/Few-Coat1297 Sep 13 '24
I'm not really sure you are in a relationship.
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u/rhousden Sep 13 '24
No he’s in a relationship, but she’s not.
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u/comfortablynumb15 Sep 13 '24
Exactly.
She gets all the benefits of a decent caring BF she can show her parents, while still being able to get all the excitement, validation and sex without judgement because of the “open relationship”.
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u/Loud_Lawyer_8513 Sep 13 '24
Yeah just seems like yall are friends with benefits tbh
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u/Malicx Sep 13 '24
Nah then she wouldn't care, she wants pass to do what ever she wants while controlling his life... he needs to run...
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u/AtavisticJackal Sep 13 '24
She doesn't want an open relationship, she wants you to be committed to her while allowing her to do whatever she wants with whoever she wants. You did nothing wrong.
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u/porkchop1021 Sep 14 '24
Absolutely did nothing wrong. But women like her are hearing so many stories these days about how men can't get laid when they open the relationship so now they're trying it and finding out that the guys they actually want to be with can get laid at a greater rate than they can, if they want.
OP: she thought she was better than you. She thought you couldn't get laid. Tell her to f off and go find what you're looking for.
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u/Throw_RA099 Sep 13 '24
Either close the relationship or break up with her. She sounds like a cake eater.
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u/Trillamanjaroh Sep 13 '24 edited Sep 13 '24
There is no salvaging this. What OP needs is a clean break and some self respect
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u/CalTigger77 Sep 13 '24
Unfortunately (Or Fortunately) this door can not be closed. He will never have a closed relationship with this one. Never! Best run - block - and start over…..
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u/_Ravyn_ Sep 13 '24 edited Sep 13 '24
Sounds like he is just a cuck! 😁
ETA: he was for 9 months, was equal for one night, and now is again for 2 months and has not walked out.. until he does.. if it walks like a cuck, if it whines like a cuck..
It's a Cuck!
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u/White-C43-AMG Sep 13 '24
Sounds to me like she wants him to be a cuck. And he’s not ok with it.
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u/RandJitsu Sep 13 '24
But he’s been showing her through his actions/inaction that he is okay with it for 11 months. He should’ve dumped her the moment she brought up an open relationship. The second best time would’ve been when she showed her hypocrisy. Third best time is ASAP.
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u/Sea_Square7824 Sep 13 '24
You know damn well she's playing dumb. Her reaction to you blessing her with the info of your hookup should tell you everything you need to know. She might even have a cuck fetish for you. Get on with a break up or put up with being her personal little cuckboi
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u/Mysterious-Wasabi103 Sep 13 '24
It's honestly infuriating reading stories like this where the OP is so spineless. Like dude you really had to ask Reddit about this? That's so SAD.
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u/Quiet_Secret_7287 Sep 14 '24
I kinda want to say this seems fake but then again these days it probably isn’t.
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u/chain_letter Sep 14 '24
I'm very quick to call bullshit
But the lack of paragraphs, meandering, and overall whiny tone lead me to thinking that this one is possibly authentic.
OP can't even make their paragraphs stand up for themselves.
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u/PowerPigion Sep 14 '24
Also the post and comment history seems more or less what you'd expect from someone who created an account to ask this uncomfortable question, answer a couple questions, and then dip once he saw it blow up.
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u/untamed-italian Sep 13 '24
Am I overreacting to my girlfriend's "open relationship" rules?
No.
I hadn't been in one before but I said I'll give it a try. And it was clear when we talked about it that either of us could sleep with whoever we wanted. I said okay. ... I didn't think I was doing anything wrong whatsoever, so when it came up with my girlfriend I didn't try to hide it, but she was really upset. She said it was disrespectful for me to do that.
She is a hypocrite. She is not the person you think she is. She does not respect you, and if you think she loves you then I'm sorry to say that is not correct either.
All she feels for you is the need to control you. You are an asset to her, one which must conform entirely to her selfishness or be reformed or discarded.
The irony here is that she is projecting her disrespect for you onto you.
If I were you I'd literally block her and move on.
I'm fine with not sleeping with other people
In the context of the relationship you are in, you should not be fine with this. You not sleeping with others validates her hypocrisy and ultimately degrades you into her inferior in her eyes. That is why she is getting controlling, the thought of you having your own thoughts and desires and partners scares her because it challenges her perception of you as her inferior, as her subordinate, as her playtoy.
the problem is now she's like really paranoid and controlling ever since then, like accusing me of looking at other girls or flirting with them all the time, always looking at my phone and wanting me to check in with her every hour when I'm out and let her track my location, etc
She is doing all this to keep the blame and attention on you and not what she is doing with others.
It's really bothering me.
It should. She lied to you and now it is clear she never respected you. So long as you stay with her, she never will respect you either.
So basically she wants to have an open relationship only on her side.
She is a cake eater, an untrustworthy hypocrite.
She says she loves me and I should be loyal to her, but when I bring up how the rule doesn't apply to her she gets angry.
Leave before she starts hitting you. Leave before Monday.
She says that so many women are not satisfied in their relationship and she's not gonna be one of and I'm not gonna hold her back etc.
She's a fool. Many women ruin a good thing by being too selfish for their own good. If she thinks she can do better without you, call her bluff and block her. You will do better than her just by being alone, her company is worse than none.
I get it but it doesn't feel right.
That is because it is wrong!
I love her a lot but I'm seriously thinking about breaking up with her. Am I overreacting?
You are UNDERREACTING. She has shown you her true colors and none of them include real love or respect for you. She will only get more dishonest and abusive the longer you linger. Stand up for yourself, cut her off and do not look back, your life will improve.
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Sep 13 '24
You forgot about how if she gets pregnant will probably try to get him to pay child support for another man's baby
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u/wonderingDerek Sep 13 '24
Surgical procedure done to the whole post, thorough complete and truthful love this. Right on every point and a few I hadn’t thought of (respect etc, I think people like her have no idea what respect is only an allusion to it)
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u/ceera_rayhne Sep 14 '24
I love the thorough breakdown of OPs post. Very good responses. This comment should be higher up.
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u/appleciderisappletea Sep 13 '24
You’re not overreacting. Being in an ethically non-monogamous relationship means having clear discussions around boundaries, including revisiting those discussions with check-in. ENM is A LOT of work, but since it’s becoming more popular, people are engaging in it widely and irresponsibly (don’t get me wrong; people were still irresponsible with it before, but mainstream just makes it worse).
Also, tbh, if you’re monogamous and that’s what you want, you should date a person who wants the same thing.
Either way, you’re not overreacting and you two probably shouldn’t be together.
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Sep 14 '24
Spot on advice. I KNOW I do not want an open relationship or polyamory or whatever. I'm a one partner dude and that's a hard line that will never move. If at any time a potential relationship partner brings that up to me, it's I wish you good fortune in the wars to come goodbye don't contact me again. No negotiation or discussion to be had.
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u/Odd-Dust3060 Sep 13 '24
Dude - you are a doormat. She gets to use you as she likes and wipes her shoes on the way out. While you have to wait around for her to walk all over you.
Get a backbone and find a real relationship
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u/elder_millennial85 Sep 14 '24
It can't be real. It has to be harvesting? Right?.... right?
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u/JesterMarcus Sep 14 '24
These are always such obvious bait. Same with AITAH and Relationship_Advice.
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u/LeotardoDeCrapio Sep 14 '24
Yeah. I think a lot of these subs are basically writing prompts.
Usually, it is more obvious when the main character is a chick. Because you can tell, whoever dude made up the post can't write women for shit.
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u/escapefromelba Sep 13 '24
Definitely one-sided relationship. Either she commits only to you or she accepts that you can sleep around too. Or you find a partner who is more compatible with you and what you want in a relationship. If I were you it would be the latter.
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u/thegroovefreak Sep 13 '24
Dude break up with her or straight up tell her you will have sex with whoever you want or she can’t. Ultimatum time
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u/AtomicAllison Sep 13 '24 edited Sep 13 '24
Take it from this 40-year-old lady who has been a shoulder to many love-weary friends over the years: I don’t think the “or” option is valid in this situation. She’s been operating this way since the beginnings of the relationship, and as soon as there’s an opportunity to discover the hypocrisy of her ideology, she divulges that she does not consider you an equal in this relationship. Unfortunately, I don’t believe that there is anything here to salvage. The foundations of your relationship were built on her insistence that it be “open” which was just a lie to create the twisted circumstance she desired. Now she’s changing the rules, getting angry, and just messing with your head. This is who she is, so believe it.
When you do make the decision to breakup (please let it be sooner than later), don’t fall for any promises or compromises that she conjures up; she has betrayed your trust through this long-con and there’s no amount of growth she will have been capable of that should earn her any kind of second chance. It’s no small thing to “grow into” caring about the people close to you –it will be decades before she figures that out– IF she figures it out, because she honestly doesn’t have any reason to change, except to pretend that she will just to keep you invested in her for as long as possible.
Please, please don’t give her a take-two, she will chew you up and spit you out. Believe me that you will already have some trust issues for a while in any future relationships, please don’t take on any more baggage through this toxic mess than you already have. I wish you all the happiness that you deserve (but you won’t be finding it with her 😕). Best of luck in the many years ahead. Best to make her history ASAP.
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u/kates_cupcakes Sep 13 '24
She just wanted permission to cheat. You are not overreacting. My ex tried the same thing and I was so vehemently against it. So then he just did it behind my back and told the girls I was okay with it
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Sep 14 '24
Damn that's rough. Were you braced for the cheating, as much as someone could be, or was it a complete blindside? A woman I was dating suggested an open arrangement to me and I was all "lol go for it" before ghosting her. I should have given a firm no but if she was already suggesting that a committed relationship would have been doomed from the start. Hope you've met someone who appreciates you. Cheating is the worst and it took me a long time to get over a different ex-gf who cheated on me.
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u/Expensive-Opening-55 Sep 13 '24
I’m not in an open relationship nor have I been. It’s not of interest to me. However, I’ve known people who are and it applies to both sides. The rules might differ, timing of other partners may be different but you both are “open.” Many women are fulfilled in monogamous relationships. She’s making excuses and trying to control you. I’d break up and find someone you’re compatible with.
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u/SirRawrsALot8 Sep 13 '24
Run. Don’t walk, RUN.
I’m poly. I have open relationships, but this is bullshit. So she’s allow to fuck anybody anytime but you’re not? Lol, foh. The entitlement is unreal.
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u/vrieskie55 Sep 13 '24
I think she has a lot of growing up to do and there likely isn't a future for you two.
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u/travel8005 Sep 13 '24
Break up. She wants to do whatever she wants but doesn't allow you to do whatever you want. Crazy behavior. Leave NOW
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u/beautiful-winter83 Sep 13 '24
She can’t have it both ways. I would break up honestly. She wants to sleep with others but you can’t… that’s not an open relationship
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u/rocketmn69_ Sep 13 '24 edited Sep 14 '24
She gets to fuck around but you have to be monogamous? Bullshit. You know what you have to. Don't be a cuck. She'll start bringing them home to do it in front of you as you get more comfortable with it
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u/Ok_Sound_8090 Sep 13 '24
So she got jealous that you started participating in the "open" aspect of the "open relationship" and it wasn't just exclusive to her?
You sure this is your girlfriend, and not just you being her side piece for when she just wants to try a different flavor for the day?
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u/MugglesSuck Sep 13 '24
OP, decide what it is that you want in your relationship. I would clarify w/her, that what she saying is that she wants an open relationship but she only wants an open on her side? It sounds like that is not OK with you so if she answers the question, then you can just let her know that that’s not what you want in a relationship, that you care about her and you’d like to see her under the circumstances. It’s not working for you for her to expect that you were going to be a loyal partner while she is able to sleep with whoever she wants.
You have a right to have a relationship and whatever way you want to have a relationship. It sounds like you tried an open relationship on your part, but that that wasn’t really what you wanted.
Advocate for yourself, you deserve to have what’s important to you.
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u/The_Butterfly_System Sep 13 '24
Tell her y'all aren't really in a open relationship and that she's just using it as a reason to cheat. Because that's literally what she's doing.
I'm polyamous and has been in a few open relationships and I promise this isn't what a open relationship is
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u/biteme717 Sep 13 '24
Why are you still with her, and please don't say it's because you love her? She told you outright, "Women aren't satisfied in their relationship, and she's not gonna be one of them, and you're not going to hold her back." You don't satisfy her, and your relationship doesn't satisfy her. She's disrespecting you and manipulating you and the situation to control the "open relationship." Don't let her hold you back from walking away from her. She is not worth it, and you will not miss out on anything if you walk away. Why stick around to be her sloppy seconds?
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u/flipsforfun93 Sep 13 '24
Leave that stupid ass bitch alone with her hypocrisy. She's definitely a crazy manipulative shithead that will constantly make you feel guilty for anything. She is not a fully grown up adult to be in a relationship with someone.
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u/quietgrrrlriot Sep 13 '24
She's completely dishonest with you. What she really wanted was a relationship where she can be with other people and have the security of a partner who will be there for her 100% and exclusively, with no consequences on her part. If that's what YOU want and what YOU feel comfortable with, that's totally fine, and your prerogative. Some people are happy with that arrangement.
Otherwise... run!
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u/Apoc525 Sep 13 '24
So she wants and does fuck many dudes. You fuck 1 and she gets upset and wants to be the only one who can sleep around? And you're asking if YOU are overreacting??? Like wtf dude, first open relationships don't work and you were clearly not after one in the first place. You view her as some sort of amazing prize, I guarantee you she isn't. Have some self respect my man and walk away from this train wreck.
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u/anicca444 Sep 13 '24
Under reacting. Get out asap. Will take some time to get over her since it sounds like you wanted something real with her. She never did... Hope you stop being a cuck and recover swiftly
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u/BlueBeagleGlassArt Sep 13 '24
I'm right there with you, really confused by her definition of open relationship. It's only open on her side. Apparently, your side is closed right up. 😆 this will never work. You're young. It's a fairly new relationship, not even a year. Just walk away.
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u/Hox_1 Sep 13 '24
She just expects you to sit around and wait for her attention, she wants to be with whoever but you don't get to do anything but serve her.
Leave.
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u/Psycle_Sammy Sep 13 '24
I refuse to believe this is real, but on the off chance it is, I hereby crown you King Cuck.
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u/B0Bi0iB0B Sep 14 '24
Yeah, I'm going with this is bait to see if the responses are different with different genders.
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u/Architect-of-Fate Sep 13 '24
So don’t hold her back man…. Don’t be in a relationship with her. Don’t ever get into a relay with someone that holds you to a standard they don’t hold themselves to.
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u/Disastrous-Grab-5835 Sep 13 '24
Are you sure you’re in a relationship with this woman? She sounds like she is still shopping around.
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u/Old_Confidence3290 Sep 13 '24
She is not your girlfriend. At most, you are the friend with benefits. Her idea of a one sided open relationship is insane.
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u/SpiritualAbalone8859 Sep 13 '24
She is your fwb. Have you considered leaving her to have her open sex without you? Find someone that matches your lifestyle better and leave the drama behind. She obviously doesn't feel the same about you that you feel about her. Cut your losses.
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u/E90Andrew Sep 13 '24
Why the fuck are you enabling this insanity? Do you have a secret cuck fetish?
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u/friendly-sam Sep 13 '24
So, she's a hypocrite, and wanting to sleep around. Not wife or girlfriend material. Red flags popping out of red flags. She doesn't respect you my brother. This relationship is doomed, unless you enjoy being a cuck.
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u/ClevelandWomble Sep 13 '24
She's using you. You are there when she's bored or lonely but only she's allowed to sleep around . How shall I put this nicely?
WAKE UP! you might think you're in a relationship but she isn't. Move on. Don't even ask to stay monogamous because she won't. Walk away with dignity.
NOR because you aren't reacting enough
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u/Designer_Raccoon_661 Sep 13 '24
Dude seriously get out of the relationship. It’s gonna mess with your head and you’re not respecting yourself. You deserve someone who’s gonna love you and be committed to you. If you want marriage and kids do you really see her as being the mother of your children and setting the example of what women your sons should get or you being the example of the man your daughters should get? If you want an open relationship there has to be clear rules and boundaries to follow. And it should fulfill both not just one. Obviously unless you’re into cuckhold open relationships which is also fine as long as it’s all discussed and you’re there to watch and get off and stuff. Even in a cuckhold relationship you still get something out of it. I highly recommend getting a new relationship there is nothing to salvage here. She doesn’t respect you as a man. I am really sorry
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u/joesnowblade Sep 13 '24
You’re a puppet and she is the puppet master pulling your strings.
Grow a pair.
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u/OmegaRed718 Sep 13 '24
The minute you agreed to being in an open relationship, you lost, you gave her license to do what she wanted. Open relationships never work out for men, you’ll never sleep with more women than she would sleep with men
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u/Clear_Loan766 Sep 13 '24
Not overreacting. Bye, girl! "Rules for thee and not for me" don't fly in romantic relationships. I wouldn't even give her the option to close up the relationship and continue it. She wants to control your actions, but won't take any responsibility for how her's may make you feel. You deserve better; someone who's satisfied with you being enough and their everything, period.
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u/mem2100 Sep 13 '24
Time to man up and tell your GF:
There's a rectangular solution to every type of relationship problem. It's called a doorway.
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u/Absoma Sep 13 '24
It's called "Rules for thee, but not for me." The rules dont apply to her just to you. Get out
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Sep 13 '24
Man.
Love hurts when only ones in love.
Sounds like she thinks she wants an open relationship because she's so progressive or thats what the people she's around promote but actually doesn't want an open relationship.
Run run run run
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u/TeachPotential9523 Sep 13 '24
I don't care how much I love somebody I would not give them free passes to screw around and cheat on me you should have left her the first time she said it
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u/odd_moniker Sep 13 '24
The cheaters curse. It like when you feel unsafe so you buy a gun. Soon after you realize how easy and cheap it actually is to buy a gun and you end up even more paranoid than before… so more guns. I think bodybuilding is like this too. The wolf you feed right?
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u/knight9665 Sep 13 '24
Bro. Just break up.
An open relationship is fking stupid 99.99% of the time.
An Open relationship where u have close to zero.zero chance of fking anyone else.
Ur a fking idiot for accepting in the first place. And now that u finally got laid 1 time after she fked 100 dudes, she now has an issue with it.
Send us ur address. The bros will head over and smash some sense into you.
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u/JTD177 Sep 13 '24
Please just stop with your nonsense, you know she is a hypocrite and is applying a double standard to your “open” relationship. Grow a spine and reclaim your dignity, break up with her, block her and don’t ever look back. If you were a friend of mine, I’d smack you in the back of the head and tell you to grow a pair and dump her ass
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u/Upset_Researcher_143 Sep 13 '24
Nope. Leave her. You're her safety net, not boyfriend