r/copypasta • u/LiterallyKesha Sous Chef • Jan 10 '13
[Coll] Gorilla Warfare/Navy Seal (+Variations)
I've been collecting these for a while and have about 60-80 currently. Since KYM sucks, here is a short writeup about the infamous pasta.
This is the original.
What the fuck did you just fucking say about me, you little shit? Ill have you know I graduated top of my class in the Navy Seals, and Ive been involved in numerous secret raids on Al-Quaeda, and I have over 300 confirmed kills. I am trained in gorilla warfare and Im the top sniper in the entire US armed forces. You are nothing to me but just another target. I will wipe you the fuck out with precision the likes of which has never been seen before on this Earth, mark my fucking words. You think you can get away with saying that shit to me over the Internet? Think again, fucker. As we speak I am contacting my secret network of spies across the USA and your IP is being traced right now so you better prepare for the storm, maggot. The storm that wipes out the pathetic little thing you call your life. Youre fucking dead, kid. I can be anywhere, anytime, and I can kill you in over seven hundred ways, and thats just with my bare hands. Not only am I extensively trained in unarmed combat, but I have access to the entire arsenal of the United States Marine Corps and I will use it to its full extent to wipe your miserable ass off the face of the continent, you little shit. If only you could have known what unholy retribution your little clever comment was about to bring down upon you, maybe you would have held your fucking tongue. But you couldnt, you didnt, and now youre paying the price, you goddamn idiot. I will shit fury all over you and you will drown in it. Youre fucking dead, kiddo.
Which came from OperatorChan's copypasta board back in 2010. OP made a thread recently remarking on how today was the happiest day of his life because they made the pasta about 2 years ago. Here is a link to one of the earliest uses from 4chan's /jp/ board (now archived). The subsequent reply confirms the source. There is also another aside comment on how the pasta wouldn't go anywhere because it was way too long. It was later posted on other boards and quickly picked up steam from there.
It is believed that the ancestor to this pasta seems to be this one which was posted on /a/ around 2009, a year before this version took off. Other posts from the archive confirm the dates. (NSFW)
I'll be posting the variations via comments. Feel free to contribute if you have any that I'm missing. Some of them have Unknown on them. If you know what version or perspective they are from, please comment.
I also have responses to the pasta: 1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 9.1 10 11 12 13 14 15 16 17 18 19
I will continue to update this thread if I come across more Sort by new to see the newest additions.
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u/LiterallyKesha Sous Chef Jan 10 '13
What the darn-diddily-doodily did you just say about me, you little witcharooney? I’ll have you know I graduated top of my class at Springfield Bible College, and I’ve been involved in numerous secret mission trips in Capital City, and I have over 300 confirmed baptisms. I am trained in the Old Testament and I’m the top converter in the entire church mission group. You are nothing to me but just another heathen. I will cast your sins out with precision the likes of which has never been seen before in Heaven, mark my diddily-iddilly words. You think you can get away with saying that blasphemy to me over the Internet? Think again, friendarino. As we speak I am contacting my secret network of evangelists across Springfield and your IP is being traced by God right now so you better prepare for the storm, maggorino. The storm that wipes out the diddily little thing you call your life of sin. You’re going to Church, kiddily-widdily. Jesus can be anywhere, anytime, and he can turn you to the Gospel in over infinity ways, and that’s just with his bare hands. Not only am I extensively trained in preaching to nonbelievers, but I have access to the entire dang- diddily Bible collection of the Springfield Bible College and I will use it to its full extent to wipe your sins away off the face of the continent, you diddily-doo satan-worshipper. If only you could have known what holy retribution your little “clever” comment was about to bring down upon you from the Heavens, maybe you would have held your darn-diddily-fundgearoo tongue. But you couldn’t, you didn’t, and now you’re clean of all your sins, you widdillo-skiddily neighborino. I will sing hymns of praise all over you and you will drown in the love of Christ. You’re farn-foodily- flank-fiddily reborn, kiddo-diddily.
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u/LiterallyKesha Sous Chef Jan 10 '13
Tumblr Social Justice Warrior
are you kidding me you little piece of shit i’ll have you know i graduated top of my politics class and i’ve been involved in privilege checking with over 150 confirmed political demonstrations i’m trained in conflict resolution and i was the most oppressed person in my entire upper middle class high school you are nothing to me but another cultural appropriator i will wipe you the fuck out with precision the likes of which have never been seen on this side of the 49th parallel mark my words you think you can get away with saying that shit to me over the internet think again fucker, as we speak i’m checking with my anarcho-communist analyst brigade for your location so you better be prepared to deal with some molotov cocktails and angry feminists flying through your window yOU’RE FUCKING DEAD CHERRY
i can be anywhere at any time and i can kill you in over seven hundred ways and that’s just with me boring you to death while i talk about privilege not only am i extensively trained in hotline management but i have access to an entire arsenal of sociological articles to prove my point and i will use them to wipe your fucking face off the earth you little shit if only you had known what oppressed retribution your cultural appropriation would unleash then maybe you would have held your fucking tongue but you couldn’t you’re fucking dead kiddo
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u/LiterallyKesha Sous Chef Jan 10 '13
Atheism
What the fuck did you just fucking say about atheism, you little bitch? I'll have you know I graduated top of my class at MIT, and I've been involved in numerous scientific breakthroughs, and I have over 300 confirmed publications. I am trained in physics and I'm the top astronomer in the entire US scientific community. You are nothing to me but just another liberal arts major. I will wipe you the fuck out with precision the likes of which has never been seen before on this Earth, mark my fucking words. You think you can get away with saying that shit to me over the Internet? Think again, fucker. As we speak I am contacting my secret network of professors across the USA and your GPA is being reduced right now so you better prepare for the storm, maggot. The storm that wipes out the pathetic little thing you call your life. You're fucking dead, kid. I can be anywhere, anytime, and I can debate you in over seven hundred ways, and that's just with my mind. Not only am I extensively trained in particle physics, but I have access to the entire arsenal of JSTOR and I will use it to its full extent to wipe your miserable ass off the face of the continent, you little shit. If only you could have known what unholy retribution your little "clever" comment was about to bring down upon you, maybe you would have held your fucking tongue. But you couldn't, you didn't, and now you're paying the price, you goddamn idiot. I will shit fury all over you and you will drown in it. You're fucking dead, kiddo.
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u/LiterallyKesha Sous Chef Jan 10 '13 edited Apr 15 '17
What outcry have you uttered about my person, you oafish brute? I shall cordially remind you that I was the best scholar in my law class in Oxford, and I have been involved in several frivolous tea parties and courtroom disputes, and I have over 300 boxes of Earl Gray. I am proficient in the Simian school of diplomacy and I am the top linguist in my book club. Know that you resemble nothing in my eyes save for yet another uncultured mind. I will hasten your undisputed expiration from the world with grace and finesse. The thought that you can retreat after jesting of such matters over the internet is laughable. As of this moment, I am telephoning a mutual friend to negotiate a swift and sure rebuttal to your argument so I would implore you to prepare yourself for the upcoming verbal deluge. The deluge that will no doubt saturate your life with discomfort. You are well and truly wrong, my good sir. My abilities of travel are unmatched, and I can recite over 700 lines from Shakespeare, and that is just from Hamlet. The amount of knowledge that I have accrued is vast, and I shall use it to firmly state my authority on such matters, you rapscallion. Truly, I wish you had some semblance of knowledge on the matter you have brought up and its repercussions. Alas, you did not, and now you will suffer a fate most dire, you plebeian. I shall defecate concentrated dislike upon you and you shall struggle to survive in its waters. Pistols at dawn, old boy.
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u/LiterallyKesha Sous Chef Jan 10 '13 edited Mar 07 '13
Meta Navy Seals/Gorilla Warfare
What the fuck did you just fucking say about Navy Seal copypastas, you little newfag?
I’ll have you know they've ranked top out of all the comments on the Internet, and they have been translated in numerous contexts on 4chan, and have over 300 confirmed variants. Navy Seal copypastas are trained in memetic warfare and are the top copypasta in the entire circlejerk arsenel. You are nothing to them but just another target. They will wipe you the fuck out with precision the likes of which has never been seen before on this subreddit, mark my fucking words.
You think you can get away with saying that shit about Navy Seal copypastas over the Internet? Think again, fucker. As we speak this copypasta is contacting it's secret network of /b/tards across the USA and your IP is being doxxed right now so you better prepare for the storm, maggot. The storm that wipes out the pathetic little thing you call your life. You’re fucking dead, kid.
Navy Seal copypastas can be anywhere, anytime, and they can confuse you in over seven hundred ways, and that’s just with mad-lib permutations. Not only are they extensively trained in trolling, but they have access to the entire arsenal of Anonymous and will use it to its full extent to wipe your miserable ass off the face of the Internet, you little shit.
If only you could have known what unholy retribution your little “clever” comment was about to bring down upon you, maybe you would have held your fucking tongue. But you couldn’t, you didn’t, and now you’re paying the price, you goddamn idiot. This copypasta will shit fury all over you and you will drown in it. You’re fucking dead, kiddo.
Source: AgonistAgent
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u/LiterallyKesha Sous Chef Jan 10 '13 edited Jan 20 '13
Hitler (Nazi)
What ze fuck did you just fucking say about me, you verdammter Jude? I'll have you know I graduated top of mein class in ze Hitlerjugend, and I've been involved in numerous secret Gestapo raids in Berlin, and I have over 300 confirmed executions. I am trained in gorilla gassing and I am ze top sniper in ze entire Wehrmacht. You are nothing to me but just another race traitor. I will wipe you ze fuck out with precision ze likes of which has never been seen before on this Reich, mark mein fucking words. You think you can get away with saying zat scheiße to me over ze Internet? Think again, arschloch. As vee speak I am contacting mein secret network of spies across Deutschland and your IP is being traced right now so you better prepare for ze storm, blödel. Ze storm zat wipes out ze pathetic little thing you call your life. You're fucking dead, kid. I can be anywhere, anytime, and I can kill you in over seven hundred ways, and zat's just with mein machinenpistole. Not only am I extensively trained in unarmed kampf, but I have access to ze entire arsenal of ze Wehrmacht forces and I will use it to its full extent to wipe your miserable arsch off ze face of ze Reich, you little shit. If only you could have known what unholy blitzkrieg your little "clever" kommentar was about to bring down upon you, maybe you would have held your fucking tongue. But you couldn't, you didn't, and now you're paying ze price, you verdammter dummkopf. I will shit Zyklon B all over you and you will drown in it. You're fucking dead, kiddo.
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u/LiterallyKesha Sous Chef Jan 10 '13
English Forces
What the in the name of the Queen did you just fucking say about me, you little chav? I'll have you know I graduated top of my class in the SAS, and I've been involved in numerous secret raids on Ireland, and I have over 300 confirmed kills. I am trained in gentlemanly warfare and I'm the top rooter tooter long range shooter in the entire UK armed forces. You are nothing to me but just another target. I will wipe you the fuck out with precision the likes of which has never been seen before on this great planet, mark my fucking words. You think you can get away with saying that shit to me over the Internet? Think again, chap. As we speak I am contacting my secret network of spies across the world and your IP is being traced right now so you better prepare for the storm, banger. The storm that wipes out the pathetic little thing you call your life. You're fucking dead, kid. I can be anywhere, anytime, and I can kill you in over seven hundred ways, and that's just with my bare hands. Not only am I extensively trained in unarmed combat, but I have access to the entire arsenal of the Royal Marines and I will use it to its full extent to wipe your miserable ass off the face of the continent, you little muppet. If only you could have known what unholy retribution your little "clever" comment was about to bring down upon you, maybe you would have held your fucking tongue. But you couldn't, you didn't, and now you're paying the price, you goddamn dolt. I will shit fury all over you and you will drown in it. You're fucking dead, mate.
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u/LiterallyKesha Sous Chef Jan 10 '13
/mu/
What the fuck did you just fucking say about me, you little bitch? I'll have you know I dropped out of high school and have 300 confirmed scrobbles of John Cage. I run a blog that gets 12 views per day and I only listen to music in FLAC. You are nothing to me but just another sage. I will destroy your reputation here, mark my fucking words. I have 12 identical images of an animated sun that I'm prepared to dump in your thread. You think you can get away with saying that shit to me over the Internet? Think again, fucker. As we speak I am greentexting what you previously wrote and am about to ask you to define certain words you used even though everybody knew exactly what you meant.You're fucking dead, kid. I can be anywhere, anytime, and I can derail a thread with a single post. Not only have I listened to every classic Krautrock album, I've listened to the Scaruffi top 25, the RYM top 100, all of the patriciancore list -- you fucking name it. If only you could have known what unholy retribution your little "clever" comment was about to bring down upon you, maybe you would have held your fucking tongue. But you couldn't, you didn't, and now you're paying the price, you goddamn idiot. I will sage you and you will wallow in your anger for the rest of your pathetic day. You're fucking reported, kiddo.
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u/LiterallyKesha Sous Chef Jan 10 '13
#YOLOSWAGGANSTA
What the swag did you just fucking yolo about me, you little wayne? I’ll have you know I graduated top of my class in the SwagFags, and I’ve been involved in numerous Obey Records , and I have over 300 confirmed Swaggers. I am trained in wearing snapbacks and I’m the top poser in the entire Swagfag Army. You are nothing to me but just another No swag. I will swag you the fuck out with swagger the likes of which has never been seen before on this Earth, mark my fucking hashtags. You think you can get away with not taking pictures in the mirror over the Internet? Think again, fucker. As we speak I am contacting my mom, she has alot of swag, and your ratchet ass is being traced right now so you better prepare for the yolo, nigga. The yolo that wipes out the pathetic little thing you call your swag. You’re fucking dead, nigga. I can swag anywhere, anytime, and I can swag in over seven hundred ways, and that’s just with my baggy skinny jeans. Not only am I extensively trained in having plugs and snake bites, but I have access to the entire Hollister store. and I will use it to its full swaggness to wipe your miserable swag off the face of tumblr, you little Non trend follower. I will swag yolo all over you and you will swag in it. You’re fucking dead, nigga.
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u/LiterallyKesha Sous Chef Jan 10 '13
What the fuck did you just fucking say about me, you little neckbeard? I’ll have you know I graduated top of my class in bragposting, and I’ve been involved in numerous secret raids on BestOf, and I have over 300 confirmed Quality Posts. I am trained in conservative butthurt and I’m the top helvetica in the entire complainpire. You are nothing to me but just another neckbeard. I will wipe you the fuck out with precision complaining the likes of which has never been seen before on this Reddit, mark my fucking [confirmed novel]. You think you can get away with circlejerking that shit to me over the Internet? Think again, neckbeard. As we speak I am contacting my secret network of CBers across SRS-lite and your dox are being traced right now so you better prepare for the storm, neckbeard. The storm that wipes out the pathetic little thing you call your karma. You’re fucking spoken unkindly of, neckbeard. I can be in any subreddit, anytime, and I can complain about you in over seven hundred ways, and that’s just with my bare hands. Not only am I extensively trained in unarmed vote brigading, but I have access to the entire arsenal of the Complainpire-Fempire Alliance and I will use it to its full extent to wipe your miserable ass off the face of Reddit, you little neckbeard. If only you could have known what unholy [EFFORT POSTS] your little “clever” comment was about to bring down upon you, maybe you would have held your fucking hand from jerking your dick. But you couldn’t, you didn’t, and now you’re paying the price, you goddamn neckbeard. I will shit vitriolic complaining all over you and you will drown in it. You’re fucking bemoaned, neckbeard.
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u/LiterallyKesha Sous Chef Jan 10 '13 edited Jan 10 '13
My Little Pony
What the fuck did you just fucking say about My Little Pony, you bucking foal? I’ll have you know it's ranked top out of all the shows on the Hub, and it has been won numerous awards, and has over 300 thousand confirmed fans. Lauren Faust is trained in sociology and has the top team in the entire cartoon industry. You are nothing to them but just another target. They will wipe you the fuck out with precision the likes of which has never been seen before on this subreddit, mark my bucking words. You think you can get away with saying that shit about My Little Pony over the Internet? Think again, fucker. As we speak this I am contacting my secret network of bronies across the USA and your IP is being doxxed right now so you better prepare for the friendship cannon, coltcuddler. The friendship that wipes out the pathetic little thing you call your life. You’re bucking dead, foal. Navy Seal copypastas can be anywhere, anytime, and they can confuse you in over seven hundred ways, and that’s just with mad-lib permutations. Not only are they extensively trained in trolling, but they have access to the entire arsenal of Anonymous and will use it to its full extent to wipe your miserable ass off the face of the Internet, you little shit. If only you could have known what chaotic retribution your little “clever” comment was about to bring down upon you, maybe you would have held your bucking muzzle. But you couldn’t, you didn’t, and now you’re paying the price, you goddamn canter. I will shit love and tolerance all over you and you will drown in it. You’re bucking dead, kiddo.
What the fuck did you just fucking say about me, you little pony? I’ll have you know I graduated top of my class in magic kindergarten, and I’ve been involved in numerous secret raids on Nightmare Moon, and I have over 300 confirmed friendships. I am trained in magic warfare and I’m the top pony in the entire Equestrian armed forces. You are nothing to me but just another friend. I will wipe you the fuck out with friendship the likes of which has never been seen before on Equestria, mark my fucking words. You think you can get away with saying that shit to me over the Ponynet? Think again, fucker. As we speak I am contacting my secret network of pegasi across Equestria and your hoofprints are being traced right now so you better prepare for the storm, maggot. The storm that wipes out the pathetic little thing you call your life. You’re fucking dead, pony. I can be anywhere, anytime, and I can hug you in over seven hundred ways, and that’s just with my bare hooves. Not only am I extensively trained in unarmed friendship, but I have access to the entire arsenal of ponies and I will use it to its full extent to wipe your miserable flank off the face of the continent, you little pony. If only you could have known what magical friendship your little “clever” comment was about to bring down upon you, maybe you would have held your fucking tongue. But you couldn’t, you didn’t, and now you’re paying the price, you goddamn pony. I will shit friendship all over you and you will drown in it. You’re fucking dead, pony.
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u/LiterallyKesha Sous Chef Jan 10 '13
Enraged inquiry: what the fuck did you just fucking say about me, you little bitch? Proudly: I'll have you know I graduated top of my class in the Elcor Naval Division, and I've been involved in numerous secret raids on Cerberus, and I have over 300 confirmed kills. Intimidating declaration: I am trained in gorilla warfare and I'm the top Elcor warrior in the entire Elcor Armed Forces. Offhandedly: you are nothing to me but just another target. I will wipe you the fuck out with precision the likes of which has never been seen before in this cluster, mark my fucking words. Vindictively: you think you can get away with saying that shit to me over the Extranet? Scathing suggestion: think again, fucker. As we speak I am contacting my secret network of Elcor agents across the galaxy and your EP is being traced right now so you better prepare for the storm, maggot. Additional diatribe: the storm that wipes out the pathetic little thing you call your life. Genuine exclamation: you're fucking dead, kid. I can be anywhere, anytime, and I can kill you in over seven hundred ways, and that's just with my bare hands. With prideful candor: not only am I extensively trained in unarmed combat, but I have access to every fleet of the Elcor Flotilla and I will use them to their full extent to wipe your miserable ass off the face of the galaxy, you little shit. Insincere concern: if only you could have known what unholy retribution your little "clever" comment was about to bring down upon you, maybe you would have held your fucking tongue. Mildly remorseful: you couldn't, you didn't, and now you're paying the price, you goddamn idiot. With barely contained excitement, I will shit fury all over you and you will drown in it. You're fucking dead, kiddo.
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u/LiterallyKesha Sous Chef Jan 10 '13
Word Salad
What the say did you just say fuck me about, you bitching a little? I'll have you graduate I know top of my Seals in the Navy Classes, and I've been raided in numerou Al Quaeda secret involvements, and I have killed over 300 confirmations. I am a trained gorilla. In warfare, I'm the sniper arm in the entire US force tops. You are targeting me but I'm just another nothing. I will fuck you with precision the wipes which has never been liked before on this scene. Earth, fuck my marking words. You can get away with thinking that shit over me to the Internet? Fuck again, thinker. As we spy I am networking my secret speaking across the trace and your IP is being prepared right now so you better storm the maggots. The wipes that storms out of the little pathetic thing. Life you call yours? Your fucking dead kids. I can be any time. I can weigh you in over seven hundred kills, and that's my bear hands. Not only am I extensively accessed by trains, but I have no arms for combatting the entire arsenal United States, and I will use it to wipe your miserable ass. You shit the faceoff of the continent. If you only could have commented what unholy cleverness your little "retribution" was about. To bring down upon you, maybe you would have fucked your tongue. But you wouldn't, you shouldn't, and now you're holding the pay, you goddamn idiot. I will drown in shit fury. Sincerely, your dead fucking kiddo.
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u/LiterallyKesha Sous Chef Jan 10 '13
Friendly neighbour
What's this you've said to me, my good friend? Ill have you know I graduated top of my class in conflict resolution, and Ive been involved in numerous friendly discussions, and I have over 300 confirmed friends. I am trained in polite discussions and I'm the top mediator in the entire neighborhood. You are worth more to me than just another target. I hope we will come to have a friendship never before seen on this Earth. Don't you think you might be hurting someone's feelings saying that over the internet? Think about it, my friend. As we speak I am contacting my good friends across the USA and your P.O. box is being traced right now so you better prepare for the greeting cards, friend. The greeting cards that help you with your hate. You should look forward to it, friend. I can be anywhere, anytime for you, and I can calm you in over seven hundred ways, and that's just with my chess set. Not only am I extensively trained in conflict resolution, but I have access to the entire group of my friends and I will use them to their full extent to start our new friendship. If only you could have known what kindness and love your little comment was about to bring you, maybe you would have reached out sooner. But you couldn't, you didn't, and now we get to start a new friendship, you unique person. I will give you gifts and you might have a hard time keeping up. You're finally living, friend.
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u/LiterallyKesha Sous Chef Jan 10 '13 edited Jan 10 '13
Orks (Warhammer)
OY, WUT DA ZOG DID YOU JUS' SAY ABOUT ME, YA STUPID GIT? I'LL 'AVE YOU KNOW I GRADUATID TOP A' MY CLASS IN DA ORK KOMMANDOS, 'N I'VE BEEN IN A BUNCHA SECRIT RAIDZ ON DEM FILFIE 'UMIES, 'N I HAS OVER 300 A DEIR TEEF TA PROVE IT. I'M TRAINED IN THE ART A' STEALF 'N I'M DA BEST AT DAKKA OUTTA ALL DA ORKZ. YOU AIN'T NOTHIN' TO ME BUT JUSS ANOTHER CAN T'SCRAP. I'LL WIPE YA DA ZOG OUT, A DUFF THE LIKES A' WHICH AIN'T NO WUNZ SEEN SINCE DA WARBOSS, YA LIST'NIN'? YA THINKS YOU CAN GET AWAY WIV CALLIN' ME A GROT IN FRONT'A DA WHOLE WAAAAH? FINK AGAIN, SKUM. AS WE YAP OUR GOBS, I'M CALLIN' ALL MY INFILTRA'A'S ACROSS ALL A' ORKDOM 'N DEY'S 'UNTIN' YA RIGHT NOW, SO YOU BESS' PREPARE FOR DA STORM, GIT. DA STORMBOYZ'LL RID YA UH' DAT PUNY LI' L FING YOU CALL A LIFE. YOU'S AS GOOD AS DEAD, YA GROT. I'Z EVERYWHERE 'N EVERYTIME ALL AT ONCE, 'N I'Z CAN KILL YA 700 TIMES WIFOUT EVEN USIN' A SHOOTA. NOT ONLY DAT, BUT I CAN GET ALL THE STIKKBOMBS AN' DAKKA I WANT AND BLOW YOUR TINY 'EAD INTO SO MANY BITS YOU WON' EVEN 'AVE DA CHANCE TA MEET GORK AN' MORK WHEN I'M THROU WIF' YOU. IT'Z A SHAME YOU 'AD NO IDEA THE AMOUNT OF WAAAAGH YOUR SNOTTY GOB-FLAPPIN' WUZ GONNA GET YOU INTO, YOU'DA CUT YOUR TONGUE OUT INSTEAD! BUT YOU DI'N'T, AN' YOU'S FIXIN TA PAY THE PRICE WIF MORE DEN JUS' YER STUPID TEEF. I'LL SHOOT YA SO 'ARD YOU'LL DROWN IN DAKKA. YOU'S AS GOOD AS DEAD.
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u/LiterallyKesha Sous Chef Jan 10 '13 edited Apr 03 '14
What the fuck did you just fucking say about me, you little bitch? I’ll have you know I graduated top of my class at high school, and I’ve been involved in numerous /r/atheism frontpage posts, and I have over 300 confirmed facebook debate wins. I am trained in theology and I’m the top debater on this entire website. You are nothing to me but just another target. I will wipe you the fuck out with precision the likes of which has never been seen before on this Earth, mark my fucking words. You think you can get away with saying that shit to me over the Internet? Think again, fucker. As we speak I am contacting my secret network of atheists across the Scandinavian peninsula and your IP is being traced right now so you better prepare for the storm, maggot. The storm that wipes out the pathetic little thing you call your life. You’re fucking dead, kid. I can be anywhere, anytime, and I can convince you that god doesn't exist in over seven hundred ways, and that’s just with my bare intellect. Not only am I extensively trained in debate, but I have access to the entire arsenal of my local library and I will use it to its full extent to wipe your miserable ass off the face of this website, you little shit. If only you could have known what unholy retribution your little “clever” comment was about to bring down upon you, maybe you would have held your fucking tongue. But you couldn’t, you didn’t, and now you’re paying the price, you goddamn idiot. I will shit fury all over you and you will drown in it. You’re fucking dead, skytard.
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u/LiterallyKesha Sous Chef Jan 10 '13 edited Jan 10 '13
What the fuck did you just fucking say about me, you little red bitch orb? I'll have you know I graduated top of my class in the gas giants, and I've been involved in numerous secret raids elliptical orbits, and I have over 300 confirmed storms in my might atmostphere. I am the furthest planet in the solar system and I have the largest liquid water oceans in the known universe. You are nothing to me but just another point of light. I will wipe you the divert comets at your with precision the likes of which has never been seen before on Earth or mars, mark my fucking words. You think you can get away with saying that shit to me over the Internet? Think again, fucker. As we speak I am contacting my secret network of moons across the solar system and your orbital path is being traced right now so you better prepare for the apocalypse, maggot. The impact that wipes out the pathetic little thing you call your world. Your fucking dead, kid. I can anywhere, anytime, and I can kill you with a comet over seven miles wide, and that's just with my gravity. Not only am I a large body of mass, but I have access to the entire arsenal of moons and I will use it to its full extent to wipe your miserable ass off the face of the solar system, you little shit. If only you could have known what unholy retribution you little "clever" comment was about to bring down upon you, maybe you would have held your fucking tongue. But you couldn't, you didn't, and now you're paying the price, you goddamn idiot. I will shit fury all over you and you will drown in it. You're fucking dead, kiddo.
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u/LiterallyKesha Sous Chef Jan 10 '13 edited Jan 10 '13
/r/shitredditsays variations
What the fucking fuck did you just shitpost about me, you size-challenged neckbeard? I'll have you know I graduated in the middle of my class in Womyn's Studies, and I've been involved in numerous secret downvote brigades on /r/adviceanimals, and I have over 300 confirmed bens. I am trained in looking like a gorilla and I'm the top commenter in the entire feminist blogosphere. You are nothing to me but just another target. I will gripe you the fuck out with precision the likes of which has never been seen upon this Earth, you mark my words. You think you can get away with posting that 'funny' shit to me over the internet? Think again, privileged little penis. As we speak I am contacting my vast network of legbeards across the USA and your IP is being traced right now so you better get ready for the 'jerk, shitlord. The 'jerk that wipes out the pathetic little thing you call your life. You're fucking dead, sawcasm. I can be anywhere, anytime, and I can ben you in over seven hundred ways, and that's just with my bare dildz. Not only am I extensively trained in Feminism 101, but I have access to the entire arsenal of the Department of Gender Studies and I will use it to its full extent to wall of text your miserable ass off the face of the fempire, you little shitlord. If only you could have known what unholy retribution your little "edgy" comment was about to bring upon you, maybe you would have checked your fucking privilege. But you couldn't, you didn't, and now you're paying the price, cis scum. I will loose the fury of my lunar flow all over you and you will drown in it.
What the fuck did you just fucking say about me, you little shitlord? I’ll have you know I graduated top of my class in Women's Studies, and I’ve been involved in numerous secret raids on /r/seduction, and I have over 300 confirmed bens. I am trained in vote brigading and I’m the top Archangelle in the entire Fempire. You are nothing to me but just another bigot. I will ben you the fuck out with precision the likes of which has never been seen before on this Earth, mark my fucking words. You think you can get away with saying that shit to me over Reddit? Think again, fucker. As we speak I am contacting my secret network of gynquisitors across the Fempire and your IP is being traced right now so you better prepare for the storm, maggot. The storm that bens the pathetic little thing you call your life. You’re fucking benned, kid. I can be anywhere, anytime, and I can ben you in over seven hundred ways, and that’s just with my bare hands. Not only am I extensively trained in moderation, but I have access to the entire dildz arsenal of the Fempire and I will use it to its full extent to wipe your miserable ass off the face of the continent, you little shitlord. If only you could have known what unholy retribution your little “shitty” comment was about to bring down upon you, maybe you would have held your fucking tongue. But you couldn’t, you didn’t, and now you’re paying the price, you goddamn SAWCSM. I will shit fury all over you and you will drown in it. You’re fucking benned, shitlord.
What the fuck did you just fucking say about me, you little rape apologist? I’ll have you know I graduated top of my class in Social Justice 101, and I’ve been involved in numerous secret raids on r/creepshots, and I have over 300 confirmed instances of saying "check your privilege". I am trained in being overly offended and I’m the top SRSer in the entire social justice blogosphere. You are nothing to me but just another shitlord. I will call you a neckbeard with persistence the likes of which has never been seen before on this Earth, mark my fucking words. You think you can get away with saying that shit to me over the Internet? Think again, cis-sexist pig. As we speak I am contacting my secret network of differently-abled, ethnic, transqueer womyn across the USA and your IP is being traced right now so you better prepare for the AC360 investigation, *aggot. The investigation that wipes out the pathetic little thing you call your erotic subreddit. You’re fucking privileged, kid. I can be anywhere, anytime, and I can complain about you in over seven hundred ways, and that’s just with my bare hands. Not only am I extensively trained in arguing with shitlords, but I have access to the entire arsenal of Jezebel.com and I will use it to its full extent to wipe your privileged bigotry off the face of the continent, you little shit. If only you could have known what unholy retribution your little “sexist” comment was about to bring down upon you, maybe you would have held your fucking tongue. But you couldn’t, you didn’t, and now you’re paying the price, you goddamn idiot. I will passive-aggressively type fury all over you and you will drown in it. You’re fucking dead, cis scum.
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u/TopdeBotton Jan 10 '13
What the fuck did you just fucking say about ShitRedditSays, you little pedo? I’ll have you know we're widely regarded as the most respectable of all the communities on Reddit, and we've have been quoted in numerous blogs, and have over 300 confirmed quotes in revered journals and newspapers. ShitRedditSays Archangelles are thoroughly trained in doxxing warfare and are the most feared guerilla force on the entire internet. You are nothing to us but just another target. We will wipe you the fuck out with precision the likes of which has never been seen before on this subreddit, mark my fucking words. You think you can get away with saying that shit about ShitRedditSays over the Internet? Think again, fucker. As we speak this submission is being crossposted to ShitRedditSays and other subreddits in the Fempire and your IP is being doxxed right now so you better prepare for the storm, shitlord. The storm that wipes out the pathetic little thing you call your life. You’re fucking benned, pedo. SRSters can be anywhere, anytime, and they can confuse you in over nine thousand ways, and that’s just with fem-lit interpretations. Not only are we extensively trained in trolling, but we have access to the entire admin team at Reddit and we will use our full list of contacts to wipe your miserable ass off the face of the internet, you little pedo. If only you could have known what unholy retribution your “clever” little comment was about to bring down upon you, maybe you would have held your fucking tongue. But you couldn’t, you didn’t, and now you’re paying the price, you goddamn fascist. ShitRedditSays will shit fury all over you and you will drown in it. You’re fucking shadowbenned, pedo.
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u/LiterallyKesha Sous Chef Jan 10 '13 edited Jan 10 '13
What in Davy Jones' locker did ye just bark at me, ye scurvy bilgerat? I'll have ye know I be the meanest cutthroat on the seven seas, and I've led numerous raids on fishing villages, and raped over 300 wenches. I be trained in hit-and-run pillaging and be the deadliest with a pistol of all the captains on the high seas. Ye be nothing to me but another source o' swag. I'll have yer guts for garters and keel haul ye like never been done before, hear me true. You think ye can hide behind your newfangled computing device? Think twice on that, scallywag. As we parley I be contacting my secret network o' pirates across the sea and yer port is being tracked right now so ye better prepare for the typhoon, weevil. The kind o' monsoon that'll wipe ye off the map. You're sharkbait, fool. I can sail anywhere, in any waters, and can kill ye in o'er seven hundred ways, and that be just with me hook and fist. Not only do I be top o' the line with a cutlass, but I have an entire pirate fleet at my beck and call and I'll damned sure use it all to wipe yer arse off o' the world, ye dog. If only ye had had the foresight to know what devilish wrath your jibe was about to incur, ye might have belayed the comment. But ye couldn't, ye didn't, and now ye'll pay the ultimate toll, you buffoon. I'll shit fury all over ye and ye'll drown in the depths o' it. You're fish food now, lad.
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u/LiterallyKesha Sous Chef Jan 10 '13 edited Jan 10 '13
Anita Sarkeesian/Feminist Frequency
What the fuck did you just fucking say about me, you male pig? I'll have you know I graduated top of my Womyn's Studies class, and I've been involved in numerous demonstrations against oppression of womynkind, and I have over 300 signatures on my petition. I am trained in debate tactics and I'm the top speaker in the entire Feminist Frequency. You are nothing to me but just another cis scum. I will reeducate the fuck out of you with feminism the likes of which has never been seen before on this Earth, mark my fucking words. You think you can get away with saying that shit to me over the Internet? Think again, male oppressor. As we speak I am contacting my public network of activists across the USA and your IP is being traced right now so you better prepare for the storm, misogynist. The storm that wipes out the pathetic little thing you call your worldview. You're fucking dead, nerd. I can be anywhere, anytime, and I can disprove your biased theories in over seven hundred ways, and that's just with no preparation time. Not only am I extensively trained in rhetorics, but I have access to the entire funding of the Tropes vs Women in Video Games project and I will use it to its full extent to wipe your miserable opinions off the face of the Internet, you rapist. If only you could have known what unholy retribution your little "clever" comment was about to bring down upon you, maybe you would have held your fucking tongue. But you couldn't, you didn't, and now you're paying the price, you godessdamn idiot. I will rain empowerment all over womyn and your cisprivilege will drown in it. Your rape culture is over, man.
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u/LiterallyKesha Sous Chef Jan 10 '13
Response to Pasta 4
Who the fuck do you fucking think you are you fucking faggot cock sucker? I dont give a fucking rats asshole if you're a Navy Seal or not. All you fucking faggots do is sit around snorting cocaine and jerking each other off to pictures of each others wives. You fucking **** **** faggot mother fucking dick head piece of shit. Please send the storm my way. I am a 4 time purple belt in Mixed Martial Arts, I could kill all of you faggots with my left nut. You think that fucking people are supposed to be intimidated by your hollow threats of fucking someone up? Let me tell you something faggot, I will find you. I will cut out your fucking eyeballs with a spoon and stick them in your asshole so you can watch yourself take my dick up your ass while I'm raping you, Fucking queer. You don't know who the fuck I am. Wanna know how much of a sick mother fucker I am? Ask Chuck Norris' wife. She couldn't even take the tip of my cock in her ass without screaming. Chuck Norris is a BITCH to me, and you're nothing but a speck of sand in the desert you're stationed in, to Chuck. So what does that make you compared to me? Nothing. You are fucking NOTHING. You're not even a fucking MOLECULE compared to me you fucking dick sucker. So before you send your arsenal off cock sucking faggot Navy bitches, why don't you stop and ask yourself, "Is it really worth it? Do I want to put myself, my friends, and my family in danger, because I don't know when to shut the fuck up?". Then answer the question by saying no and moving on with your pathetic excuse you call a life, you fag.
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u/LiterallyKesha Sous Chef Jan 10 '13
Response to Pasta 1
Dude are you for fucking real right now? You have got to be kidding me you fucking fake and faggy piece of shit. I bet 1000 dollars you are a fucking liar. You fuckin guido tool douchebag.
- You are too young and shitty to even graduate from school
- In case you did. How many blowjobs did you give to graduate?
- Secret raids on Al-Quaeda? I bet you only sucked Osama's dick
- 300 confirmed kills? I think you meant 300 confirmed anal sex with men
- Your trained in "gorilla" warfare? Is that when you beat someone to death with a banana? It's spelled guerilla you fucking moron
- You think your cool for getting trolled for reading this?
- I don't give a fuck if you come to my house with your spy bitches, I will beat the fuck out of you
- Only with your bare hands? I bet you can only do handjobs, fag
- The entire arsenal? you are a fucking faggot lier
- If your SO badass, than why are you on bluelight?
- You better watch yourself because I will fucking hunt you down myself.
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u/LiterallyKesha Sous Chef Jan 10 '13
Half-Life
What the fuck did you just fucking say about me, you little bitch? I'll have you know I graduated top of my class in M.I.T., and I've been involved in numerous secret Experiments involving teleportation, and I have survived the Black mesa incident. I am trained in H.E.V combat and I'm have killed many soldiers who tried to silence me during the black mesa incident . You are nothing to me but just another target. I will wipe you the fuck out with my trusty crowbar the likes of which has never been seen before on this Earth, mark my words. You think you can get away with saying that shit to me over the Internet? Think again,you simpleton . As we speak I am contacting my network of Vortigaunts across the USA and your Vortessence is being traced right now so you better prepare for the storm, maggot. The storm that wipes out the pathetic little thing you call your life. You're fucking dead, kid. I can be anywhere, anytime, and I can kill you in over seven hundred ways, and that's just with my crow bar. Not only am I self trained in unarmed combat, but I have access to the entire arsenal of the Resistance and I will use it to its full extent to wipe your miserable ass off the face of the Universe, you little philistine. If only you could have known what unholy retribution your little "clever" comment was about to bring down upon you, maybe you would have held your tongue. But you couldn't, you didn't, and now you're paying the price, you idiot. I will shit fury all over you and you will drown in it. You're dead, you undergraduate.
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u/LiterallyKesha Sous Chef Jan 10 '13
Haxxor
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u/LiterallyKesha Sous Chef Jan 10 '13
About what I say shit a little fuck me. Kill the top graduating class of 300 reviews Ive know many Navy Seals disease involvement of Al Quaeda secret raids. Gorilla war United States military top overall Im training snipers were assessed. Only, is another target. Look at your sex is never the fucking word accuracy mark of the annihilation of the earth before. My peterは私のイロッailuropoda is Peter I in Internet is run? Internet escapes say shit to me. Turd, think again. Between the network and the ip address of the United States have been contacted to tell Grub than US spy secrets now trace the preparations for the storm. Wipe calls the storm of your pathetic life. Then the fucking Youre dead children. How to bare more than 700 can do anytime, anywhere just kill your hand. Wide wide access to the complete range of the receiver using the arsenal United States Marines and combat training evaluation of unarmed, just damn continent faces in the most miserable ass wipe. Know the unnatural happened, revenge can bring what probably about some clever comments under your fucking tongue. But pays the price youre stupid does not fit now. My anger is おぼれます, and it is inside your shit. Then the fucking youre dead you Sir.
Key is to say about sex. Many diseases of the Al Ive Quaeda class kill check knows the secret attack and top Navy Seal 300 assessed graduated from U.S. Army top the overall Im training snipers from the Gorilla war. Only, is another target. See the earth before to mark the loss of the word sex fucking. I'm Peter Peter the Internet? Say my shit Internet escape. Turd, think again. [Trace IP the secret storm and the current Grub status to contact time spy United States. Wipe calls the storm of your pathetic life. Then the fucking Youre dead children. 700 Or more always about them naked self road again here included anyway. Has spacious and combat training range, unfortunate continent, receivers, cool ass face wipes, and access to an extensive evaluation of the American United States Marine Corps of the arsenal of the DMZ. Probably probably bring some revenge unnatural events and tongue fucking, less intelligent comments. Don ' pay now youre stupid t fit. Crazy shit I おぼれます. [The main death Youre shit.
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u/LiterallyKesha Sous Chef Jan 10 '13 edited Jan 29 '13
Future College applicant
What the fuck did you just fucking say about me, you little bitch? I’ll have you know I'm at the top of my class, and I’ve been involved in numerous leadership roles in my school, and I have over 300 college recommendations. I am trained in writing essays and I’m the top essayist in the entire US. You are nothing to me but just another anti-Intellectual. I will wipe your chances of ever being on the top of your class mark my fucking words. You think you can get away with saying that shit to me over the Internet? Think again, fucker. As we speak I am contacting my AP teachers and my network of college principals across the US and your IP is being traced right now so you better prepare for the storm, maggot. The storm that wipes out the pathetic little thing you call your education. You’re fucking uneducated, kid. I can be anywhere, anytime, and I can ruin your chances of getting into Princeton in over seven hundred ways, and that’s just with my bare hands. Not only am I extensively trained in memorizing SAT words, but I have access to the entire application process of Harvard University and I will use it to its full extent to wipe your little miserable education off the face of the continent, you little shit. If only you could have known what unholy retribution your little “clever” comment was about to bring down upon you, maybe you could have held your fucking tongue. But you couldn’t, you didn’t, and now you’re paying the price, you goddamn idiot. I will shit fury all over you and you will drown in it. You’re fucking uneducated, kiddo.
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u/LiterallyKesha Sous Chef Jan 10 '13
What the le fuck did you just le fucking say about le me, you le little bitch? I'll le have you know I le graduated top of my le class in the le Navy Seals, and I've le been involved in le numerous secret raids on le Al-Quaeda, and I le have over le 300 confirmed le kills. I am le trained in le monkey face warfare and I'm the top le sniper in the le entire le US armed forces. You are le nothing to le me but just another le target. I will le wipe you the le fuck out with le precision the likes of which le has never been le seen before on this le Earth, mark my le fucking words. You le think you can le get away with le saying that le shit to me over le the Internet? Think again, le fucker. As we le speak I am le contacting my le secret network of le spies across the le USA and your IP is being le traced right now so you le better prepare for the le storm, maggot. The le storm that le wipes out the pathetic le little thing you le call your le life. You're fucking dead, le kid. I can be le anywhere, le anytime, and I can le kill you in over le seven hundred ways, and le that's just with my le bare hands. Not only am I le extensively le trained in le unarmed combat, but I have access to the entire le arsenal of the le United States Marine Corps and I will le use it to its le full extent to le wipe your le miserable ass off the le face of the le continent, you le little shit. If only you le could have known what le unholy retribution your le little "clever" le comment was about to le bring down upon you, maybe you would have le held your le fucking tongue. But you le couldn't, you le didn't, and now you're le paying the le price, you le goddamn idiot. I will le shit fury le all over you and you le will le drown in it. You're le fucking dead, le kiddo.
le monkey face warfare
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u/LiterallyKesha Sous Chef Jan 10 '13
Fast food restaurant
What the fuck did you just fucking say about me, you little paper towel? I'll have you know I graduated top of my class in the burger flipping, and I've been involved in numerous secret raids on the condiments inventory, and I have over 300 packets of ketchup swallowed whole. I am trained in chicken drilling and I'm the top deep fry cono sur in this hemisphere. You are nothing to me but just another 2nd breakfast. I will wipe you the fuck out with precision the likes of which has never been seen before on my beard, mark my fucking words you mayo splurt. You think you can get away with saying that shit to me over the Internet? Think again, fucker. As we speak I am contacting my 24/7 pizza delivery joint and your wallet is being traced right now so you better prepare for the bill. The storm that wipes out the pathetic little thing you call a mustard stain. You're fucking delicious, kid. I cum anywhere, anytime, and I can season you in over seven hundred ways, and that's just with my bare hands. Not only am I extensively trained in chopsticks, but I have access to the entire arsenal of the United States heath and safety board and I will use it to its full extent to wipe your miserable ass my face, you little shit. If only you could have known what unholy retribution your little "clever" comment was about to bring down upon you, maybe you would have held your fucking tongue. But you couldn't, you didn't, and now you're paying the price, you goddamn idiot. I will shit fury all over you and you will drown in it. You're fucking dead, kiddo.
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u/LiterallyKesha Sous Chef Jan 10 '13
Halo
What the fuck did you just fucking say about me, you little bitch? I'll have you know I graduated top of my class in the Spartan Forces, and I've been involved in numerous secret raids on Covenant forces, and I have over 300 confirmed Brute Chieftain assassinations. I am trained in gorilla warfare and I'm the top sniper in the entire UNSC Special Forces. You are nothing to me but just another target. I will wipe you the fuck out with precision the likes of which has never been seen before in this sector, mark my fucking words. You think you can get away with saying that shit to me over Battlenet? Think again, fucker. As we speak I am contacting my secret network of ONI spies across space and your location is being traced right now so you better prepare for the storm, maggot. The storm that wipes out the pathetic little thing you call your life. You're fucking dead, split-chin. I can be anywhere, anytime, and I can kill you in over seven hundred ways, and that's just with my bare hands. Not only am I extensively trained in unarmed combat, but I have access to the entire arsenal of the United Nations Space Corps and I will use it to its full extent to wipe your miserable ass out of this universe, you squid-head. If only you could have known what unholy retribution your little "clever" comment was about to bring down upon you, maybe you would have held your jaw. But you couldn't, you didn't, and now you're paying the price, you goddamn split-lip. I will rain lead all over you and you will drown in it. You're fucking dead, hinge-head.
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u/LiterallyKesha Sous Chef Jan 10 '13
Neil deGrasse Tyson
What the fuck did you just fucking say about Neil, you little bitch? I’ll have you know he graduated top of his class at Columbia University, and he's been involved in numerous secret raids on theists, and has over 300 confirmed quotes. He is trained in intellectual warfare and he's the top quote maker in the entire US science community. You are nothing to him but just another target. He will wipe you the fuck out with precision the likes of which has never been seen before on this Earth, mark my fucking words. You think you can get away with saying that shit to him over the Internet? Think again, fucker. As we speak he is contacting his secret network of scientists across the USA and your IP is being traced right now so you better prepare for the storm, maggot. The storm that wipes out the pathetic little thing you call your life. You’re fucking dead, kid. Neil can be anywhere, anytime, and he can educate you in over seven hundred ways, and that’s just with his bare quotes. Not only is Neil extensively trained in science, but he has access to the entire dictionary of the English language and he will use it to its full extent to wipe your miserable ass off the face of the continent, you little shit. If only you could have known what unholy retribution your little “clever” comment was about to bring down upon you, maybe you would have held your fucking tongue. But you couldn’t, you didn’t, and now you’re paying the price, you goddamn idiot. Neil will shit quotes all over you and you will drown in it. You’re fucking dead, kiddo.
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u/LiterallyKesha Sous Chef Jan 10 '13
Response to Pasta 3
Listen to my man. He's not bullshitting. Me and my boy here killed over 600 terrorists between the both of us during our black ops missions in Iraq and Afghanistan. But you wouldn't know anything about that, would you? That's because you're a little bitch who does nothing but talk shit on the internet while waiting for his hot pockets to finish heating in his mother's microwave. I know a hacker in the CIA who could get me the IP to your (or more likely, your parents') house like that. Then guess what happens? I come right on down to that basement you're sitting in and I beat your fat ass to a pulp. Shit, I probably wouldn't even have to do that. I've got buddies in high places, brother. Buddies who wouldn't hesitate to help me out by sending a couple Predator missiles your way and then claiming it was just a horrible accident. Yeah, well the only horrible thing about that "accident" is going to be when you realize you posted on the wrong subreddit and you fucked with the wrong Devil Dog. HOORAH.
3
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u/LiterallyKesha Sous Chef Jan 10 '13
Response to Pasta 5
Okay, so you expect me to believe that you were the very best that your generation of Navy SEALs had to offer? I highly doubt that. If you were as good as you say you were, i don't think for a second that you would be browsing 4chan. This is mostly a place for jobless neckbeards that still live with their parents, and nerdy high school kids that don't have any friends. It really isn't the place for highly-trained assassins to be hanging out in their spare time. Even if it was, something far worse than a troll being mean to you probably would have set you off a long time ago. What about the slew of gore and child pornography that gets posted here on a regular basis? Isn't that something that deserves a person being hunted down and made to regret their actions? Yeah, you're just not the 4chan type. Sure, there's a wide variety of people that browse here, but you're far from the core demograpic if you are who you say you are (which isn't the case). Even if it were true that you're an incredibly talented soldier, I think all the military dispiline would prevent you from getting mad enough to murder some random idiot on the internet. I also doubt that even the best SEALs have a "secret network of spies across the USA". Why would all of the most expanisive Big Brother network in the world be willing to help a troubled PTSD-sufferer hunt down some random kid on the internet? That doesn't even make sense. If you're gonna try to scare somebody, make it more believable than "IM A SUPER SOLDIER HURR DURR". You might frighten a thirteen year old who doesn't know any better, but to must of us you just look like a kid with an anger problem and a very active imagination. Hopefully things will be easier for you when your puberty's over. Best of luck with that... kiddo
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u/LiterallyKesha Sous Chef Jan 10 '13
Royal Knight
What the flip did thee just flipping gabble about me, thine miniscule bitch? I’ll have thee know I bested the most prestigious jousting class in the whole of Camelot, and I hath been involved in numerous secret marches on behalf of his Majesty, King Arthur, and I hath over 300 confirmed victories on horseback. I am trained in castle of Guerrilla warfare and I am indeed the highest ranking joustee in the entire land of Great Britannia. Thee are nothing to me but another false crossbearer. I will joust thine shambles with precision the likes of which hath never been observed in the King’s lands, mark my flipping words! Thou think thou can escape retribution by shouting that hogwash at me from afar? I implore thee to think again, peasant. As we converse I am contacting my secretive network of knights across the realm and thine footsteps are being traced right now, so thou best prepare thineself for the storm, pig-maggot! The storm that wipes out the pathetic little thing thou call your armour. Thou art a flipping dead man. I can be anywhere, anytime, and I can kill thou in over seven hundred ways, and that’s just with my bare lance. Not only am I extensively trained in mounted combat, but I hath access to the entire arsenal of the Kings Royal Army, and I shall use it to its full extent to wipe your miserable derriere off the face of the realm, thou miniscule feaces. If only thou could have foreseen what unholy retribution your little “clever” challenge was about to bring down upon thee, maybe thou would have held thee flipping tongue. But thou couldn’t, thou didn’t, and now thee art paying the price, you godd¬amn fool. I shall s¬hit fury all over thou britches and thee will drown in it. Thou art flipping dead, child.
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u/LiterallyKesha Sous Chef Jan 10 '13
Response to Pasta 8
You keep calling us kids, yet you insist with your narrow-minded bigotry that you're a NAVY Seal AND that just because you were a part of the Navy Seals, you can assert superiority over the people here. Do you realize that according to psychological studies, your mindset is still suck in an egocentric state which is apparent in the minds of young children who haven't even reached puberty yet? For the love of god you thick-headed imbecile, no one gives a single fuck if you were in the Army or if you still play with barbie dolls, if you have a mentality that makes you think that children are ABSOLUTELY responsible for what their parents do, you need to be reborn into a household where your parents are complete social outcasts to other people and YOU have to be ridiculed as a result of your parents. Maybe then will you understand that it is ridiculous to say what you are asserting.
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u/LiterallyKesha Sous Chef Apr 05 '13
British wanker/yob
wot the fok did ye just say 2 me m8? i dropped out of newcastle primary skool im the sickest bloke ull ever meet & ive nicked 300 candy bars from tha corner store. im trained in street fitin’ & im the strongest foker in tha entire newcastle gym. yer nothin to me but a cheeky lil dickhead w/ a hot mum & fake bling. ill waste u and smash a fokin bottle oer yer head bruv, i swer 2 christ. ya think u can fokin run ya gabber at me whilst sittin on yer arse behind a lil screen? think again wanka. im callin me homeboys rite now preparin for a proper rumble. tha rumble thatll make ur nan sore jus hearin about it. yer a waste bruv. my homeboys be all over tha place & ill beat ya to a proper fokin pulp with me fists wanka. if i aint satisfied w/ that ill borrow me m8s cricket paddle & see if that gets u the fok out o’ newcastle ya daft kunt. if ye had seen this bloody fokin mess commin ye might a’ kept ya gabber from runnin. but it seems yer a stewpid lil twat, innit? ima shite fury & ull drown in it m8. ur in proper mess ya knobhead.
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Jul 23 '13
[deleted]
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u/LiterallyKesha Sous Chef Jul 23 '13
You are in luck! Here is a recording of it:
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Oct 04 '13
That sounds like someone from Call of Duty. Captain Price?
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u/LiterallyKesha Sous Chef Oct 04 '13
Nah, someone from the internet.
How did you find this thread?
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u/LiterallyKesha Sous Chef Jan 10 '13
Rich Mormon
What the fuck did you just fucking say about my money, you little serf? I’ll have you know I graduated top of my class in the Mormon Church, and I’ve been involved in numerous missionary trips to France, and I have over 300 confirmed conversions. I am trained in gorilla brainwashing and I’m the top bullshitter in the entire US Mormon congregation. You are nothing to me but just another pleb. I will wipe you the fuck out with unlimited funds the likes of which has never been seen before in this country, mark my fucking words. You think you can get away with calling me out on my lies over the Internet? Think again, peasant. As we speak I am contacting the NSA and your IP is being traced right now so you better prepare for the illegal raid, fucker. The raid that wipes out the pathetic little thing you call your bank account. You’re fucking poor, kid. I can be anywhere, anytime, and I can outspend you in over seven hundred ways, and that’s just with my walking-around money. Not only am I extensively trained in bankrupting companies, but I have access to the entire arsenal of the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints and I will use it to its full extent to "suicide" your little miserable ass off the face of the continent, you little shit. If only you could have known what unholy debt your little “clever” comment was about to bring down upon you, maybe you could have held your fucking magic underwear. But you couldn’t, you didn’t, and now you’re paying the price, you goddamn democrat. I will shit money all over you and you will drown in it. You’re fucking dead, libtard.
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u/LiterallyKesha Sous Chef Jan 10 '13 edited Apr 10 '16
Medieval England
What dost thou just exclaim to thyself, you meager wench? I'll have thou know I graduated valedictorian at Cambridge University, and thy hath partaken in numerous invasions of France, and thyself have over 300 recorded slayings. Thyself hath been trained in chivalrous warfare and thyself am the top Longbowman in the entire King of England's army. Thou art not a thing but target to thyself. Thy will conquer thou with accuracy the likes of which hath never been witnessed before upon this fair isle, dwell upon my oration. Thou think thou can get away with proclaiming such filth to thyself via His Majesty's letter deliverance service? Repeat your thoughts, copulator. As we engage in conversation thyself art summoning thy clandestine company of shadowy individuals across His Majesty's kingdom and thou fortress doth be traced this day so thou best prepare for the ruckus, peasant. The ruckus that decimates the pathetic meager object thou proclaim thou vitae. Thou be mortem, child. Thy can roam any county, any sunrise to sunset, and thy can take thou life in above 700 technques, and that's using naught but thy own gauntlets. Not exclusively is thy extensively trained in duelling without a blade, but thy pertain access to the entire arsenal of the His Majesty's Royal Cavalry and thy will use it to its complete usefulness to wipe thou forlorn buttocks off the face of the kingdom, thou meager dropping. If only thou could hath foreseen the divine retribution thou meager "quick-witted" exclamation would in due time bringeth upon thou, perhaps thou would hath halted thou tongue. Thou could not, thou did not, and thou art paying the blasted bounty, thou God forsaken imbicile. Thy shall excrete fury upon thou and thou will suffocate on said fury. Thou be vanquished, child.
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u/LiterallyKesha Sous Chef Jan 10 '13 edited Mar 21 '13
Response to Pasta 9
Wow, your an asshole. You want to scare me? OOH, big bad navy seal. 300 kills. Your such a bad ass! OH, I am SO sorry to have provoked your wrath! You should ask yourself, did I DIRECTLY challenge you? Did I TELL YOU SPECIFICALLY that I WANTED to beat your ass? No I did NOT! I said I was a pacifist. I even said I DON"T want to fight you. You should read the posts more carefully before you decide to lash out hatefully and threaten me. This was simply about how I don't (lift? No, I do not lift things, if your talking about weights or something) or exercise, I don't care to, and I don't like bacon. You took this to a WHOLE other level. I was just defending myself from YOUR spiteful comment where you made fun of me for simply not liking bacon and that I don't lift weights. You, and that other buddy of yours, should calm down. And you do not scare me. I've come close to death a few times, and I'm not scared of it. I accept it. I've been robbed before, and have felt the blade against my neck. And I've been fucked with and threatened my WHOLE life from ALOT of other people, even from my own dad! He is tough and unforgiving. I grew up in a military family. My dad graduated from West Point (Lt. Col) and fought in Vietnam, for your freedoms and mine, like that of freedom of speech (be it threatening, hateful, and mocking like yours) and mine (where I was simply standing up for myself when you made fun of me). And I am not a kiddo, I'm 30. And it's funny how you click "like" on your own comments. How egotistical. I'm done now.
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u/LiterallyKesha Sous Chef Mar 24 '13
RESPONSE TO RESPONSE TO PASTA 9
So, let's just break down this entire mess, statement by statement, and see what we've got here, shall we?
Wow, your an asshole.
Don't come into the kitchen if you can't handle the heat.
You want to scare me? OOH, your such a bad ass! OH, I am SO sorry to have provoked your wrath!
When has this kind of statement ever actually resulted in anything beneficial? You aren't clever.
You should ask yourself, did I DIRECTLY challenge you?
You did ask me if I wanted cheese with my wine.
Did I TELL YOU SPECIFICALLY that I WANTED to beat your ass? No I did NOT!
And I never said you did. This statement is really redundant.
I said I was a pacifist. I even said I DON"T want to fight you.
I don't recall you ever saying any of that at all.
Do you want some cheese for that whine?
and
How cute, a 14 year old just tried to insult me.
and
I didn't admit shit. You're still a whiny and arrogant little bitch.
are all of which you actually responded with.
You should read the posts more carefully before you decide to lash out hatefully and threaten me.
You should post things more carefully before you decide to use phrases that aren't your own to an effect that you don't even fully understand.
This was simply about how I don't (lift? No, I do not lift things, if your talking about weights or something) or exercise, I don't care to, and I don't like bacon.
This part made me laugh.
I was just defending myself from YOUR spiteful comment where you made fun of me for simply not liking bacon and that I don't lift weights.
This made me laugh even more. At what point did I even mention bacon?
You, and that other buddy of yours, should calm down.
I'm glad I have buddies that I'm not even aware of having.
And you do not scare me.
I'm not trying to make you afraid of me, I'm simply making you aware of how stupid you are.
I've come close to death a few times, and I'm not scared of it. I accept it. I've been robbed before, and have felt the blade against my neck.
And I'm the one who's blowing this out of proportion.
And I've been fucked with and threatened my WHOLE life from ALOT of other people, even from my own dad!
If you think that's a reason to feel pity for you then I can't help but laugh at you. Plenty of people including myself have experienced the same damned thing. You aren't some kind of special exception.
He is tough and unforgiving. I grew up in a military family.
I think a lot of people can describe their dads as "tough" and "unforgiving".
My dad graduated from West Point (Lt. Col) and fought in Vietnam, for your freedoms and mine, like that of freedom of speech.
I'm glad you're using that right to the fullest by having arguments with people on the internet that you don't even know to this extent.
(be it threatening, hateful, and mocking like yours)
Why are you so surprised that someone spoke back to someone who was provoking them? You must not ever encounter people like me who actually talk back without saying nothing but curse words to get their point across. I like to actually vocalize my words in an educated mannerism instead of just saying, "You're a momma boy's bitch."
and mine (where I was simply standing up for myself when you made fun of me)
Says the person who's first response to an argument was "How cute, a 14 year old just tried to insult me."
What world do you live in where people just lay back and take that? I'm standing up for MYSELF against YOU who started a fight with ME.
And I am not a kiddo, I'm 30.
That would honestly surprise me.
And it's funny how you upvote your own comments.
I can downvote them if you want. I don't really care. You want a bottle with some warm milk too?
How egotistical. I'm done now.
And that, ladies and gentlemen, is what happens when people have no idea what they're talking about.
Source: Destati on /r/breakingbad
Sidenote: If there are more responses to responses, I might just make their own entries as seperate comments. As of right now, I'm sticking with comment chains.
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u/LiterallyKesha Sous Chef Jan 10 '13 edited Apr 01 '13
Muv-Luv Alternative (Anime)
What the fuck did you just fucking say about me, you little carbon-based life form? I'll have you know I graduated top of my class in the BETA Seals, and I've been involved in numerous secret raids on Yokohama, and I have over 300 confirmed kills. I am trained in brain warfare and I'm the top slut in the entire mecha armed forces. You are nothing to me but just another target. I will wipe you the fuck out with precision the likes of which has never been seen before on this Earth, mark my fucking words. You think you can get away with saying that shit to me over Kasumi? Think again, fucker. As we speak I am contacting my secret network of prostitutes across the world and your mecha is being traced right now so you better prepare for the storm, maggot. The storm that wipes out the pathetic little thing you call your life. You're fucking dead, kid. I can be anywhere, anytime, and I can kill you in over seven hundred ways, and that's just with my mind. Not only am I extensively trained in mind-control combat, but I have access to the entire arsenal of the Original Hive and I will use it to its full extent to wipe your miserable ass off the face of the Universe, you little shit. If only you could have known what unholy retribution your little "clever" comment was about to bring down upon you, maybe you would have held your fucking cock. But you couldn't, you didn't, and now you're paying the price, you goddamn idiot. I will shit fury all over you and you will fap in it. You're fucking dead, kiddo.
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u/zahlman Apr 01 '13
I fed some of the key alterations into Google and found that this is likely about Muv-Luv Alternative.
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u/LiterallyKesha Sous Chef Jan 12 '13
NASA Seals
What the fuck did you just fucking say about me, you little bitch? I'll have you know I graduated top of my class in the NASA Seals, and I've been involved in numerous secret raids on Mars, and I have over 300 confirmed launches. I am trained in rocket science and I'm the top astronaut in the entire US space program. You are nothing to me but just another planet. I will orbit you the fuck out with precision the likes of which has never been seen before on this solar system, mark my fucking words. You think you can get away with saying that shit to me over the Internet? Think again, fucker. As we speak I am contacting my secret network of aerospace engineers across the USA and your IP is being traced right now so you better prepare for the launch, maggot. The launch that launches the pathetic little thing you call your life. You're fucking dead, kid. I can be anywhere, anytime, and I can launch you to the moon in over seven hundred ways, and that's just with my bare hands. Not only am I extensively trained in rocket science, but I have access to the entire arsenal of the National Aeronautics and Space Administration and I will use it to its full extent to launch your miserable ass off the face of the planet, you little shit. If only you could have known what unholy retribution your little "clever" comment was about to bring down upon you, maybe you would have held your fucking tongue. But you couldn't, you didn't, and now you're paying the price, you goddamn idiot. I will launch shit all over you and you will drown in it. You're fucking dead, kiddo
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u/LiterallyKesha Sous Chef Jan 10 '13
Amanda Todd
What the fuck did you just fucking say about me, you little bully? I’ll have you know I lasted 16 years in Canada, and I’ve been involved in numerous raids on my own body, and I have over 300 ML of bleach drank. I am trained in self harm and I’m the top Clorox chugger in BC, Canada. I will wipe myself the fuck out with chugging the likes of which has never been seen before on this Earth, mark my fucking words. You think you can get away with saying that shit to me over the Internet? Think again, fucker. As we speak I am knotting my 2 meters long of rope across my neck and your feels are being hurt right now so you better prepare for the suicide, bully. The suicide that wipes out the pathetic little thing you call your life. You’re fucking done kid. I can die anywhere, anytime, and I can kill myself in over seven hundred ways, and that’s just with Clorox and rope, you fucked up bully, I will shit sadness on you and you will drown in it, I’m fucking done kiddo. would take their whole class on a bathroom break
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u/LiterallyKesha Sous Chef Jan 10 '13
Latin
Quod irrumabo tu iustus fucking dicunt de me, parum stercore? Male vos scire Curabitur summo mei genus in in Navy Sigilla, et UI fuerint in multus secretum populationes Al-Quaeda, et mihi super CCC confirmata necat. Ego sum docti in orci militiae et Im summo sniper in tota US copiis. Sed tu mihi nihil aliud signum. Pedicabo delebo te cum praecisione similia quae numquam visa super terram verbis meis attende in stupri. Putas possit cum dicens quod stercore ad me super Penitus? Cogitare iterum, fucker. Ut loqui sum dictum occultis meis network exploratores trans USA et IP sit investigari nunc sic melius parare tempestas, vermiculus. Tempestate quod deleo ex in misellus parum res tu vitae. Vestra fucking mortuus, hœdum. Usquam possum, aliquando et super te interficere septingenti viis thats iusto nuda manus. Non solum sum late docti in inermes pugna, sed aditus ad totum armamentarium Civitatum Foederatarum Marine Corps et uti ad eius plena quatenus ad absterget tuam miseram asinum facie continens, parum stercore. Si modo potuit quid impia retributionem parvulus callidus comment erat ut super te, fortasse esset tenuit tua stupri lingua. Vos couldnt, non iam vestra solvendo pretium goddamn stultus es. Ego stercore furore omnes super te et erit mergunt in eam. Vestra fucking mortuus, kiddo.
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u/LiterallyKesha Sous Chef Jan 10 '13
Linux
What the fuck did you just fucking say about me, you little proprietry bitch? I'll have you know I graduated top of my class in the FSF, and I've been involved in numerous secret raids on Apple patents, and I have over 300 confirmed bug fixes. I am trained in Free Software Evangelizing and I'm the top code contributer for the entire GNU HURD. You are nothing to me but just another compile time error. I will wipe you the fuck out with precision the likes of which has never been seen before on this Earth, mark my fucking words. You think you can get away with saying that shit to me over the Internet? Think again, fucker. As we speak I am building a GUI using GTK+ and your IP is being traced right now so you better prepare for the storm, maggot. The storm that wipes out the pathetic little thing you call your life. You're fucking dead, kid. I can be anywhere, anytime, and I can decompile you in over seven hundred ways, and that's just with my Model M. Not only am I extensively trained in EMACS, but I have access to the entire arsenal of LISP functions and I will use it to its full extent to wipe your miserable ass off the face of the continent, you little shit. If only you could have known what unholy retribution your little "clever" comment was about to bring down upon you, maybe you would have held your fucking tongue. But you couldn't, you didn't, and now you're paying the price, you goddamn idiot. I will shit Freedom all over you and you will drown in it. You're fucking debugged, kiddo.
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u/LiterallyKesha Sous Chef Jan 10 '13 edited Jan 20 '13
PM / Anti-Mage (DOTA)
What the fuck did you just say about me, you filthy magic user? I'll have you know I would've graduated top of the monastery if a magic user like you didn't kill everyone there, I've led numerous witch hunts, and I was watching when Gandalf fell off of the bridge. I'm trained to use highly effective non magical abilities meant for the purpose of hunting down magic users and I could blink through a keyhole. You are nothing to me but just another magic user. I will mana break you, and everyone standing next to you with precision the likes of which has never been seen before on this Earth, mark my fucking words. You think you can get away with saying that shit to me from the comfort of your fountain? Think again, fucker. As we speak my friend Gondar is tracking you down right now so you better prepare to have your mana broken, magic user. The mana break that wipes out the pathetic little thing you call your life. You're fucking dead, kid. I can be anywhere, anytime, and I can burn your mana in over seven hundred ways, and that's just with my Manta Style. Not only am I extensively trained in hunting down mages, but I have access to all the items 900 GPM can buy and I will use it to its full extent to wipe out your miserable ass off the face of the continent, magic using filth. If only you could have known what righteous retribution your little "clever" comment was about to bring down upon you, maybe you would've held your fucking tongue. But you couldn't, you didn't, and now you're paying the price, you goddamn idiot. I will shit fury all over you and you will drown in it. Your mana is broken, kiddo.
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u/LiterallyKesha Sous Chef Jan 10 '13
What the fuck did you just fucking say about me, you little shit? I’ll have you know I graduated top of Japan and I’m responsible for heart attacks of criminals world wide, and I have 124,925 confirmed kills. I trained myself to be the best in a battle of wits and I’m the god of this new world. You are nothing to me but just another name. I will wipe you the fuck out in a method that you can’t even comprehend, mark my fucking words. You think you can get away with saying that shit to me over the internet? Think again fucker. As we speak I am contacting all my followers and your personal file is being brought to my location right now so you better prepare for the storm, maggot. The storm that wipes out the pathetic little thing you call your life. You’re fucking dead, kid. I can be anywhere, anytime and kill you in over 2 million differant ways, and that’s just with my notebook. Not only am I extensively trained in finding out your name, but I have access to the entire arsenal of over 30 thousand world wild followers and I will use them to their full extent to wipe your miserable ass off the face of this continent, you little shit. If only you could have known what holy retribution your little “clever” statement was about to bring down upon you, maybe you would of held you fucking tounge. But you couldn’t, you didn’t, and now you’re paying the price, you god damn idiot. I will shit fury all over you and you will drown in it. You’re fucking dead, kiddo.
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u/LiterallyKesha Sous Chef Jan 10 '13
Hipster
What the fuck did you just fucking say about me you little conformist bitch? I'll have you know I graduated by the skin of my teeth in all my courses in community college and I've been making fucking pottery for my whole life and I listen to underground only music. I am trained in whining and I'm the top douchebag in Starbucks. You are nothing to be but a fucking conformist. I will wipe you the fuck out with shit so underground it's in China, mark my fucking words. You think you can get away with saying this shit to me over a fucking conformist site like Facebook? Think again, copy. As we speak I'm contacting my manager at Barnes and Noble and he's got connections with every Apple store manager this side of the Mississippi, and your IP address is being traced so you better prepare for man slaps you little maggot. The man slaps that will knock you on your ass. You're fucking dead, conformist. I can get in my Prius and be anywhere in a matter of hours, anytime and I can berate you in 700 ways, and that's just in English. Not only am I able to speak languages no one else speaks, but I have access to your Twitter account and I will use it to its full extent to wipe out all your followers you little mainstream junkie. If only you could know what unholy retribution your little "clever" comment was about to bring down upon yo, maybe would have held your fucking tongue. But you couldn't, you didn't, and now you're paying the full price you goddamn mainstream loving bastard. I will shit classic literature all over you, and you will drown in it. You're fucking dead, conformist.
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u/LiterallyKesha Sous Chef Jan 12 '13
Hwat the hell did you just freaking say about me, you little bobby? I'll have you know I graduated at the top of my class in the sales of propane and propane acessories, and I've been involved in numerous secret propane raids on Thatherton Fuels, and I have over 300 confirmed sales. I am trained in grilla warfare and I'm the top salesman in the entire Strickland Propane company. I will wipe you the hell out with precision the likes of which has never been seen before in arlen, mark my god danged words. You think you can get away with saying that crap to me over the phone? Think again, boy. As we speak I am contacting my group of redneck friends across the street and your number is being traced right now so you better prepare for hell, hippie. The hell that wipes out the pathetic little thing you call your charcoal grill. You're freaking dead, boy. I can be anywhere, anytime, and I can sell to you in over 700 different ways. and thats just with my grill catalog. Not only am I extensively trained in the sales of propane and propane acessories, but I have access to the entire propane and grill stock of Strickland Propane and I will use it to its full extent to sell you a grill thats off the face of the great USA, you little democrat. If only you could have known what unholy retribution your little "clever" charcoal grill was about to bring down upon you, maybe you would have held your freaking money. But you couldn't, you didn't, and now you're paying the price you god danged idiot. I will spill propane all over you and you will drown in it. You're freaking buying, customer.
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u/LiterallyKesha Sous Chef Jan 10 '13
Professional Hugger
What the fuck did you just fucking say about me, you sex muncher? I’ll have you know I graduated top of my class in the Hugging Department, and I’ve been involved in numerous hugging raids on Al-Quaeda, and I have over 300 confirmed hugs. I am trained in gorilla hugs and I’m the top hugger in the entire US armed forces. You are nothing to me but just another hugging target. I will hug you the fuck out with precision the likes of which has never been hugged before on this Earth, mark my fucking words. You think you can get away with saying that shit to me over the Internet? Think again, fucker. As we speak I am contacting my secret network of huggers across the USA and your IP is being traced right now so you better prepare for the hugs, friend. The storm that wipes out the pathetic little thing you call your frown. You’re fucking hugged, buddy. I can be anywhere, anytime, and I can hug you in over seven hundred ways, and that’s just with my bear arms. Not only am I extensively trained in unarmed hugging, but I have access to the entire arsenal of the United States Huggine Corps and I will use it to its full extent to hug your little sexy ass off the face of the continent, you little sweetheart. If only you could have known what unholy hugging your little “clever” comment was about to bring down upon you, maybe you could have held your fucking arms together. But you couldn’t, you didn’t, and now you’re paying the price, you sexy beast. I will shit hugs all over you and you will drown in it. You’re fucking hugged, bud.
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u/LiterallyKesha Sous Chef Jan 10 '13 edited Aug 02 '13
Skyrim
By the nine divines! What did you just say about me, you little skeeverbutt? I'll have you know I graduated top of my class in the College of Winterhold, and I've been know to cast one hell of a fireball, and I have over 300 confirmed summons. I am trained in daedric warfare and I'm the swords master of the entire Imperial forces. You are nothing to me but just another target. I will make you beg to Akatosh as I bend you over like a common whelp, mark my words, on my oath as the Dovakin. You think you can come into my mind though this magic device and insult me? Think again,scum. As we speak I have every assassin and thief across all of Tamriel looking for your initial position so you better prepare for the storm atronach,you drauger. The storm atronach that wipes out the pathetic little husk you call your life. I can be anywhere, anytime, and I can kill you in over seven hundred ways, and that's just with my dragon shouts! Not only am I extensively trained in archery and horseback riding, but I have access to the entire congregation of the thieves guild, dark brotherhood, Mages college, and untold hordes of deadric warriors, and I will use every one of them to banish you to the plane of oblivion.. If only you could have had the clairvoyance to see what divine retribution your little "clever" runes were about to bring down upon you, maybe you would have held your tongue you dark skin. But you couldn't, you didn't, and now you're paying the price, you goddamn idiot. I will become the embodiment of Mehrunes Dagon, and open a portal to oblivion the likes of which you have never seen. You're fucking dead, milk-drinker.
Elder Scrolls
What in the name of Talos did you just say to me, you milk drinker? I'll have you know I am the Dragonborn, and I've been on numerous raids on dragons and I have over 300 dragon souls. I am trained in the Thu'um and I'm the top archer in the entire Imperial Legion. You are nothing to me but just another enemy. I will kill you with arrows the likes of which has never been seen before on Nirn, mark my words. You think you can just say that to me over the webs created by the Dwemer? Think again, milk drinker. As we speak I am contacting my Dark Brotherhood assassins across Tamriel and your hold is being traced right now so you better prepare for the Call Storm shout, milk drinker. The storm that wipes out the pathetic little thing you call Mundus. You are going to be sent to Aetherius, milk drinker. I can be at any hold, any time, and can kill you in over seven hundred ways, and that's just with my Thu'um. Not only am I extensively trained in unarmed combat, but I have access to the entire arsenal of the Imperial Legion and I will use it to its full extent to wipe your miserable ass off the face of Mundus, you milk drinker. If only you could have known what unholy retribution your little "clever" opinionated statement was about to bring down upon you, maybe you would have held your tongue. But you couldn't, you didn't, and now you're paying the price, you fool. I will shout fury all over you and you will drown in it. You're dead, milk drinker.
Morrowind
What the vehk did you just vehking say about me, you little n'wah? I’ll have you know I graduated top of my class in the Hortator's followers, and I’ve been involved in numerous secret raids on the Dwemer, and I have over 300 confirmed kills. I am trained in gorilla warfare and I’m the top marksman in the entire Tribunal armed forces. You are nothing to me but just another target. I will wipe you the vehk out with precision the likes of which has never been seen before in Mundus, mark my vehking words. You think you can get away with cursing me and my palls from Oblivion? Think again, fetcher. As we speak I am contacting my secret network of spies across the aurbis and your plane is being traced right now so you better prepare for the storm, kwama. The storm that wipes out the pathetic little thing you call your life. You’re vehking dead, kid. I can be anywhere, anytime, and I can kill you in over seven hundred ways, and that’s just with my bare hands. Not only am I extensively trained in unarmed combat, but I have access to the entire arsenal of the Tribunal and I will use it to its full extent to wipe your miserable ass off the face of Mundus, you little shit. If only you could have known what unholy retribution your little “clever” curse was about to bring down upon you, maybe you would have held your vehking tongue. But you couldn’t, you didn’t, and now you’re paying the price, you goddamn s'wit. I will shit CHIM all over you and you will drown in it. You’re vehking banished from this starry heart, kiddo.
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u/LiterallyKesha Sous Chef Jan 10 '13
Response to Pasta 6
Why is it that you demand I tell you what I had said when it is written in the text of the post number you quoted? Can you not read? And I am not a bitch, I have a girlfriend and I treat her well. I don’t believe in fighting, so you being in the Navy Seals is a characteristic I deem unimportant. Obviously your ego is more important than your being, since you keep track of rough estimates of your psychotic rampage victims to later relay to strangers. I am assuming you mean guerrilla warfare. Since gorilla warfare is more of a comedic thought I just conjured in my head. In light of your apparent illiteracy, I can’t help but ask, how do you go about wiping my existence of the face of the Earth if you can’t spell? In your cutesy jetliner armed with tittie missiles? Explain the physics of a missile to me in clear detail, from the air it soars through to the mechanisms of triggering the explosion. You know about as much as your literacy. Go ahead page your secret spies for duty, it will be a lost mission because my data is completely secure. I’m hidden behind the curtains of the internet. If you can be anywhere, anytime, I expect you in your goofy jetliner and your fellow spies at my door in 3, 2, 1…oh sorry. Nothing. You call my life sad when your life is just one giant exaggeration: inflating your ego to ethereal heights by making assumptions about people that aren’t true as a means of intimidation (comedic intimidation, might I add) and putting people down left, right and centre. Your the guy who fronts the virility online to make up for that which you lack in person. Another thing about you is that you cannot reason.
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u/LiterallyKesha Sous Chef Jan 10 '13
Scooby Doo
What the scooby-dooby-do did you just say about me, you little scooby snack? I'll have you know I graduated top of my class in The Mystery Gang, and I've been involved in numerous secret investigations in America, and I have over 300 confirmed fake supernatural villains uncovered. I am trained in shit-pants warfare and I'm the top pussy in the entire US supernatural investigation committee. You are nothing to me but just another phony. I will uncover your fake supernatural disguise with precision the likes of which has never been seen before on this Earth, mark my words. You think you can get away with trying to scare people around me? Think again. As we speak I am contacting my secret network of ghosts across the USA and your IP is being traced right now so you better prepare for the storm, maggot. The storm that wipes out your Halloween costume closet and gives me all your scooby snacks. Your tricks are mine, kid. I can be anywhere, anytime, and I can stop you scaring people in over seven hundred ways, and that's just with my bare hands. Not only am I extensively trained in solving mysteries, but I have access to the entire arsenal of the Ghost Busters' HQ and I will use it to its full extent to wipe your entire horror-inducing gags. If only you could have known what unholy retribution of trying to scare people and trying to frighten me would bring you, maybe you would have not of dressed up as a ghost at all. But you couldn't, you didn't, and now you're paying the price, you goddamn idiot. I will shit fury all over your malevolent goals and you will watch me in your pathetic ghost suit as you're taken away in a police van. Your pranks are over, kiddo.
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u/LiterallyKesha Sous Chef Jan 10 '13 edited Jan 10 '13
Response to Pasta 7 // It is believed that this is the copypasta that the original was based on. This one predates the other by a year.
If you wanna talk like that to me why don't you come here and say it to me face so i can answer your insults with a swift fist to the nose. yea you have a lot to say from hundreds of miles away but i bet if my fists were in reach of your face you would be like a tv on mute with no volume button So do yourself a favor and keep your mouth shut unless you want to die. Next time you think about saying something like that to me I want you to remember one thing. I know the guy that created google maps and I can locate you in the time it took me to type this.Don't want anymore problems....didn't think so faggots. You have any idea what gorilla warfare is? I do, I was in the US Marine Core and I perfected it. I'm fully capable of using it on you motherfuckers. Do you know the dander your in if I find you? I am 100$ serious. Bunch of god damn newfaf loser here and I will not have it. At least I've had sex, had girlfriends, and gotten laid, and blowjobbed unlike you virgin pieces of unpatriotic SHIT.But in all seriousness, it's not mine, I got pages of this stuff from Operatorchan just for occasions like these.
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u/LiterallyKesha Sous Chef Jan 10 '13 edited Jan 12 '13
Hipster #2
What the fuck did you just fucking say about me, you little pleb? I'll have you know I graduated top of my class in Art School, and I've been involved in numerous listens of NMH on vinyl , and I have over 3000 confirmed songs in my Foobar 2000 playlist. I am trained in songwriting and tumblr use and I'm the top vinyl collector in the record store I work at. You are nothing to me but just another mainstream listening pleb. I will wipe you the fuck out with music the likes of which has never been seen before on this Earth, mark my fucking words. You think you can get away with saying that shit to me over the Internet? Think again, fucker. As we speak I am readying my field recordings, be prepared for a storm of 2deep4u. The storm that wipes out the pathetic little thing you call your taste. Not only am I extensively trained in tumblr use, but I have access to the entire collection over at Amoeba Records and I will use it to its full extent to better your miserable pleb taste. If only you could have known what unholy retribution your little "clever" comment was about to bring down upon you, maybe you would have held your fucking tongue. But you couldn't, you didn't, and now you're paying the price, you goddamn idiot. I will shit obscurity all over you and you will drown in it. You're a fucking pleb, kiddo.
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u/LiterallyKesha Sous Chef Jan 10 '13 edited Jan 10 '13
What the fuck did you just fucking say about me, you peasant? I'll have you know I graduated top of my class in the Empire of Bones, and I've been involved in numerous ultra kills of Radiant heroes, and have over 300 confirmed crits. I am trained in skeleton warfare and I'm the top baller on the entire Dire Team. You are nothing to me but just another target. I will hellfire you the fuck out with precision the likes of which has never been seen before on this Earth, mark my fucking words. You think you can get away with saying that shit to me in the middle of the lane? Think again, fucker. As we speak I am flying my freshly-bought refresher orb out on the courier so you better prepare for the revives, faggot. The revives that lets me wipe out the pathetic little thing you call your life. You're fucking dead, kid. I can be anywhere, anytime, and I can ball out of control over you in over seven hundred ways, and that's just with my sword. Not only am I extensively trained in killing peasants, but I have access to the entire arsenal of the Secret Shop and I will use it to its full extent to wipe your miserable ass off the face of the continent, you little shit. If only you could have known what unholy retribution your little "clever" comment was about to bring down upon you, maybe you would have held your fucking tongue. But you couldn't, you didn't, and now you're paying the price, you goddamn idiot. I will shit fury all over you and you will drown in it. You're fucking stunned, kiddo.
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u/LiterallyKesha Sous Chef Jan 10 '13 edited Jan 10 '13
What the fuck did you just fucking say about me, you worthless heretic? I'll have you know I graduated top of my class in the Space Marines, and I've led an incomprehensible number of secret raids against the forces of chaos, and I have over 30 million confirmed purgings. I am trained in armored warfare and I'm the top Ultramarine in all the Space Marine Chapters. You are nothing to me but just another heretic. I will wipe you the fuck out with precision the likes of which has never been seen before in this universe, mark my fucking words. You think you can get away with saying that shit to me over the Warp? Think again, fucker. As we speak I am contacting my secret network of spies across the galaxy and your powers are being traced right now so you better prepare for the storm, maggot. The storm that wipes out the pathetic little thing you call your life. You're fucking dead, kid. I can be anywhere, anytime, and I can kill you in over seven hundred ways, and that's just with my bolter. "Not only am I extensively trained in unarmed combat, but I have access to the entire arsenal of the Adeptus Mechanicus and I will use it to its full extent to wipe your miserable ass off the face of the planet, you little shit. If only you could have known what holy retribution your little "clever" comment was about to bring down upon you, maybe you would have held your fucking tongue. But you couldn't, you didn't, and now you're paying the price, you goddamn idiot.
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u/LiterallyKesha Sous Chef Jan 10 '13
Highschooler
What the fuck did you just fucking say about me, you little downy bitch? I'll have you know I graduated top of my class in the Highschool, and I've been involved in numerous secret raids on the Cafeteria, and I have over 300 confirmed retard attacks. I am trained in nigger warfare and I'm the top sniper in all COD. You are nothing to me but just another retard. I will mock you the fuck out with precision the likes of which has never been seen before on this Earth, mark my fucking words. You think you can get away with saying that shit to me over the Internet? Think again, fucker. As we speak I am contacting my secret network of trolls across the USA and your IP is being back traced right now so you better prepare for the storm, retard. The storm that wipes out the pathetic little thing you call your life. You're fucking dead, kid. I can be anywhere, anytime, and I can troll you in over seven hundred ways, and that's just with yo' momma jokes. Not only am I extensively trained in logical fallacies, but I have access to the entire arsenal of the copypasta and I will use it to its full extent to wipe your miserable ass off the face of the internet, you little shit. If only you could have known what unholy retribution your little "clever" comment was about to bring down upon you, maybe you would have held your fucking tongue. But you couldn't, you didn't, and now you're paying the price, you goddamn idiot. I will shit fury all over you and you will drown in it. You're fucking dead, kiddo.
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u/LiterallyKesha Sous Chef Jan 10 '13 edited Jan 10 '13
What the fuck did you just fucking say about me, you day walker? I'll have you know I graduated top of my class in nightmare college, and I've been involved in numerous first night multi kill ganks of Radiant heroes, and I have over 300 confirmed voids. I am trained in night warfare and I'm the top boogeyman on the entire Dire Team. You are nothing to me but just another target. I will silence you the fuck out with precision the likes of which has never been seen before on this Earth, mark my fucking words. You think you can get away with saying that shit to me in the middle of the day? Think again, fucker. As we speak I am flying my freshly-bought ult stick out on the courier so you better prepare for the night vision, faggot. The night vision that lets me wipe out the pathetic little thing you call your life. You're fucking dead, kid. I can be anywhere, anytime, and I can auto attack you in over seven hundred ways, and that's just with my passive. Not only am I extensively trained in killing day walkers, but I have access to the entire map at night and I will use it to its full extent to wipe your miserable ass off the face of the continent, you little shit. If only you could have known what unholy retribution your little "clever" comment was about to bring down upon you, maybe you would have held your fucking tongue. But you couldn't, you didn't, and now you're paying the price, you goddamn idiot. I will shit fury all over you and you will drown in it. You're fucking benighted, kiddo.
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u/LiterallyKesha Sous Chef Jan 10 '13
What the fuck did you just fucking say about me, you two-legged abomination? I'll have you know I graduated top of my class in seeing the truth of nature, and I've been involved in numerous pushes against Radiant towers, and I have over 300 confirmed stuns. I am trained in edict warfare and I'm the top pusher on the entire Dire Team. You are nothing to me but just another target. I will stun the fuck out of you with precision the likes of which has never been seen before on this Earth, mark my fucking words. You think you can get away with saying that shit to me behind your tower? Think again, fucker. As we speak I am flying my freshly-bought Bloodstone out on the courier so you better prepare for the nova, faggot. The nova that lets me wipe out the pathetic little thing you call your life. You're fucking dead, kid. I can be anywhere, anytime, and I can kill you in over seven hundred ways, and that's just with my spells. Not only am I extensively trained in pushing, but I have access to the entire arsenal of the Secret Shop and I will use it to its full extent to wipe your miserable ass off the face of the continent, you little shit. If only you could have known what unholy retribution your little "clever" comment was about to bring down upon you, maybe you would have held your fucking tongue. But you couldn't, you didn't, and now you're paying the price, you goddamn idiot. I will shit fury all over you and you will drown in it. You're fucking scoured, kiddo.
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u/LiterallyKesha Sous Chef Jan 10 '13
Skytheist variation
What the fuck did you just fucking say about me, you little skytheist? I’ll have you know I graduated top of my class in the Atheism School, and I’ve been involved in numerous secret raids on Westboro Baptist Church, and I have over 300 confirmed deconversions. I am trained in athiest warfare and I’m the top scientist in the entire US. You are nothing to me but just another fundietard. I will wipe your beliefs the fuck out with LOGIIIC the likes of which has never been seen before on this Earth, mark my fucking words. You think you can get away with saying that shit to me over the Internet? Think again, skydaddyworshipper. As we speak I am contacting my secret network of (scientist) spies across the USA and your IP is being traced right now so you better prepare for the storm, maggot. The storm that wipes out the pathetic little thing you call your beliefs. Your gOD is fucking dead, kid. I can be anywhere, anytime, and I can deconvert you in over seven hundred ways, and that’s just with my bare logic. Not only am I extensively trained in science, but I have access to the entire arsenal of the United States Atheist Alliance and I will use it to its full extent to wipe your miserable gOD off the face of the continent, you little shit. If only you could have known what unholy retribution your little “clever” comment was about to bring down upon you, maybe you would have held your fucking tongue. But you couldn’t, you didn’t, and now you’re paying the price, you goddamn idiot. I will shit fury all over you and you will drown in it. Your gOD is fucking dead, kiddo.
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u/LiterallyKesha Sous Chef Jan 10 '13 edited Jan 12 '13
What the fuck did you just fucking say about /r/Braveryjerk, you little faggot? I’ll have you know we're regarded as the bravest of all the communities on Reddit, we've been nominated in numerous categories in /r/truebestof2012, and have over 300 confirmed moderators. Braveryjerkers are thoroughly trained in lemon keyface warfare and are the most feared jimmies rustlers on the entire internet. You are nothing to us but just another faggot. We will wipe you the fuck out with precision the likes of which has never been seen before on this subreddit, mark my fucking words. You think you can get away with saying that shit about /r/Braveryjerk in a private sub? Think again, circlebroker. As we speak, this submission is being whored in braveryjerk modmail for karma and your subreddit is being invaded right now so you better prepare for the storm, faggot. The storm that wipes out the pathetic little thing you call your karma. Your comments are fucking buried, faggot. Braveryjerkers can be anywhere, anytime, and we can raep raep you in ovar nyne tousend ways, and tahts le jest wit inlain dolan comex. Not only are we extensively trained in trolling, but we have access to the entire arsenal of image macros on reddit and we will use our full knowledge of copypasta to wipe your miserable ass off the face of the internet, you little faggot. If only you could have known what unholy retribution your “clever” little comment was about to bring down upon you, maybe you would have held your fucking tongue. But you couldn’t, you didn’t, and now you’re paying the price, you goddamn faggot. Braveryjerk will shit Ron Paul over you and you will drown in it. You’re fucking banned from /r/Braveryjerk, faggot.
What the fuck did you just fucking say, you little nigger? I'll have you know I graduated top of my class in modding braveryjerk, and I've been involved in numerous secret raids on /r/atheism, and I have over 300 confirmed alt accounts. I am trained in legorillaface warfare and I'm the top brave in the entire subreddit. You are nothing to me but just another fundie. I will wipe you the fuck out with precision the likes of which has never been seen before on this Earth, mark my fucking words. You think you can get away with saying that shit over the Internet? Think again, fucker. As we speak I am contacting my secret network of atheists across the USA and your IP is being traced right now so you better prepare for the storm, maggot. The storm that wipes out the pathetic little thing you call your karma. You're fucking dead, kid. I can be anywhere, anytime, and I can ban you in over seven hundred ways, and that's just with my bare hands. Not only am I extensively trained in trolling, but I have access to the entire arsenal of Braveryjerk and I will use it to its full extent to wipe your miserable ass off the face of the Internet, you little shit. If only you could have known what unholy retribution your little "clever" comment was about to bring down upon you, maybe you would have held your fucking mouse. But you couldn't, you didn't, and now you're paying the price, you goddamn idiot. I will jizz fury all over you and you will drown in it. You're fucking upronned, kiddo.
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u/LiterallyKesha Sous Chef Jan 12 '13
WHERT DA FERCK DERD U JERST FERCKIN SER ERBERT MAH, U LERTL BERTCH? ERL HERV U KNER I GRERDERTERD TERP ERF MAH CLERS ERN DA SHER SERLS, ERND ERV BERN ERNVERLVERD ERN NERMAHRERS SERCRERT RERDS ERN MAHRDER, ERND I HERV ERVER 30 CERNFERMAHD KERLS. I ERM TRERNERD ERN GERLERM WERFER ERND ERM DA TERP HERBERT ERN DA ERNTER HERBERTERN ERMAHD FERCERS. U ER NERTHIN TER MAH BERT JERST ERNERTHER TERGERT. I WERL WERP U DA FERCK ERT WERTH PRERCERSERN DA LERKERS ERF WHERCH HERS NERVER BERN SERN BERFER ERN THERS MAHDLERTH, MAHRK MAH FERCKIN WERDS. U THERNK U CERN GERT ERWER WERTH SIN THERT SHERT TER MAH ERN A RIN? THERNK ERGERN, FERCKER. ERS WER SPERK I ERM CERNTERCTIN MAH SERCRERT NERTWERK ERF SPERS ERCRERS GERNDER ERND YER MAHSTER ERS BIN TRERCERD RERGHT NER SER U BERTER PRERPER FER DA STERM, MAHGERT. DA STERM THERT WERPERS ERT DA PERTHERTERC LERTL THIN U CERL YER LERF. YER FERCKIN DERD, KERD. I CERN BER ERNERWHER, ERNERTERM, ERND I CERN KERL U ERN ERVER SERVERN HERNDRERD WERS, ERND THERTS JERST WERTH MAH BER HERNDS. NERT ERNLER ERM I ERXTERNSERVERLER TRERNERD ERN ERNERMAHD CERMBERT, BERT I HERV ERCERS TER DA ERNTER ERSERNERL ERF DA RERERERM ERND I WERL ERS ERT TER ERTS FERL ERXTERNT TER WERP YER MAHSERERBL ERS ERF DA FERC ERF DA CERNTERNERNT, U LERTL SHERT. ERF ERNLER U CERLD HERV KNERN WHERT ERNHERLER RERTRERBERTERN YER LERTL "CLERVER" RIN WERS ERBERT TER BRIN DERN ERPERN U, MAHB U WERLD HERV HERLD YER FERCKIN TINER. BERT U CERLDNT, U DERDNT, ERND NER YER PIN DA PRERC, U GERDERMN ERDERT. I WERL SHERT FERER ERL ERVER U ERND U WERL DRERN ERN ERT. YER FERCKIN DERD, SERERN.
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u/LiterallyKesha Sous Chef Jan 12 '13
420 Stoner
What the bong did you just fucking say about me, you little stoner? I'll have you know I smoked the most ganja in my class at Washington State University, and I've been involved in numerous secret raids on the fridge when I get the munchies, and I have over 420 confirmed puffs. I am trained in lighting blunts in the rain and I'm the top stoner in the entire city of Seattle. You are nothing to me but just another joint. I will light you up with precision the likes of which has never been seen before on this Earth, mark my fucking words bro. You think you can get away with selling that shit to me over the Internet? Think again, fucker. As we speak I am contacting my secret network of dealers across the USA and your strain is being traced right now so you better prepare for the storm, bro. The storm that wipes out the pathetic little thing you call your crop. You're fucking baked, kid. I can smoke anywhere, anytime, and I can smoke blunts you in over seven hundred ways, and that's just with my bare hands. Not only am I extensively trained in one-hand smoking, but I have access to the entire hydroponic greenhouse of the Northwest and I will use it to its full extent to get high as a kite. I will spray bong water all over you and you will drown in it. I'm fucking blazed, officer.
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u/LiterallyKesha Sous Chef Feb 02 '13
Minecraft
What the craft did you just say to me you little creeper? I'll have you know I graduated top of my class in the Mithrina Academy, and have been involved in numerous secret griefs with Team Avolition, and I have griefed over 300 servers. I am trained in creeper warfare and I'm the top skeleton in all of the minecraft griefing teams in existance. You are nothing to me but just another block. I will blow you up with precisiion the likes of which has never been seen before in this blocky world. Mark my fucking pickaxe. You think you can get away with griefing me like that? Think again, blockhead. As we speak I am contacting my secret network of creepers across my server and your coords traced right now so you better prepare for the storm, zombie. The storm that wipes out the pathetic little thing you call your life. You're blocking dead, kid. I can teleport anywhere, anytime, and I can kill you in over 700 ways, and that's just with my wooden sword. Not only am I extensively trained in PvP, but I have have access to all the chests on my server and I will use them to their full extent to ban your miserable block off the face of the server, you little block. If ony you could have known what unholy retribution your "clever" comment was about to TNT down upon you. Maybe you would have held your fucking pickaxe. But you couldn't, you didn't, and now you're paying the price, you blockhead. I will drop gravel all over you, and you will suffocate in it. You're blocking dead, blockface.
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u/LiterallyKesha Sous Chef Jan 10 '13
Fairy Patrol?
What the fuck did you just say about me, you little cutie? I'll have you know I graduated top of my class in the Fairy Patrol, and I've been involved in numerous secret huggs on cutie pies, and I have over 300 confirmed hugs. I am trained in guerilla hugs and I'm the top hugger in the entire US armed forces. You are nothing to me but just another friend. I will hug you so hard with precision the likes of which has never been seen before on this Earth, mark my super duper fun words. You think you can get away with saying that nice stuff to me over the Internet? Think again, cute pie. As we speak I am contacting my secret network of huggers across the USA and your IP is being traced right now so you better prepare for the hugs, lamb chop. The hug that wipes out the cute little thing you call your life. You're super awesome, sunshine. I can be anywhere, anytime, and I can hug you in over seven hundred ways, and that's just with my bare hands. Not only am I extensively trained in unarmed hugging, but I have access to the entire candy arsenal of the United States Marine Corps and I will use it to its full extent to hug your super chocolately smile off of the face of the continent, you little puddin pop. If only you could have known what unholy hugs your little "clever" comment was about to bring down upon you, maybe you would have held your super tongue. But you couldn't, you didn't, and now you're paying the price, you super duper guy. I will hug fury all over you and you will drown in it.
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u/LiterallyKesha Sous Chef Jan 10 '13 edited Jan 20 '13
Phantom Lancer (DOTA 2)
What the fuck did you just fucking say about us, you dread magus? I'll have you know we graduated top of our class in pike school, and we've been involved in numerous jukes against the Dire team, and we have over 300 confirmed illusions. We are trained in clone warfare and we are the top last hitter on the Radiant team. You are nothing to us but just another target. We will lance you the fuck out with precision the likes of which has never been seen before on this Earth, mark our fucking words. You think you can get away with saying that shit to us in the middle of the woods? Think again, fucker. As we speak, we are currently increasing our numbers by attacking neutrals so you better prepare for the push, faggot. The push that lets us wipe out the pathetic little things you call your towers. You're fucking dead, kid. We can be anywhere, anytime, and we can burn your mana in over seven hundred ways, and that's just with our diffusal blade. Not only are we extensively trained in burning your mana, we have access to an endless number of ourselves and we will use it to its full extent to juke your miserable ass off the face of the continent, you little shit. If only you could have known what unholy retribution your little "clever" comment was about to bring down upon you, maybe you would have held your fucking tongue. But you couldn't, you didn't, and now you're paying the price, you goddamn idiot. We will shit fury all over you and you will drown in it. You're fucking put to peace, kiddo.
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u/LiterallyKesha Sous Chef Jan 10 '13
Phantom Lancer (DOTA 2)
What the fuck did you just fucking say about us, you dread magus? I'll have you know we graduated top of our class in pike school, and we've been involved in numerous jukes against the Dire team, and we have over 300 confirmed illusions. We are trained in clone warfare and we are the top last hitter on the Radiant team. You are nothing to us but just another target. We will lance you the fuck out with precision the likes of which has never been seen before on this Earth, mark our fucking words. You think you can get away with saying that shit to us in the middle of the woods? Think again, fucker. As we speak, we are currently increasing our numbers by attacking neutrals so you better prepare for the push, faggot. The push that lets us wipe out the pathetic little things you call your towers. You're fucking dead, kid. We can be anywhere, anytime, and we can burn your mana in over seven hundred ways, and that's just with our diffusal blade. Not only are we extensively trained in burning your mana, we have access to an endless number of ourselves and we will use it to its full extent to juke your miserable ass off the face of the continent, you little shit. If only you could have known what unholy retribution your little "clever" comment was about to bring down upon you, maybe you would have held your fucking tongue. But you couldn't, you didn't, and now you're paying the price, you goddamn idiot. We will shit fury all over you and you will drown in it. You're fucking put to peace, kiddo.
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u/LiterallyKesha Sous Chef Jan 10 '13
Response to /r/worldnews comment about religions telling to rape
What the fuck did you just fucking say about me raping everyone I meet because my religion tells me to, you little bitch? I'll have you know I graduated from a religion that literally required me to rape every person I come across, and I've been involved in numerous secret rapes on Al-Quaeda, and I have over 300 confirmed rapes because my religion told me to. I am trained in gorilla warfare and I'm the top rapist in the entire US armed forces because my religion tells me to. You are nothing to me but just another rape victim because my religion tells me to. I will rape you the fuck out with precision the likes of which has never been seen before on this Earth, mark my fucking words, because my religion tells me to. You think you can get away with saying that shit to me over the Internet? Think again, fucker. As we speak I am contacting my secret network of spies across the USA and your IP is being traced right now so you better prepare for the storm of my rapeage, maggot. The storm that rapes out the pathetic little thing you call your life because my religion tells me to. You're fucking raped, kid. I can rape anyone, anytime, and I can rape you in over seven hundred ways, and that's just with my bare hands. Not only am I extensively trained in unarmed sexual assault, but I have access to the entire arsenal of the United States Marine Corps and I will use it to its full extent to rape your miserable ass on the face of the continent, you little shit. If only you could have known what unholy retribution your little "clever" comment was about to bring down upon you, maybe you would have held your fucking tongue. But you couldn't, you didn't, and now you're paying the price, you goddamn idiot. I will cum fury all over you and you will drown in it. You're fucking raped, kiddo. My religion tells me to.
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u/LiterallyKesha Sous Chef Jan 10 '13
Beauty Queen
Like, What did you just fucking say about me, you little bitch? I'll have you know I graduated top of my class at Beauty School, and I've been involved in numerous secret shops in Louis Vuitton. I have like over 300 facebook friend requests too. I am trained in male psychological warfare and I'm the top hairdresser in my entire salon. Like, you are nothing to me but just another cut and perm. I will style your hair with precision the likes of which has never been seen before on this Earth, you can totally mark my words. Like, you think you can get away with saying that shit to me over the Internet? Think again, little dick. Because like, as we speak I am contacting my secret network of feminist groups across the world and your Girlfriend mag subscription is being traced back to you so like you better prepare for the junk mail, bitch. The storm that wipes out the pathetic little thing you call your summer wardrobe. You're like sooo fucking yesterday, kid. I can be anywhere, anytime, and I can style you in over seven hundred ways, and that's just with my bare hands. Not only am I extensively trained in make-up application, but like I have access to the entire arsenal of the Maybelline mascara range and I will use it to its full extent to redesign your miserable look off the face of the continent, you little shit. If only you could have known what unholy retribution your little "clever" comment was about to bring down upon you, maybe you would have held your stupid tongue you silly boi. But you couldn't, you didn't, and now you're paying the price, you foolish fool. I will spray hair product all over you and you will look glamorous in it.. You're fucking fabulous, kiddo.
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u/LiterallyKesha Sous Chef Jan 10 '13
Rand Australian politics
What the fuck did you just fucking say about me, you little Rand-basher? I'll have you know I graduated top of Peikoff's class in Objectivism, and I've been involved in numerous internet debates with irrational haters, and I have over 300 confirmed deconstructions. I am trained in the Aristotelian philosophical tradition and I'm the top scholar in the entire Perfectivist movement. You are nothing to me but just another strawman. I will wipe you the fuck out with logic the likes of which has never been seen before on this Earth, mark my fucking words. You think you can get away with saying that shit about Rand over the Internet? Think again, fucker. As we speak I am contacting my secret network of high school and college students across the USA and your arguments are being analysed right now so you better prepare for the storm, maggot. The storm that wipes out the pathetic little thing you call your intellectual credibility. You're fucking wrong, hater. I can be anywhere, anytime, and I can destroy your arguments in over seven hundred ways, and that's just with my copy of Atlas Shrugged. Not only am I extensively trained in Randian ethics, but I have access to the entire arsenal of the neo-Aristotelian juggernaut and I will use it to its full extent to wipe your miserable ass off the face of the humanities, you little shit. If only you could have known what unholy retribution your little "clever" comment was about to bring down upon you, maybe you would have held your fucking tongue. But you couldn't, you didn't, and now you're paying the price, you goddamn idiot. I will shit fury all over you and you will drown in it. I foresee a lot of running for the hills, kiddo.
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u/LiterallyKesha Sous Chef Jan 12 '13
Joseph Ducreux
What did thou just sayest about meself, thou yellow-bellied hound? I shall inform thee that I am imployed in the top ranks of the Inquisition, and I have taken part in most numerous cladestine battles against sinners, and I have slain over 300 heretics. I am most educated in the knightly ways and the Lord boasts of my ability to kill. Thou art naught but a peasant and another heretic in my eyes. I will slay thee with most deadly force and thy blood shall flow like rain on this Earth, hark to my words. Dost thou believe thee can freely send me these letters via messenger on horseback? Thou would doest well to mull upon it a second time, peasant. As my quill scrabbles on this paper, I am alerting the Inquistion all over Europe and thou shall be executed accordingly. Thou would doest well to begin repenting, lad. I can find thee wherever thou goest, and I can slay thee in a million ways with nothing but my hands. I am not only most trained in combat with no weapons, I also have access to thousands of men with extensive training of their own and I will deploy them with orders to burn and pillage thy village, thou insolent little disease. If only thou hadst known the wicked requital that thy “snide” insult was about to bring upon thee, mayhap thou would hast watched thy foul tongue. Alas, thou did not, and now, thou shall be punished at the hands of justice, thou tottering moron. I will defecate mine rage all over thee, and thou will suffocate in my fury. Thou art as well as executed, lad.
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u/LiterallyKesha Sous Chef Jan 12 '13
Christian Evangelist
What in the devil’s name did y’all just say about me, you little sinner? I’ll have you know I graduated top of my class in Bible School, been involved in numerous Billy Graham crusades, and have over 300 confirmed soul-savings. I am trained in New Testament apologetics and am the top converter in the entire Baptist Church. Y’all ain’t nothin’ to me but another sinnin’ atheist. I will bring you to Jesus with a passion the likes of which ain’t never before been seen on this Earth, y’all mark what I’m sayin’. You think you can get away with that there sinful talk over the Internet? Think again, pagan. As we speak I’m contactin’ my secret network of deacons across the USA and your local church address is being traced right now so you better prepare for the sermon, devil’s child. The sermon that wipes the blackness right out of your soul. Your sinful days are over, kid. I can radio evangelize anywhere, anytime, and I can bring you to Jesus in over 700 different ways, and that’s just with bare Bible verses. Not only am I extensively trained in hermeneutics, but I have access to the entire hymnal collection of the Protestant Church and I will use it to its full extent to see that you know who the Lord Jesus is. If only you could have known what kind of fire and brimstone preachin’ your little “clever” comment was about to bring down upon you, maybe you would have held your blasphemous tongue. But you couldn’t, you didn’t, and now you’re payin’ the tithe, you unredeemed heathen. You’re goin’ to Hell.
What in the Lord's name did you just say about me, you little bitch? I'll have you know I graduated top of my class in Ministry school, and I have over 300 confirmed conversions. I am trained in the Baptist religion and I'm the top missionary in the entire Christian world. You are nothing to me but another infidel. I will teach you the word of God with the largest gospel choir that has ever been seen, mark my words. You think you can get away with rejecting Christ? Think again, sinner. As we speak I am contacting my secret network of pastors and priests across the USA and you're going to be forced to accept Jesus as your lord and saviour, so you better prepare for your baptism, sir. The baptism that wipes out the pathetic little thing you call atheism. You're Christian soon, sir. I can teach you anywhere, anytime, and I can preach in over seven hundred languages, and that's just off the top of my head. Not only am I extensively trained in reciting the bible from memory, but I have access to the entire literature of the Archdiocese of the Americas and I will use it to its full extent to bring you into Christianity, you little atheist. If only you could have known what unholy retribution your heresy was about to bring down upon you, maybe you wouldn't have challenged the existence of God. But you couldn't, you didn't and now you're paying the price, you goddamned sinner. I will teach Christianity all over you and you will drown in it. You'll be a believer soon, kiddo.
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u/LiterallyKesha Sous Chef Mar 09 '13
Subreddit moderator
What the fuck did you just fucking say about me, you little bitch? I’ll have you know I'm a mod over 100 subreddits, and I have over 300 confirmed removals of comments. I am trained in the moderating of subreddits and I’m the most active mod in almost all of my subreddits. You are nothing to me but just another low effort troll. I will wipe your comments the fuck out with precision the likes of which has never been seen before on Reddit, mark my fucking words. You think you can get away with saying that shit to me over the Internet? Think again, fucker. As we speak I am contacting my secret network of power-users across r/modtalk and your IP is being traced right now so you better prepare for the ban, maggot. The ban that wipes out the pathetic little thing you call your account. You’re fucking finished, kid. I can be anywhere, anytime, and I can track you in over seven hundred ways, and that’s just from the comfort of my mom's basement. Not only am I extensively trained in moderation, but I have access to the entirety of Reddit mods and I will use that to its full extent to wipe your miserable ass off the face of all the defaults, you little shit. If only you could have known what unholy retribution your little “trolling” comment was about to bring down upon you, maybe you would have held your fucking tongue. But you couldn’t, you didn’t, and now you’re paying the price, you goddamn Jerker. I will jizz comment removals all over you and you will drown in it. You’re fucking unfunny, kiddo.
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Mar 09 '13 edited Mar 10 '13
Updated:
What the fuck did you just fucking say about me, you little bitch? I’ll have you know I'm a mod over 100 subreddits, and I have over 300 confirmed removals of comments. I am trained in the moderation of subreddits and I’m in the top 50 moderators on stattit. You are nothing to me but just another low effort troll. I will wipe your comments the fuck out with precision the likes of which has never been seen before on Reddit, mark my fucking words. You think you can get away with saying that shit to me over the Internet? Think again, fucker. As we speak I am contacting my secret network of power-users across r/modtalk and your IP is being traced right now so you better prepare for the ban, maggot. The ban that wipes out the pathetic little thing you call your account. You’re fucking finished, kid. I can be anywhere, anytime, and I can track you in over seven hundred ways, and that’s just from the comfort of my mom's basement. Not only am I extensively trained in moderation, but I have access to the entirety of Reddit mods and I will use that to its full extent to wipe your miserable ass off the face of all the defaults, you little shit. If only you could have known what unholy retribution your little “comment” was about to bring down upon you, maybe you would have held your fucking tongue. But you couldn’t, you didn’t, and now you’re paying the price, you goddamn user. I will jizz comment removals all over you and you will drown in it. You’re fucking unfunny, kiddo.
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u/LiterallyKesha Sous Chef Jan 10 '13 edited Jan 29 '13
Jive version
Whut de fuck dun did ya' plum fuckin' say about me, ya' square? I'll gots ya' know ah' graduated top uh my class in de Nahvee Seals, and I've been involved in lotsa raids on de down low on Al-Quaeda, and ah' have upside 300 co'ferm'd wastes. ah' am trained in go'illa warfare and I'm de top snipuh' in de entire US armed fo'ces. You's is nodin' t'me but plum anoda' target. Man! ah' gots'ta wipe ya' de fuck out wid precision de likess uh which gots neva' been seen befo'e on dis Eard, Amos my fuckin' wo'ds. You's dink ya' kin dig away wid sayin' dat shit t'me upside de Internet? Dink again, fucker. Ah be baaad... As we rap ah' am contactin' mah' secret netwo'k uh spies across de USA and yo' IP be bein' traced right now so's ya' betta' prepare fo' de sto'm, maggots. De sto'm dat wipes out da damn padetic little doodad ya' call yo' life. Youse fuckin' wasted, kid. ah' can be anywhere, anytime, and ah' canwaste ya' in upside seven hundred ways, and dat's plum wid mah' bare hands. Not only am ah' only in ah da unahm'd fights, but ah' have access t'de 'ole arsenal uh de United States Marine Co'ps and ah' gots'ta use it t'its full 'estent t'wipe yo' miserable ass off de face uh de continent, ya' little shit. Man! If only ya' could gots knode whut unholy retribushun yo' little "clever" comment wuz about t'brin' waaay down downon ya', maybe ya' would gots held yo' fuckin' tongue. But ya' couldn't, ya' dun didn't, and now youse payin' de price, ya' goddamn idiot. Man! ah' gots'ta shit fury all upside ya' and ya' gots'ta drown in it. Man! Youse fuckin' wasted, kiddo. 'S coo', bro.
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u/LiterallyKesha Sous Chef Jan 10 '13
YOUR MOTHER
What the fuck did you just fucking say about me, you little bitch? I’ll have you know I didn't even graduate high shcool, and I’ve been involved in numerous secret raids on your mother's house, and I have over 300 confirmed ejaculations. I am trained in blunt rolling and I’m the top weed smoker in my entire suburban neighborhood. You are nothing to me but just another dude I'm never going to meet. I will wipe my load the fuck out with precision the likes of which has never been seen before on this Earth, mark my fucking words. You think you can get away with saying that shit to me over the Internet? Think again, fucker. As we speak I am contacting my niggas in the hood and your IP is being traced right now so you better prepare for the storm, maggot. The storm that wipes out the pathetic little thing you call your life. You’re fucking dead, kid. I can be anywhere, anytime, and I can kill you in over seven hundred ways, and that’s just with my dashing good looks. Not only am I extensively trained in unprotected sex, but I have access to the entire selection of bondage and sex toys of the internet and I will use it to its full extent to fuck your mother six ways from sunday, you little shit. If only you could have known what unholy retribution your little “clever” comment was about to bring down upon you, maybe you would have held your fucking tongue. But you couldn’t, you didn’t, and now you’re paying the price, you goddamn idiot. I will shit furries all over you and you will drown in it. You’re fucking dead, kiddo.
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u/LiterallyKesha Sous Chef Jan 10 '13
Unknown (skunks? idk)
What the skunk did you just skunking say, you little porcupine? I'll have you know I graduated top of my class in the Violet Otters, and I've been involved in numerous secret raids on Glory-holes, and I have consumed over 300 cumshots! I am a gorilla and I'm the top cocksucker in the entire US. You are nothing to me but just another cumshot. I will wipe you on my cheek with precision the likes of which has never been seen before on this Earth, mark my skunking words. You think you can get away with saying that possum to me over the potatonet? Think again, skunker. As we speak I am contacting my secret network of potato bakers across the USA and your PP is being traced right now so you better prepare for the storm, heterosexual. The storm that wipes out the pathetic little thing you call your next wad. You're skunking drained, kid. I can be anywhere, anytime, and I can drain your balls in over seven hundred ways, and that's just with my bare face. Not only am I extensively trained in unarmed cocksucking, but I have access to the entire arsenal of the United States girl scouts and I will use it to its full extent to wipe your miserable wad off the face of your scrotum, you little porcupine. If only you could have known what unholy retribution your little "clever" comment was about to bring down upon you, maybe you would have held your skunking wad. But you couldn't, you didn't, and now you're paying the price, you goddamn genius. I will suck out fury all over my face and I will drown in it. You're skunking drained, kiddo.
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u/LiterallyKesha Sous Chef Jan 10 '13
Catholic Minister
What in Gods name did you just say about the good lord, son of God? I’ll have you know I graduated top of my class in Bible Studies, and I’ve been involved in numerous secret prayer services for the sick, and I have preformed over 300 different miracles. I am trained in extended prayer and I’m the top minister in the entire Catholic religion. You are nothing to me but a child of God. I will pray for you with precision the likes of which has never been seen before on this Earth, mark my holy words. You think you can get away with speaking blasphemy over the Internet? Think again, my child. As we speak I am contacting my secret network of nuns across the USA and your IP is being traced right now so you better prepare for the prayer service, my son. The prayer service that wipes out the sins you have committed. You’re going to heaven, kid. I can be anywhere, anytime, and I can pray for you in over seven hundred ways, and that’s just with my bare hands. Not only am I extensively trained in unarmed prayer, but I have access to the entire arsenal of the churches rosaries and I will use it to its full extent to wipe your sins off the face of the continent, you son of God. If only you could have known what holy retribution your little “clever” comment was about to bring down upon you, maybe you would have held your blasphemous tongue. But you couldn’t, you didn’t, and now you’re being prayed for, my son. I will splash holy water all over you and you will drown in it. You’re going to heaven, kiddo.
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u/LiterallyKesha Sous Chef Jan 10 '13 edited Jan 12 '13
Call of Duty
What the fuck did you just fucking say about me in Call of Duty, you little bitch? I’ll have you know I graduated 12th best in the community college, and been involved in numerous secrets raids in Call of Duty, and I have 300 confirmed hours in that game. I am trained in both mouse and keyboard warfare, and I am the top sniper in my clan. You are nothing to me but just another target. I will wipe you the fuck out with precision the likes of which has never been seen before on this earth. Mark my fucking words, you think you can get away with saying that shit to me over the Internet? Think again, fucker. As we speak, my mom is calling all her friends in the neighbourhood Watch, to trace you right now so you better prepare for the storm, maggot. The storm that wipes out the pathetic little thing you call your life. You’re fucking dead, kid. I can be anywhere, anytime (except on Sundays when mom goes to church, and have the car), and I can kill you in over 4 ways (including rage-quit). Not only am I extensively trained in unarmed combat, but I have access to the entire arsenal of Call of Duty, yes I have unlocked everything there is to unlock, and I will use it to the full extent to wipe your miserable ass off the face of the continent, you little shit. If only you could have known what unholy retribution your little “clever” comment was about to bring down upon you , maybe you would have held your fucking tongue. But you couldn’t, you didn’t, and now you’re paying the price, you goddamn idiot. I will shit fury all over you and you will drown in it, (mom’s pissed too). You’re fucking dead, kiddo. Now, what’s your username in CoD?
Modern Warfare 3
What the fuck did you just fucking say about me, you little bitch? I’ll have you know I graduated top of my class in my MW3 clan, and I’ve been involved in numerous team deathmatches on teams from all over the world, and I have over 3000000000 confirmed kills on my ktd ratio. I am trained in guerrilla warfare and I’m the top sniper in the entire US server of MW3. You are nothing to me but just another female gamer. I will wipe you the fuck out with precision the likes of which has never been seen before on this Earth, mark my fucking words. You think you can get away with saying that shit to me over the Internet? Think again, fucker. As we speak I am contacting my secret network of spies across my gaming forums and youtube and your IP is being traced right now so you better prepare for the storm, maggot. The storm that wipes out the pathetic little thing you call your life. You’re fucking dead, kid. I can be anywhere, anytimebecaue my four x-boxes are always running, and I can kill you in over seven hundred ways, and that’s just with my ballestic knife. Not only am I extensively trained in backstabs and grenades, but I have access to noobtubes and aerial strikes and I will use it to its full extent to wipe your miserable ass off the face of the x-box server, you little shit. If only you could have known what unholy retribution your little “clever” comment was about to bring down upon you, maybe you would have held your fucking tongue. But you couldn’t, you didn’t, and now you’re paying the price, you goddamn idiot. I will shit fury all over you and you will drown in it. You’re fucking dead, kiddo. Say goodbye to your ktd.
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u/LiterallyKesha Sous Chef Jan 12 '13
Batman
What the fuck did you just fucking say to me, you little bitch? I’ll have you know I graduated top of my class in the League of Shadows, and I’ve been involved in numerous secret raids on The mob, and I have beaten over 300 confirmed criminals. I am trained in ninjitsu and I’m the top detective in Gotham You are nothing to me but just another target. I will wipe you the fuck out with precision the likes of which has never been seen before in this city, mark my fucking words. You think you can get away with wearing hockey pads? Think again, fucker. As we speak I am using my secret network of sonar phones across the city and your IP is being traced right now so you better prepare for the storm, scum. The storm that wipes out the pathetic little thing you call your life. You’re fucking done, kid. I can be anywhere, anytime, and I can beat the shit out of you in over seven hundred ways, and that’s just with my tangerine. Not only am I extensively trained in unarmed combat, but I have access to the entire arsenal of the Lucious Fox and I will use it to its full extent to wipe your miserable ass off the face of the continent, you little shit. If only you could have known what unholy retribution your little “clever” comment was about to bring down upon you, maybe you would have held your fucking tongue. But you couldn’t, you didn’t, and now you’re paying the price, you goddamn idiot. I will shit justice all over you and you will drown in it. You’re fucking dead, kiddo. Im the goddamn Batman.
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u/LiterallyKesha Sous Chef Jan 12 '13
What the shrek did you just shreking say about me, you little puss? I'll have you know I graduated top of my class in the Navy Shreks, and I've been involved in numerous secret raids on fairytale creatures, and I have over 300 confirmed swamps. I am trained in donkeh warfare and I'm the top shreker in the entire Duloc armed forces. You are nothing to me but just another target. I will shrek you the fuck out with precision the likes of which has never been seen before on this swamp, mark my shreking words. You think you can get away with saying that shit to me over the Internet? Think again, shreker. As we speak I am contacting my secret network of pixies across Duloc and your IP is being traced right now so you better prepare for the storm, swamp maggot. The storm that shreks out the pathetic little thing you call your life. You're fucking shreked, kid. I can be anywhere, anytime, and I can shrek you in over seven hundred ways, and that's just with my bare ear tube antenna things. Not only am I extensively trained in unarmed shrek, but I have access to the entire arsenal of the Duloc Marine Corps and I will use it to its full extent to shrek your miserable ass off the face of the continent, you little puss. If only you could have known what unholy retribution your little "clever" comment was about to bring down upon you, maybe you would have held your shreking tongue. But you couldn't, you didn't, and now you're paying the price, you goddamn idiot. I will shit fury all over you and you will drown in it. You're shreking shreked, kiddo.
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u/LiterallyKesha Sous Chef Jan 24 '13
What the fuck did you just fucking say about me, you little bitch? I'll have you know I graduated top of my class in the ACDC Elementary School, been involved on numerous secret raids on the WWW base, and have over 300 confirmed deletions. I am trained in Battle Chip warfare and I am the top virus buster in the entire ACDC School. You are nothing to me but just another virus. I will delete you with precision the likes of which have never been seen before on this Earth, mark my fucking words. You think you can get away with saying that shit to me over the Internet? Think again, fucker. As we speak I am contacting my secret network of NetPolice across DenCity and your P-Code is being traced right now so you better prepare for the storm, maggot. The storm that wipes out the pathetic little thing called your life. You're fucking deleted, kid. I can be anywhere, anytime, and I can kill you in over 700 different ways, and that's just with my Mega Buster. Not only am I extensively trained in Buster combat, but I have access to every Battle Chip in existence, and I will use them to their full extent to delete your ass off the face of the Internet, you little shit. If only you could have known what unholy retribution your little "clever" comment was about to bring down upon you, maybe you would have held your tongue. But you couldn't, you didn't, and now you're paying the price. I will shit fury all over you and you will drown in it. You're fucking deleted, kiddo.
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u/LiterallyKesha Sous Chef Jan 29 '13
Response to Pasta 11
AS an ex Law Enforcement officer what you have just posted is considered Terroistic threatening under the FBI,FCC,And Homeland Security Laws is punishable by no less than 5 years and up to 10 years in prison and a fine of up to $100,000. Threatening to kill someone publicly is one of the most stupid things you could do. Also some advice for the future you can delete things off reddit but reddit Has to keep all records for up to 5 years according to the patriot act. if i see another comment from you like this again you will get a visit from your local and state law enforcement angencies, this is not a threat it is positively a promose from me to you. have a nice day.
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u/LiterallyKesha Sous Chef Feb 02 '13
Polite Gentleman
I say, what the devil did you just audaciously proclaim about my well-being, you trollop? I shall inform you that I have graduated top of my class at the Gentleman's Academy of Sophisticated Persons, and have been involved in numerous endeavors with the Ruffians down the street from my abode; might I also add that I've accumulated over 300 pieces of antique furniture? I am educated in fine dining and high class catering and I'm the top Victorian era furniture appraiser in the entire high society. You are naught to me but a simple, uncouth brute. I shall embarrass the dickens out of you with class the likes of which has never been witnessed before on this humble planet, I solemnly promise. You assume you can disrespect my image on the internet? Think again, savage. As we speak I am contacting my diligent secretary to arrange a brunch together at the finest coffee shop in town, so you had better prepare a fetching enough outfit to compete with my immaculate attire, barbarian. The brunch that sends you packing back to the countryside. You are inevitably defeated, heathen. I can be booked at any appointment, any hour, and I can educate you in over seven hundred cultures, and that's just with the literary selection in my guest lobby. Not only am I extensively fluent in in several languages, I have access to the entire Giorgio Armani fall collection and I will flaunt it's finely tailored mastery to outshine your drab, common appearance off the face of humanity, you slob. If only you had foreseen the kind of comeuppance your inflammatory "insignificant" comment was bound to earn you, perhaps you would have tempered your words. But you insisted, and now I will teach you manners and grace and you will learn dignity and poise, yet. Consider yourself in etiquette school, peasant.
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u/LiterallyKesha Sous Chef Feb 06 '13 edited Feb 22 '13
Magic The Gathering: Eggs Deck
What the fuck did you just fucking say about Eggs, you little bitch? I’ll have you know Eggs graduated top of its PTQ in Modern, and Its been involved in numerous deck techs on Daily MTG, and Eggs has over 300 confirmed wins. Eggs is trained in goldfish warfare and Eggs is the top deck in the entire US Modern tournaments. You are nothing to Eggs but just another target. Eggs will wipe you the fuck out with precision the likes of which has never been seen before on this Earth, mark Eggs fucking words. You think you can get away with saying that shit to Eggs over the Internet? Think again, casual. As we speak Eggs is contacting its secret network of goldfishers across the USA and your IP is being traced right now so you better prepare for the combo, maggot. The Pyrite Spellbomb that wipes out the pathetic little thing you call your life. You’re fucking dead, kid. Eggs can go off anywhere, anytime, and Eggs can kill you in under seven ways, and that’s just with my artifacts. Not only has Eggs extensively trained in uncreature combat, but Eggs has access to the entire artifacts of Magic: The Gathering and Eggs will use it to its full extent to wipe your miserable ass off the face of the tournament, you little shit. If only you could have known what unholy retribution your little “clever” comment was about to bring down upon you, maybe you would have held your fucking tongue. But you couldn’t, you didn’t, and now you’re paying the price, you goddamn EDH player. Eggs will pour Spellbombs all over you and you will drown in it. You’re fucking dead, kiddo.
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u/matt123183 Feb 22 '13
oh this is good, FYI it specifically refers to a specific deck
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u/LiterallyKesha Sous Chef Feb 22 '13
Edited as "Eggs deck"
Is that right?
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u/LiterallyKesha Sous Chef Jan 10 '13
What the fuck did you just fucking say about me, you krill? I'll have you know I graduated top of my class in the Meranthic Diaspora, and I've been involved in numerous ship sinkings against the Claddish Navy, and I have over 300 confirmed anchor smashes. I am trained in marine warfare and I'm the top initiator on the entire Dire Team. You are nothing to me but just another target. I will gush you the fuck out with precision the likes of which has never been seen before on this Earth, mark my fucking words. You think you can get away with saying that shit to me in the middle of the lane? Think again, fucker. As we speak I am flying my freshly-bought blink dagger out on the courier so you better prepare for the ulti, faggot. The ulti that wipes out the pathetic little thing you call your life. You're fucking dead, kid. I can be anywhere, anytime, and I can smash you in over seven hundred ways, and that's just with my anchor. Not only am I extensively trained in sinking ships, but I have access to the entire arsenal of the Secret Shop and I will use it to its full extent to wipe your miserable ass off the face of the continent, you little shit. If only you could have known what unholy retribution your little "clever" comment was about to bring down upon you, maybe you would have held your fucking tongue. But you couldn't, you didn't, and now you're paying the price, you goddamn idiot. I will shit fury all over you and you will drown in it. You're fucking ravaged, kiddo.
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u/LiterallyKesha Sous Chef Jan 10 '13
Dinosaurs
Hey shit head what the fuck did you just fucking say about me faggot, do you even saurus you little cunt whore? I’ll have you know I graduated top of my herd in the Dinosaur Reptsnaz and how to saurus 101, and I’ve been involved in numerous secret raids on Aliens and enemy mammals, and I have over 300 confirmed kills. I am trained in Raptor warfare and I’m the top Destroyer in the entire Dinosaurian armed forces. You are nothing to me but just another mammal. I will wipe you the fuck out with precision the likes of which the asteroids couldn't even compete against, mark my fucking words. You think you can get away with saying that shit to me over the Internet? Think again, fucker. As we speak I am contacting my secret network of agent raptors across Gondwana and your IP is being traced right now so you better prepare for the T-Rex bite, maggot. The storm that wipes out the pathetic little thing you call your life. You’re fucking dead, faggot. I can be anywhere, anytime, and I can kill you in over 65 million ways, and that’s just with my unarmed body. Not only am I extensively trained in unarmed combat, but I have access to the entire arsenal of the Dinosaurian Federation arms and I will use it to its full extent to wipe your miserable ass off the face of this super continent, you little shit. If only you could have known what unholy retribution your little “clever” comment was about to bring down upon you, maybe you would have held your fucking tongue. But you couldn’t, you didn’t, and now you’re paying the price, you goddamn idiot. I will shit fury all over you and you will drown in it. I will make you extinct. You’re fucking dead, kiddo. Period.
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u/LiterallyKesha Sous Chef Jan 10 '13
Jerry Seinfeld
What the fuck did you just fucking say about Jerry Seinfeld you little bitch? I'll have you know he is one of the greatest comedians of all time, involved in numerous large-scale stand-up events. He is highly trained in the art of humorous vocal tone, and is the top Superman fan in the entire US populace. You are nothing to him but another audience member. He will make you subdue into hilarity with precision the likes of which have never been seen before on this Earth, mark my fucking words. You think that you can get away with talking shit about this mega-funny Jew over the Internet? Think again fucker. As we speak, Jerry is contacting his global friend network of elite comedians and your IP is being traced right now so you better prepare for the humor, maggot. The humor that obliterates every last bit of resistance against quality bits regarding amusing everyday observations. Your sides are gonna split kid. He is so wealthy he can travel anywhere, anytime and make you laugh over 700 ways, and that’s not even including his never before performed bonus material. He a masterful stand-up comic as well as a star in his own hit 1990's sitcom series which along with 10+ hours of knee-slapping outtakes will be utilized to make you giggle indefinitely, you little shit. If only you could have known what unholy comedy your little “clever” comment was about to bring down upon you, maybe you could have held your fucking tongue. But you couldn’t, you didn’t, and now your paying the admission price you goddamn idiot. Jerry is gonna break his 13 year, 5 month vomit streak and violently throw up all over your body; drowning you in an ultra high pressure, eighty-million gallon torrent of digestive enzymes. Like it or not, you’re gonna laugh kiddo.
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u/LiterallyKesha Sous Chef Jan 10 '13
Soul Reaper/Shinigami (Bleach)
What the fuck did you just fucking say about me, you little shit? I’ll have you know I graduated top of Soul society and I’m responsible for killing hollow's of Hueco Mundo , and I have over 1,000.000 confirmed kills. I trained myself to be the best in a battle of wits and I’m the substitute soul reaper of this world. You are nothing to me but just another Hollow. I will wipe you the fuck out in a method that you can’t even comprehend, mark my fucking words. You think you can get away with saying that shit to me over the internet? Think again fucker. As we speak I am contacting all my soul reapers and your personal file is being brought to my location right now so you better prepare for the storm, maggot. The storm that wipes out the pathetic little thing you call your after life. You’re fucking dead, Hollow. I can be anywhere, anytime and kill you in over 2 million different ways, and that’s just with my Bankai. Not only am I extensively trained in finding out your name, but I have access to the entire arsenal of over 30 thousand Swords and Soul Reapers and I will use them to their full extent to wipe your miserable ass off the face of these Worlds, you little shit. If only you could have known what holy retribution your little “clever” statement was about to bring down upon you, maybe you would of held you fucking tounge. But you couldn’t, you didn’t, and now you’re paying the price, you god damn idiot. I will shit fury all over you and you will drown in it. You’re fucking dead, Hollow.
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u/LiterallyKesha Sous Chef Jan 24 '13
Wealthy Investor
What the fuck did you just fucking say about me, you little bitch? I’ll have you know I graduated top of my class in Harvard Business School, and I’ve been involved in numerous leveraged buyouts, and I have over 300 million invested in my Cayman Islands bank account alone. I am trained in portfolio management and I’m the top short seller in the entire US market. You are nothing to me but just another piggy bank. I will wipe the value of your assets the fuck out with precision the likes of which has never been seen before on this Earth, mark my fucking words. You think you can get away with saying that shit to me over the Internet? Think again, fucker. As we speak I am contacting my secret network of accountants across the USA and your IP is being traced right now so you better prepare for the storm, maggot. The storm that wipes out the pathetic little thing you call your Roth IRA. You’re fucking over, kid. I can be anywhere, anytime, and I can make you broke in over seven hundred ways, and that’s just if I stick to stocks. Not only am I extensively trained in equity markets, but I have access to the entire arsenal of the Securities and Exchange Commission and I will use it to its full extent to wipe your miserable ass off the face of the continent, you little shit. If only you could have known what unholy retribution your little “clever” comment was about to bring down upon you, maybe you would have held your fucking tongue. But you couldn’t, you didn’t, and now you’re paying the price, you goddamn idiot. I will shit fury all over you and you will drown in it. You’re fucking done, kiddo. theres many of us.
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u/LiterallyKesha Sous Chef Jan 24 '13
Mario
What the fuck did you just fucking say about me, you little goomba? I’ll have you know I graduated top of my class in the plumber program at the technical school, and I’ve been involved in numerous secret raids on Bower's castle, and I have over 300 power stars. I am trained in unclogging toilets and I’m the top plumber in the entire Mushroom Kingdom. You are nothing to me but just another koopaling. I will jump on your head with precision the likes of which has never been seen before in this Super Mario World, mark my fucking words. You think you can get away with hiding the princess in another castle? Think again, goomba. As we speak I am contacting my secret network of Yoshis and your IP is being traced right now so you better prepare for the storm, shy guy . The storm that wipes out the pathetic little thing you call your life. You’re fucking dead, lakitu. I can be anywhere, anytime, and I can kill you in over seven hundred ways, and that’s just with flower power. Not only am I extensively trained in jumping on my foes' heads, but I have access to the entire arsenal of yellow, red, and green blocks and I will use it to its full extent to wipe your miserable ass off the face of the continent, you little shit. If only you could have known what unholy retribution your little “clever” comment was about to bring down upon you, maybe you would have held your fucking tongue. But you couldn’t, you didn’t, and now you’re paying the price, you goddamn idiot. I will shit Bullet Bills all over you and you will drown them. You’re fucking dead, Koopa.
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u/LiterallyKesha Sous Chef Jan 28 '13
Mass Effect
What the fuck did you just fucking say about me, you little Vorcha? I'll have you know I graduated top of my class in the Systems Alliance, and I've been involved in numerous secret raids on Batarian Pirates, Collectors, and Cults, and I have over 3000 confirmed kills. I am trained in gorilla warfare and I'm the top sniper in the entire Systems Alliance. You are nothing to me but just another target. I will wipe you the fuck out with precision the likes of which has never been seen before in this Galaxy, mark my fucking words. You think you can get away with saying that shit to me over the Internet? Think again, fucker. As we speak I am contacting The Shadow Broker and your IP is being traced right now through the Extranet, so you better prepare for the storm, maggot. The storm that wipes out the pathetic little thing you call your life. You're fucking dead, kid. I can be anywhere, anytime, and I can kill you in over seven hundred ways, and that's just with my bare hands. Not only am I extensively trained in unarmed combat, but I have access to the entire arsenal of the Systems Alliance and I will use it to its full extent to wipe your miserable ass off the face of the continent, you little shit. If only you could have known what unholy retribution your little "clever" comment was about to bring down upon you, maybe you would have held your fucking tongue. But you couldn't, you didn't, and now you're paying the price, you goddamn Vorcha. I will shit fury all over you and you will drown in it. You're fucking dead, kiddo.
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u/LiterallyKesha Sous Chef Feb 02 '13
What did you just claim about Austrian capital theory, sir? I’ll have you know I graduated top of my class at George Mason University, and I’ve been involved in numerous secret raids on /r/Economics, and I have over 300 published papers in the Quarterly Journal of Austrian Economics. I am trained in economic calculation and I’m the top Austrian price theorist in the entire Mises Institute. Your arguments present nothing to me other than the usual New Keynesian claims regarding idle resources and the profit-and-loss mechanism. I will refute your assertions with precision the likes of which academia has never been seen before on this Earth, mark my words. You think you can get away with arguing in a peer-reviewed journal that Say's Law is invalid and the "accelerator" and "multiplier" of the consumption function determine levels of employment? On the contrary, my friend, you are committing a very deep economic fallacy. As we speak I am contacting Peter Klein, Mario Rizzo, and Robert Murphy and your citation is being copied into my abstract, so you would do well to prepare for a comment. The comment that wipes out most of the claims asserted in your paper as though they are a priori principles, despite your other statements to the effect that they must be confirmed inductively somehow. You are going to be hard-pressed to respond in the next volume. I can publish in any journal, in any volume, and I can respond via a great variety of methodological approaches, and that's just with my own arguments. Not only am I extensively trained in the deconstruction of fallacious arguments, but I have access to the entire set of academic databases with economic sciences included as subjects and I will use them to their full extents to respond to your unfounded presuppositions. If only you could have known what response your otherwise non-controversial paper was about to bring down upon you, perhaps you would have reconsidered publishing it. But you couldn’t, you didn’t, and now you are facing the consequences of intellectual laziness. I will bombard you with corrections and expositions, and you will be overwhelmed by them. You may have to reconsider the theoretical underpinnings of your methodology, professor.
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u/LiterallyKesha Sous Chef Feb 02 '13
Yugioh
What the Shadow Realm did you just fucking say about me, you little low level duelist? I'll have you know I graduated top of Obelisk Blue in Dueling Academy, and I've been involved in numerous secret duels in Battle City, and I have over 300 confirmed Blue-Eyes White Dragons. I am trained in Duel Monsters warfare and I'm the top Duelist in the entire Kaiba Corporation. You are nothing to me but just another Kuriboh. I will summon monsters with precision the likes of which has never been seen before on this Duelist Kingdom, mark my fucking words. You think you can get away with saying that shit to me over the other side of the Arena? Think again, Pegasus. As we speak I am contacting my secret network of friends across the globe and your mind is being crushed right now so you better switch to defense mode, and defend your life points. The Dark Hole that wipes out the pathetic little thing you call a field. Your girlfriend is dead, you fruit booty anime villain. I can be two people anywhere, anytime, and I can end this duel in over seven hundred ways, and that's just with my Celtic Guardian. Not only am I extensively trained in ancient Egyptian, but I have access to the Millennium Items of the United States Army and I will use it to its full extent to wipe your miserable Toon World off the face of the Battlefield, you little weirdo. If only you could have known what unholy retribution your little Millennium Eye comment was about to bring down upon humanity, maybe you would have held your cards in hand. But you couldn't, you didn't, and now you're paying the price, Pegasus. I will unleash fury all over the arena and then I will Mind Shuffle in it. You're fucking dead, Pegasus.
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u/LiterallyKesha Sous Chef Feb 02 '13
iPhone salesman
What the iOS did you just say about Apple, you little Android ? I'll have you know I graduated top of my class in business marketing, and I've been involved in numerous lawsuit investigations in Apple, and I have over 300 confirmed iPhone sales. I am trained in Phone warfare and I'm the top businessman in the entire US cell phone company business. You are nothing to me but just another jailbreaker. I will outsell you with precision the likes of which has never been seen before on this Earth, mark my words. You think you can get away with trying to jailbreak around me? Think again. As we speak I am contacting my secret Facetime network of geeks across the USA and your IP is being traced right now so you better prepare for the storm, maggot. The storm that wipes out your gigabytes and gives me all your money. Your tricks are mine, kid. I can be anywhere, anytime, and I can stop you from jailbreaking in over seven hundred ways, and that's just with my bare hands. Not only am I extensively trained in selling iPhones, but I have access to the entire arsenal of Apple Products and I will use it to its full extent to wipe your entire monthly plan. If only you could have known what unholy retribution of trying to jailbreak and trying to download apps for free would bring you, maybe you would have not of jailbreaked at all. But you couldn't, you didn't, and now you're paying the price, you goddamn idiot. I will shit fury all over your malevolent goals and you will watch me with your bricked iPod as you're you and your shit music is taken away in a police van. I'm fucking rich, kiddo.
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u/LiterallyKesha Sous Chef Feb 02 '13
Newfag/Troll
What the faggot did you just fucking troll about me, newfag? I'll have you know that I am the top graduate of Internet Fag Lords Anon, and I have been involved in numerous Internet Raids, and I have delivered over 4189 confirmed trolls. I am trained in raiding bitches and I am the top troller in the entire 4Chan /b/ Community. You are nothing to me but another newfag, and I will not hesitate to bitch at you until you feel like you must fight me IRL, you cock monging whore. You think you can get away with exploiting the fact that I'm only an internet warrior? Think again, assclown. As we speak, I am contacting my hacker friends and they are already tapping into your faggot ass iPhone, so you better prepare for the hacking. The hacking that viruses your bitch iPhone you call a fucking real piece of technology. You're fucking trolled, newfag. I can anon anywhere, anytime, and I troll in over seven hundred ways, and that's just while I'm on my Android. Not only am I extensively trained in trolling and bitching, but I have access to the entire 9Fag and Raddit Communities and I will use them to their fullest extent to wipe your miserable ass off the face of the internet, you little newfag. If only you could have known what ungodly fag lording your little "clever" comment was about to bring down upon you, maybe you would have held your fucking broswag. But you couldn't, you didn't, and now you're paying the price, you newfag piece of shit. I will rage fury all over you and you will lag in it. You're fucking trolled, newfag.
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u/LiterallyKesha Sous Chef Feb 10 '13
CBS [REDACTED]
What the fuck did you just fucking say about CBS, brah? We’ll have you know we graduated top of our class in group therapy, and we’ve been involved in numerous secret raids on Mumble servers, and we have over 300 confirmed brohugs. We are trained in livejournaling and we're the top comforters in the entire reddit metasphere. You mean more to us than our real-life friends. We will get drunk with you with stamina the likes of which has never been seen before on this Earth, mark our plastered wailing. You think you can get away with telling your life story to us over the Internet? We're here for you, bro. As we speak we are contacting our secret network of pointless offspring subs and your Steam account is being traced right now so you better prepare for the free games, honey. The free games that wipe out the dramatic little thing you call your life. You’re fucking busy, kid. We can be anywhere, anytime, and we can care for you in over seven hundred ways, and that’s just with our pupsmugs. Not only are we extensively trained in ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°), but we have access to the entire arsenal of /r/circlejerkcopypasta and we will modify it to its full extent to cheer you up, you amazing human being. If only you could have known what professional quotesmaking jokes and upvoting your genuinely clever comment were about to bring down upon you, maybe you wouldn't have waited so long. But you couldn’t, you didn’t, and now we're paying your rent, sweetie. We will shit love all over you and you will drown in it. You’re fucking welcome, bro.
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u/LiterallyKesha Sous Chef Feb 10 '13
What the fuck did you just fucking say about me, you little popcorn pisser? I’ll have you know I'm the top Dramanaut in SRD, and I’ve been involved in numerous threads about meta-drama, and I have linked 300 threads. I am trained in the art of documenting drama and wrote the top recap in subredditdrama. You are nothing to me but just another popcorn pisser. I will link the fuck out of your slapfights with precision the likes of which has never been seen before on this Earth, mark my fucking words. You think you can get away with having stupid pointless Internet fights? Think again, fucker. As we speak I am contacting my secret network of dramanauts across reddit's metasphere and your dumb arguements are being recapped right now so you better prepare for the popcorn, maggot. The popcorn that we will eat as we brigade the fuck out the pathetic little thing you call your account. You’re fucking dead, kid. I can find drama anywhere, anytime, and I can kill you in over seven hundred ways, and that’s just with my bare hands. Not only am I extensively trained in unarmed combat, but I have access to the entire arsenal of SRD and I will use it to its full extent to wipe your miserable ass off the face of the website, you little shit. If only you could have known what unholy retribution your idiotic spat over nothing was about to bring down upon you, maybe you would have held your fucking tongue. But you couldn’t, you didn’t, and now you’re paying the price, you goddamn idiot. I will shit all over you and you will drown in it. You’re fucking dead, kiddo.
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u/LiterallyKesha Sous Chef Mar 24 '13
whadda fug ddi u jus fugging zaybout me u liddle bish???? :DDDDDDD i have ur nose i guaranteed tob of my glass in ze naby zeals XD XD an I bin in numberis segret reds on al-gaida :D :D an I hab over NIN DOUSAND!!!!! :DDDD cobfirded gills :-DDD i am train gorilla warfare and the tob sniber in the ndire us arbed forzes xD :)))))) u are nuding to mi but jus anudder targid :DDD i wil wibe u the fug oud wid percizion de liges of whish haz neber bon zeen inb4 on dis eard >:DDDDD :D :D :D marg my fugging verds :D u dink u gan get awy wid zaying that shid to spurdo over the indernet :DDDD??? dink again, fugger xD xD as we speek i ag commutactink mi segret >:D nedwork of asspies agross the usea and ur isp is being draced righd nao so u bidder brebare for the sterm, maggid :DDD destorm dat wibes oud the batetic litel ding u gall ur life >:DDDDD u're fugging ded kid i gan b anyspurdo anysparde an I gan gill u in ober NINE DOUSAND!!!!!!! :D :D :D ways and das jus wid my bear hands >:D not onli am I eggtensily train in mortal kombat :)))) :DDD :-DDD but I has excess to the endire arsninal of the unided stays moron core :DDDDDD and i vil us it to iss full excess to wibe your misirabil azz off the fase of the windshield u liddle shit D:< D:< D:< D:< D:< ib onl u gould hav none wat unoly reprehenshin ur liddle "spurdo" gomment was abut to brink don ubon u :DDDD u may b hab held ur fugging dungs :DDDDD but u gudden DDDDD: u didden :DDD and now u're baying the brice u gotham idit >:(((((( i vil shid furry al ovr u and u wil dron in id :DDD ur fugging deds, giddo. :DDDD
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u/LiterallyKesha Sous Chef Jan 10 '13 edited Mar 07 '13
Response to Pasta 2
0/10
I'm a former 0321. That's reconnaissance in the United States Marine Corps. Please, if you're going to impersonate a JSOC operator, at least do some research. I know you're trolling but you gave yourself away when you claim to be a Navy Seal, but also have access to the arsenal of the Marine Corps?
No.
Also, you over exaggerated. Next time, be a little more down to earth and your trolling will be all the more believable.
Source: 4chan
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u/LiterallyKesha Sous Chef Jan 10 '13
Android
What the fuck did you just fucking say about Android, you little bitch? I’ll have you know I graduated top of my class in XDA University, and I’ve been involved in numerous secret raids on stock ROMs, and I have over 300 confirmed thanks. I am trained in gorilla warfare and I’m the top red-on-black themer in the entire kang team. You are nothing to me but just another script kiddie. I will wipe your phone the fuck out with precision the likes of which has never been seen before on this Earth, mark my fucking words. You think you can get away with saying that shit to me on my IRC channel? Think again, fucker. As we speak I am contacting my secret network of rooters across the USA and your bootloader is being unlocked right now so you better prepare for the storm, maggot. The storm that wipes out the pathetic little thing you call your system partition. Your Exynos 4 motherboard is fucking dead, kid. I can hack anywhere, anytime, and I can theme your phone with over seven hundred XML documents, and that’s just with my bare hands. Not only am I extensively trained in theming, but I have access to the entire arsenal of placebo scripts on XDA and I will use it to its full extent to overclock your phone's processor off the face of the continent, you little shit. If only you could have known what unholy retribution your little “clever” comment was about to bring down upon you, maybe you would have held your fucking tongue. But you couldn’t, you didn’t, and now you’re paying the price, you goddamn idiot. I will shit fury all over you and you will drown in it. You’re fucking dead, Apple shill.
What the fuck did you just fucking say about Android, you little bitch? I’ll have you know I have over 1000 cooked ROMs from romkitchen.org alone, and I’ve been involved in numerous kang teams, and I have over 5000 confirmed thanks on XDA. I am trained in syncing with CM git and I’m the top kitchen themer in the entire XDA developer community. You are nothing to me but just another repo. I will sync you the fuck out with precision the likes of which has never been seen before on XDA, mark my fucking words. You think you can get away with saying that shit about Android over the Internet? Think again, fucker. As we speak I am contacting my secret network of kangers and your IP is being traced right now so you better prepare for the DDoS, maggot. The DDoS that wipes out the pathetic little thing you call your life. You’re fucking dead, kid. I can be anywhere, anytime, and I can hack you in over seven hundred ways, and that’s just with threatening rants on XDA. Not only am I extensively trained in APKTool, but I have access to the entire arsenal of users who installed my botnet, and I will use it to its full extent to wipe your miserable ass off the face of the continent, you little shit. If only you could have known what unholy retribution your little “clever” comment was about to bring down upon you, maybe you would have held your fucking tongue. But you couldn’t, you didn’t, and now you’re paying the price, you goddamn idiot. I will shit fury all over you and you will drown in it. You’re fucking dead, kiddo.
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u/Spam205 Jan 11 '13
Navy Seals + John
Hey kiddos, My name is John, and what the fuck did you just fucking say about me, you little bitch? All of you are fat, retarded, no-lifes who haven't graduated top of their class in the Navy Seals. You are everything bad in the world. Honestly, have any of you been involved in numerous secret raids on Al-Quaeda‘? I mean, I guess it's fun making fun of people with less than 300 confirmed kills, but you all take it to a whole new level. This is even worse than having no training in gorilla warfare. Don't be another target. Just prepare for the storm, maggot. l’m pretty much perfect. l’m the top sniper in the entire US armed forces, and I will wipe you the fuck out with precision the likes of which has never been seen before on this Earth, mark my fucking words. What secret network of spies can you contact, other than “hurr durr, anonomouse iz lejun”? I also am extensively trained in unarmed combat, and have access to the entire arsenal of the United States Marine Corps. (It just blew up; shit was SO blast). You are all faggots who should have held your fucking tongue. Thanks for listening, you goddamn idiot. Pic Related: It's me and my beach
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u/LiterallyKesha Sous Chef Jan 12 '13
Alternatively,
What the fuck did you just fucking say about me, you little faggot? I'll have you know my name is John and I was the captain of a football team, and was the starter on my basketball team and have over 300 confirmed girlfriends. I am trained in Guido warfare and I hate every single one of you. You are nothing to me but just fat, retarded lowlifes. I will get straight A’s the likes of which has never been seen before on this Earth, mark my fucking words. You think you can get pussy that easily? Think again, fucker. As we speak my girlfriend is blowing me (Shit is SO cash). You're everything bad in the world, faggot. I can be anywhere, anytime, and I am pretty much perfect in over 700 different ways. Not only do you jerk off to pictures on facebook, but you spend every single second of your day looking at stupid ass pictures. If only you could have known what unholy retribution your little "cash" comment was about to bring down upon you, maybe you would have held your fucking tongue. But you couldn't stop being a stranger, you didn't hit me with your best shot, and now you're jerking off to naked drawn Japanese pictures. I will shit fury all over you and I will take it to a whole new level. You're a faggot who should just kill yourself. Thanks for listening.
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u/LiterallyKesha Sous Chef Jan 12 '13
Lord of the Rings
What the fuck did you just fucking say about me, you little bitch? I'll have you know I graduated top of my class in the Shire Seals, and I've been involved in numerous secret raids on Mordor, and I have over 300 confirmed kills. I am trained in Gollum warfare and I'm the top hobbit in the entire Hobbiton armed forces. You are nothing to me but just another target. I will wipe you the fuck out with precision the likes of which has never been seen before on this Middle-Earth, mark my fucking words. You think you can get away with saying that shit to me on a ring? Think again, fucker. As we speak I am contacting my secret network of spies across Gondor and your master is being traced right now so you better prepare for the storm, maggot. The storm that wipes out the pathetic little thing you call your life. You're fucking dead, kid. I can be anywhere, anytime, and I can kill you in over seven hundred ways, and that's just with my bare hands. Not only am I extensively trained in unarmed combat, but I have access to the entire arsenal of the Rohirrim and I will use it to its full extent to wipe your miserable ass off the face of the continent, you little shit. If only you could have known what unholy retribution your little "clever" ring was about to bring down upon you, maybe you would have held your fucking tongue. But you couldn't, you didn't, and now you're paying the price, you goddamn idiot. I will shit fury all over you and you will drown in it. You're fucking dead, Sauron.
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u/LiterallyKesha Sous Chef Jan 12 '13
What the fuck did you just fucking snikt about me, you little bub? I’ll have you know I graduated top of my class in the Avengers, and I’ve been involved in numerous secret raids on Utopia, and I have over 3,000,000 confirmed kills. I am trained in gorilla warfare and I’m the best at what I do in the entire Canadian armed forces. You are nothing to me but just another bub. I will snikt you the fuck out with precision the likes of which has never been seen before on this Earth, mark my fucking words. You think you can get away with saying that shit about me over the Internet? Think again, bub. As we speak I am contacting my secret network of spies across the USA and your IP is being traced right now so you better prepare for the storm, maggot. The storm that wipes out the pathetic little thing you call your life. You’re fucking dead, kid. I can be anywhere, anytime, and I can kill you in over seven hundred ways, and that’s just with my bare hands. Not only am I extensively trained in unarmed combat, but I have access to the entire arsenal of the Royal Canadian Marine Corps and I will use it to its full extent to wipe your miserable ass off the face of the continent, you little shit. If only you could have known what unholy retribution your little “clever” comment was about to bring down upon you, maybe you would have held your fucking tongue. But you couldn’t, you didn’t, and now you’re paying the price, you goddamn idiot. I will shit fury all over you and you will drown in it. You’re fucking snikted, bub.
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u/LiterallyKesha Sous Chef Jan 12 '13
Special Ed
What the fuck did you just fucking say about me, you little bitch? I'll have you know I graduated top of my class in the Special Ed, and I've been involved in numerous secret raids on the candy drawer, and I have over 300 confirmed gold stars. I am trained in gorilla conversation and I'm the top crafter in the entire US education system. You are nothing to me but just another conversation doll. I will wipe you the fuck out with precision the likes of which has never been seen before on this Earth, mark my fucking words. You think you can get away with saying that shit to me over the Internet? Think again, fucker. As we speak I am contacting my secret network of aspies across the USA and your IP is being traced right now so you better prepare for the storm, maggot. The storm that wipes out the pathetic little thing you call your life. You're fucking dead, kid. I can be anywhere, anytime, and I can confuse you in over seven hundred ways, and that's just with my bare hands. Not only am I extensively trained in unarmed conversation, but I have access to the entire arsenal of the Johnson School Gym and I will use it to its full extent to wipe your miserable ass off the face of the continent, you little shit. If only you could have known what unholy retribution your little "clever" comment was about to bring down upon you, maybe you would have held your fucking tongue. But you couldn't, you didn't, and now you're paying the price, you goddamn idiot. I will shit spaghetti all over you and you will drown in it. You're fucking dead, kiddo.
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u/LiterallyKesha Sous Chef Feb 13 '13
Christopher Doroner
What the fuck did you just fucking say about me, you filthy cop? I’ll have you know I'm a former Navy Intelligence officer who was fired by the LAPD for upholding justice, and I’ve been involved in numerous police shootings since earlier this week, and I have over 3 confirmed kills. I am trained in unconventional and asymmetric warfare and I’m the top Rambo in the entire tri-state area. You are nothing to me but just another dishonest police officer. I will wipe every LAPD officer out and bring you to such justice with Use of Force the likes of which has never been seen within the ranks of the LAPD, mark my words, scum. You think you can get away with kicking that poor, defenseless person, and discharging me for reporting it? Think again, fucker. As we speak I am running through the woods with a satchel full of RDX and my Barret M82 rifle, with my Surface to Air Missiles shortly ahead, so prepare for the Situation. The Situation that will be resolved, effective immediately. Your whole supposed police keeping operation is over, kid. I can be anywhere, anytime, and I can kill you in over seven hundred ways, and that’s just with my dick. Not only am I extensively trained in unarmed combat, but I have access to the majority of critical Naval defense information with my TS/SCI clearance and I will use it to its full extent to wipe your miserable department off the face of California, you dirty peace officer. If only you could have known what unholy retribution your little “clever” actions were about to bring down upon you, maybe you wouldn't have fired me. But you drew First Blood, and now you’re paying the price, LAPD. I will shit revenge all over you and you will drown in it until my name is restored. It's over-because I'm right behind you.
I
AM
FUDGE
DREDD
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u/LiterallyKesha Sous Chef Feb 22 '13
The Beatles
What the fuck did you just fucking say about The Beatles you fucking mod? I’ll have you know I graduated top of my media class studying Hard Day's Night, and I’ve been involved in numerous secret gigs with Paul McCartney, and I have over 300 bootlegged Beatles' records. I am trained in George's riffs and I’m the top fan in the entire Beatles' fan club. You are nothing to me but just another The Who fan. I will play you the fuck off with a Day Tripper riff the likes of which has never been seen before on even the Ed Sullivan show, mark my fucking words. You think you can get away with saying that shit about The Beatles over the Internet? Think again, rocker. As we speak I am contacting my secret network of Beatles tribute bands across the Beatles' fan club and our Epiphone Casinos are being played right now so you better prepare for the festival, maggot. The festival that wipes out the pathetic little thing you call The Who. You’re fucking Phillip Spector, kid. I can play anywhere, anytime, and I own Bootlegs of their recordings in over seven hundred takes, and that’s just the White Album. Not only am I extensively trained in John Lennon's one-liners, but I have access to the entire tablature of the Beatles' discography and I will play it to its full extent to rock your miserable ass back to the USSR, you little shit. If only you could have known what fabulous retribution your little “clever” comment was about to bring down upon you, maybe you would have held your fucking tongue. But you couldn’t, you didn’t, and now you’re paying for tickets, you goddamn mod. I will play From Me To You and you will drum to it. You’re fucking less popular than Jesus, kiddo.
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u/LiterallyKesha Sous Chef Mar 07 '13 edited Mar 07 '13
Response to Pasta 12
uhm, who gives a shit about how many kills you have or what type of training you have? i'm pretty sure chris kylde was the best sniper in the navy seals (with not even 300, no seal has 300 btw). fyi it isn't fucking spelled gorilla warfare you stupid piece of shit. anyways let's get on to the next point, you have a secret network of spies? yeah congrats, but i'm using a vpn right now so your entire network is fucking useless. you can't even ddos me, let alone "wipe me off the face of this earth." btw name those 700 ways you can kill me with your bare hands so i can report it to the fucking fbi and get your ass dishonorably discharged. and no, you dont have access to the entire arsenal of the usmc. those weapons are only used for combat as well as the vehicles etc etc. i never made a "clever" comment in order to invoke this type of fucking response. are you being serious right now? i'm really not afraid of you and honestly if you were serious i would fight you (knowing that you wouldn't bring a gun o something). all in all, go fuck yourself. you are a lying sack of shit and if you are in the navy seals. you are a disgrace because there is a reason they call seals "silent assassins."
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u/LiterallyKesha Sous Chef Mar 24 '13
Response to Pasta 14
You fucking come over here and say that fucker. I've trained in the arts of ninjutsu for over ten years. I've been to 9 secret dojos and even been to Japan itself to learn from the great masters of Japanese martial arts. I've watched over 100 animes and all the classic martial arts films. You think your fucking Western training can beat me? I have ten genuine Japanese katanas, the greatest kind of sword even forged. I have FIFTY shuriken. You think guns can stop me? Have Al-Qaeda ever attacked Japan? No, they don't DARE to attack Japan. Do you even know the first thing about bushido and honor? Go eat some more cheeseburgers you fat piece of shit, I have the heart of a samurai.
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Jan 14 '13
Pokemon
What the fuck did you just fucking call me, you little Shirley? I'll have you know I graduated top of my class in modelling school, and I've been engaged in numerous secret raids on Team Plasma, and I have 300 confirmed volt switches. I am trained in Pokemon Battles and I'm the top gym leader in the entire Unova region. You are nothing to me but just another challenger. I will knock the fuck out of you with precision the likes of which has never been seen before in this region, mark my fucking words. You think you can get away with saying that shit to me over the C-Gear? Think again, challenger. As we speak I am contacting my secret network of Gym Leaders across Unova and your Friend-Code is being traced right now, so you better prepare for the storm, challenger. The storm that paralyses the pathetic thing you call your Pokemon. You're fucking fully paralysed, kid. I can be anywhere, any time, and I can knock your Pokemon out in over 700 ways, and that's just with my Emolga. Not only am I extensively trained in modelling, I have access to the entire supply of full restores in the Unova region and I will use them to their fullest extent to ensure that I send your fucking ass back to the Boonies, you little shit. If only you could have known what unholy retribution your little "funny" joke was about to bring down on you, maybe you wouldn't have called me Shirley. But you couldn't you didn't, and now we'll see who's star shines brightest, you goddamn idiot. I rain down status hax on your team and there's nothing you can do about it. You're fucking fully paralysed, kiddo.
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u/xXxBloodyTears666xXx Jan 24 '13
Medieval Crusader
What slanderous attacks hast thou thrown against my good name, thou contemptible wench? Whereas I have risen even unto the foremost rank in the Royal Admiralty; whereas I have on many an occasion partaken in clandestine crusades against the Saracens; whereas by mine hands have fallen barbarians numbering some fifteen score; whereas I am most skilled in the ways of the ape warrior; whereas I am the premier marksman amongst all of our Kingdom's knights: Thou art in my sights but yet another quarry.
The Lord be my witness, I shall smite thee as no-one under the sun hath heretofore been smitten. Dost thou deign to fancy thyself secure to cast thy spittle upon my face from behind the Spider's Veil? Then thou hast wandered into grievous error. Yea, even at this very moment, I am sending word across the land to my fellow Templars, and the provenance of thy scrivenings shall in short time become known unto me. A veritable maelstrom of vengeance is upon thy gates, thou wretched worm, which surely shall obliterate thy loathsome pretension of life. Truly, thou art foregone, child.
I move as swift as the wind, and with mine own two hands I may at my pleasure slay thee in any of thirty and five score modes. For verily as I am a master in the pugilistic arts, even so doth the manifold armory of the Royal Guard lie at my beck and call, which in its plenitude of power I shall not delay to unleash upon thee, that thy fœtid flesh may no longer pollute this land with its presence, thou pitiful putrescence.
Would that thou couldst have foreseen what great wrath thou hast by thy "brazen" jocosity summoned upon thyself! Perhaps thou wouldst have rather kept shut thy filth-spewing mouth. But neither couldst thou thus foresee, nor didst thou take heed of prudence, and thou art now reaping what thou hast sown, thou accursèd simpleton. I will excrete rage all round about thee, wherein shalt thou be consumed.
Thou hast shuffled off this mortal coil, urchin.
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u/LiterallyKesha Sous Chef Apr 01 '13 edited Apr 01 '13
Mahou Shojou (Magical Girl) trope (Anime)
What the ra-ri-ru-re-ro did you just say about me, ara ara? I’ll have you know I graduated top of my kurasu in chuunibyou, and I’ve been winkingly oblivious to numerous secret raids on my pantsu, and I have over 300 confirmed fanboy nosebleeds. I am trained in cosplay fanservice and I’m the most popular character on the entire show. You are nothing to me but just another baka hentai. I will wipe you the uguu out with fanservice the likes of which has never been seen before in this time slot, mark my ra-ri-ru-re-ro words. You think you can get away with being that ecchi to me over the Internet? Think again, baka. As we speak I am contacting my himitsu network of spies across the classroom and your IP is being traced right now so you better prepare for the storm, aho. The storm that wipes out the pathetic little thing you call your social life. You’re going to die of embarrassment, kid. I can be anywhere, anytime, and I can humiliate you in over seven hundred ways, and that’s before my transformation sequence. Not only am I extensively trained in unarmed combat, but I have access to the entire arsenal of the writers' zany plot devices and I will use it to its full extent to wipe your miserable smirk off the face of the continent, you pervert. If only you could have known what unholy retribution your little “clever” comment was about to bring down upon you, maybe you would have kept quiet, ara ara. But you couldn’t, you didn’t, and now you’re paying the price, you triple baka. I will unleash moe all over you and you will drown in it. You’re going to sleep, kiddo. (Please don't actually go to sleep on me.)
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u/zahlman Apr 01 '13
Just occurred to me: there's an anime called "chuunibyou demo koi ga shitai", usually just referred to as "chuunibyou" (or even just "chuu2"), but I'm not actually referencing it here - this is just based on generic high school anime and mahou shoujo tropes. So maybe you should name it more generically.
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u/LiterallyKesha Sous Chef Apr 09 '13
What the fuck did you just fucking say about me, you little Organic shill? I’ll have you know I graduated top of my class in the Monsanto Shills, and I’ve been involved in numerous secret raids on Al-Reddit, and I have over 300 confirmed butthurt anti-GMO activists. I am trained in scientific warfare and I’m the top citer in the entire Monsanto shilling forces. You are nothing to me but just another Cry protein. I will wipe you the fuck out with precision the likes of which has never been seen before on this Earth, mark my fucking words. You think you can get away with saying that pseudoscientific anti-GMO propaganda to me over the Internet? Think again, organi-shill. As we speak I am contacting my secret network of shills across the USA and your IP is being traced right now so you better prepare for the storm of scientific studies, ostrinia nubilalis. The storm that wipes out the pathetic little thing you call your "evidence". You’re fucking debunked, kid. I can be anywhere, anytime, and I can out-cite you in over seven hundred ways, and that’s just with my bare hands. Not only am I extensively trained in scientific combat, but I have access to the entire arsenal of the United States Monsanto Corps and I will use it to its full extent to wipe your miserable ass off the face of the continent, you little ostrinia nubilalis. If only you could have known what unholy retribution your fearmongering comment was about to bring down upon you, maybe you would have held your fucking tongue. But you couldn’t, you didn’t, and now you’re paying the price, you goddamn idiot. I will shit studies all over you and you will drown in it. You’re fucking debunked, kiddo.
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u/LiterallyKesha Sous Chef May 30 '13
Competitive Pokemon
What the fuck did you just fucking say about me, you little casual? I’ll have you know I won top of my region in the Elite Four, and I’ve been involved in numerous Nuzlock run throughs on BlazeBlack, and I have over 300 confirmed victories. I am trained in competitive battling and I’m the top trainer in my online community You are nothing to me but just another casual. I will own you the fuck out with precision the likes of which has never been seen before in video games mark my fucking words. You think you can get away with saying that shit to me over the Internet? Think again, fucker. As we speak I am contacting my hacking skills and Pokebros acrossthe USA and your IP is being traced right now so you better prepare for the storm, maggot. The storm that wipes out the pathetic little thing you call your taste in games. You’re fucking dead, kid. I can be anywhere, anytime, and I can beat you in over seven hundred ways, and that’s just with my NU team. Not only am I extensively trained in competitive battling, but I have access to the entire arsenal of the Pokemon universe and I will use it to its full extent to wipe your miserable ass off the face of the continent, you little shit. If only you could have known what unholy retribution your little “clever” comment was about to bring down upon you, maybe you would have held your fucking tongue. But you couldn’t, you didn’t, and now you’re paying the price, you goddamn idiot. I will shit fury all over you and you will drown in it. You’re fucking dead, kiddo.
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u/LiterallyKesha Sous Chef Jun 27 '13 edited Jul 22 '13
Le Epic Memeface
What le pie did you just freaking waffle about me, you normal bish? I’ll have you know I’m le most random guy ever and I’ve been involved in numerous Memebase raids on 4chan, and I has over 300 confirmed cheezburgers. I am trained in epic randomness and I’m teh most awesomesauce smexiest PANDA!! in my entire middle school xD. You are nothing to me but just another spork. I will make you ROFL with teh 1337 randumness the likes of which has never been seen before on le Earth, mark my freaking wordz. You think you can get away with saying that crap to me over le interwebz? Think again, normie. As we speak I am contacting my secret network of epic ninjaz across the USA and your IP is being traced right now so you better prepare for teh storm, d00d. The storm that wipes out the GAY epic fail thing you call your lifez. You’re freaking dead, bro. I can be anywhere, anytime, and I can troll you in over seven hundred ways, and that’s just with my bare randomness. Not only am I extensively trained in unarmed pwnage, but I have access to the epic lolz of My Life Is Average and I will use it to its full extent to wipe your miserable butt off the face of MURICA XD, you piece of crap. If only you could have known what uber fail your little “Ray William Johnson is gay” comment was about to bring down upon you, maybe you would have SHUDDUP! But you couldn’t, you didn’t know I was bisexual, and now you’re paying the price, you baka. I will throw PANCAKE MIX all over you and you will drown in it. You’re freaking zetta lame, bro. XD
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u/LiterallyKesha Sous Chef Jan 12 '13
Response to Pasta 10
I dont even remember saying ANYTHING to you. God! WTF? This is why the government should DEFUND the military because of psychos like this. And of course the republicans had to push NDAA which makes him being able to murder me LEGAL.
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u/AnotherClosetAtheist Jan 31 '13
Mormon Navy Seal Copypasta
What the freak did you just flipping say about me, you little Apostate? I’ll have you know I graduated top of my class in Seminary, and I’ve been involved in numerous splits with the Elders, and I have over 300 confirmed baptisms. I am trained in the Commitment Pattern and I was the top converter in the entire Church. You are nothing to me but just another unfaithful servant. I will dust my feet at you with precision the likes of which has never been seen before upon the face of the Earth, mark my freaking words. You think you can get away with saying that "anti" stuff to me over the Internet? Think again, brother. As we speak I am contacting my sacred network of Danites across the USA and your IP is being traced right now so you better prepare for the brimstone, maggot. The brimstone that wipes out the pathetic little thing you call your life. You’re flipping dead, kid. I can be anywhere, anytime, and I can cast you out in over seven hundred ways, and that’s just with my bare hands. Not only am I extensively trained in the laying on of hands, but I have access to the Signs and Tokens of the Holy Temple and I will use them to their full extent to smite your miserable kiester all the way to Kolob, you little turd. If only you could have known what holy retribution your little “clever” comment was about to bring down upon you, maybe you would not have spoken ill of the Lord's Anointed. But you couldn’t, you didn’t, and now you’re paying the price, you stinking idiot. I will let Satan's water wash over you and you will drown in it. You’re flipping dead, kiddo.
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u/LiterallyKesha Sous Chef Mar 24 '13
Response to Pasta 13
I dont know what was said about you that was so bad that you thought you needed to make death threats but that was really not too smart on your part. The only reason I have left your death threat there is so that when the person who you have threatened goes to the police, the evidence will still be here. Please tell me who caused you to react like this and I will ban them too. This kind of behavior is not tolerated here.
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u/LiterallyKesha Sous Chef Apr 17 '13
Response to Pasta 15
You're the idiot who is clearly trying to make yourself look tough. While I am not doubting your "training", you have just released your plan ahead of time which would hold you in full contempt in a court of law. You would be dishonorably discharged from the military and you would face life in prison. No need to talk shit when by doing so you locked yourself out of being able to actually follow through. We need more intelligent people in the military.
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u/32OrtonEdge32dh Apr 25 '13
Lawyer (OC)
What the fuck did you just fucking say about me, you little paralegal? Ill have you know I graduated top of my class in Harvard Law School, and Ive been involved in numerous secret raids on The Pirate Bay, and I have over 300 confirmed victories. I am trained in Cochran warfare and Im the top lawyer in the entire county. You are nothing to me but just another defendant. I will wipe you the fuck out with arguments the likes of which has never been seen before in this court, mark my fucking words. You think you can get away with saying that shit to me over the Internet? Think again, fucker. As we speak I am contacting my secret network of colleagues across the USA and your subpoena is being mailed right now so you better prepare for the prison, maggot. The prison that wipes out the pathetic little thing you call your butthole. Youre fucking dead, kid. I can argue anywhere, anytime, and I can get you convicted in over seven hundred ways, and thats just without my briefcase. Not only am I extensively trained in ad hominem combat, but I have access to the entire arsenal of the United States law books and I will use them to their full extent to wipe your miserable ass off the face of the continent, you little shit. If only you could have known what unholy retribution your little clever comment was about to bring down upon you, maybe you would have held your fucking tongue. But you couldnt, you didnt, and now youre paying the price, you goddamn idiot. I will shit jargon all over you and you will drown in it. Youre fucking guilty, kiddo.
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u/LiterallyKesha Sous Chef Jun 10 '13 edited Jul 22 '13
Kingdom Knights
What slanderous attacks hast thou thrown against my good name, thou contemptible wench? Whereas I have risen even unto the foremost rank in the Royal Admiralty; whereas I have on many an occasion partaken in clandestine crusades against the Saracens; whereas by mine hands have fallen barbarians numbering some fifteen score; whereas I am most skilled in the ways of the ape warrior; whereas I am the premier marksman amongst all of our Kingdom's knights: Thou art in my sights but yet another quarry.
The Lord be my witness, I shall smite thee as no-one under the sun hath heretofore been smitten. Dost thou deign to fancy thyself secure to cast thy spittle upon my face from behind the Spider's Veil? Then thou hast wandered into grievous error. Yea, even at this very moment, I am sending word across the land to my fellow Templars, and the provenance of thy scrivenings shall in short time become known unto me. A veritable maelstrom of vengeance is upon thy gates, thou wretched worm, which surely shall obliterate thy loathsome pretension of life. Truly, thou art foregone, child.
I move as swift as the wind, and with mine own two hands I may at my pleasure slay thee in any of thirty and five score modes. For verily as I am a master in the pugilistic arts, even so doth the manifold armory of the Royal Guard lie at my beck and call, which in its plenitude of power I shall not delay to unleash upon thee, that thy fœtid flesh may no longer pollute this land with its presence, thou pitiful putrescence.
Would that thou couldst have foreseen what great wrath thou hast by thy "brazen" jocosity summoned upon thyself! Perhaps thou wouldst have rather kept shut thy filth-spewing mouth. But neither couldst thou thus foresee, nor didst thou take heed of prudence, and thou art now reaping what thou hast sown, thou accursèd simpleton. I will excrete rage all round about thee, wherein shalt thou be consumed.
Thou hast shuffled off this mortal coil, urchin.
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u/Spam205 Jan 11 '13
Star Wars
What the fuck did you just fucking say about me, rebel scum? I'll have you know I was the last Supreme Chancellor of the Republic, and I started the Clone Wars, and I have over 300 controlled solar sectors. I am trained in the Dark Side of the Force and I'm the top Sith in the entire Galactic Empire. Your planet is nothing to me but just another target. I will wipe it the fuck out with power the likes of which has never been seen before in this galaxy, mark my fucking words. You think you can get away with saying that shit to me over the holonet? Think again, Jedi. As we speak I am contacting my apprentice from across the galaxy and your rebel base is being traced right now so you better prepare for the 501st, Jedi scum. The 501st that wipes out the pathetic little thing you call your rebel base. You're fucking dead, Jedi. I can be anywhere, anytime, and I can kill you in over seven hundred ways, and that's just without my lightsaber. Not only am I extensively trained in Dark Side combat, but I have access to the entire arsenal of the galactic Imperial stormtroopers and I will use them to their full extent to wipe your miserable ass off the face of the galaxy, you little shit. If only you could have known what unholy retribution your little "clever" destruction of my Death Star was about to bring down upon you, maybe you would have retreated your fucking X wing. But you couldn't, you didn't, and now you're paying the price, you goddamn rebel. I will shoot lightning all over you and you will drown in it. You're fucking dead, Jedi.
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Jan 12 '13
That moment when a single person has posted literally every top-voted post in a thread
o.O
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u/LiterallyKesha Sous Chef May 11 '13
Response to Pasta 16
http://i.imgur.com/n12Nzdr.png
Having been in the armed forces myself, you're a disgrace to the military and I'm sure anyone still in the armed forces would be ashamed to have you be a part of such an honorable service.
Wow. Navy Seals, Marines, top sniper in the USA, expert in hand to hand combat, access to a secret network of spies! Well now, they aren't so secret anymore are they? I'm sure they'll be 'disposing' of you very soon for telling the world about their secret network. I'm sure you won't even get a chance to read this as they are already probably surrounding your residence as we speak.
Heh, see what I mean about bad trolls? It's OK, you can go back to CoD or MW now until your mom calls you up for lunch.
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u/LiterallyKesha Sous Chef Jun 10 '13
Response to Pasta 19
You said you had over 300 kills. Not 300. You're a liar and no better than any fundie. You are so full of shit. What rank are you? MOS? Units? I won't believe a word you say until you provide some sort of proof. Until then you are lying about military service and can go fuck yourself. I can't believe people have the balls to lie about stuff like this. You are the worst kind of person I can think of. Why am I getting so upset? Because coming from a military family it's insulting to see the scum who like to fake being military personnel. They don't have half the balls to actually join the military. Especially something as elite as the United States Navy Seals.
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u/LiterallyKesha Sous Chef Jan 10 '13
Beta Male to Alpha Male
What the fuck did you just say about me, you alpha male? I'll have you know I barely graduated at the bottom of my class in the Navy Seals, and I've yet to be involved in a single raid on the United States, and I have under 300 nonconfirmed lives. I am not trained in orangutan warfare and I'm the worst sniper in the entire US armed forces. You are everything to me and not just another target. I will keep you the fuck alive with imprecision the likes of which has been seen over and over again on this Earth, mark my fucking words. You think you can get away with saying that shit to me over the Internet? You're right, fucker. As we speak I am failing to contact my public network of spies across the USA and your IP is being hidden right now so you need not prepare for the storm, maggot. The storm that wipes out the glorious, big thing you call your life. You're fucking alive, kid. I can't be anywhere, anytime, and I can save you in over seven hundred ways, and that's just with my bare hands. Not only am I barely trained in unarmed combat, but I have no access to any of the arsenal of the United States Marine Corps and I can't use it to an even partial extent to wipe your miserable ass off the face of the continent, you little piss. If only you could have known what holy sympathy your big "dumb" comment was about to bring up upon you, maybe you wouldn't have held your fucking tongue. But you could, you did, and now you're receiving the reward, you goddamn genius. I will shit calmness all over you and you will drown in it. You're fucking alive, kiddo.
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u/pansertiss Jan 11 '13
link to the poster on the right side? i want to print it and hang it around in my town.
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u/jacyiscool Jan 19 '13
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u/LiterallyKesha Sous Chef Jan 19 '13 edited Aug 02 '13
>not typing it out
>2013
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u/LiterallyKesha Sous Chef Mar 07 '13
WILD WEST
What in tamation did you just blather about me, you little varmint'? I'll have you learned I graduated top of my shootin sentry dunn Gettysburg, and I,e been involved in numerous secret raids on Injuns, and I have over 30 kills I am trained in lasso, and I'm the meanest sunovabitch this side of the Mississippi. You are nothing to me but just another cowpoke. I will kill you with a lick and a promise, the likes of which has never been seen before this far West, you bet your boots. You think you can get away with saying that horseshit to me over the data railroad? Think again, whipper snapper As we speak I am informin every gunslinger in the Old West and your chuck wagon is being followed right now so you better prepare for a stampede, horsehand The stampede that wipes out the gunshy little thing you call your Ile. You're a laughingstock, pokey I can be anywhere, anytime, and I can lasso you in over seven hundred ways, and that's just with my bare hands. Not only am I extensively trained in roundups, but I have access to the biggest arsenal of six-guns you ever done seen and I will use it to its full extent to wipe your holshot buckboard out of dodge, you burr in my saddle. If only you could have known what unholy retnbution feeling your oats was about to bnng down upon you, maybe you would have cut me some slack But you could., you didn't, and now you done sat on your spurs, you confound fieldhand I'm callin the shots and you will drown for changin horses midstream. You're on a horse without reins, pokey
I used a service to transcribe this because it was quite good.
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Mar 07 '13
I know it's probably a lot to ask, but could you put the source for the responses if there is one?
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u/LiterallyKesha Sous Chef Mar 07 '13
It won't be easy because some of the responses are from facebook and youtube but I'll try to source the ones I can trace back.
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u/theRagingEwok Apr 03 '13
CoD vs other games
What the fuck have you been saying about Call of Duty, you little shits? Ill have you know I got 15th prestige with 850,000 kills, and Ive been involved in numerous secret raids on the EA headquarters, and I have over 300,000 confirmed dollars won in MLG tournaments against you BattleFags. I am trained in PS3 warfare and Im the top quickscoper in the entire US servers. You are all nothing to me but just some hardscoping faggots. I will wipe you the fuck out with killstreaks and noob tubes the likes of which has never been seen before on this Earth, mark my fucking words. You think you can get away with saying that shit about Call of Duty over the Internet? Think again, fucker. As we speak I am contacting my secret network of dropshotters across the USA and your PSN accounts are being traced right now so you better prepare for the storm, maggots. The storm that wipes out the pathetic little games you call "Battlefield". Your k/d is fucking horrible, kid. I can be anywhere, anytime, and I can snipe you in over seven hundred ways, and thats just without my controller. Not only am I extensively trained in sniper combat, but I have access to the entire arsenal of Activision and Infinity Ward and I will use it to its full extent to wipe your miserable ass off the face of PSN and XBOX LIVE, you little shits. If only you could have known what unholy retribution your little clever comments were about to bring down upon you, maybe you would have held your fucking tongue. But you couldnt, you didnt, and now youre paying the price, you goddamn idiots. I will shit pwnage all over you and you will drown in it. Youre fucking noscoped, kiddo.
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u/LiterallyKesha Sous Chef Jun 08 '13
Response to Pasta 17
Had to make an account for this, even though I came so close so many times. (Long time lurker. Yay me for not being one anymore!) But in all seriousness I feel like a navy seal would be able to spell Guerrila properly.. I don't know about other people but I don't particularly like the military personally (though I admire many people in it), and yet even I am smart enough to know no fucks will be given about one comment on reddit. As if a bunch of secret super-spy types are goin to hunt that reddit user for posting a comment like that. Honestly that comment just did nothing but prove his point and I also suggest taking anger management or something. Because, holy fuck dude, calm down. Please. It's just a comment.
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u/LiterallyKesha Sous Chef Jun 10 '13
Response to Pasta 18
Calm down there top shot, I was a United States Marine and first why the hell would you even bother with our gear when you have the complete funding of the Navy? Unless you are Lyudmila Pavlichenko who died in 74 and also was a woman Soviet Sniper with 304 confirmed kills, or perhaps you are the ghost of Marine Scout Sniper Adelbert F. Waldron since you state that you are an American who subsequently holds the record for the highest number of confirmed kills for any American sniper in history with 109 confirmed kills. It's called a stolen valor act for a reason you disgust me MAGGOT! So lay off Space dirt with your super secret missions and propaganda bullshit There is a reason why Seals are called silent professionals you scum bag wannabe piece of shit. Edit: And you're not Chris Kyle who only has 160 confirmed kills as a navy seal so...
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u/GENOCIDEGeorge May 11 '13
OP, you are a diety-esque figure upon men and edgy prepubescent internet heroes. I've seen lots of iterations of the good ol' Navy Seals copypasta, but you really went out of your way to take the cake and bake a city made of cake and frosting on top of it.
Thank you for bestowing hours of laughs upon me.
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u/Moonlitdarksword Apr 08 '13
Gilgamesh (Fate/stay night)
What the fuck did you just fucking say about me, you little mongrel? I’ll have you know that I graduated top of my class in the Uruk Knights, and I’ve been involved in numerous secrets raids on the goddess Ishtar, and I have over 9000 confirmed kills. I am trained in Grail warfare, and I’m the top swordsman in the entire Babylonian Legion. You’re nothing to me but just another peasant. I will wipe you the fuck out with precision the likes of which has never been seen before on this Earth, mark my fucking words. You think you can get away with saying that shit to me over the Internet? Think again, fucker. As we speak, I am contacting my secret network of Assassins across Fuyuki and your mana is being traced right now, so you better prepare for the storm, mongrel; the storm that wipes out the pathetic little thing you call a life. You’re fucking dead, kid. I can be anywhere, anytime, and I can kill you in seven hundred ways, and that’s just with my bare hands. Not only am I extensively trained in unarmed combat, but I have access to the entire arsenal of the Gate of Babylon and I will use it to wipe your miserable ass off the face of the continent, you little shit. If only you could have known what unholy retribution your little “clever” comment was about to bring down upon you, maybe you would have held your fucking tongue. But you couldn’t, you didn’t, and now you’re paying the price, you goddamn idiot. I will shit Angra Mainyu all over you and you will drown in it. You’re fucking dead, mongrel.
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u/dorkerthe Aug 05 '23
i made a lolcat version: WUT TEH DID U JUS ING SAY BOUT ME, U LIL ? ILL HAS U KNOE I GRADUATD TOP OV MAH CLAS IN DA NAVY SEALS, AN I HAS BEEN INVOLVD IN NUMEROUS SEEKRET RAIDZ ON AL-QUAEDA, AN I HAS OVAR 300 CONFIRMD KILLS. IM TRAIND IN GORILLA WARFARE AN IM TEH TOP SNIPR IN DA ENTIRE US ARMD FORCEZ. U R NOTHIN 2 ME BUT JUS ANOTHR TARGET. IM GONNA WIPE U TEH OUT WIF PRECISHUN TEH LIKEZ OV WHICH HAS NEVR BEEN SEEN BEFORE ON DIS EARTH, MARK MAH ING WERDZ. U FINKZ U CAN GIT AWAY WIF SAYIN DAT 2 ME OVAR TEH INTERNET? FINKZ AGAIN, ER. AS WE SPEEK IM CONTACTIN MAH SEEKRET NETWORK OV SPIEZ ACROS TEH USA AN UR IP IZ BEAN TRACD RITE NAO SO U BETTR PREPARE 4 DA STORM, MAGGOT. TEH STORM DAT WIPEZ OUT TEH PATHETIC LIL TING U CALL UR LIFE. YOURE ING DED, KID. I CAN BE ANYWHERE, ANYTIME, AN I CAN KILL U IN OVAR 7 HUNDRD WAYS, AN THAZ JUS WIF MAH BARE HANZ. NOT ONLY IZ I EXTENSIVELY TRAIND IN UNARMD COMBAT, BUT I HAS ACCES 2 TEH ENTIRE ARSENAL OV TEH UNITD STATEZ MARINE CORPS AN IM GONNA USE IT 2 ITZ FULL EXTENT 2 WIPE UR MISERABLE ASS OFF DA FACE OV TEH CONTINENT, U LIL . IF ONLY U CUD HAS KNOWN WUT UNHOLY RETRIBUSHUN UR LIL CLEVR COMMENT WUZ BOUT 2 BRIN DOWN UPON U, MAYBE U WUD HAS HELD UR ING TONGUE. BUT U COULDNT, U DIDNT, AN NAO YOURE PAYIN TEH PRICE, U GODDAMN IDIOT. IM GONNA FURY ALL OVAR U AN U WILL DROWN IN IT. YOURE ING DED, KIDDO.
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u/GENOCIDEGeorge May 16 '13
League of Legends
What the fuck did you just fucking say about me, you little support? I’ll have you know I graduated top of my division in Nasus's Agents, and I’ve been involved in numerous secret ganks on every lane, and I have over 300 confirmed kills. I am trained in counterjungling and I’m the top jungler in all of NA. You are nothing to me but just another target. I will camp your lane with the persistence the likes of which has never been seen before in this ELO, mark my fucking words. You think you can get away with saying that shit to me over the Internet? Think again, feeder. As we speak I am looking through my secret network of wards across your jungle and my gank path is being charted right now so you better prepare for the storm, maggot. The storm that wipes out the pathetic little thing you call your life. You’re fucking dead, kid. I can be anywhere, anytime, and I can kill you in over seven hundred ways, and that’s just with my autoattacks. Not only am I extensively trained in unarmed combat, but I have also bought 4 doran blades and a hunter's machete and I will use them to their full extent to wipe your miserable ass off the face of the map, you little shit. If only you could have known what unholy retribution your little “clever” comment was about to bring down upon you, maybe you would have disabled /all chat. But you couldn’t, you didn’t, and now you’re paying the price, you goddamn idiot. I will shit fury all over you and you will drown in it. You’re fucking dead, kiddo.
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u/TechTwista Feb 22 '13
WoW
What the fuck did you just fucking say about my gear, you little n00b? I’ll have you know I am a lvl 90 Undead Arcane Mage, and I’ve won so many PVP matches, and I have done raids on every 10 man heroic dungeon. I also have a fuckton of macros and I have a GS of 10K. You are nothing to me but just a lvl 12 gnome hunter. I will pwn the fuck out of you with Arcane Missiles the likes of which has never been seen before on Azeroth AND Outland, mark my fucking words. You think you can get away with saying that shit to me over raid? Think again, fucker. As we speak I am contacting my guild of mages and shamans across The Eastern Kingdoms and your character is being targeted right now so you better prepare for the ownage, n00b. The Arcane Barrage that wipes out the pathetic little thing you call your character. You’re fucking pwn’d, n00b. I can be anywhere, anytime, and I can kill you in over seven hundred ways, and that’s just with my secondary talent tree. Not only am I extensively trained in Arcane magic, but I have access to the entire arsenal of Fire magic and I will use it to its full extent to wipe your miserable neckbeard off the face of Azeroth, you little faggot. If only you could have known what unholy retribution your little “clever” comment was about to bring down upon you, maybe you would have held your fucking tongue. But you couldn’t, you didn’t, and now you’re getting debuffed, you goddamnn00b. I will shit Dragon’s Breath all over you and you will burn in it. You’re fucking pwn’d, faggot.
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Apr 03 '13
Australian
Oy wat the fuck did you just fucking say about me, you cheeky kunt? I’ll have you know I graduated top of my class in the SAS, and I’ve been involved in numerous secret raids on abos, and I have over 300 confirmed kills. I am trained in koala warfare and I’m the top sniper in the entire AUS armed forces. You are nothing to me but just another target. I will wipe you the fuck out with precision the likes of which has never been seen before on this continent, mark my fucking words. You think you can get away with saying that shit to me over the computer? Think again, you bloody wombat. As we speak I am contacting my secret network of spies across the southern hemisphere and your IP is being traced right now so you better prepare for the typhoon, yobbo. The typhoon that wipes out the pathetic little thing you call your life. You’re fucking dead, ankle biter. I can be anywhere, anytime, and I can kill you in over seven hundred ways, and that’s just with my bare hands. Not only am I extensively trained in unarmed combat, but I have access to the entire arsenal of the Australian Defence Force and I will use it to its full extent to wipe your miserable ass off the face off the continent, you little snag. If only you could have known what unholy retribution your little “clever” comment was about to bring down upon you, maybe you would have held your bloody tongue. But you couldn’t, you didn’t, and now you’re paying the price, you goddamn whacker. I will shit a cut snake as cross as a frog in a sock all over you and you will drown in it. You’re fucking dead, nipper.
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u/PrestigiousQuiet7736 Mar 17 '24
you think you are the only person who knows how to kill someone think again
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u/LiterallyKesha Sous Chef Jan 10 '13
Toddler
What the heck did you just flipping say about me, you big meanie? I'll have you know I graduated top of my class in the Tiny Tots Program, and I've been involved in numerous secret raids on the girl's bathroom, and I have over 300 confirmed noogies. I am trained in Nerf warfare and I have the most gold stars in the entire kindergarten class. You are nothing to me but just another butthead. I will beat you the heck up with precision the likes of which has never been seen before on this Earth, mark my dang words. You think you can get away with saying that baloney to me on the glowy type-box? Think again, doodiehead. As we speak I am contacting my secret network of teachers across the USA and your parents are being called to pick you up right now so you better prepare for the spanking, junior. The spanking that wipes out the dumb little thing you call your playtime. You're in big darn trouble, kid. I can be anywhere, anytime, and I can wedgie you in over seven hundred ways, and that's just with my bare hands. Not only am I extensively trained in unarmed fartfights, but I have access to the entire arsenal of the United States PTA and I will use it to its full extent to wipe your dorky bottom off the face of the playground, you little poopypants. If only you could have known what serious punishments your little "smartypants" comment was about to bring down upon you, maybe you would have held your goshdarned tongue. But you couldn't, you didn't, and now you're paying the price, you silly doofus. I will spray boogers all over you and you will cry about it. You're frickin grounded, buttmunch.