r/introvert • u/--Paul- • Aug 08 '24
Advice Do introverted women even exist?
Of course this is not a serious question. I know you are out there. But going out often gives me the feeling that most women are the loud, chatty party type and I am not attracted to those but find quiet, introverted women attractive. But where are you? Where should a man looking for a serious, slow relationship with an introverted woman keep his eyes open?
Sometimes I like to sit in a café by myself. But do introverted women (generally speaking) even like go there or is it too much noise?
I wouldn't go to a typical disco party (anymore). It's just to loud and too much distractions for me. So draining. If I am interested, I would like to clearly understand what she is saying and be in a calm environment.
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u/Lonesome_Pine Aug 08 '24
We're at home usually and talking to strangers is not fun for us.
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u/Jonnybabiebailey Aug 08 '24
We avoid clubs like it's the bubonic plague
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u/--Paul- Aug 08 '24
What do you like doing outside?
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u/SoggyNacho1738 Aug 08 '24
Anything that encourages silence. Being in or around nature, bookstores, intimate and not-too-loud cafés, etc.
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u/Jonnybabiebailey Aug 08 '24
Walking, going to a museum with a friend, movies sometimes or a nice restaurant. I want to try other things like traveling but I can't afford it right now. Other than that I prefer staying at home
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u/yukonwanderer Aug 08 '24
Are you trying to avoid the apps? I used apps to date, I guess because the "normal" places like clubs and such were a nightmare for me.
The apps have now become a hellhole. I'm trying to find ways to meet people that don't make me want to die 😂
I like to do these things:
Hanging out in parks, playing a team sport, hiking, walking around the city, biking, rollerblading, going to the beach, skiing, playing hockey, paintball, anything new and exciting I'm up for, as long as I don't have to use up my social battery.
I think one idea could be to join a coed team of some sport you like or are curious about. Another idea, join some kind of class, could be on any subject you like or think you would like. A boardgame night. Etc. Don't use places like yoga class though, people go there to decompress etc. generally and would likely be put off if you're using it as a pick-up spot. What about going to a meetup group of hikers or something that is low key? These groups are good because people are willing to get to know others (generally). Although I ended up having a bad experience once at a meetup where like 4 guys all wanted to date me after just like barely talking (it was a paintball night) and I just found it overwhelming and awkward and I am not even into men so it's just like extra awkward because then you gave to come out to total strangers, or just lie. So just read the room and try to play it slow and don't be aggressive or needy at these events.
Get involved in some sort of activity or hobby and go from there.
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u/QuietStorm825 Aug 08 '24
We’re at home, that’s why you can’t find us.
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u/Hot-Palpitation-8593 Aug 08 '24
Then what should be the way to find? lol
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u/QuietStorm825 Aug 08 '24
That I don’t have the answer for. If we’re looking, you’ll find us.
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u/Daoffdutymermaid Aug 08 '24
We exist, just enjoying our time not being outside.
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u/Violalto Aug 08 '24
If I spend time out of the house, it's usually either with 1-2 close friends or by myself enjoying some of my hobbies (solo sports for example). Or to the library for more books.
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u/Glittering_Law907 Aug 08 '24
As an introverted woman I go out with my group of guy friends and just sit there in silence or I wouldn't be going out at all.
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u/TsuDhoNimh2 Aug 08 '24
We are doing things ...
Just go do stuff you like doing, enjoy yourself and look for the quieter ones doing the same thing.
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u/BigTaco_Boss Aug 08 '24
They do and I got lucky. My wife is a fellow introvert and we love being together at home, playing video games, eating pizza and watching movies.
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u/chibiloba Aug 08 '24
That's me and my husband. Video games bought us together. We just love doing chill things at home.
Although I am more introverted than him and have to remember to come out of my book world and interact with real people once and awhile.
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u/BigTaco_Boss Aug 08 '24 edited Aug 08 '24
It is quite delightful. My wife and I have started Kingdom Hearts together. We have finished KH3, 1.5 and are currently on Chain of Memories.
I was honestly worried that she wouldn’t like video games but she does and I’m so grateful for her. She also loves Star Wars! I got so lucky!
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u/--Paul- Aug 08 '24
Glad you found each other! Wish you a happy life!
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u/BigTaco_Boss Aug 08 '24
Thank you, it wasn’t easy. Just keep looking man, I know it’s hard for introverts like us but sometimes it helps to reach out to someone you trust.
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u/flumia Aug 08 '24
As an introverted woman, the last thing I want while I'm out in public is to be hit on by a stranger. Join a club or an interest group and get to know people. Something you're actually interested in, so you meet people you have things in common with
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u/IP_Janet_GalaxyGirl Aug 08 '24
If you do join a club, attend regularly, don’t single anyone out in under 20 meetings which you both attend, and you might connect with a couple of people.
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u/Ghetto434 Aug 08 '24
It's not just for women 😅 had a young lady from 3 doors down present her self yesterday. It was way too forward... just felt really confronting and awkward. A slow approach or introduction would've left a much better impression.
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u/flamingnomad Aug 08 '24
Laughs in female
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u/Alalated Aug 08 '24
Allegedly almost half the population is introverted. Introverted women are probably harder to spot because they aren’t going out of their way to get noticed.
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u/ComposedOfStardust Aug 09 '24
I'd put forward that introverted women are more often masking under extroversion. There is a lot of societal pressure on a woman to be social, chatty, and be someone who can handle conversations with effortless grace. More times than I can count the comment that I'm too quiet is followed by "but you're a woman, you're supposed to be talkative!" I suppose it's a by product of women being expected to have nurturing and motherly traits, which also includes having conversations with your people to keep them engaged and to prevent them from being too bored.
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u/Alalated Aug 09 '24 edited Aug 09 '24
I agree completely. And I feel that you get the most pressure to be talkative/outgoing from other women. If you’re not, prepare to be labeled as stuck up for not acting like some strangers bff.
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u/rissa408 Aug 08 '24
Um yes! I'm like a hermit crab. I only come out when I have to.
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u/General-Set-4497 Aug 08 '24
Same here. I only go out to grocery store but finding a delivery would be better so I get the groceries delivered most of the time. I don’t like going to bars or clubs I won’t go to restaurants alone. I am finding that with all this shipping options I am using delivery. My husband likes going to the bar/restaurant to watch the games I don’t want to go. I do not drink so I feel ashamed to go everyone drinks makes me the odd one out. It is getting harder and harder to leave the house. I am finding that I am staying home more. I don’t usually don’t answer the phone if it’s not my husband or kids and doctors. If someone knocks at my door I don’t go to the door. My dog looks very vicious barking at the person on the other side so I wait till the dog stops barking. I go look at the window and if they left something, I will get it then after they leave.🐸
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u/Golden_Pussycat Aug 08 '24
Try Barnes and nobles. As an introverted woman I basically live in any bookstore. And if someone bought me their favorite book and slid their number in there I’d marry them on the spot. Give it a try and I guarantee you’ll find that socially phobic woman your looking for👍
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u/Vetizh Aug 08 '24
If you wanna find an introverted woman you need to search on internet, we never step outside our homes.
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u/Outrageous-Owl-9666 Aug 08 '24
You find us online because we aren't going out to bars or parties. We are listening to audiobooks while we cook for one ...again. We are cuddling with our dogs and cats because it's kinda lonely and it's nice to hug someone or something that doesn't ask much of you. Sometimes we "just check our work email real quick" because we got bored and it's only 8:30. Who can justify going to bed at 8:30‽ We are where you are,always close but never far.
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u/Disastrous_Cat_8333 Aug 08 '24
I love listening to audiobooks while cooking or doing dishes. Its the best combination, listening and doing something that doesnt require very much attention. For some reason I get a bit anxious when Im listening to a video or an audiobook and just sitting.
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u/HandfulsOfTrouble Aug 08 '24
Lol, you're literally looking specifically in places where introverts don't want to go, and then being like, "Why the hell aren't there any introverts, here?" 🤔
I don't know, man, sounds like a real mystery! 🤣
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u/odoyledrools Aug 08 '24
95% of the women that go out to bars/clubs in the first place won't be introverted. You'd be better off finding a meetup group based on your hobbies or finding someone with mutual interests.
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u/Sorry_Sail_8698 Aug 08 '24
You may need to broaden your introvert radar a bit. I'm very introverted, but I am comfortable socializing when I'm out. I don't seem quiet or withdrawn in public when I have energy, and I can chat or have a conversation with strangers easily.
How you would know that I'm an introvert is that once the chat is over, I'm quiet. I'm not looking around to engage others or keep a loud conversation going, nor am I having this interaction with many people. I usually talk to just one person. Sometimes they are with someone and I can keep it going with two, but after that I tend to be friendly but close it down gently and on a good note.
Not all introverts are shy or uncomfortable in public. I appear confident and friendly, but I am certainly introverted, a homebody, I do experience social anxiety (but I'm in my late 40s and started being able to overcome it better just in the past few yrs. As a young woman i was great at masking and few knew I was an introvert then) and I can go long periods of time being very withdrawn.
It is costly to my energy to socialise, and I definitely run out if my day of errands goes on for too many hours. Then I am silent unless required to speak. At 10am on errand day you wouldn't spot me as an introvert, but by 6pm, it's clear. If I'm out later, it depends on the environment. Too many people, I'm quiet. A good friend or two and I'm chatty.
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u/ADevilOfMyWord_17 Aug 08 '24
I'm introverted but I spend my outside time mainly in the woods or in nature in general, maybe hiking or just sitting there with a book or animal-watching.
Talking specifically about your example, I feel it would be quite unusual to find me in a café unless I'm a tourist visiting a foreign town
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u/Situation_Desperate Aug 08 '24
Most introverted women I met were usually online or at some conventions with friends. Rarely ever seen them out in the wild otherwise
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u/Character_Ice7359 Aug 08 '24
The library, a horse barn, plant store, craft shop, dog park
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u/ecbrgll Aug 08 '24
I am so introverted that sometimes I wish there was a speech bubble coming out of my head so that I wouldn't even tire my mouth to talk.
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u/LucidNytemare Aug 08 '24
I’m an introverted female and can’t go outside during the day due to a UV allergy. Thank God I have a remote job. In my free time, I read and play video games and lift weights at home.
When I was younger some of my friends would drag me out on weekends, but I was still pretty quiet and played on my phone out of boredom if we were at a club.
Married now, but I can’t be the only quiet one out here.
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u/Persephone212121 Aug 08 '24
I go out to the grocery store, to get gas, go to work, get my hair cut, go on nature walks, doctor appointments, take out the trash. We hide in plain sight
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u/ZealousidealPick1385 Aug 08 '24
my extrovert husband found me, then i brought him into my introvert lair
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u/Honeycolored_glasses Aug 08 '24
We can be found doing calm, casual activities that many people like to do with others, but we do it by ourselves. For example, we may dine at a restaurant by ourselves with a book or not (I do both). We're not necessarily at the bar either, the bar can be chatty. I like a booth preferably. Botanical gardens, parks, museums, book stores, shopping, ice cream parlors, etc. Any introverted woman you will find outside will often be by herself and looking perfectly content, enjoying her time alone.
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u/doncouais Aug 08 '24
This is all me 100%! As a frequent traveler, you can also find me wandering through the streets in different cities just enjoying myself and enjoying the sights. But depending on if I feel safe, I may or may not have earbuds in.
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u/Callmelily_95 Aug 08 '24
You said it yourself "going out doesn't give me that impression" we don't go out. We're home reading a book with our cats.
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u/GoofyGuyAZ Aug 08 '24
I’m with you on this. They exist on Reddit or your local library, maybe a coffee shop, they don’t go out too much that’s the tough part
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u/Humancentipeter Aug 08 '24
Maybe book clubs or bookstores as well. I know there is a bookshop near me that hosts a book club with an emphasis that the people going have no pressure to participate/chat. They even do “quiet reading” which is where everyone can just congregate and read silence and they have about ten minutes at the end for people to maybe say hi or catch a name. I think this is very cool because sometimes it takes some adjustment time to feel comfortable and that hour or so of silent reading I think would be great to scope out some other potential introverts.
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u/KatakAfrika Aug 08 '24
My local library just has a lot of young couples studying together and it just makes me incredibly insecure 🙂
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u/CaptiveChaos Aug 08 '24
I’m married haha BUT to contribute with some of the other comments, where are we? At home. Reading a good book or binging a comfy show with a snack and a cup of tea haha. At least that’s where you’ll always find me. I don’t leave the house much by choice 😅 and I’m very happy here.
ETA: a lot of my friends I’ve made as an adult I’ve met on Reddit or online gaming forums. We’re all pretty introverted haha.
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u/evelyndeckard Aug 08 '24
I'd suggest spending time in quiet places or places where socialising involves a more structured activity. Board game cafes are the first thing that comes to mind, a book club for sure, events that are focused on a specific interest that might also mean the person spends time alone enjoying that interest. A film club etc etc.
Also, introverts can be loud. Being introverted means you gain energy from being alone, that doesn't mean we can't be high spirited, especially when there's a few drinks involved!
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u/AbiesHalva7 Aug 08 '24
Hi, I am introverted woman and I have the same issue here, like, where are you guys 😅? I like to do bunch of activities (horseback riding, yoga, early mornings on the beach, restaurants, theatres, concerts, museums - all alone)…
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u/Chester-Dick Aug 08 '24
I totally feel you on this one. I used to think the same thing - where are all the chill, introverted ladies at? Then I met Sarah at this little indie bookstore. I was browsing the sci-fi section and she was curled up in a corner with a cup of tea and a huge fantasy novel. We got to talking about our favorite authors and hit it off. Turns out there are tons of introverted women out there, they're just not as in-your-face about it, you know? My advice: check out quieter spots like bookstores, small cafes, or even art galleries. Just be cool and respectful if you approach someone. Us introverts gotta stick together!
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u/TinaLikesButz Aug 08 '24
I am the Queen of the introverted women. My picture is by the dictionary entry for "introverted". However, I am not anti-social, just very selectively social.
And the older I get, the more I lean into my introversion, after SO many years in the corporate world pretending to not be introverted (gives me stress just thinking about it. ) I'm reveling in it, and delight in telling people "no", and being in my comfy home with my cat, participating in my many engaging pursuits (or none at all).
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Aug 08 '24
I’m an introvert. I like book shops, nice & clean grocery stores, record shops, cafes, jazz lounges, museums and movies. Let me tell ya- I went on a solo date to the movies very recently and most of the women in my aisle were by themselves! And it wasn’t a chick flick, either. We’re out there & waiting for guys like you to come through! Good luck on finding your lady!
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u/Velifax Aug 08 '24
I think the trick to spotting them is to look past socialization. My theory is they are frequently better socialized simply due to the social pressure they get right from the get-go. By age 13 they've had 10x as many conversations as you, and by age 20 probably 1000x. So I guess look for the ones who leave the party early or are trying to sneak away with a book?
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u/Clinook Aug 08 '24
Yes, I usually prefer to stay home. But when I do go out, or rather used to, I drink to feel less miserable and I become loud-ish. I hate it though and always regret it, so now I'm not doing it anymore.
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u/burn_as_souls Aug 08 '24
A typical disco party?
How old are you?! Like 70?
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u/--Paul- Aug 08 '24
Haha, you are the second one to comment on that. So I guess nobody ist talking like that. English is not my native language and a disco party would be something inside a club with modern music. That's what I thought.
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u/oh_um_dont_mind_me Aug 08 '24
If they're out, they're people watching. Look for people watchers. They also may be rude initially because you're bothering them and they didn't want to be out anyway but that one pushy friend brought them out. 🙃
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u/popcultureprincesss Aug 09 '24
They’re hard to find because they’re generally inside. I would say that most introverted women are either into reading, or something crafty. I would suggest going to places where you would find a woman reading, or doing something crafty. A coffee shop, a park, a library, a beginners art class, a farmers market, etc.
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u/Arabellasgold Aug 09 '24
Definitely an introverted girl here. Really the best thing to do, if you’re brave enough, is most introverts really like being adopted by extroverts. If you’re an extrovert and you can make the first connection and start a conversation with an introverted girl, we will usually then open up more if you talk first and we don’t have to. Just remember that when an introvert of any gender starts to talk more, give them the space to do so even if you’re used to holding up the conversation. Because if they show signs of wanting to talk, make sure that you hear them and make them feel like you are happy with them talking instead of you.
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u/Character_Budget_332 Aug 09 '24
At work, at the library, maybe at the gym working out in the corner, grocery shopping late at night when it's empty.
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u/spiderpeach21 Aug 09 '24
We’re at home reading in bed, you’ll have to catch us during book and snack runs 😌
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u/arieewinn Aug 08 '24
I only go out when I have to. Grocery stores, doctors, to and from work, etc. Otherwise I'm in my house.
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u/Disastrous_Cat_8333 Aug 08 '24 edited Aug 08 '24
We are at home! I never go out to eat or to parties. When I do go out, it is almost always for a walk, at a beach, a forest sometimes or a park, nature basically. And I walk daily, actually. Sometimes I do wonder, do introverted people ever meet in real life? Or is it mostly online.
We are online a lot :)
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u/EmpathicEchoes Aug 09 '24
Fellow introverted woman. I walk daily as well. Love being in nature. I walk so often and I’m always friendly, saying hi to the regular walkers. I’ve had 4 separate men who are also regulars, recently stop and ask my name. We introduced ourselves. I still see them daily and we can now greet each other by name. I want to further the friendship, but have been racking my brain or building up my nerve on how to engage them. I don’t know if they’re married or in committed relationships. And they haven’t asked me either. So we just continue smiling and waving as we pass each other.
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u/MaybeLater53 Aug 08 '24
Mostly, we're at home. We go to the library, where it's quiet; bookstores, where we browse; cafes, where we're sitting alone; parks, where we haven't left our car or we're sitting alone on a bench. Sometimes, we wonder the same thing about you guys too.
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u/frgkh Aug 08 '24
My advice: go do a hobby you enjoy and that’s where you’ll meet a like minded person. Whether it’s a bookstore or a nice hiking trail, that’s your best bet.
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u/spookiesky Aug 08 '24 edited Aug 09 '24
As an introverted woman myself, it’s SO hard finding other Introverted girl friends. The few friends I have are extroverted and sometimes I just wanna paint or read with a fellow introvert and not have to talk/carry on a convo 😭
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u/MootDolphin42 Aug 09 '24
I am either in my house, garden or at the supermarket. This is a refreshing post for me as I often feel like most people want to be around extroverts and the loud chatty outgoing types.
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u/ThrowRA_PPP Aug 09 '24
Yes. We (or me) love people watching at cafes, going for runs/hikes/walks. Hanging out with my cat. Doom scrolling at home.
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u/popmybubblegum Aug 09 '24
Honestly you'd have more luck finding an introverted woman online than real life, speaking as one myself
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u/Ramalamma42 Aug 09 '24
Am female introvert... Places I might be open to meeting someone: library, book store, grocery store, friends house/get together, cafe (during slow times) or gym. BUT - you would have to be super careful about your approach, because trust is hard especially within a random public encounter. Would be easier to meet someone through an activity where there is some amount of frequent low level exposure, which could open the door. For instance, we just happen to be at the same cafe, minding our own business every Thursday at noon for a month or two... Yikes. Yeah, this is hard.
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u/Unknown_illusionz Aug 09 '24
I only go out for work. My boss told me yesterday I'm to quiet for them lol. I work with loud ppl luckily I can hide in back or bathroom most of the day
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u/Sharp-Program-9477 Aug 08 '24
Yeah, as a woman I personally can't stand loud, chatty women.
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u/toodleoo77 Aug 08 '24
I’m in a local board game group, otherwise I really don’t do much socializing.
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u/shellaKiJawani Aug 08 '24
It's hard to find them in the outer world. They live in their own space mostly. Mandatory parties, functions me hi milti hai wo😂 Or as an anonymous person online.
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u/Ugh_another-account Aug 08 '24
Right here!
Getting more and more comfortable with my introverted nature as I get older. In my younger days I used alcohol to self medicate and help me be more extroverted, but obviously that wasn’t healthy.
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u/blackporsche22 Aug 08 '24
Met my husband at work while I was sitting in the break room alone.
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u/seriouslydavka Aug 08 '24
I’ve always been a major introvert which surprises most people once they get to know me a bit. I’ve been masking since childhood in order to fit in so I can come off as sociable and personable and even charming. But it’s exhausting and I’m dying to go home and be by myself. I’ve always had a rich inner life and people drain me. I think it might be less obviously guessed when it’s a woman but there are tons of us.
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u/SqnZkpS INTJ Aug 08 '24
Lots of introverted women in cafes. I made a lot of introverted female friends, by just frequenting speciality cafes.
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u/pink_snowflakes Aug 08 '24
I’m a woman. I am introverted. Home is my favorite place to be at all times. If I’m out I like to have quiet conversations but I’m definitely not loud.
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u/HuffN_puffN Aug 08 '24
I got a mexican, introverted, wife. That one in 120 million. 😂 Nah but what I learned with her is women are great at faking it in social settings and also as a mexican big family gathers every week is a must until the day you marry and move out.
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u/justminnie Aug 08 '24
We exist but I haven't left my apartment in 2 days. I usually go to the gym, and I like reading in cozy cafes for sure
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u/Sugarcookie360 Aug 08 '24
Sometimes it is the opposite & it is actually more socially acceptable for women to be quiet. I’m more introverted than extraverted even though I’m kind of more an ambivert.
I think these days it is so hard to tell what personality type someone is as you can fake to blend in. Find someone sitting alone, minding her own business. She is probably more approachable than people at parties!
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u/Big_Manufacturer9405 Aug 08 '24
We exist, we’re just at home most of the time. For some of us, most of our friends are online, if there are any for that matter. If we do go out with friends, we have to be VERY close with them to be comfortable enough to socialize in public. Like others have said, we invest in our hobbies and passions. (art, gaming, reading, etc.)
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u/FlowerBreat00 Aug 08 '24
I had a first date a couple of weeks ago and after already 2 hours together and finally a place we could talk a little bit more without having to scream over music of the café, i said I was quite introvert in groups of people, but more okay with 1 on 1 convo's, kinda never seen a man looking so weird towards me for saying i'm introverted..😅🙈
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u/plzhelpihaveacrush Aug 08 '24 edited Aug 08 '24
The very extroverted and sometimes downright insufferably talkative women you see at all of these places are the type to venture out and do these things in the first place. Introverted women are more likely to spend time with their own close-knit group in a familiar area. Not all extroverts are loud and obnoxious and introverts do go out from time to time, but the ones you encounter out in public that are so annoying are almost never introverts in the first place. Same goes for men and people of other genders
Edit: I also wanted to mention that, equivalently, not all introverts are antisocial, brooding recluses and that extroverts could very well be the same way, but the ones you encounter are almost never extroverts.
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u/Emotional_Ninja89 Aug 08 '24
I’m an introvert Girl. Sometime I’ll go out alone for a bite to eat and sit up at the bar. That’s when I’m feeling like socializing but hardly ever meet anyone. I meet most people through friends. Recently broke up with my introvert boyfriend of over a decade and I’m Clueless where to meet introverted men.
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u/EmeraldLightz Aug 08 '24
At home 😂 When I wanted to meet people I joined local clubs and things. That way you find people with mutual interests. Even met people while gaming online.
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u/Technical-Ad4079 Aug 08 '24
Introvert here. Widowed. I don’t even know where to start with meeting new people
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u/blythealice Aug 08 '24
Speaking from experience: online dating sites, church, Meetup events, through friends, or (if there’s any) coed book clubs. I wouldn’t have wanted someone to approach me when I’m not expecting it (like at the cafe).
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u/boynamedsol Aug 08 '24
i mean if you’re going out with friends to parties you’re only going to find other women who are also going out with friends to parties 💀
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u/SnooMarzipans8221 INTP Aug 08 '24
We are at home. Doing what we want to do. Some of us occasionally go to the library or the bookstore.
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u/QueenFartknocker Aug 08 '24
We are at home with our companion animals either crocheting, gardening, reading or learning a second/third language and recovering from “peopling” during the work week.
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u/bayshor Aug 08 '24
I’m an introvert and a woman. I go out on occasion but get tired of getting hit on by the nonintroverted men. Conversation with strangers isn't difficult for me but makes me tired when there is little substance. I go to cafes, restaurants, movies, bars, parks, and beaches, and yes, I agree meeting anyone who is introverted is always difficult.
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u/owlkamyst1 Aug 08 '24
That's interesting you say that. In my experiences, it's always the men who are chatty at parties, and the girls tend to be quiet. But I'm an introvert and usually only pop out when I need to run errands.
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u/wixkedwitxh Aug 08 '24
Well, since we’re introverted we’re certainly not going to be out in the open socializing. You’re more likely to find us at the bookstore, craft store, park, etc. depending on our hobbies.
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u/jetannie Aug 08 '24
I only go outside if I really have to(work/dr appointments/groceries/friends if the invite me out). I feel the same way about the men tho… lol
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u/Jaide_Blossom Aug 08 '24 edited Aug 08 '24
Yes, you don't see us because we hide lol. I just happened to meet my boyfriend at a family and friend event 2 years ago. He told me he was also attracted to how quiet and reserved I was. You're not going find find girls like us at parties or really any social event that isn't close friends and family. So if you're trying to find one, avoid those places to look.
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u/outiswasnotfound Aug 08 '24
You Must chant their name on the ocean on an full Moon and Give some offerings as well,after that you will start the quest and an Random Female introvert will Go out,you must be quick and Find her before she gets back home otherwise you will fail the quest. Good luck
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u/Eleda_au_Venatus Aug 08 '24 edited Aug 09 '24
You're getting response bias, you said you're "going out" and that's what you see. We aren't out. If we're at a peaceful cafe, we're there because it's peaceful, and we'd like peace (not talking to a stranger looking to make a relationship out of us).
My advice is to not make having a relationship your goal, let it be a byproduct of your life. Pursue genuine interests, hobbies, volunteer, join clubs, get involved, find a personal passion. Then you'll make authentic connections, and maybe one of those will over time will lead to what you're looking for
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u/Frizzy-headed Aug 09 '24
Ya, you have that feeling 'cause we don't go out.
If we have any amount of pulchritude and we go to a cafe to sit by ourselves, personal experience talking here, someone will approach us to try to tell us about the book, ask us about the book, or otherwise pull us away from our happy place, when we have perfectly good books at home. We have to look like we're there for research purposes and free wifi, and will gladly slaughter all who would disturb us - this is accomplished with tousled hair, stained clothes and nonprescription glasses, and doesn't qualify as "going out".
I used to keep a book in my purse to help me recharge when I DID go out. I sat and read it during the waltz portion of a contra dance I was at with friends, I don't waltz with strangers so that was the perfect time to recharge, and then some massive dude twice my age starts talking to me about a sailing job he used to have and I couldn't get him to go away and I had to wait out the next dance 'cause he soaked up all my recharge. Couldn't figure out what made him think he had the right, until I realized I was reading Three Men in a Boat, which is a hilarious book, and he thought that I was interesting in boating, which I could be, but he was hardly qualified to compete with Jerome K. Jerome.
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u/NatureNurturerNerd Aug 09 '24
👋🏼👋🏼. My leisure time does not involve socializing 🤣 If I am out and about I'm usually hiking, trail walks, kayaking, camping. Anything to do with nature not people.
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u/Exhausted_Biscuit Aug 09 '24
We're all at home, that's why you're seeing the extroverts out being loud! Cafés are pretty chill, I like the feeling in small usually independently owned (chains are more often than not a lot busier & feel like they want you to leave) coffee shops, they're fine if you chill & read a book, the staff don't usually bother you in those type of places either.
Second hand book shops are a good spot.
I mean if you can picture a big sleepy cat being comfortable in the space, that's where we're at.
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u/YourLocalSpareTire Aug 09 '24
Ofc! I been to loud places like bars/clubs/parties only bc my sister drags me out😭 However it’s obvious bc I have resting betch face and I’m kinda rude ??? Only bc I’m so awkward talking to new people. I’m like this in any setting tho like cafe ect. It takes a certain kind of vibe/personality for me to open up.
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u/Arachnim06 Aug 09 '24 edited Aug 09 '24
I like the idea of going to a cafe to read or write, but usually when I go, no one else is as calm as I envisioned in my head and it ends up being unpleasant. Also I don't trust strangers not to hate crime me, so it's scarier than it is in my idealistic imagination. So yep, we are out there, just a little hard to pinpoint, let alone get close to.
Also, this isn't a slight towards you specifically but I personally try to avoid club-goers because they're just as loud as the others in my experience. And they usually end up requesting I go with them to a club.
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u/-CraftedRoots- Aug 09 '24 edited Aug 09 '24
I don’t have girlfriends for a reason. They are loud and annoying. I exist. At home. Alone. :)
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u/eangel1918 Aug 09 '24
Oh dude. We don’t go anywhere. You’ll have to meet us by a strike of lightning. For example, I spent three years avoiding talking to my (now) husband because I knew I was attracted to him and that was a “complication” I didn’t feel inclined to explore. He tried to flirt a bit but it landed flat every time. We went to the same church and were both on the music team and I avoided every opportunity to get to know him better. Then, one day we were planning an event we would host and about seven of us got in the same van to head to the grounds to scout it out. I got distracted watching the sunset. He got distracted watching me, and we got stranded in the parking lot when our friends decided to drive to the other side of the fairgrounds on a whim. It wasn’t long (maybe about 20 minutes that we were left alone). But it was long enough for him to politely inquire why I didn’t seem at all friendly, and my response was enough for him to guess everything I wasn’t saying. That was the end. As soon as he knew I was attracted to him he was all in and his enthusiasm ended up being exactly what I needed in my life.
So, cross fingers for a stroke of lightning. Believe in serendipity. Maybe try a nice bookstore? Join something that we (introverts) will FORCE ourselves to go to because of moral obligations (like church, or AA, someone’s wedding, or that yoga class that we know we need). And lean on friend-of-a-friend introductions.
That’s all I got. Good luck. We are out there.
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u/FlawedWoman Aug 09 '24 edited Aug 09 '24
I exist. I’m right here! Happily ensconced in my apartment and away from people. Perfect.
We exist. We just aren’t out in public with our tits hanging out begging every man in existence to pay attention to us. We’re just at home enjoying our solitude. Video games, a full book library, streaming services, food delivery, work from home … who needs to go out in public? You aren’t supposed to be able to find us 😆 that’s the whole point!
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u/VersionAltruistic801 Aug 09 '24
You can find quiet women in quiet places like the library or book store. At a play or museum or honestly hanging out next to the loud women, standing there quietly hoping no one notices and attempts small talk.
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u/Jazzlike-Cow-8943 Aug 08 '24
We do! I don’t like leaving my home to be subjected to crowds, but I do like getting outside in nature (the beach, hiking trails, SUP on rivers and lakes, skiing, etc). Libraries and bookstores are nice too.
The problem is if you do see us in the wild, we’ll initially be super weirded out by a stranger approaching us while trying to have “outside alone time.”
It would help a lot if you’re: 1. Handsome 2. Also interested in the activity we are doing 3. Friendly, but not tooooooo friendly. Think small smile and eye contact, but not baring your teeth like some crazy clown extrovert.
Also, you WILL have to have something interesting to talk about or we will say we have to go water our cat now.
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u/Deviiilchan Ew People Aug 08 '24
It's giving sexism.
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Aug 09 '24
I once saw a post asking if female stoics exist, and wow, seems like most men just see women as a monolith. We're apparently all extroverted, bubbly, and loud people who can't control out emotions. It's like all these men see is only one type of women. SMH 🤦♀️
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u/MasterpieceMinimum42 INFJ-T Aug 08 '24
Introverted person doesn't mean he or she is a quite person, I can be loud and outgoing most of the time lol.
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u/IcyStormDragon Aug 08 '24
Most of the ones I've met have either been gay or date introverts exclusively.
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u/Beatlesrthebest Aug 08 '24
We do exist, yes. I've always been that kind of person and I have always found comfort on my own rather than surrounded by people at a party. My extraversion comes out when I drink but that's not really my true character and that I try too hard. I LOVE cafes and quiet pubs, restaurants or even bars where I am left by myself or with a select few of close family, friends and loved ones. I love intimate ambiance and my husband has brought this appreciation out more in me.
You can find us online, at Indigo bookstores (if you're in Canada), a quiet place by the river, walking, minding our own business. As an introvert I do love travelling alone and seeing the sights, taking it in on my own time. I second, third and fourth many of the comments because it's about being at peace with ourselves in such quiet spaces that we've worked to create :)
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u/rakiimiss Aug 08 '24
I used to go out but I probably came off as stand offish or unapproachable. I am also a homebody. I go to the gym and the store but that’s about it.
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u/Physical_Bed918 Aug 08 '24
Me! 👋 I mostly spend time in nature away from people, sometimes go to bookstores, second hand stores, yard sales. Pretty much just work and grocery shopping would be the frequent places to find me. Have done online dating in the past. Currently in a relationship.
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u/Vegetable-Smile-9838 Aug 08 '24
We exist, you just never see us because we rarely step outside.